wanting more Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 But since I started here as an OW I'll put it here. So my BSO was supposed to meet with xMM BS. I don't know of they actually did or not but I know they're texting each other as last night sitting at sons football game he held his phone so I could obviously see her name show up. I didn't ask and don't plan on asking what's being said by either one but can't lie, I'm curious. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 But since I started here as an OW I'll put it here. So my BSO was supposed to meet with xMM BS. I don't know of they actually did or not but I know they're texting each other as last night sitting at sons football game he held his phone so I could obviously see her name show up. I didn't ask and don't plan on asking what's being said by either one but can't lie, I'm curious. Your husband and the BW have something in common and they are probably giving each other support. Since you were in the affair you know everything there is to know about the affair. So I am not sure why you are curious. They are simply trying to find out the truth. In other words you have all the info and all they have is bits and pieces. So there is little to be curious about. Don't worry, maybe they will fall in love and you and OM can finally be together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted October 17, 2012 Author Share Posted October 17, 2012 I'm sure she's telling him everything she has gathered from you, including your xMM's spin on the affair. I would take this as a good sign that they are in communication -- having all this knowledge about what took place over the last few years will make him less "obsessed" with you so you both can move on. You're one of a few people in really not sure how to read but I will take this ad you're saying it. A good sign. Thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted October 17, 2012 Author Share Posted October 17, 2012 Your husband and the BW have something in common and they are probably giving each other support. Since you were in the affair you know everything there is to know about the affair. So I am not sure why you are curious. They are simply trying to find out the truth. In other words you have all the info and all they have is bits and pieces. So there is little to be curious about. Don't worry, maybe they will fall in love and you and OM can finally be together. I understand the support for each other because of the situation. WOW them falling in love. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I understand the support for each other because of the situation. WOW them falling in love. As you well know, emotional closeness promotes falling in love. As of now they have an emotional connection, they have something in common. That is how most affairs start. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
beenburned Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 WM, They probably are just comparing the evidence that they both have, in order to see if you both are telling the truth about the affair. As it is very common for the OW and MM to create a fake story/lies to tell in case a d-day happens- they call it having a plan. No betrayed spouses want to even consider a reconciliation unless they have the truth of what all occurred.(because unless the WS is truly remorseful and wants to be a faithful spouse- reconciliation is pointless) D-day should be a day when all cards are laid on the table, so everyone involved can make an informed decision about what direction their life takes from there on. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 WM, They probably are just comparing the evidence that they both have, in order to see if you both are telling the truth about the affair. As it is very common for the OW and MM to create a fake story/lies to tell in case a d-day happens- they call it having a plan. No betrayed spouses want to even consider a reconciliation unless they have the truth of what all occurred.(because unless the WS is truly remorseful and wants to be a faithful spouse- reconciliation is pointless) D-day should be a day when all cards are laid on the table, so everyone involved can make an informed decision about what direction their life takes from there on. I agree for the most part. OP, I thought you said in one thread that your husband hit you? If I'm getting this wrong, just disregard my post. Anyways, I was just a bit concerned for you and you son (don't remember if you have other kids). I'm just wondering if all is fine in that sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted October 17, 2012 Author Share Posted October 17, 2012 I agree for the most part. OP, I thought you said in one thread that your husband hit you? If I'm getting this wrong, just disregard my post. Anyways, I was just a bit concerned for you and you son (don't remember if you have other kids). I'm just wondering if all is fine in that sense. You have me correct. Thank you for your concern Things have not gotten physical. Just a lot of name calling and venting on his part. I have 3 kids. FC starts next Wednesday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted October 17, 2012 Author Share Posted October 17, 2012 WM, They probably are just comparing the evidence that they both have, in order to see if you both are telling the truth about the affair. As it is very common for the OW and MM to create a fake story/lies to tell in case a d-day happens- they call it having a plan. No betrayed spouses want to even consider a reconciliation unless they have the truth of what all occurred.