"real" ring?

[El Brujo]

My Boyfriend of a year proposed to me, and I am REALLY happy! BUT it is a fake ring. It cost him like 50.00. He knows I am not materialistic and we talked about the issue before hand. We live together and have kids, so we do not have alot of extra money for a ring right now, but wanted to get married. He wanted to wait until he could afford a real ring and I said it didnt matter. BUT now I feel like he isnt taking it serious. When we first got together he said he never wanted to get married again, but later changed his mind as he fell deeper in love with me. BUT with this ring I just feel like he isnt that serious. I dont know how to explain it. Dont tag me as being a bitch or materialistic, cause I am SO not, I could care less about the size of a diamond. But its not even a diamond!

 

I've never worked with gold or silver (they're too soft and expensive), but I made 2 rings for myself, one is stainless steel and the other is titanium. The insides of each are rounded a little, I later learned this feature is only sold on VERY expensive rings from Kay Jewelers.

 

Would I be considered a cheap slob for making a stainless or titanium ring for a woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with???

[Chocolat]

My Boyfriend of a year proposed to me, and I am REALLY happy! BUT it is a fake ring. It cost him like 50.00. He knows I am not materialistic and we talked about the issue before hand. We live together and have kids, so we do not have alot of extra money for a ring right now, but wanted to get married. He wanted to wait until he could afford a real ring and I said it didnt matter. BUT now I feel like he isnt taking it serious. When we first got together he said he never wanted to get married again, but later changed his mind as he fell deeper in love with me. BUT with this ring I just feel like he isnt that serious. I dont know how to explain it. Dont tag me as being a bitch or materialistic, cause I am SO not, I could care less about the size of a diamond. But its not even a diamond!

 

You seem really conflicted. First you say " He wanted to wait until he could afford a real ring and I said it didnt matter. " But now you're upset that it isn't a "real" ring.

 

Are you sure this is about the ring and not about the guy?

 

Also, call me old-fashioned, but it strikes me that if a woman wants the traditional down-on-one-knee-here's-a-huge-diamond thing, maybe she should wait until after she gets married to have kids with her intended!

[Shawna73]

You all can say how "materialistic" I am all you like. Thats fine. I know I am not. If I was I would not have excepted his proposal. He has no money, nor do I. We both work very hard for what we do have. My issue is that he said he did not WANT to get married and then he buys a cheap ring and proposes. Just made me feel like he "rushed" for some reason and if we happen to get into a huge argument or something it would be nothing for him to break it off. I just dont see him taking it serious. As if he put in a huge effort to finance a ring or something like that. maybe he would be more invested. who knows.

[SmileFace]

You all can say how "materialistic" I am all you like. Thats fine. I know I am not. If I was I would not have excepted his proposal. He has no money, nor do I. We both work very hard for what we do have. My issue is that he said he did not WANT to get married and then he buys a cheap ring and proposes. Just made me feel like he "rushed" for some reason and if we happen to get into a huge argument or something it would be nothing for him to break it off. I just dont see him taking it serious. As if he put in a huge effort to finance a ring or something like that. maybe he would be more invested. who knows.

I can't even structure a sentence that will give a clear understanding of how disgusted I actually am with this whole message.

[yongyong]

how much does it cost to buy raw material for gold or platinum?

Obviously you can save a lot if you know how to make rings but you still can't afford raw materials?

 

I wouldn't give her stainless ring which will embarrass her in front of her friends (women care a lot about this)

I am not saying I will spend more than I can afford so that she can brag in front her friends either.

 

I will get her something decent that she doesn't mind proudly showing it to her friends and wear in public without getting conscious about it.

 

And what about the wedding? are you going to get married in somebody's backyard or in public park?

 

 

 

 

I've never worked with gold or silver (they're too soft and expensive), but I made 2 rings for myself, one is stainless steel and the other is titanium. The insides of each are rounded a little, I later learned this feature is only sold on VERY expensive rings from Kay Jewelers.

