Author mishy Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 it is such a struggle not to text him Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 i can't stand the thought of him being with someone else and treating her really well. Unlike me. Link to post Share on other sites
Under The Radar Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 No one here thinks you are annoying for posting your thoughts and trying to analyze the past 5 years with this guy. NC is hard and a different approach from what you are used to, but you truly deserve to be happy. The fact that he may have a new girl and "treats her better than he did me" hurts, but it is just more proof how little he cared for you. We teach people how to treat us, Mishy, don't ever forget this moving forward. Keep posting as much as you need too and please stay NC for your own sake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 How do i maintain No contact, its been 7 days? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) No one here thinks you are annoying for posting your thoughts and trying to analyze the past 5 years with this guy. NC is hard and a different approach from what you are used to, but you truly deserve to be happy. The fact that he may have a new girl and "treats her better than he did me" hurts, but it is just more proof how little he cared for you. We teach people how to treat us, Mishy, don't ever forget this moving forward. Keep posting as much as you need too and please stay NC for your own sake. thanks for posting this is my thought process hamster in wheel scenario at the moment , it goes around in my head in a continuous loop: he has done this to me so many times before at least 3 times per year, every year without fail...., making excuses so he can get 2 or 3 weeks space and then he comes back, i can't wait to slam the door in his face...... he lied about "meeting someone" back in 2008 and the back story/ lie about being away was so elaborate, if he went to that much trouble back then when he only knew me for a couple of months, it is highly likely he is doing it again..... wtf he only asked me to go with him to _____ 2 weeks ago......... ********* he knew i was waiting for him!! how could he do this, i am through with men forever....... actually its not so bad, at least i wont bump into him or find out anything from someone else about whether the gf is real or not, at least THIS is as hard and painful as it is going to get..... want to text how angry i am, why didnt he tell me about her before???..... im sure she's not real........ this is me right now Oh and im trying to do house renovations and all i want to do is lie down and cry. A five year pattern/ habit is really hard to break. I dont have any addictions like smoking or drugs and i dont drink really, but i feel like he is some kind of drug im trying to get off. Edited October 21, 2012 by mishy Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 No Contact is exhausting. Link to post Share on other sites
Under The Radar Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 NC is exhausting, but it is absolutely necessary for you to heal. Look at it as temporary pain to get rid of long term pain. Moreover, ending a relationship (especially a toxic one) is like withdrawing from drugs. It was without a doubt the hardest thing I ever had to go through, but I made it and you will too. Keep taking it one day at a time, keep posting for support, and stay NC my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Sameold Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 This guy has treated you very badly. I would say that this guy never saw you as a candidate for his long term girlfriend. The cruel part is not making that clear to you. Then again, he never said it was anything more and maybe you gpt caught up in it all, believing there was more to it than casual emotional support and sex. You are doing the right thing mishy but if you can stop thinking about all the detail as it will drive you insane. Get your house in order, get fit and active and next time choose a man who wants to be in a relationship with you after dating. Antyhing less than that is simply not good enough and the last five years have shown you that. And seriously, don't contact this guy ever again and block him from your facebook. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 NC is exhausting, but it is absolutely necessary for you to heal. Look at it as temporary pain to get rid of long term pain. Moreover, ending a relationship (especially a toxic one) is like withdrawing from drugs. It was without a doubt the hardest thing I ever had to go through, but I made it and you will too. Keep taking it one day at a time, keep posting for support, and stay NC my friend. that is exactly what it is like, withdrawing from drugs, or what i imagine that is like. And i am doing cold turkey. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 This guy has treated you very badly. I would say that this guy never saw you as a candidate for his long term girlfriend. The cruel part is not making that clear to you. Then again, he never said it was anything more and maybe you gpt caught up in it all, believing there was more to it than casual emotional support and sex. You are doing the right thing mishy but if you can stop thinking about all the detail as it will drive you insane. Get your house in order, get fit and active and next time choose a man who wants to be in a relationship with you after dating. Antyhing less than that is simply not good enough and the last five years have shown you that. And seriously, don't contact this guy ever again and block him from your facebook. He told me that he did not want a girlfriend at all as recent as about 2 months ago. Saying