Pregnant exGF bleeding at 21 weeks

[The_Face]

My ex and I haven't been speaking for about a week. She flipped out on me and basically told me she doesn't want me around, in so many words. How I cause her stress everytime we hang out. I think she was piling stuff up on top of one thing and working herself up, but that's just my opinion. Not even five minutes before our argument we were talking about hanging out this weekend and the next, colors for the baby's room, etc. etc. Because of one issue, she's now saying how its not healthy to be around me. Even though we've been together a couple days a week every week since we've heard the news, and most of it has been great. We go shopping for baby stuff, make dinner together, go to parenting classes, etc. etc. and because I admit to one thing that bugged her, she's hysterical.

 

To the issue at hand, finally she calls me last night. First thing she says is she's in the hospital. Said she was bleeding and she took herself right in to the hospital. Told me the doctors said she looked okay, for the most part but that they thought her uterus and placenta were seperating a bit? Tells me I don't need to bother coming down, because her mom and brother were coming to be with her. Fast forward to today, and she calls me to tell me the let her go, after monitoring her every few hours and seeing if the bleeding has stopped. She's on bedrest for the time being, maybe even the whole rest of the pregnancy, who knows. She's 21 weeks now.

 

The reason I mentioned the anger and stress she was giving off to me the last week was because it automatically came into my mind when she called me from the hospital. I remember her mom telling me "Stress causes misscarriage, you know?" basically before she ended up threatening me to never mention paternity to her daughter again. Even though that was a low bullying tactic, and I realize that, it still bugged me. I found myself wondering how things would be had I just kept my mouth shut about how I really felt about paternity, when she asked last week. Had I lied and said "I'm not worried about that anymore", maybe she would be okay. Everyone tells me I am letting her mother's words **** with my head, and I know that. I am pretty much okay now, after hearing my ex and the baby are back home and doing well. Has anyone else ever gone through anything like this? Fighting with the old lady while she's pregnant, then experience something like this? If so, did you feel responsible?

 

I am just happy she is okay. And she's taking it easy and not going to school for a while, until her OB/ midwife tells her what they think is best. So that's good. Still sucks that she pushed me out and convinced herself that I have so much wrong for her, but what can I do? Rather then try and change her mind or defend my actions, I'll let her think what she wants, to avoid the risk of stressing her out. But deep down, it hurts she would throw all this on me after I simply admitted to still feeling worried about if I was the dad sometimes. THought we were having a safe conversation where we could be honest and work through it together.

 

Thankful everything is okay,. I wouldn't be able to handle things if anything were to go wrong. I can handle the problems with the ex, working through a parenting plan and whatever else needs to happen, but that would be too much to take if something happened. As for the whole paternity thing (the curse) whether she brings it up or not, I'm going to keep my mouth shut, and downright lie if I have to. At this point, I just want the baby to be born healthy and on time, and THEN, I can pursue the topic and not have to live with this fear that I could cause something catastrophic to happen. By that point, all it will do to her is piss her off again, and that, I can deal with.

 

Ughhh,... I could really go for a beer right now!

[venusianx13]

The way I see it, despite issues you’ve mentioned, your ex is lucky to have your support. You appear to be fully on board, even despite your ex’s attempts to keep you at bay. As for her moodiness: she’s pregnant. When I was pregnant with my son (oh, and I will say that I would have been grateful if my son’s dad was as concerned as you are…) not getting what I wanted for dinner would stress me out and send me into bitch mode.

I don’t know…I can’t really offer advice, but I will say that I think you’re doing a good job preparing for parenthood.

[Wolfcub]

Yes, thats right, pregnancy itself is a great stress factor. But your GF did very wise that she got to hospital without delay when bleeding happened. Also shows that she cares for the baby. If the doctors say she will be ok, most likely its true. These things happen, should not be misregarded as they may be a sign of a serious problem on the way. But quite often they are just that - a few days in bed and everything is fine again.

[The_Face]

She got released Monday morning. I talked to her on the phone and she said they checked up on her every couple hours and ended up letting her go, ordering her to be on bedrest for an unspecified amount of time, to be determined at a future appointment.

 

Ended up talking to her again on Tuesday, where she told me she went back to the hospital on Monday night because some more bleeding had occured. Not much she said, but she still went in (which was good). The doctors did confirm there was a small bit of seperation between the uterus and placenta, but it had healed itself. The blood from Monday night, they think, was more than likely old blood that hadn't made its way out yet. But still, they pretty much told her that since this has happened once, she is now considered a high risk pregnancy as opposed to low-risk which is what we were before. She also may not be able to deliver through her midwife and have to deliver it through the hospital, to be on the safe side. They also said that she is at a higher risk for the same thing to happen again during pregnancy, though it's not certain, and that if it was to happen again it more than likely would be worse next time.