 

Would I be considered a cheap slob for making a stainless or titanium ring for a woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with???

[carhill]

Why do you feel he would be more 'invested' in the relationship if he took on debt to finance an engagement ring? He definitely would be invested in his debt, but that can easily be discharged by walking away from it, as people often do these days. How does that dynamic translate to commitment to the relationship, for you?

 

I'll give you a scenario.... when my exW and I got married, she wanted to keep her maiden name and her own finances, having been divorced twice prior. I agreed, as such matters weren't important to me. When we were in MC and considering divorce, she made a big deal about me not putting the house I had owned for a couple decades before meeting her in her name after being married, and suggested we should have co-mingled finances. Interesting how people's minds operate.

 

My take is that you're young and, hopefully, a clear path with materialize which respects your wishes and those of your boyfriend/fiance.

 

Oh, forgot to welcome you to LS

[amaysngrace]

My parents got married with a simple gold band. My father was finally able to afford a diamond for her after sixteen years of marriage.

 

It's flawless though.

 

She never complained that she didn't have one but she wears it proudly to this day.

 

Personally I think you aren't ready to be married. I highly doubt YOUR level of commitment.

[kaylan]

You all can say how "materialistic" I am all you like. Thats fine. I know I am not. If I was I would not have excepted his proposal. He has no money, nor do I. We both work very hard for what we do have. My issue is that he said he did not WANT to get married and then he buys a cheap ring and proposes. Just made me feel like he "rushed" for some reason and if we happen to get into a huge argument or something it would be nothing for him to break it off. I just dont see him taking it serious. As if he put in a huge effort to finance a ring or something like that. maybe he would be more invested. who knows.

Lmao....neither of you have disposable income, and you have kids to raise, yet you selfishly want this guy to spend money on something material that wont make your relationship or the household for the kids better.

 

Some fiance and mom you are. Stop thinking about yourself. Most girls in your situation would be thrilled to have a good man by her side as they raise kids. Most girls I know would be happy that he proposed and had some sort of ring to give her as symbolism of his love for her. Most girls I know would understand that love, and taking care of their children, is more important than an expensive ring that is usually of depreciating value.

 

Stop being so selfish.

 

PS - I can bet money on the fact that he didnt want to get married just yet because he knows how you are about material things like the ring. If I had to postpone my marriage because my girl wanted a more expensive ring, Id dump her and find a woman who I could marry when our relationship had matured to that point. Being able to buy an expensive ring has nothing to do with reaching that point.

[threebyfate]

He has no money, nor do I.

If there's no money, where would the money for the ring come from?

 

My issue is that he said he did not WANT to get married

He told you he wanted to wait until he could afford a ring.

 

and then he buys a cheap ring

You told him this was fine prior to him buying a ring.

 

and proposes.

This is what you wanted and he delivered.

 

What kind of person wants a family unit...yes, you're a team with CHILDREN...to go into debt just for a shiny bauble? A superficial one.

[InJest]

Shawna, you are full of ****. You said you don't care about the ring, but that seems to be the only thing you're putting value on. He's there for you and your kids, and seemingly gives all he can, yet you see no value in that. You say you're struggling financially, in the first place, and now you want to him to increase the burden while trying to raise your kids? Why would it be so easy for him to leave when you've already got kids, and presumably live together?

 

You said, he wanted to wait until he could afford a nice ring for you, but you are the one who wanted to rush into the marriage. So, he was put in a very tough spot of trying to make a "materialistic, bitch", as you put it, happy. You are a **** mother for wanting to put your kids in a worse situation, so that you can sport a rock on your finger. I truly feel sorry for your kids.

 

"Dont tag me as being a bitch or materialistic, cause I am SO not,"

 

Yes. You are. Everything you have described about yourself screams materialistic and BITCH.

Edited October 18, 2012 by InJest

[Disenchantedly Yours]

It's only bad if she's bitching about it after telling him that material things don't matter to her and he took her at her word.

