5 years and I am stupid

[mishy]

I was actually reading the hooker thread just before i saw your post. And all the others. i should have got out of this after the first 3 months, but i didnt. I madea huge mistake, my self esteem is in the gutter and it could have been avoided.

[geegirl]

I was actually reading the hooker thread just before i saw your post. And all the others. i should have got out of this after the first 3 months, but i didnt. I madea huge mistake, my self esteem is in the gutter and it could have been avoided.

 

You acknowledge you made a huge mistake. There is no need to seek answers to what was a huge mistake. Just knowing it was is enough for you to shut that down and move forward. It won't reverse that mistake nor will it correct it. You live with the fact that you are responsible for investing 5 years of your life and you will not spend another second seeking comfort in what's diminished and damaged you for such a long time.

 

It doesn't matter what he tells you, should you question him. Anything he says doesn't change the situation that you are in now.

 

It's going to take time for you to rebuild yourself again. I would suggest that you keep absolute NC with this man, unless you want to perpetuate the last 5 years and if you wish to be destructive and kill whatever little you have left of your sense of self.

 

And I bet you that when this little fling is over, he'll be sniffing.

[mishy]

You acknowledge you made a huge mistake. There is no need to seek answers to what was a huge mistake. Just knowing it was is enough for you to shut that down and move forward. It won't reverse that mistake nor will it correct it. You live with the fact that you are responsible for investing 5 years of your life and you will not spend another second seeking comfort in what's diminished and damaged you for such a long time.

 

It doesn't matter what he tells you, should you question him. Anything he says doesn't change the situation that you are in now.

 

It's going to take time for you to rebuild yourself again. I would suggest that you keep absolute NC with this man, unless you want to perpetuate the last 5 years and if you wish to be destructive and kill whatever little you have left of your sense of self.

 

And I bet you that when this little fling is over, he'll be sniffing.

 

 

I don't consider the past 5 years a waste, in terms of him it has been a bit of a loss, but its intermixed with the past 4 years being pretty amazing and life changing career wise, so, i kind of feel ok if you know what i mean? One has offset the other. Like im not sitting around feeling like ive lost 5 years of my life or anything, because work wise 4 of those years have been the best of my working life

 

Yeah there is no point questioning him. I can't even be sure he will be telling the truth because he has lied before. It just gives him fuel, knowing that i care enough to ask questions.

 

. I met him 5 years ago today, so its pretty fitting to end it today (in my head)

 

I was thinking oh i bet he is treating this girl really well, but honestly, even if he is committed to her, he is still the same person, still the same controlling person, and he will still dish out the same garbage to her sooner or later. Won't he?

 

I don't think it will last with her, i think he will contact me at some stage and i am not going to reply or answer.

 

Silence

Edited October 16, 2012 by mishy

[geegirl]

In terms of you corroding your self-esteem and self-respect, yes you have lost a huge part of you over the span of five years. I'm not saying your life as a whole fell to the wayside.

 

Who knows how he will treat this woman? It's futile to decipher someone else's behavior and their motives when you could never decipher any of it when he was with you. Whatever he hopes for with this woman or how he treats her is irrelevant to you. What's relevant is how you heal from this and ensure that you never put yourself through this again. Start setting your boundaries now because I have a feeling he will be back when he needs to find a fallback.

[Leigh 87]

So that includes not finding out if they actually make a proper relationship out of it (because at the moemnt he is telling me its nothing serious yet)

 

I don't want to know. If they end up really together i dont want to know about it. And luckily i wont have to find out, and that will be pretty easy to avoid. The information i have now is hurtful enough.

 

Honestly knowing him, it will just fizzle out or he'll do something selfish to piss her off . But i don't want to know if it works out. So that also means that if it doesnt work out, I wont know that either.

 

I justcant bear the pain of knowing they really are in a relationship. Just these initial stages are bad enough

 

It physically hurts

 

 

And heres a question. What does nothing serious yet even mean???

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's like you want it to be a joke, yet the damage has already been done! You have gone through the process of him being with another women.

 

You know, it is normal to care and think about what he says over and over again. After all, he was a person you were intimate with and spent time with for 5 years. Obsessing over things he said is normal.

 

People like him have a sensitivity chip missing! They do not cate about the immense pain a person is going through, even though they spent years with you! It is amazing how they do not care.

 

Even if he begged for you back, it is too late now, you realise. The damage is done. He has broke your heart and shown he does not care. DO NOT get back with a guy who does not care about you.

 

Look, I am sure he likes you as a person, even though he did not care much. He hung around you for years, so I think he probably would have enjoyed spending time with you to some extent.

