Well,this is complicated :\ and bit long

[Sasu]

English isn't my native language and post is bit long so bear with me ^^" ,any feedback would be appreciated ..

 

I'll start with girl,she is 28 now and had bf like 2 year ago,who loved her pretty much as she told me,but somehow things messed up bw them and she had to marry someone else,to that her ex bf went in depression and basically ruined his life,she didn't cared i guess for months she tried hard for her real husband,but turns out he was a jerk and was violent to her,so she had to leave him in few months..around a year ago..she was separated from him (nor divorced yet) ,around that time she went in a virtual world to get away from her depression,i met her there which lead to talking,which lead to falling in love ultimately,we married on that virtual world,we were from same country so communication was great,and before we knew she was showing me plans for our future,like getting married one day to me in real and live together..it was my first time with anyone,we even married in role play there as she used to call me her hubby and me as my wifey,how cute was that ^^ i am 19 btw ,lil young still i fell hard for it and started taking up my studies and stuff seriously to be a guy only for her and give her everything i can...

 

She appreciated it and be with me happily for around one year,we hit bumps down road but still everything just made us stronger ,but then i came to knew she cheated on me,while i was away from home from 10 days,i found out from her fb profile ,with all those lovey dovey msgs to someone else and 'relation status 'married to him' ,which meant she married to him on role play as well during those 10 days,i was devastated and asked her why she felt need to,didn't i loved and cared for her enough,she said she don't know,she saw darkness inside of him and feels sorry for doing it to me,and later on she dumped him for cheating on her and got back with me,but i got blocked from her fb prof and she asked me trust her ,i again went okay..

 

It was awkward as i felt i was just a second choice as she couldn't have him,still i went along coz i really loved her and she was like my everything.

 

Times passed happily again ,we were happy with each other,i went on another trip for 4 days,only to come and find out she saying she likes a guy,i was like okay cool ,no biggey,but then she started changing,she put that guy's name on front of her prof with hearts and mine in like last somewhere lol,she was getting irritated on my little talks most of times and stopepd talking about her dreams and stuff with me like before,i still could take everything until she changed our 'married' relation on role play world,and started making boyfriends.

 

I was irritated by all this,i confronted her and she acted cold,i wasn't in mood to persuade her either so left that virtual world only and continued to talk with her through skype with a trust that she won't be with anyone,if she wants to be single there she can be,she agreed

 

Days passed again,and she told me not to overreact but shes with someone on internet,again something to break my heart,She said not to take it seriously as she loves me alone ,noone else,i said okay,time went by and i later found out she married that guy on that role play replacing me in every way,i was broken,i asked her why him now ? she said she is not have cyber sex with anyone else ( like it matters ? ),she loves me and he is not good as much as me,i asked her then why ? she said she dun know..I begged and pleaded to her to be with be again if she loves me for real,she refused ,i gave her choice to pick bw me or that role play guy,she said im leaving you then...

 

I had no choice but to accept things as it is and give into her for old times sake and our love ,days later he broke up with that guy,,telling hes a jerk and said sorry to me for everything she have done so far which hurted me,i said its okay as long as u dun do it again alright,she gave confusing answers like 'finger crossed ', i again be with her on skype as whenever i used to ask her to be with her on virtual world like before and live everything the way it was,she used to get mad on me and refuse,

 

Now when i thought things will atleast get better,She made new role play bf for her,i asked is she okay for real and asked her to stop this nonsense already,she said me to **** off,im noone to her and she'll be with whoever she wants,this time i couldn't take it anymore,i broke off all contacts with her giving her piece of my mind,i went non contact with her,trying to get hold of my life,build up my self respect ,passion for things i used to like and return to same state before..she called 3 times during 2 weeks which i had to ignore..

 

After i was healed up in a way,i called her ,but this time i was how to say manly xD and set up a time for chat on that bs 'virtual world" ,during which she told me how messed up her her real life is now ,her family nags her daily to go back to her rl husband home when she can't even stand him anymore,she have fights daily at home and is losing her emotions day by day,she also told me she have stopped dating virtually altogether now as she believes she is cursed and won't get anyone with her,saying first it was her ex bf life and now shes ruining my life by hurting me again and again,,she gave me an apology ,which still was like " i am sorry for doing things u provoked me to "

 

And i am not sure what i really did ?

