carabear Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Hello everyone... My name is Cara, I am having some, well LOTS, of problems with an online relationship and I need some advice. I'll try to keep my problem as short and simple as I can... I met this girl in a chat room and as soon as I started talking to her I felt *something* for her. So I lied to her and told her I was a guy. I know what I did was wrong. I talked to her for weeks under my new alias, but then we both began to fall for each other, well I fell for her and she fell for who she thought was me... I had to tell her the truth about who I was... I told her that I was a girl and I told her the reason why I lied to her. She said she would forgive me but it would take some time to totally get over it, if she ever could. And also she said that she loved me as a girl or a guy, it didn't matter to her. When she told her family that she was bisexual, they were upset, so she's been staying at her friend's house for the past few days until they have had some time to adjust to the idea... A few days ago she called me from her friend's house and said that she thinks we should take a break... Not because she doesn't love me, because she does, but because she wants someone to hold her and she wants someone to cuddle with. After I cried, so she said she didn't want to take a break, but she wanted to cuddle and not feel guilty... So I told her to go ahead and cuddle, just so that it was innocent. So then the next day she called me at 7 am and told me she just had sex with one of her guy friends and that it didn't mean anything and they both understood that it was meaning less, but she was sorry for doing it... so I forgave her. I hadnt talked to her for a few days and last night she said she had been having sex with him. I'm not sure if I did the right thing or not by staying with her, and now she is out with her friends and I am so confused and upset. Should I stay with her because their sex is meaningless, or should I give her up? I think I know the answer, it is pretty obvious, but I would like some affirmation. Link to post Share on other sites
Anais Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 Originally posted by carabear it is pretty obvious, but I would like some affirmation. You shoooould go on. I cannot understand meaningless sex. It is out of my fantasy. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 I completely agree, you should move on. Whether their sex is meaningless or not, she knows its hurting you, yet she still does it. It seems she's not taking the online relationship as seriously as you are. Link to post Share on other sites
cinnamonstix49 Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Originally posted by carabear I lied to her and told her I was a guy. I know what I did was wrong. I talked to her for weeks under my new alias, but then we both began to fall for each other, well I fell for her and she fell for who she thought was me... What a b****! How could you even think about doing that to someone!? You "love" her? What is this!? Last time I checked you don't go about LYING to someone you love, especially not about something as important as your GENDER! It's people like you who give online relationships a bad name. No wonder my mom always says "you could be talking to some 75 year old man"! GEEZE! And you ahve the nerve to be MAD at her!? HA! Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 Yeah...gender is pretty important. Maybe she isn't really bi and she just didn't want to hurt your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
carabear Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 Well if she isn't bi she should have told me. She hurt my feelings. I guess I got what I deserved. Anywayzz, we're over now, I guess. She's dating the other guy so I'm pretty much out of the picture. I miss her like crazy! Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 Did she say she was bisexual since she felt she had fallen in love with you or did she say she was bisexual because she has always been? If she just decided that she must be bisexual because of her feelings for you then, coming from a bisexual woman, she's not really bisexual. At most she's bicurious and until she's actually with a woman sexually she won't know if she is or isn't. And please no one give me the excuse that a straight person doesn't have to have sex with another straight person to know they're straight. It's different. I've been with women that thought they were bisexual because they found themselves attracted to women but once they were actually sexual they didn't like it and realized they were really just curious about the whole thing. And I also have no concept of meaningless sex. I'd say let the relationship end. She needs physical contact to have a relationship and you won't be able to provide that to her so you may as well end the relationship now. Link to post Share on other sites
RowanRavyn Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 When you begin an online relationship you have no idea who you are really speaking with. Its a dangerous game. You, my dear built this relationship on lies, we often "reap what we sow." Move on and allow her to do the same. I get the feeling that you are both pretty young. Growing up is hard enough to do. Maybe she thought being "bi" would be cool. Maybe it was a way to get at her parents for a deeper problem. Either way, you both played a part in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts