Spent the weekend with the ex. Things were perfect, and now he's pushing me away.

[BornToDie]

We dated for two and a half years and broke up this past July. About two weeks ago, he started texting and messaging me again, and we decided to hang out. Last weekend, we saw each other, went on a date where he drove and paid for it all, ended up kissing, going to our old spots/listening to old songs, and we talked about possible reconciliation. We said we wanted to see where things went because we missed each other and still had feelings. The next day, he asked me to come visit him and spend the weekend. This whole week, he's been texting good morning, Skyping during dinner, and calling to say good night.

 

This weekend with him was wonderful. He paid for everything. We had dinner, a few drinks, watched movies, pigged out on candy, did old stuff we did when we were a couple. Yes, we had sex, and then we cuddled... He told me that he was going to miss having me to cuddle with during the week. He said he didn't want me to leave. I said, "I wish we were together," and he said, "I'm pretty sure we will be soon." I woke up this morning to breakfast. He got our lunch as well, and we cuddled and watched TV until it was time for me to go. We agreed to see each other next weekend. Right before I left, I said, "Do you want to be my boyfriend again?" He said, "I don't know yet..." So I said, fine, and I came home.

 

Texted him when I got back. When he started eating dinner, I asked to Skype, so when he got on, he was acting so strange. I kept asking if something was wrong, and he said no. Finally, I asked what was holding him back from being with me. He said the freedom of talking to other girls because he still didn't know if something else was out there. I said, well, we went through this before, and you ended up coming back to me, and he said, then there you go. He said he didn't want to lead me on but did want to keep seeing me. He said he was trying to figure out whether he wanted me as a friend or girlfriend, and so far, it was a friend. He said he didn't know what was going to happen because it is possible we could get back together in the distant future, but right now, I can't be angry if he talks to/hangs out with other girls because we aren't together. I mentioned that he said we'd be seeing each other this weekend, and he said he wasn't making any plans yet, that he'd see what happens. He basically wants his freedom right now. He said that when he moves back to college from working, he may meet someone, so he isn't sure yet.

 

It blows my mind to have gone from basically acting like a couple to him being so distant... and, well, acting like an ***hole. He literally just called me on the phone to say good night, and he acted fine. I said, "I had a lovely weekend with you," and he said, "I did, too." I said, "I think I was pushy earlier before I left, and I'm sorry." He said he did feel pressured.

This is just so stressful for me, and I knew it would be, but I can't let him go. He literally came back into my life and had me fall in love with him again, and now it's mixed signals. I know that I can't make myself available if I want him to pursue me at all.

[kae]

he`s confused. He has another girl he thinks of also... probably trying to decide. dont chase him. be friendly but dont be his `girlfriend`. U are NOT!

[Arabella]

To me, it sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

 

This guy wants to keep looking for a better girl out there while he has you to keep him company and have sex with in the meantime. Don't you see how wrong this is?

 

If you want any chance of actually reconcilling, take a massive step back!!. Tell him this:

 

"You know how I feel about you and I would like for us to be together again. However, I won't settle for anything less than that because it is not fair to me. Let me know what you decide."

 

Then, do not continue to hound him with your questions, do not go on any more dates and above all, do NOT have sex with him. Leave him alone altogether. The ball is in his court. If he TRULY wants to be with you, he will let you know.

 

Otherwise, he's just going to keep using you for sex and company until he finds your replacement. You deserve better.

 

-A

[BornToDie]

I agree. It's wrong. He texted me today like nothing was wrong. I do feel deep down that he won't find anyone and will come back to me, but that isn't fair. At the same time, I care about him so much and just want for us to be together. I literally don't know if I can handle this.