 

I asked her about her dreams in life,she said its to do her MSc ,get a job and divorce her real husband who ruined her life -{ no mention of me anymore }

 

I tried hard for months to somehow indirectly take her out of that virtual world and show her how to live her rl life,but to no luck,now she have even access pass on imvu ( virtual world xD ) ,Vip as well ,in contrast to me none -sigh- ,she spend time there nw trying to create virtual stuff now or with her friends,telling me shes happy to be single in real as well as here,saying that's only place she can share a laugh or 2 with her friends and forget her real life problems for awhile,she still made clear to me she won't date me anymore on imvu ,this time instead of begging her ,i said fine,i dun want to either coz i also got lot work with me and maybe we can start freshly,she asked like friends ? i said no,she said kay to that and thanked me..

 

I don't know what she got from that,but she doesn't says even 'I love you' to me anymore ,she doesn't talk anything lovey dovey with me,which was everything she did on skype even after i left imvu in between,i just feel sorry for her and love her too much,so can't let it it go and get in no contact with her ,as she have noone else to tell her rl life problems to except me she admitted ,it hurts me to be with her and talk like with no relation with her when shes telling me everything,i just try to hold myself and try to listen to her and give her support and care she needs pretending to be same fun and carefree guy as i once was to which she fell in love with at first place in hopes it may happen again..that's all situation is now.

 

Now,she'll come on this saturday in my state for shopping for 3 days,the day we were dreaming for an year when we'll get to meet each other in person and maybe more ;3 ,but now niether shes showing any eagerness to see me so in response niether am i,ik she'll ask me to come and see her at a point for sure,i just don't know how to react to everything

 

My faults i guess - I lost my backbone in front of her,i fell hard in love and let her do all stuff she wanted which lead us to here at this point in relation,

 

And now,i even forgot what i wanted to ask here...

Edited October 15, 2012 by Sasu

[cerridwen]

OP,

I don't see any good coming from this relationship.

She's boy crazy, and role-playing marriage crazy.

Why on Earth would you stick around to meet up, possibly sleep together (at which point you'll get more attached), and the be cast aside again?

The chances of the last thing happening are ENORMOUS.

She's shown you a pattern.

 

Where do you think this is realistically going?

I see it headed toward a painful place for you.

[Sasu]

I agree with everything cerri and your answer actually made me feel a bit better that there is really no point of working this hard in that relation, but now things feels weird and changed but not in good way .

 

It feels like she have hit a wall finally,she doesn't even talk to anyone online nowdays and spends most of times creating virtual stuff ,takes break from it and invites me to talk then back at it.

Today she told me she had a strange dream that she have lost everyone in her life..i told her it was just a dream and she won't lose em as long as she wants them

 

Still same telling me things going with her ,asking me how am i and giving me hug..still no feeling of love or stuff from her,

 

It feels random,i don't know where to take things now,my best bet is to stay with her as friend and help her go through all that by keeping my feelings for her within myself ..I don't know if i want her back with me,i don't know if she'll able to love anyone again,but she needs me now and i guess i have to be there for her.

 

As for meeting her on sat,will post what she says to me about it,till then i have stopped thinking about it altogether.

[cerridwen]

I agree with everything cerri and your answer actually made me feel a bit better that there is really no point of working this hard in that relation, but now things feels weird and changed but not in good way .

 

It feels like she have hit a wall finally,she doesn't even talk to anyone online nowdays and spends most of times creating virtual stuff ,takes break from it and invites me to talk then back at it.

Today she told me she had a strange dream that she have lost everyone in her life..i told her it was just a dream and she won't lose em as long as she wants them

 

Still same telling me things going with her ,asking me how am i and giving me hug..still no feeling of love or stuff from her,

 

It feels random,i don't know where to take things now,my best bet is to stay with her as friend and help her go through all that by keeping my feelings for her within myself ..I don't know if i want her back with me,i don't know if she'll able to love anyone again,but she needs me now and i guess i have to be there for her.

