Crashing down

[Fade]

I've been dating this woman for 2 years. I'm 29 she is 25. I live on my own and she lives with her alcoholic parents that degrade her for their benefit. She was a depressed alcoholic in the beginning of our relationship and I helped her to slow down or limit it to once a month through positive activities. Which was the only way it would work since I am a recovering heroin addict of 4 years and still have cravings but been strong. During our relationship she seemed loving and things were great. I enjoyed loving her and I was happy for once in love with myself and her.

 

Things started to feel different when I started college to get my life going. I was working full time in the morning and going to school after work for 4 hours, 5 days a week. The transition was hard. Especially after she lost her job. I was on the path of getting my life on track from the years I lost and she was getting needy from less spent time. I did my best to give her attention. I got less and less sleep trying my best to see her. We spent mostly weekends together. She started going to bed before I would get off of school at 9:15pm mon-friday.

 

Then I got suspicious when she wanted to hang out with friends and blow me off on Saturday or Sunday. I felt stupid and controlling. Then I stopped listening to my gut and eased off. Over time this would happen once or twice a month. Sunday we had plans but she said she had cramps and it was that time of the month which sounded right knowing that time frame. She felt sick so I cancelled movie plans and dinner. Something didn't feel right how she rushed me off the phone so I drove over there at 10PM. She didn't answer her phone and I tapped on her window which she usually wakes up and nothing. So I texted her so you aren't home? I went home and get a text 45 minutes later with I'm not feeling good and asleep. Stop being a butt head I'll see you after school tomorrow if I feel better. Moving along, we decide to have a drink, her decision at her house last night. I was horny from alcohol but saw the tampon wrappers in her bathroom and backed off.

 

Well she passes out at 11:30 and me I'm used to being up till 2-3AM with schoolwork. I hear her computer running, bored I went to look at my college website for assignments. Her facebook page is already up but it's one I've never seen and chat is on with a chat message open. A guy named Bryan last typed. "I'm smiling after seeing you last night and we just met. How can that be? Are you there? Hello?"

 

My heart starts pounding in pain fast and hard. I clicked on messages and read their whole conversation. She messaged him out of the blue, looked him up. They haven't seen each other since high school. He has a girlfriend and a child. She wrote she didn't care. She said she needed a drink and wanted to have fun (on Sunday). He got flirty asked her is she is seeing someone. She said no and hasn't been with anyone or had sex for a month. He asked if she feels freaky. She replies with I've been in 3 somes, slept with a guy on my driveway last month, and sleep with 2 guys in one day all the time. He said you don't feel bad about it? Your like a player huh. She replies, come get me and find out. (Pause) We have got to a trusting point in our relationship where we stopped using protection. I got tested after my addiction and came clean because I didn't share needles. So this was just heartbreaking insanity.

 

All morning. I read more and more messages and they all started the same with her initiating an add to friends. Starts with smiley faces, flirting, lets have a drink at your place, and then guys saying "I miss you or that was an awesome night lets do it again. I seriously tallied in the course of our relationship, 33 facebook one night stands, one of them was my bestfriend that unfriended me for odd reasons which make sense now and a few other people I've seen at school. I feel so sick. I smoked a whole pack and cried. There are conversations about plan b too. Needing money because she has no job(which makes sense on why she wasn't looking). I am so mad and hurt and can't believe all of this. I woke her up to confront her. She said shut up you don't know what you are talking about. I said your facebook is on and I read all of this wtf. (crying) She woke up real quick with wtf why are you on my facebook. That's invading my privacy. You need to get the f out. She started screaming and pushing me out the door. I didn't fight back till I got clocked by her. I got extremely angry. I would never hit a woman. But I swear right there I wanted to so badly. So badly I had to walk away and grab control of what was happening so fast.

 

I could barely drive and felt stupid, so stupid and dirty. I felt like driving off the side of the road. My heroin cravings are in full effect. I can't focus on school or work. I hate her. So much. I'm going crazy. She called me and asked if I took her cigarettes. Like wtf right? I asked her how could you do this? She replied because I don't trust you. (I've never done anything untrusting.) I said why keep this from me and lie like this. She replied I didn't want to hurt you. I asked why are you like this. She replied because I'm messed up. I have a problem. I love the taste of alcohol and I hid this from you.

 

I'm stuck everyone. I can't eat or function. I feel so depressed and so nasty. Dirty and fooled so badly. I have no one to talk to. I'm so ashamed to even tell anyone I know. I'm just so sick and can't believe this. I'm don't know if someone can even relate to this degree or cheat. I need help or advice for what to do next. But I can't focus. She tried to call me earlier and I broke my phone because it's too much to handle.

[2sunny]

You have her truth - now you know to stay the hell away from this toxic gal!

 

Get to a meeting do all your step work! Do it again and again!

 

YOU can't change HER - go to al anon meetings - do step work from that perspective too!

 

 

 

It's good that you now know- choose wisely - she wasn't a healthy choice to begin with - your higher power has helped you see that!

[Fade]

I will definitely stay away. I just feel blindsided in disbelief from this defeat. I feel I haven't felt this way in a long time. Such a terrible feeling. I can only think in reverse, glancing back at times and how things make sense. 2sunny, I will never go back to my past of drugs. It's death if I ever venture that road. I'm just trying to hold myself together right now. It's crazy, how this world can get so cold and cruel so quickly.

[2sunny]

You're handing her too much power over YOUR happiness! Sound familiar?

 

And don't drink! Altered is altered = not your best...

[GorillaTheater]

Man, I'm sorry you got ahold of one of the bad ones. It sucks, and it'll hurt for a while. But soon enough, it won't anymore, you'll be kicking yourself for getting involved with her, you'll have some warning signs to look for in the next woman, and when you find a good one, you'll appreciate her that much more.

 

Hang one to your sobriety. This will pass and become a hard but valuable lesson.

[Fade]

Yeah, the hurt sucks. My heart is beating out of my chest. I just wish I had a clear head. I just feel so disgusting. My next step is get tested for STDs here soon and try to find some peace and strength in all of this madness.

[GorillaTheater]

The less contact you have with her, the faster you'll heal. "No Contact" from here on in, as in complete radio silence.

 

Oh, and I meant "hang on to your sobriety". That's more important than any person, especially this nutjob. Thank your lucky stars you didn't marry her. Marriage/infidelity forums are filled with people less lucky.