 

Three months salary for a ring? Being some supposed standard? If I have that much money laying around, I'd buy a Boxter instead.

 

How about buying a vacation for the two of you to enjoy together?

 

Kaylan, shame on you for "liking" this. You liked Jane's post I am guessing because you were big on the not being materialistic thing. What you think wanting a Boxter makes someone less materialistic then wanting a diamond ring ? Come on now.

[ThaWholigan]

How about buying a vacation for the two of you to enjoy together?

 

Kaylan, shame on you for "liking" this. You liked Jane's post I am guessing because you were big on the not being materialistic thing. What you think wanting a Boxter makes someone less materialistic then wanting a diamond ring ? Come on now.

He liked it because it was funny

[InJest]

What you think wanting a Boxter makes someone less materialistic then wanting a diamond ring ? Come on now.

 

I think most people's issue is that the OP states that she is not materialistic, and then goes on to judge her fiance's commitment by the ring he bought her. It's one thing to want a diamond ring. It is completely another to expect someone else to further extend their already mounting financial burden, and then judge their love for you based on that.

 

Not to mention, buy a boxster is something that someone would do for themselves, not expecting someone else to buy it for them.

 

Your post holds no water, and really just doesn't even make sense.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I think most people's issue is that the OP states that she is not materialistic, and then goes on to judge her fiance's commitment by the ring he bought her. It's one thing to want a diamond ring. It is completely another to expect someone else to further extend their already mounting financial burden, and then judge their love for you based on that.

 

Not to mention, buy a boxster is something that someone would do for themselves, not expecting someone else to buy it for them.

 

Your post holds no water.

 

No. your post holds no water.

 

You don't have to be buying something for someone else to be materialistic. It seems to me that a lot of people in this thread have something called "select materialism" , where they somehow think their "materialism" is *better* than the OPs. Which is why people are acting all high and mighty and like they aren't materialistic when every person in this thread probably has something they really like materialistically...house, car, clothes, boats, pool....whatever. So lets stop pretending that we all aren't materialistic on some level.

 

Also, I love how men love their fancy gadgets, their big screen tvs, their nice sound systems, their cars and all teh dodas that guys typically go for yet a lot of guys get all whiney and b*tchy if a woman likes jewerly or wants a ring. Totally not cool guys.

 

Lastly, I think she is more worried about his commitment to her than the actual ring. The basis of the problem is she doesn't feel like he is committed. What she needs to do is talk to him opennly and honestly.

[kaylan]

Wow DY...how you can defend OP is BEYOND me. They have KIDS and NO disposable income. So how in the world can you defend her wanting to go into debt for a damn rock?

 

We arent talking about guys wanting expensive things. Dont create a false argument here. If a guy wanting to buy unnecessary expensive things when he has kids to take care of with his wife, wed all be calling him out on it too.

[kaylan]

Also

 

 

Shes only worried about his commitment because of the value of the ring. HE SAID he wanted to wait to get her a better one. SHE SAID it didnt matter about the rings value. And now you and her wanna question his commitment when he got her a ring to show her hes ready for marriage now? Why should they wait to commit just to get her a needlessly expensive ring. Id say this guys commitment isnt in question at all in my mind.

How about buying a vacation for the two of you to enjoy together?

 

Kaylan, shame on you for "liking" this. You liked Jane's post I am guessing because you were big on the not being materialistic thing. What you think wanting a Boxter makes someone less materialistic then wanting a diamond ring ? Come on now.

You obviously couldnt see the fact that GT was joking and that I was liking a joke. Also, a car is MUCH more useful than a damn rock...especially if they are both worth the same amount of cash.

Edited October 18, 2012 by kaylan

[yongyong]

What's the percentage of Americans financing their TVs, Tivos, PS3, Couches, Computer, Cameras, Microwaves and other craps?

 

He can't buy the ring like he buys electronics and pay it later?