 

She texted me this morning (Wednesday) to tell me a little more bleeding had occured last night. So that's 3 nights in a row. Still, the baby's heartbeat is good and everything else seems fine. I just can't stop thinking about this. I know there is nothing I can do to help the situation but stay hopeful and be supportive to my ex. I put the drama and guilt trip aside for now, and reminded her how no matter what's going on with us, I am always here for her, in any way she needs. I am always going to be her friend. And I told her even though we are both scared, that things will be okay.

 

Scary stuff. I'll be on edge until our baby is here and in our arms. Staying positive, but very much on edge. I appreciate anyone's words of hope or wisdom for me through this rocky time in all of our lives. I know things will be okay, but I just can't fully relax just yet. I can't wait until the day I am unable to relax because the baby needs attention. That, is an exhaustion I am actually excited about. I know that is worded wierdly, but you get my point?

 

Oh and happy Wednesday to all. Thanks again for the support

[The_Face]

The way I see it, despite issues you’ve mentioned, your ex is lucky to have your support. You appear to be fully on board, even despite your ex’s attempts to keep you at bay. As for her moodiness: she’s pregnant. When I was pregnant with my son (oh, and I will say that I would have been grateful if my son’s dad was as concerned as you are…) not getting what I wanted for dinner would stress me out and send me into bitch mode.

I don’t know…I can’t really offer advice, but I will say that I think you’re doing a good job preparing for parenthood.

 

Thanks. It's nice to hear a woman's perspective. And to hear that someone would appreciate the father being concerned and all that. Even though I know my ex does appreciate me being as involved as I am, sometimes she doesn't seem like she does. Or, it seems that I do more bad than good with her. Ehh... Thanks again though.

 

(And my ex didn't exactly go into "bitch mode" about this, but there was one night where she really wanted a burger and fries from Wendy's, and they were closed. I remember offering alternatives, but she was hellbent on getting Wendy's, and she was kind of just in a funky mood for a while after that. It wasn't funny, but it kind of was.)

[pink_sugar]

Did you ever get those paternity test results? Or did I miss your answer somewhere? Anyways it sounds like she had a "partial abruption"...most placenta abruptions are partial and will not lead to a full abruption if the right steps are taken...but it is a big concern if it's a full abruption. I cannot stress how important it is she take as much bed rest as possible now. Glad she doing okay now.

[The_Face]

Did you ever get those paternity test results? Or did I miss your answer somewhere? Anyways it sounds like she had a "partial abruption"...most placenta abruptions are partial and will not lead to a full abruption if the right steps are taken...but it is a big concern if it's a full abruption. I cannot stress how important it is she take as much bed rest as possible now. Glad she doing okay now.

 

Never got the test. Place was a scam. Maybe not a scam, but not a reputable establishment, regardless. Backed out of it. Told the ex (after she flipped her **** at me for it) that she shouldn''t worry about it anymore. I just came to the realization that there will never be a time that my ex understands me for wanting a test. No matter how far along she is, and how many good times we've had together, there will never be a time where she doesn't get super emotional and freaked out about the test. For the millionth time, I told her to basically forget it. This was before she told me she didn't want to see me anymore and it wasn't healthy to be around me like we were.

 

The new gameplan, after all this craziness with the bleeding and the scare of that, is to keep my mouth shut about it to her. And if she were to ask again, this time I will just avoid the answer or lie about it. It's a loaded question no matter when or how many times she asks it. This wasn''t the route I would have preferred, but after the baby is born I'm just going to have to drop the bomb on her yet again. The baby is here, and now we can get the stupid test. Hate me if you want, but it has to happen. Why does it make sense to go through all this **** about it only to end up passing on it once it's the baby's here and a simple procedure?

 

Besides, I've realized she is going to hate me for this test no matter what I do. Whether it never came up again or not, she would still remember this period of time and always look down on me for it. What have I got to lose at that point? It's not like we're ever going to date again, at this point, and I'm already going to be a weekend father, most likely. Not like she's going to come around again and want to live with me if I never brought it up again.

 

Back to the topic though, we just got off the phone a couple minutes ago. Things are fine but she's on bedrest and likely will be for some time, and she said even if they tell her she is free to move around more again and whatnot, that she is going to be taking it super easy. As for me, now I can resume being stressed about other things. Yay.

[pink_sugar]

Sounds like that's the best idea until the baby is born given the circumstances. She may either be upset because you don't trust her, or because she isn't sure what the results will bring. So definitely get that test once the baby is born for your own piece of mind.