First experience of an A

[danilove]

Are you reading Dani?

 

You want to be some MM's dirty little secret? That automatically allows MM to taint your position as 'inferior' when HE needs to avoid talking to you in public because he knows someone "might find out" that he just had sex with you an hour ago.

 

Talk about degrading!

 

Yes I'm reading everything, it's just a little bit of a shock to hear someone elses opinion on it as I've never spoke to anyone about it before, it's a bit of a shock to the system and a realisation of what I am really doing. I've asked him to give me some space for a few days I need to think.

[2sunny]

Yes I'm reading everything, it's just a little bit of a shock to hear someone elses opinion on it as I've never spoke to anyone about it before, it's a bit of a shock to the system and a realisation of what I am really doing. I've asked him to give me some space for a few days I need to think.

 

Can you see what a MM does - what he tells himself in order to keep up the charade of using women without being totally honest? Look close - it's Sauron you should look at - he can SHOW YOU exactly what it looks like to be someone's secret.

 

HE thinks its nice - because HE is ONLY capable of THINKING OF HIMSELF.

 

It's all clouded with a ton of BS - I do this for her - I provide that for the other one - all my gals are happy.

 

What a load of total crap! Truth is - he hasn't told any of them exactly what they should know!

 

MM lie ALL THE TIME. That is a given. They lie to keep getting what they want from he wife, the other women and from the illusion they spend so much time and energy creating.

 

It's all built on a false sense of what it is... It's all a lie because he's not honest from the start!

 

You can CHOOSE all this crap for yourself. OR you can CHOOSE NOT TO PARTICIPATE.

 

You have choices...I hope you choose wisely.

 

Never, ever settle! You deserve the best!

[Sauron]

Yes, blah, blah, blah same old drivel. The difference is that my OW is just happy with the way things are, she doesn't want me to leave my wife and probably thinks it would change the realtionship dynamics. I may not be the typical cheating MM, as I do like variety in women, but as I have gotten older there is some comfort in more stable realtionships.

 

And 2Sunny you are 2Funny. I really wonder how many people readily volunteer the fact that they are having affairs to their wife or husband? Someone will have to work really,really hard to surface mine.

 

Hey OP, I really do care about ALL the women in my life as I mentioned. Of course not everyone is cut out for these kind of realtionships. It takes a big picture view of the world and one's role as a human and not ALL of nothing type mentality. I am sure the folks here will steer you right off the cliff.

 

I would imagine in very short order someone will suggest you contact your MM's wife and tell her, or write her a letter to absolve your self of having a meanigful human realtionship. I am sure your MM will really appreciate that, as he taken a major risk of everything he has worked for his entire adult life to be with you. Good luck to you.

[JamesM]

For the record, I would rather this thread focus on the OP and her affair rather than see the same bickering amongst certain posters about their affairs and betrayals.

 

Thank you for listening.

 

Carry on.

 

Danilove, I suspect that you will continue in this affair, because it feels so good. I truly understand the feelings that an affair gives, because it is so similar to any infatuation/lust and the first months of a relationship. Unfortunately, time has a way of balancing things out.

 

My guess is that your MM will decide when this is over and your thread here is a moot point. He has the control as long as you let him. And despite what some may say here, the majority of affairs seem to end with the BS discovering the truth. Then pain follows for everyone.

 

Good luck to you and I hope that this ends with the least amount of pain possible for you.

[JamesM]

Actually, this is a perfect demonstration for the OP, which is why posters are utilizing the example. Why ignore the lies and trickery which the OP can learn from?

 

Because I am quite certain that Dani doesn't know about Sauron, and I am quite certain that she will not see it as a comparison to her own affair. I am certain that she will get sick of seeing this bickering and simply avoid her thread....provided the mods don't close it.

 

If I were her, I would rather that the advice focus on "me and my affair" and not one someone else's. Besides, oddly enough, she will align with Sauron and not those who are against him.

[JamesM]

What makes you think you know what's in her mind?

 

In any event, she can see plainly enough what's up as he's stated he deceives all three of "his women" so he can get what he wants. That's what MM do.

 

OP, good luck.

 

You are correct...I don't know. I should have said that she probably will align with Sauron. IMO she may sympathize with him. However, a few posts back she did say that she was going to think about this.

 

And yes, cheating MM/MW are in affairs for themselves and not for their OW/OM. I have no doubt. It is possible that Dani will see this in what Sauron says.

 

I hope so.

 

Sadly, I don't think so. In time, hopefully, she will see what the affair really is.

 

I am more afraid that the mods will see this as a derailment of the thread.

[woinlove]

Besides, oddly enough, she will align with Sauron and not those who are against him.

 

Not so sure. When I was an OW, thinking about being 7 years into the A with a second OW thrown into the mix, and the idea that lies of omission aren't lies, would not be something I would align with, as I would have thought of my own case as very different. In some ways it wasn't as different as I thought, but that realization only comes later. Anyway, danilove says she is taking it ALL in, and that sounds like about the best way to benefit from LS.

 

Danilove, I do hope you decide you deserve much better soon.

[William]

Closed for moderator review.