 

 

 

PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE just stay away from him. DO NOT let him come and help you out with your house, just no.it won't do you ay good. He might try to have sex, even though he is "seeing" that girl:sick:

 

Just repeat to yourself, "I do not want a guy who does not care about me. I deserve a guy who wants to be with me so badly that they fight to be with me over obstaclesl ike distance and time away; guys who do the opposite are not worth bothering with, since they do not care about me"

 

Once you find a guy who really loves you and is really into you, and you have the right connection....... Many guys who find a women worth their time, will not let distance be a barriar, if it is regarding long bus trips they do for a temporary job.

 

 

I really hope your doing okay. Like I said, I come on here a lot because I feel so comofrtable with my own boyfriend, that I think it is really disgusting the way SOME guys treat women.

 

I do not get why some guys just don't care about others feelings.

[mishy]

I know its technically irrelevant how he treats her, its just right now, it takes a bit of teh ache away thinking that he will just be a jerk to her too, and it wasnt just *me*, if you know what i mean.

 

Anyway i think its all rubbish, he has probably made it all up to get a reaction out of me.

 

UGH

 

Some tradesmen are coming in an hour or so to do the work he was going to do and that will make me feel a little better, that i can tell him he is not needed for that. Gives me a feeling of control over my situation

[geegirl]

I know its technically irrelevant how he treats her, its just right now, it takes a bit of teh ache away thinking that he will just be a jerk to her too, and it wasnt just *me*, if you know what i mean.

 

Anyway i think its all rubbish, he has probably made it all up to get a reaction out of me.

 

UGH

 

Some tradesmen are coming in an hour or so to do the work he was going to do and that will make me feel a little better, that i can tell him he is not needed for that. Gives me a feeling of control over my situation

 

There is no need to tell him you don't need him to do the work!!!!! Let him go. You have no control over the situation when you keep engaging with someone that has ZERO respect for you. You have control when you eliminate the rubbish from your life.

 

You teach people how to treat you.

[mishy]

It's like you want it to be a joke, yet the damage has already been done! You have gone through the process of him being with another women.

 

You know, it is normal to care and think about what he says over and over again. After all, he was a person you were intimate with and spent time with for 5 years. Obsessing over things he said is normal.

 

People like him have a sensitivity chip missing! They do not cate about the immense pain a person is going through, even though they spent years with you! It is amazing how they do not care.

 

Even if he begged for you back, it is too late now, you realise. The damage is done. He has broke your heart and shown he does not care. DO NOT get back with a guy who does not care about you.

 

Look, I am sure he likes you as a person, even though he did not care much. He hung around you for years, so I think he probably would have enjoyed spending time with you to some extent.

 

 

 

PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE just stay away from him. DO NOT let him come and help you out with your house, just no.it won't do you ay good. He might try to have sex, even though he is "seeing" that girl:sick:

 

Just repeat to yourself, "I do not want a guy who does not care about me. I deserve a guy who wants to be with me so badly that they fight to be with me over obstaclesl ike distance and time away; guys who do the opposite are not worth bothering with, since they do not care about me"

 

Once you find a guy who really loves you and is really into you, and you have the right connection....... Many guys who find a women worth their time, will not let distance be a barriar, if it is regarding long bus trips they do for a temporary job.

 

 

I really hope your doing okay. Like I said, I come on here a lot because I feel so comofrtable with my own boyfriend, that I think it is really disgusting the way SOME guys treat women.

 

I do not get why some guys just don't care about others feelings.

 

 

thanks i WILL stay away from him!!! I am even thinking of changing my number, even though it will be a hassle. Just so i dont know if he contacts me or not when it fizzles out with her.

[mishy]

There is no need to tell him you don't need him to do the work!!!!! Let him go. You have no control over the situation when you keep engaging with someone that has ZERO respect for you. You have control when you eliminate the rubbish from your life.

 

You teach people how to treat you.

 

i dont mean actively tell him, he is contacting me about it at some stage, so when he does i will tell him i dont need him for it

[geegirl]

i dont mean actively tell him, he is contacting me about it at some stage, so when he does i will tell him i dont need him for it

 

And that is what I do not understand.

 

When someone has zero consideration for you, and doesn't even respect you enough to feel you deserve some sort of explanation after investing a part of your life in them, there is no need for you to even tell him you don't need his help or even extend any sort of attention his way, or invest any more time engaging in trivial crap about fixing stuff.

 

Change your number and disappear. He deserves nothing from you.

[mishy]

And that is what I do not understand.

 

When someone has zero consideration for you, and doesn't even respect you enough to feel you deserve some sort of explanation after investing a part of your life in them, there is no need for you to even tell him you don't need his help or even extend any sort of attention his way, or invest any more time engaging in trivial crap about fixing stuff.

 

Change your number and disappear. He deserves nothing from you.

