Ignoring vs Indifference

[angelofdarkness]

Do you think that the manner in which your ex responds says something about how he/she feels about you?

 

Ex. I am the dumpee and recently reached out to my ex. It's been several months and I was hoping for a bit of a chat. But after all this time he's kinda ignoring me more than being indifferent.

 

Indifferent= over it

Ignoring= not over it

 

Do you think if your ex still chooses to ignore you that they may still have feelings for you as opposed to acting indifferent, therefore, responding in a casual manner?

 

Is this true? I'd like to know your opinions.

[mtnbiker]

IMO

Ignoring = leave me alone

[amaysngrace]

IMO ignoring is indifference.

 

It's when you can't even be bothered to reply because you just don't care.

 

They're the same thing.

[Calico]

I think you are overthinking and overanalyzing things. Does it matter if he's indifferent or ignoring you? If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. He isn't, and that is what matters.

[Simon Phoenix]

It doesn't really matter. Point is they aren't talking to you. That's the only thing that matters currently. The reasons for that might present themselves in the future, or they might not. Until then, it's best to just focus on the action (ex not talking to you) then trying to guess the motivation for it.

[angelofdarkness]

Grrr, yeah I know what you guys mean. Basically, if he's let it go then I should too. But I'm the type of person who likes to hit the nail in the coffin. I reached out, he refused. Now I'll never bother him again.

[Svet74]

I have a guy friend who broke up with his girlfriend. 6 months later she made contact. He ignored the message telling me,, wahts the point of responding if i dont even care anymore? so he ignored. then she texted again. this time he just responded casually and that was it.

 

there really is no difference.

[witmadskilllz]

As the dumpee, and after 2 years, my ex had reached me via text and I ignored it. It's not that I still hate her or anything, I just don't care to bother texting back.

[moveONorStay]

I think ignoring completely is a sign of either being completely done and hoping that silence will send the strongest message that it's over...or, it's being unable to deal with it maturely. Depends on the nature of the break up.

 

I frankly think that ignoring someone is immature, disrespectful and not the right way to deal with it.

 

If I didn't want someone to contact me any more, I'd pick up the phone and tell the person that I don't want to see them again.

 

In the modern age we are doing these things by texts and emails which is really stupid

[angelofdarkness]

Yes, I do believe ignoring is immature. For instance, I know my ex has a new girl. She may not be his girlfriend, but this is a girl he spends a lot of time with. When I first heard about it, it stung, but now I'm okay. I'm not jealous. He's moved on. What I miss is the friendship. So the fact that he is hell bent on ignoring me makes me think that he still has a lot of unresolved issues from the break up, and then again maybe he just doesn't care. But my attitude about 'not caring' anymore means that I could be your friend. Which is what I want, but you can't force anybody to be your friend.

 

Case in point: I had a FWB guy. Sex was not a problem, we just didn't mesh personality wise. He's not my cup of tea. His communication skills are lacking so I just can't talk to him. And as a result, I'm done having sex with him, too. He calls me, but I try not to stay on the phone much. I think I should just tell him not to contact me anymore because I don't want to string him along. I don't think it's fair and I don't like hearing from him anymore. Better to be upfront than to ignore.

[amaysngrace]

Maybe to him being your friend isn't worth having conflict with his new GF.

 

It's not immature to move on. In fact I suggest you try it.

[angelofdarkness]

Guys, I caved. And although NC is the way to go, like many here who've written that one last email to their ex, I decided to just get it off my chest. Basically I treaded lightly and never said that I love him, but that he changed my life and in the short time we were together he made me very happy and there will always be a place for him in my heart.

 

He wrote back, and I thought, he'll probably tell me to leave him alone, but he just wrote, thanks for telling me that you've also changed my life. I haven't got internet connection at home, just the office. Once I get my new phone, I'll give you the number. I love you, we'll talk.

 

Maybe he just felt sorry for me because I poured my heart out in the email and he's not completely made of stone so....I feel relieved, but not all there. Like I said before, I don't want a relationship with him anymore. Even though he made me happy, he did lie to me several times, and I guess in hindsight he's a better person to know than to be in a relationship with.

 

Then he logged into MSN and I got so nervous that I logged off. I didn't answer the email. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to react. Maybe I'll give it a couple of hours and think about it. I want to keep it as casual as possible. No relationship, just friends.