 

As for meeting her on sat,will post what she says to me about it,till then i have stopped thinking about it altogether.

 

You sound like a very compassionate and giving person.

And you sound much more invested than she.

 

Given that, I'd encourage you not to lose sight of your needs, and the boundaries of this relationship.

It's not a committed, mutually-serving arrangement.

It indeed sounds very one-sided.

Not to say she isn't kind or sometimes attentive in return, but the level of feelings seem to be much different.

There are also unequal levels of sensitivity about the other's feelings.

 

Please tread carefully and take good care of your heart.

.

Edited October 16, 2012 by cerridwen

[Sasu]

thanks for understanding Cerri ,and again I agree the way it is now is one sided by me unlike before,

But I just read a a very good article on loveshack about Gigs syndrome and from that everything which is happening makes sense,its not her fault she's getting devoid of feelings for me,its just life circumstances and human nature.

 

I read I still will have chance to get her back with me and turn things like before ,if I could just resist the urge to remain friends with her and gracefully bow out of her life,

 

so today ill try to call her and tell I love her same,but she needs space and time to figure things out,being friends with her only hurt me and if she care for Me which I knw she does,she needs to live her life ,with us going diff ways.will try to be understanding as she's as hurt as me,don't know hoe long it'll take her to realise everything but my best bet is this only,

 

thanks loveshack.

[Sasu]

Okay i called her and tried to be as understanding and calm as i could,She was cooperative and was good listener,telling me she called me lot of times as well when i was ignoring her coz she was drowned in guilt of what she have done to me and times she have hurted me badly and wanted to talk with me,

 

I said to her i can't be friends if there is going to be anything more then there is worth keeping any contact otherwise i dun see any point,she said i am not her friend ,saying noone tells the things she tell to me to any friend and before me telling her things further she already said to me like don't worry,it won't happen like her love feelings for me will dissapear with time and will transfer to some other guy and she hopes it won't happen from my side either ( she can read me like a book all the time -.- ) ,it'll never happen as she loves me only and is looking forward to meet me when she comes in my state,i made excuses i won't be able to come i guess,she told me to shut up ,dun play around,and meet her lol .

 

She said silly words in bw like im trapped with her forever and im hers lol,i shrugged it off saying its not that ,i just doesn't give up on anyone just coz of thinking of me and stuff and want a life with no regrets for myself,she then asked me not to give up on her yet,

 

She added she is completely done with roleplay drama,and is messed up with her life problems (family nagging and fights almost daily,problems,job,studies,earning money to divorce her rl husband),she even have started developing suicidal feelings from her last call,she said she can't give what a relation needs to it at the moment,and in return I told her it happens with everyone,she needs time and space to figure things out and i doesn't mind being with her as atleast it will take some pressure off from her during all that,

 

 

As i see it,I had two choices

1 ) I could have left her completely,for sake of my heart and prevent myself from pain of getting hurt in hopes she'll come back at me to be with me,but that will make things worse for her and i'll live with guilt inside me,and i dun see any point really why someone will want to be someone who abandoned her at a point anyways,game is workable i guess if she ever starts to date someone,not when she wants to kill herself :\

 

2 ) I could be a man emotionally finally,starting to love myself more and support a loved one in times of need,hoping things will get better one day,but not lying in wait for them ( as i want,we should be together only when she settles here in future and we date in real,if she still keeps stalling just for sake of it then ,i 've got my ways to knock her on senses xD ) that sounded wrong lol,

 

Hurts a bit at times,still all good as long i can keep myself from guilt of abandoning somoene and instead help her,then it doesn't matter who she end up with in last,i'll be happy for her.

 

If it meant to be,it will be ^_^

 

~ I sound awkward all over this post ~ xD

~LDR's are bit hard ~

Edited October 17, 2012 by Sasu