 

Really what i am intending to do is not reply at all, thats actually what i am going to do, like you say, not engage. I decided this morning that not replying would be my response, but i have just been jumping from that to "no thanks" or whatever.

 

but saying nothing is easier. I am fuming inside

[geegirl]

Really what i am intending to do is not reply at all, thats actually what i am going to do, like you say, not engage. I decided this morning that not replying would be my response, but i have just been jumping from that to "no thanks" or whatever.

 

but saying nothing is easier. I am fuming inside

 

As my gf would always say, "Nothing says F U like silence." Think about it. If someone went silent on you out of the blue, what would run through your mind?

 

A simple no thanks may spark a back and forth. Don't give him the satisfaction to know that he still has a hold.

[mishy]

As my gf would always say, "Nothing says F U like silence." Think about it. If someone went silent on you out of the blue, what would run through your mind?

 

A simple no thanks may spark a back and forth. Don't give him the satisfaction to know that he still has a hold.

 

 

thats what i think too:)

 

See for him, the house thing IS a hold, most likely he is keeping it there for when it blows over with Miss Two Weeks.

 

I have never gone silent on him for more than a few days..

[geegirl]

I have never gone silent on him for more than a few days..

 

Time to do something different! It's a choice. Make it life changing!

[mishy]

Last week, (and in fact over the past few months) before i even knew about *her* we had talked about him coming over to do this work.

 

SO, when i was really upset texting him about her after he told me, he used that as a way of getting me to shut up and as a way of controlling me.

 

He texted something like, "stop texting about it or i won't do the house stuff"

[geegirl]

He knows he has you in the palm of his hands. Show him he doesn't.

[mishy]

Yeah geegirl, I can't wait to NOT reply to his text

[mishy]

He knows he has you in the palm of his hands. Show him he doesn't.

 

the other thing is honestly i woudl have expected he shaft all of the house stuff and just be with her and forget me. Thats why i feel like he is having the option there, having me on ice is just in case things dont work out with her

 

what do you think

[Own Worst Enemy]

I want to start by saying that I really feel for you.

 

But.

 

You have GOT to stop this. Seriously. There isn't going to be a happy ending. Well, not for the two of you together. He isn't going to be hit by a bolt of lightning and realise that he loves you.

 

I understand that it hurts. It's rejection and sadness and anger all rolled into one enormous fiery ball that sits in your stomach and throat and chest. But torturing yourself by reading texts and planning what to say to him and thinking about him with the new girl all day - do you really want to be That girl? of course not. As my friend said to me when my uni boyfriend dumped me after graduation and I cried for 3 months: "come on, do you really think he is sitting around thinking about you???"

 

Your posts on here worry me. I don't even know you and they worry me! They worry me because there is not one single ounce of self preservation or thoughts for yourself. It's all for him. Despite how he has treated you. How would you feel if you read these and your best friend or sister or mum had posted them? What advice would you give her?

 

NOW TAKE IT!

[mishy]

I want to start by saying that I really feel for you.

 

But.

 

You have GOT to stop this. Seriously. There isn't going to be a happy ending. Well, not for the two of you together. He isn't going to be hit by a bolt of lightning and realise that he loves you.

 

I understand that it hurts. It's rejection and sadness and anger all rolled into one enormous fiery ball that sits in your stomach and throat and chest. But torturing yourself by reading texts and planning what to say to him and thinking about him with the new girl all day - do you really want to be That girl? of course not. As my friend said to me when my uni boyfriend dumped me after graduation and I cried for 3 months: "come on, do you really think he is sitting around thinking about you???"

 

Your posts on here worry me. I don't even know you and they worry me! They worry me because there is not one single ounce of self preservation or thoughts for yourself. It's all for him. Despite how he has treated you. How would you feel if you read these and your best friend or sister or mum had posted them? What advice would you give her?

 

NOW TAKE IT!

 

 

 

I'd tell them to drop the loser like a hot potato

 

I am ok, i am fine. I'll get over it. In fact in the name of self preservation i have had a dig through my old threads about this guy just to see how ridiculous it has all been, what a fool i have been, and i actually feel better! I can see it all now for what it really is. He is lying to me again.

 

This thread i wrote ages ago- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/147628-he-liar

 

There is no girl, its all a bunch of souped up lies. Identical conversation to the one in the thread, same nuances, all of it is the same.. Even this time when i rang him to ask him about it, all the signs were there, he gave me an almost identical spiel.

 

And now, like then, still wanted to keep me on ice, while he has his little break/ holiday from me.

 

When i read that thread it just really hit me like a thunderbolt that this *i have met someone* thing is a lie. AGAIN.

 

Am i kidding myself? i really don't think so. Its not that i am in denial. I actually think this is another one of his epic lies.