 

Thanks for reading

[Svet74]

I dont think there is anything wrong with ignoring your ex or being immature. I ignore my ex nor do i even care to approach him even though i still see him around, does that make me immature? I dont think so becuase you have to do that in order to move on

[suladas]

I dont think there is anything wrong with ignoring your ex or being immature. I ignore my ex nor do i even care to approach him even though i still see him around, does that make me immature? I dont think so becuase you have to do that in order to move on

 

I don't think it's immature if they keep contacting you. But I think if you don't want to speak to them a simple text or whatever just saying that is the right thing to do. Assuming they treated you well in the relationship and BU and deserve mutual respect afterwards.

 

Just my opinion, but my ex just went with the ignore, and I lost a lot of the respect I had for her and i'm starting to resent her. It's different for me still being neighbors and still somewhat in each others lifes, but even if you will never see the person again what do you have to lose by handling the end better? I mean her kids still talk to me and knock on my door sometimes asking for help with little things. Really tough for me to still be nice to them and willing to help out after the way she handled things.... Don't get me wrong i'd never be mean to them, but I am pretty close to just ignoring them the way she's ignoring me.

Edited October 19, 2012 by suladas

[mishy]

analysing why they are ignoring is enough to send you stark raving mad

[moveONorStay]

analysing why they are ignoring is enough to send you stark raving mad

 

That's my point! It's a power struggle and they love that you cave in and contact them...they feel even more empowered when they don't respond.

[Simon Phoenix]

I think breaking up via "The Fade" is bs. My ex faded from me after I got cold feet in a bad moment of drunkeness, but since she's the sister-in-law of my best friend, she could only fade temporarily because the four of us (my ex, myself, my best friend, his wife/my ex's sister) had set up a weekend with the four of us prior to the break. Neither one of us wanted to make it awkward (my buddy and her sister paid a lot of money to come down and see us) so we both went along with it. In the interim, there was six weeks, two that I tried to get a hold of her with one cancellation of plans and three unanswered calls/texts, four of no contact and a couple days of texting before the other two came down to make arrangements which seemed to go well, she even invited me to an outing she was going to that I couldn't attend.

 

But when we actually hung out, yikes, at least the first of the two days. I figured out why she was fading -- she was definitely not in a good place. She was acted jilted/cold/annoyed/like a fool while I was calm and cool while she was making snide comments and acting put off by most things I was doing although they were no different than before. The second day she was better, but yeah, I think her fade came from the fact that she wasn't dealing with everything well, which was almost empowering, because I thought I was the only one being miserable and not only was that not true, but she couldn't even put on a good act. I'd even catch her smiling and laughing at things i'd say before she realized that and go back to her jilted act.

 

I figured I had made progress after she was normal in day two (actually hugging me and telling me "i'm sure I'll see you soon"), especially after she tagged me in a funny Facebook photo. But then the dreaded "happy birthday" text I sent her showed me that I really hadn't made much at all. I got a canned response and then nothing after a followup question. I wasn't going to allow myself to be faded again, so I haven't contacted her since (which was almost a month ago) and not sure if I will. I've never gotten a formal "no", but if she wanted to get together she knows my number and where I live. So I'm acting as if she said no, even if she didn't.

 

Back to the original point, I think it's proper to verbalize a break (which annoys me that my ex didn't), but after that, there's no problem with ignoring. I think you let the other person know verbally and then your obligation to that person is done if you want it to be. I have no idea if I'll ever get an answer from my ex (I know I'll run into her somewhere down the road) but eventually I won't care. I almost don't now.

[witmadskilllz]

I don't think it's immature if they keep contacting you. But I think if you don't want to speak to them a simple text or whatever just saying that is the right thing to do. Assuming they treated you well in the relationship and BU and deserve mutual respect afterwards.

 

Just my opinion, but my ex just went with the ignore, and I lost a lot of the respect I had for her and i'm starting to resent her. It's different for me still being neighbors and still somewhat in each others lifes, but even if you will never see the person again what do you have to lose by handling the end better? I mean her kids still talk to me and knock on my door sometimes asking for help with little things. Really tough for me to still be nice to them and willing to help out after the way she handled things.... Don't get me wrong i'd never be mean to them, but I am pretty close to just ignoring them the way she's ignoring me.

 

So is there any respect left for my ex whom dumped me for another guy and in a long term relationship for who knows how long it'll last..? I think not, because, I'll be having my chance to have fun with girls too. There's no point in reaching each other out.