 

 

Wow DY...how you can defend OP is BEYOND me. They have KIDS and NO disposable income. So how in the world can you defend her wanting to go into debt for a damn rock?

 

We arent talking about guys wanting expensive things. Dont create a false argument here. If a guy wanting to buy unnecessary expensive things when he has kids to take care of with his wife, wed all be calling him out on it too.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Wow DY...how you can defend OP is BEYOND me. They have KIDS and NO disposable income. So how in the world can you defend her wanting to go into debt for a damn rock?

 

We arent talking about guys wanting expensive things. Dont create a false argument here. If a guy wanting to buy unnecessary expensive things when he has kids to take care of with his wife, wed all be calling him out on it too.

 

Umm, I never said for her to go into debt.

 

And I am not "creating a false argument" lol whatever that means.

 

I already said that I don't think this is about the ring so mcuh as her feeling insecure about his level of commitment. Please go back and read my first post to her.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

What's the percentage of Americans financing their TVs, Tivos, PS3, Couches, Computer, Cameras, Microwaves and other craps?

 

He can't buy the ring like he buys electronics and pay it later?

 

What's the percentage of American's financing their homes and cars and using credit cards to buy other luxary items? Hello fallen economy.

[InJest]

No. your post holds no water.

 

You don't have to be buying something for someone else to be materialistic. It seems to me that a lot of people in this thread have something called "select materialism" , where they somehow think their "materialism" is *better* than the OPs. Which is why people are acting all high and mighty and like they aren't materialistic when every person in this thread probably has something they really like materialistically...house, car, clothes, boats, pool....whatever. So lets stop pretending that we all aren't materialistic on some level.

 

Also, I love how men love their fancy gadgets, their big screen tvs, their nice sound systems, their cars and all teh dodas that guys typically go for yet a lot of guys get all whiney and b*tchy if a woman likes jewerly or wants a ring. Totally not cool guys.

 

Lastly, I think she is more worried about his commitment to her than the actual ring. The basis of the problem is she doesn't feel like he is committed. What she needs to do is talk to him opennly and honestly.

 

God, you are dense. There is a difference between liking/wanting nice things, and judging people by what they have/don't have. Having a nice things does not make a person materialistic. Judging people based on what they have and don't have, is materialistic. The OP is doing the latter. She is judging her fiance's commitment based on his ring. She feels like if he invested more in a ring, then he wouldn't leave her..she said that. She has not given any reason to suggest he is not committed, and has actually given evidence that he is committed to her.

[kaylan]

Umm, I never said for her to go into debt.

You dont need to outright say it. Youre defending her desire for an expensive ring that would out her into debt. Youre defending her disregard for her children because she seems to be unable to realize that her husband got her that ring so they wouldnt have to struggle with their kids. Youre defending a woman who doesnt seem to be able to realize that her man is definitely committed to her, and with the little money they had, got her a ring so he could marry her and not have to wait.

 

And I am not "creating a false argument" lol whatever that means.

Yes you did, because this isnt a discussion about men wanting expensive toys. So stick to the topic. And even if a guy wanted expensive toys, everyone here would be telling him to stop being materialistic if the toys would out him in debt and if he had kids and a wife to support.

I already said that I don't think this is about the ring so mcuh as her feeling insecure about his level of commitment. Please go back and read my first post to her.

It is about the ring. Just read her posts.

 

If shes selfishly trying to backtrack and pin this on his "lack of commitment" then she needs to see a doctor. Because nothing shes told us indicates he lacks commitment.

What's the percentage of Americans financing their TVs, Tivos, PS3, Couches, Computer, Cameras, Microwaves and other craps?

 

He can't buy the ring like he buys electronics and pay it later?

Because debt is smart when you have kids to take care of

Because monthly debt payments never cripple a families ability to make it from month to month:rolleyes:

 

Come on now bro, lettuce be cereal here.

Edited October 18, 2012 by kaylan