We're on a break, what can and can't he do???

[geegirl]

So my excuses are just, trying to define more of the situation so it makes more sense.

 

Define why he wants to be single, is a text demon but still makes you salmon, cuts fruit, and wants to live under the same roof? How do you make sense of something that makes no sense?

 

This is an asinine, utterly juvenile situation to be in and one that will not go away or will not get resolved until you both decide to grow up and communicate and it doesn't matter whether his ancestors have had issues with communication. This is YOUR relationship. Do something about it rather than talk about fish, yucky eyes, getting fat, chinese food, etc. Mind freaking games.

 

No one here can give you anymore reasoning to your situation because it's a dead end.

 

Whatever we have said, throw out the window. You already have your justifications to everything we have said. So what else can we say or is there left to say? Six pages of nothing.

Edited October 19, 2012 by geegirl

[hopefullove]

Define why he wants to be single, is a text demon but still makes you salmon, cuts fruit, and wants to live under the same roof? How do you make sense of something that makes no sense?

 

This is an asinine, utterly juvenile situation to be in and one that will not go away or will not get resolved until you both decide to grow up and communicate and it doesn't matter whether his ancestors have had issues with communication. This is YOUR relationship. Do something about it rather than talk about fish, yucky eyes, getting fat, chinese food, etc. Mind freaking games.

 

No one here can give you anymore reasoning to your situation because it's a dead end.

 

Whatever we have said, throw out the window. You already have your justifications to everything we have said. So what else can we say or is there left to say? Six pages of nothing.

 

 

ok that is what i said to him. that if he wants to talk to me, we can have a real talk, and not this idle chit chat. So i am not talking to him until he is ready to talk about our situation. I am trying to be the adult here and not push him to talk. Because everywhere i read, it says when he is ready, he will talk. He's a jerk, i know it, he knows it. So i guess until we have that convo with him theres nothing else to say!

[Mme. Chaucer]

ok that is what i said to him. that if he wants to talk to me, we can have a real talk, and not this idle chit chat. So i am not talking to him until he is ready to talk about our situation. I am trying to be the adult here and not push him to talk. Because everywhere i read, it says when he is ready, he will talk. He's a jerk, i know it, he knows it. So i guess until we have that convo with him theres nothing else to say!

 

 

What is needed is for YOU to say, "we need to sit down and talk. Today. After work." And then you would need to tell him what you need, listen to him, and decide how to proceed. And then, do it OR GET OUT.

 

Instead, you're texting crap like, "I can do whatever I want! YOU can't tell me what to do! I love you!! Chinese buffet! Guest suite!!"

 

And forget about "the five languages of love," even though that is lowbrow pop psychology pablum, it's aimed for people who have a RELATIONSHIP. What you have going on has no "language" because it is not really a thing at all. It's a game.

Edited October 22, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed derogatory comments

[hopefullove]

What is needed is for YOU to say, "we need to sit down and talk. Today. After work." And then you would need to tell him what you need, listen to him, and decide how to proceed. And then, do it OR GET OUT.

 

Instead, you're texting crap like, "I can do whatever I want! YOU can't tell me what to do! I love you!! Chinese buffet! Guest suite!!"

 

And forget about "the five languages of love," even though that is lowbrow pop psychology pablum, it's aimed for people who have a RELATIONSHIP. What you have going on has no "language" because it is not really a thing at all. It's a game.

 

 

Anyway I also have real life people to talk to who know my situation and both parties better. But I wanted to update and I finally spoke with him last night, it seemed he was avoiding talking to me because he didn't want to experience the emotional break down i was bound to have, but i didnt. He said, he doesnt know what he wants, and he gets to this point in his relationships where he wants out. HE said he thought our relationship would be different, and he wouldnt reach this point... but once he got the thought in his head, he's stubborn.

 

I gave til the end of the month to move out, i said i deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me 100%. And even if you decide you want to be with me, we still have a lot to work on in our relationship, we both have issues we need to deal with, and it wont be smooth sailing. He didn't want to leave, he said end of the month wasn't enough time, I said that it doesnt matter, it's not working with him being here, and if he missed me and wanted to be with me after he moved out, then at least he knows how he really feels. But I wasnt going to wait around for him.

Edited October 22, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[veggirl]

hopeful, you only think we are unhelpful because you hate the advice you are given. Obviously what you do is up to you, we have nothing invested in this relationship, but it's sad to watch someone put up with the disrespect you are putting up with. I'm glad you said he has til the end of the month to move out, you need to assert your boundaries and I hope that you hold him to what you said.

[hopefullove]

double triple sigh.

I stopped posting because I was waiting for things to get better. which they never did.

 

Well he moved out in Nov.

 

He can not commit. He is issues. major issues that he doesnt want to involve me in. We cant be together right now he says, maybe in the future but he doesn't know. Deep rooted issues from his childhood and he runs away every single time.

 

And i got on him about dragging it out and refusing to move out for that month after he knew what he knew in his heart/mind. He said if he didn't care about me, he would have dragged it out for a lot longer. He said, don't worry he feels guilty, he will never forget me, and there seems to be a lot of internal pain. He is basically stressing himself out and he said his nerves can't take it, whenever i ask him anything.

 

I have never being in a relationship with a commitment phobe, i have read a lot about it and sounds like they scare themselves to death over whatever it is they fear... it sucks. a lot.

 

I am really mad. and i told him. I am hurt and, it only took the end for me to see the red flags. I do see how i got so brainwashed tho. I read this on the internet:

The hardest breakup in the world is that with the Commitment Phobe. You are left confused, wondering what you did in error. He loved you so much that you believe you must have done something terribly wrong to kill that love. You have been belittled, insulted, and nit-picked to the point where your ego is crushed, you have low self-esteem, you feel rejected, unlovable, unworthy, unacceptable, and excluded. You wonder how anybody would ever want to be with you – you are just so horrible. And the funny thing is, is that you want to get him back because you believe only he can make you feel better. Because it is he who made you feel so bad. (This is a common reaction in abusive relationships where the abuser has successfully stripped the abused of all self-esteem and self-confidence.)

 

The Commitment Phobe isn’t a bad person – he just simply has a phobia of being ‘trapped’, much as a claustrophobe fears confinement in small places, or a demophobe fears being in crowds. This fear is so intense that, even though he can love another very much, he feels an intense need to be ‘free’ of them. Feeling pressured for a commitment can bring a CP to the verge of panic attack. He searches for a way out in the end just as hard as he searched for a way ‘in’ in the beginning.

 

And i def feel at the end, i just went nuts. I couldn't understand it. if you felt what i felt in the beginning of his "campaign"... I had to figure it out for myself. I still love him but I can't allow myself to go through this again either.

 

Thanks you guys. there was no other girl. just him and fears.