(because unless the WS is truly remorseful and wants to be a faithful spouse- reconciliation is pointless) D-day should be a day when all cards are laid on the table, so everyone involved can make an informed decision about what direction their life takes from there on. I guess it just threw me off a little as he was really obvious aiming the phone my way to see her name on it. I had sent her an apology with some proof of the 3 yr A that her WS had lied about and answered all BSO questions. I have no idea if xMM had admitted to everything or not. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 You have me correct. Thank you for your concern Things have not gotten physical. Just a lot of name calling and venting on his part. I have 3 kids. FC starts next Wednesday. I can understand name calling going on in the context of the affair. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I just see that as a possible reaction for some BS.s. If I may ask, was any of this going on before the affair, or has any of the name calling, hitting, happened for reasons besides the affair? I'm not saying it's right in any case, I'm just concerned that if your husband has any leaning towards name calling, hitting, as a way to get back at someone, the situation could become dangerous. Just take care of yourself and your kids. I hope everything eases up for all of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 But since I started here as an OW I'll put it here. So my BSO was supposed to meet with xMM BS. I don't know of they actually did or not but I know they're texting each other as last night sitting at sons football game he held his phone so I could obviously see her name show up. I didn't ask and don't plan on asking what's being said by either one but can't lie, I'm curious. Hi, wanting more. He's an abuser and anything he does concerns me for your safety. Your safety should be first and foremost. If I had my way (lol) you'd be out of that house! What is FC, you said in another post it starts next week. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted October 17, 2012 Author Share Posted October 17, 2012 Hi, wanting more. He's an abuser and anything he does concerns me for your safety. Your safety should be first and foremost. If I had my way (lol) you'd be out of that house! What is FC, you said in another post it starts next week. Thank you Mercy. FC. Family counseling 2 Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 (edited) he held his phone so I could obviously see her name show up. I don't know your story and can't speculate on what could have been discussed, but I wonder why he felt the need to do that. Was it a jab? Was it meant to peak your curiosity? Was it done to kinda "turn the tables"? Was he showing he has nothing to hide? I'm just thinking subjectively and I would've taken it as a passive-aggressive move. Anytime, I've pulled a move like that, it's always been a dig (even jokingly). I probably would have thought first about why he wanted me to see it. Just curious if you thought about that. Edited October 17, 2012 by skylarblue Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted October 17, 2012 Author Share Posted October 17, 2012 I don't know your story and can't speculate on what could have been discussed, but I wonder why he felt the need to do that. Was it a jab? Was it meant to peak your curiosity? Was it done to kinda "turn the tables"? Was he showing he has nothing to hide? I'm just thinking subjectively and I would've taken it as a passive-aggressive move. Anytime, I've pulled a move like that, it's always been a dig (even jokingly). I probably would have thought first about why he wanted me to see it. Just curious if you thought about that. I'm not sure if he 1. Wanted me to ask about it 2. Wants to make sure I know they're talking and sharing our (me and xMM) stories Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 It's probably a bit of everything that has been mentioned here. Some of it is sharing intel, some of it is emotional support, some of it is giving you a taste of your own medicine, and it wouldn't surprise me in the least if they decide to have sex either to restore their broken egos or to get back at you both. To be honest, it's the first thing I thought when I read your post. Right after Dday, I'm not sure there are many betrayed men that would pass up an opportunity to bed the other man's wife. To be certain, there are better men out there than that and most forget about thoughts of a revenge affair but your partner doesn't sound like one of the good guys. Sadly, none of this nonsense is going to help the children who end up losing no matter what happens and this only makes it worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 About the betrayed spouses getting together. It always struck me and exMM that our spouses would make a great couple... Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted October 17, 2012 Author Share Posted October 17, 2012 About the betrayed spouses getting together. It always struck me and exMM that our spouses would make a great couple... I don't really think our BS would make a good couple. Aside from this, they're nothing alike. But after all their texting and talking who knows???? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 But since I started here as an OW I'll put it here. So my BSO was supposed to meet with xMM BS. I don't know of they actually did or not but I know they're texting each other as last night sitting at sons football game he held his phone so I could obviously see her name show up. I didn't ask and don't plan on asking what's being said by either one but can't lie, I'm curious. I've never been married, but the once I was cheated on by a boyfriend, the "OW" contacted me, informed me about what was going on. He had lied to her too and I filled her in on my side of things and our relationship and she did the same. We decided on confronting him together, but she then decided she was going to stay with him. he whole thing was quite silly....and we were young, but I imagine in a case of BS's it's similar. Two sides of the triangle, that have been kept separate and who have not been privy to ALL details, coming together to piece together the "full picture". So I imagine there would be lots of venting, questions, checking stories and facts, maybe some bashing of you and the MM lol (sorry but this is a strong possibility) and perhaps a few laughs too. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 its funny that you're so concerned. A 2 year affair and you're wondering about him turning the phone your way??? I don't know what you two have decided as a couple but if its to stay together then you have to trust him. If he decides to **** her i wouldn't be surprised. I hope he wouldn't for the sake of salvaging your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted October 17, 2012 Author Share Posted October 17, 2012 its funny that you're so concerned. A 2 year affair and you're wondering about him turning the phone your way??? I don't know what you two have decided as a couple but if its to stay together then you have to trust him. If he decides to **** her i wouldn't be surprised. I hope he wouldn't for the sake of salvaging your relationship. It was 3 years. It was obvious he wanted me to see it, not sure why. We're not going to stay together If he decides to ***** her, Thag wouldn't bother me. I'm sure it would xMM but it is what it is Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 It was 3 years. It was obvious he wanted me to see it, not sure why. We're not going to stay together If he decides to ***** her, Thag wouldn't bother me. I'm sure it would xMM but it is what it is I suppose the two betrayed partners can end up having an affair, but I don't think that is the most likely scenario. I would think their primary interest is in getting the truth - so I would take extended contact between the two as an indication that one or both feel they do not have the complete truth. It is not just comparing whatever each WS/WP has said to them, it could be talking about suspicions, seeing what the other observed that might shed light on these, etc. I would think he wanted you to see the number to let you know that he was in contact with the BW and may get additional information on your A through that route. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted October 18, 2012 Author Share Posted October 18, 2012 I suppose the two betrayed partners can end up having an affair, but I don't think that is the most likely scenario. I would think their primary interest is in getting the truth - so I would take extended contact between the two as an indication that one or both feel they do not have the complete truth. It is not just comparing whatever each WS/WP has said to them, it could be talking about suspicions, seeing what the other observed that might shed light on these, etc. I would think he wanted you to see the number to let you know that he was in contact with the BW and may get additional information on your A through that route. Makes sense. I heard him talking to her today. I guess they're meeting up Friday. I can see where he's thinking if I know I'll open up more. But I've Answered his questions honestly. Would like to be a fly on the wall there. Her view point was always it was completely my fault and my SO found pretty detailed sexual texts from xMM, including pics he had sent me that I'm sure BW doesn't know about. Apparently my SO copied and sent himself the pics and texts so he's got them on his phone Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Makes sense. I heard him talking to her today. I guess they're meeting up Friday. I can see where he's thinking if I know I'll open up more. But I've Answered his questions honestly. Would like to be a fly on the wall there. Her view point was always it was completely my fault and my SO found pretty detailed sexual texts from xMM, including pics he had sent me that I'm sure BW doesn't know about. Apparently my SO copied and sent himself the pics and texts so he's got them on his phone You know, I think it just goes to show that your letter to the other BS was a damn good thing at the end of the day. It certainly may have gone better for you to have also confessed to your BSO but at this point at least you really have nothing to hide and nothing to fear from their hypervigilance. That has to be somewhat relieving. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted October 18, 2012 Author Share Posted October 18, 2012 You know, I think it just goes to show that your letter to the other BS was a damn good thing at the end of the day. It certainly may have gone better for you to have also confessed to your BSO but at this point at least you really have nothing to hide and nothing to fear from their hypervigilance. That has to be somewhat relieving. I've thought about that and you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I had sent her an apology with some proof of the 3 yr A that her WS had lied about and answered all BSO questions. It is very nice to see that you have a conscience. Not many OWs have the courage to apologize to the wife. That was admirable from your part. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
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