 

 

 

SO glad i'm through with him

Edited October 16, 2012 by mishy

[mishy]

I want to start by saying that I really feel for you.

 

But.

 

You have GOT to stop this. Seriously. There isn't going to be a happy ending. Well, not for the two of you together. He isn't going to be hit by a bolt of lightning and realise that he loves you.

 

I understand that it hurts. It's rejection and sadness and anger all rolled into one enormous fiery ball that sits in your stomach and throat and chest. But torturing yourself by reading texts and planning what to say to him and thinking about him with the new girl all day - do you really want to be That girl? of course not. As my friend said to me when my uni boyfriend dumped me after graduation and I cried for 3 months: "come on, do you really think he is sitting around thinking about you???"

 

Your posts on here worry me. I don't even know you and they worry me! They worry me because there is not one single ounce of self preservation or thoughts for yourself. It's all for him. Despite how he has treated you. How would you feel if you read these and your best friend or sister or mum had posted them? What advice would you give her?

 

NOW TAKE IT!

 

I have been thinking about what you say about there being no thoughts for myself or self preservation, but really outside of what i am posting here on Loveshack, focusing on moving on is what i am doing. Trying to get past it.

 

Writing on here is just like purgeing bile to me, just getting all of the most insecure thoughts and worries out, just so i can process what is going on. Offline I am constantly thinking about other parts of my life and how I can make them better and how i can get PAST this

[Leigh 87]

Ok ok, we believe that you WANT to forget about him.

 

But after ALL your threads, can you blame us for... not necessarily believing your "really" strong enough to finally walk away?

 

It was seriously depressing reading all your posts: " he is a dirt bag, he has sex and just leaves every time, I feel like a hooker, I am SO done with him this time"

 

...Again and again, telling everyone your "done" this time:(

 

I was sooo going to post what the last poster said! About "what if your best friend or sister had the same thing happening to them with a guy?"

 

I read through a few of your other threads, and also like the last poster: I am WORRIED about you, without even knowing you!

 

.....It is just a little sickening that you hold your heart out for some guy who does not care about you at all. You " leave him" , then crawl back , even though he does not care less wheather your out of his life, and come running back after he treats you like your nor even worthy of his friendship.

 

You leave, he does not care, then you come back.. even though he does not even care that you left!

 

..Look, maybe he is keeping you at arms length because he knows he has no romantic feelings towards you and never will, therefore being "friends" will just make you fall in love with him even more...

 

From your posst though, it sounds like he does not even like you as a person.......

 

 

 

 

 

PLEASE just have the strength to move on once and for all here......

 

There are guys out there who WILL FIGHT to have you! Who will not let you go if one of you has to move or relocate; someone who will stick by you if you fall ill; someone who wants to spend their life with you.

 

 

 

Aren't you EXCITED?! About the fact that: there are guys out there who are goot matches for you, and who will actually WANT and make an EFFORT to be with you.

 

Just think how good it could feel! To have a man who goes out of his way to see you.

[Leigh 87]

... Without knowing you at all, I have come to care about the outcome of all this...

 

 

 

So.... I want to ask some basic questions:

 

-do you go to the gym or run or do cardio most days? Is fitness something you like the idea of, if you do not already engage in it regularly?

 

- Do you know any languages besides English? Are you interested in learning one if you have not already?

 

 

 

Fitness and learning another languas are on my to do list, and I know a break up with be the perfect thing to get me started!!!

 

....You can throw yourself into picking one new hobby, is this something you think could help you?

 

Or you could already be too busy as it is. I don't know you, hence why I am asking.

 

If you do not have ay new hobbies and there is even one thing you have been meaning to try, or that you like the idea of - DO IT! if you have time.

 

Make the hobby your "release" from him, the thing you do to help take your mind off this guy.

[shayla]

i keep getting these waves of almost panic and dread when i think about what has happened. Its horrible

 

i just want to not feel anything, and not care.

 

I am just so angry with him, and the thought of him being physical with her just kills me

 

 

I remember feeling this when my break up first happened. I would wake up, feel like oh man that had to be a nightmare, there is no way that he could be that ugly and cruel, then the sick feeling that no, it wasn't a nightmare and yes, he really was just that cruel. And that happened several times, it was the worst feeling ever.

[shayla]

For me, all of my drama happened almost 2 years ago, and I just wanted you to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

I got no answers, no closure, no explanation, no nothing. And that hurt for a long time. I was angry for a longer time. I wanted to physically hurt him I was so mad at being treated badly and then dumped after 3 years.

 

But I got over it, got over him, and could no longer care less about him or the other woman. You will get to that place too. Take time to go through all the stages of grief, be kind and gentle to yourself, and leave him right where he belongs, in your past.