dont have time for a girlfriend, ... all i want is just me and work.... don't want any of that.... dont want a girlfriend...." He is with someone now (allegedly) so he obviously lied to me so what he should have said was " i am in the market for a girlfriend, but would never consider you" Anyway he's gone now into the arms of an imaginary/ real girlfriend. I know i keep going on about the lying part, you know, did he lie about meeting someone to get a couple of weeks space, but the whole lying thing just makes it all worse. Not knowing whats real and what isn't. In the past he has lied about meeting someone shortly after i have asked him to do something, ie beach , movie, a lousy meal. About 3 times he has freaked out and made up a girl. Anyway you ae right, this analyzing will drive me insane. But when i look back over 5 years theres a lot to look back on and wonder about. Link to post Share on other sites
Sameold Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 I think real gf or fake one you have to forget that and think about his communication and view of you. He treats you with no respect, drops you and picks you up when he wants. He sees no long term prospects with you. Never ever call him again and make sure you have no links. This seems a case of wanting something cause you can't have it. For him it will be the reverse. You are better than this and I believe in you! Keep up the NC. First few week are hell but I'm 4 months NC now and I was living with my gf of 4 years before she just tore it up one day after work! She got with another guy who she was emotionally cheating at work with nearly straight away but things are getting better. NC is the only medicine to recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 I think real gf or fake one you have to forget that and think about his communication and view of you. He treats you with no respect, drops you and picks you up when he wants. He sees no long term prospects with you. Never ever call him again and make sure you have no links. This seems a case of wanting something cause you can't have it. For him it will be the reverse. You are better than this and I believe in you! Keep up the NC. First few week are hell but I'm 4 months NC now and I was living with my gf of 4 years before she just tore it up one day after work! She got with another guy who she was emotionally cheating at work with nearly straight away but things are getting better. NC is the only medicine to recovery. that is exactly what he does. These women he makes up, after a couple of weeks there is no mention of them, and then he is back. I agree about the wanting what you cant have, and i agree mostly he doesnt want me becaus i have stupidly been fully devoted to him from the start, from probably the first day we met. its not as bad as it could be, i was obviously never his gf and never lived with him. I just want to be able to get through NC. There are no links apart from having each others numbers, and well, he has a key to my house. i dont want to ask for it back because that would mean contacting him, so im just going to leave it. Do you agree? Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Change your locks. Stuff is often used as an excuse to communicate and seeing that communication, of any sort is detrimental to you, spend the money and invest in a new lock rather than more drama from a possible back and forth or setback. I would also block his number, if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 Change your locks. Stuff is often used as an excuse to communicate and seeing that communication, of any sort is detrimental to you, spend the money and invest in a new lock rather than more drama from a possible back and forth or setback. I would also block his number, if I were you. I am not going to ask for them back, because its too painful to even contact him for such a small thing, it would send me right back to where i was a week ago, he wont use the keys for anything or try to get in, i dont need to worry about that Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 i do keep imagining him turning up here to see me, he has done that before after a period of no contact, and i just don't know how i am going to handle it, as i have never been this hurt when it comes to him. I keep imagining what i should do. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 i do keep imagining him turning up here to see me, he has done that before after a period of no contact, and i just don't know how i am going to handle it, as i have never been this hurt when it comes to him. I keep imagining what i should do. And that is why you should take every precaution to keep him away, eventhough you believe he won't use the key. Maybe it's time you start thinking about ways you will refrain rather than imagining what you should do. Look, this man has disrespected you in such ways where you shouldn't be wondering what you should do but thinking of ways to keep him away. If he comes to your home, you can ignore him. If he persists tell him you do not want to see him and that if he continues to harass you, you will have the authorities involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 And that is why you should take every precaution to keep him away, eventhough you believe he won't use the key. Maybe it's time you start thinking about ways you will refrain rather than imagining what you should do. Look, this man has disrespected you in such ways where you shouldn't be wondering what you should do but thinking of ways to keep him away. If he comes to your home, you can ignore him. If he persists tell him you do not want to see him and that if he continues to harass you, you will have the authorities involved. Its pretty unlikely he even wants anything to do with me, since he has told me he has met someone, so i don't think i honestly have to worry about him coming over, i was just thinking about it. I am probably the last thing on his mind. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Its pretty unlikely he even wants anything to do with me, since he has told me he has met someone, so i don't think i honestly have to worry about him coming over, i was just thinking about it. I am probably the last thing on his mind. That's not the point. You still need to focus on possibilities and what you should do if it happens. He may not want to do anything with you now, but past behavior is a predictor of future behavior and that's means he may come back when he needs a fallback or ego stroke. Don't assume but be ready and try to prepare mentally and emotionally, for what could happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Calico Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 that is exactly what it is like, withdrawing from drugs, or what i imagine that is like. And i am doing cold turkey. As someone who has first hand experience with a previous, serious addiction and the cold turkey withdrawing process (which, until the breakup, was the hardest thing I ever did), let me just confirm that it is EXACTLY the same. What happens in the brain (pleasure center) is identical, as are the obsessive thoughts, the false logic, the "reasons" why you should get just one more fix, the distorted views, the dreams, the "pull", the queasiness in the stomach, the urge that sets in a few hours after the last "fix", the delusions, the irrational reasoning, the sensations of "can't do this!", the despair, and so on. It's exactly the same, and in some ways relationship withdrawal is harder because there is a person who you believe could make it all better, so in addition to all the other crap you also feel helpless and out of control (falsely, too, because you still have all the power and control over your own choices and life as far as you are concerned). On the flip side, unlike alcohol withdrawal, relationship withdrawal can't actually kill you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 That's not the point. You still need to focus on possibilities and what you should do if it happens. He may not want to do anything with you now, but past behavior is a predictor of future behavior and that's means he may come back when he needs a fallback or ego stroke. Don't assume but be ready and try to prepare mentally and emotionally, for what could happen. i will just be really cold. I imagine not letting him in and just asking what he is doing here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) As someone who has first hand experience with a previous, serious addiction and the cold turkey withdrawing process (which, until the breakup, was the hardest thing I ever did), let me just confirm that it is EXACTLY the same. What happens in the brain (pleasure center) is identical, as are the obsessive thoughts, the false logic, the "reasons" why you should get just one more fix, the distorted views, the dreams, the "pull", the queasiness in the stomach, the urge that sets in a few hours after the last "fix", the delusions, the irrational reasoning, the sensations of "can't do this!", the despair, and so on. It's exactly the same, and in some ways relationship withdrawal is harder because there is a person who you believe could make it all better, so in addition to all the other crap you also feel helpless and out of control (falsely, too, because you still have all the power and control over your own choices and life as far as you are concerned). On the flip side, unlike alcohol withdrawal, relationship withdrawal can't actually kill you! it is exactly like that. It is like being a mouse in one of those wheels, trapped, going around forever and ever.. I know what will happen if i text, it will be horrible. I have imagined texting to get the key back, he will reply "ok" and then i will feel worse. it also hurts knowing he is making no effort to contact me, which just cements that he is happy with this new (real or imaginary) girl and has forgotten me. I texted him any normal day probably 1 - 3 times. Rarely a day went by and he didnt get a text from me. Always saying something nice to him, he is probably relieved i am gone. Edited October 22, 2012 by mishy Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 i am still NC!!!! it was quite hard today, usually text him when working, about how his day is and whatnot..... he has someone else for that now Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) i really don't know how i am going to continue NC, i just have all these angry little questions to ask him. but then the girl could all be a lie so whats the point?! Edited October 22, 2012 by mishy Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) How did i become so attached to someone who was so cold, and showed such little care for me? You know what, really why am I crying over him?? What have I lost? What did he give me that i am losing?? HE is the one who has lost. All the nice things i said to him, all the compliments, all the encouragement, all the worry over his well being, pretty much unconditional blind love, all those things i gave to him. DAILY.. What did i get back? NOTHING!!!! He is the one who has lost all that. I haven't lost anything. HE is the one who should be missing ME this past 7 days of NC, as i have taken all those things i gave him away. His phone will be very quiet. ....... Edited October 22, 2012 by mishy Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 I Really want to be at the stage where I . Just. Do. Not Care. Anymore When is that going to happen? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts