MIL Drama

[CarboniteCammy]

So, I'm writing this to figure out if I'm being a grinch.

 

Christmas this year is complicated for us, because I have to work on both Monday and Wednesday, and both me and my husband have families that live well over an hour away. In my case, my family lives in another state.

 

Due to this, we're visiting his family the weekend of the 15th and my family the week of the 22nd, and then Tuesday was kind of up in the air. I was hoping to have that day dedicated to just our family, since I thought we had appeased both sets of grandparents by traveling to them individually. This in and of itself puts all the stress and burden of travel on me, the baby, and my husband.

 

Originally, we planned last Christmas that we were going to spend this Christmas with my family, but due to work changing my schedule, we had to rearrange travel plans to what they are currently with each set of grandparents having a weekend prior to the actual date of Christmas.

 

When my husband's mother recently found out that we weren't going to be out of state for Christmas, she immediately declared that we were going to her house to spend Christmas morning and then said we were all going to her mother's house for Christmas evening.

 

I protested, saying that they were already getting a weekend to celebrate the Christmas holiday with us (really all they care about is the baby), plus with me having to work on the surrounding dates, it would cause me undue stress as Christmas doesn't start until 5:oo p.m. on Tuesday night, and I have to be at work at 7:00 a.m. on Wednesday. I said that I didn't want to have to travel to that extent, as they live two hours away and a day trip means a total of four hours on the road with a three month old infant.

 

She got really, really angry and called me by the name of a certain family member who I've heard her say is a "B" and questioned my family values and said that she didn't understand why we'd want to do Christmas alone.

 

I was not rude to her at all, but only said that it wasn't her decision to make.

 

Plus, we're not "alone." We're our own family now, right?

 

Am I being a pill about this?

[Solcita2]

Where does your husband stand on this?

 

Just let it go and DON'T GO FOR XMAS, if you two both made up your mined and are ok with it, that's her problem and period.

 

Hope it gets better

[CarboniteCammy]

Well, unfortunately my husband took her side. He gets the day before and after Christmas off, so it doesn't affect him as it does me and so I guess my MIL gets her way.

 

The thing is, my MIL doesn't really like me. She's made that pretty clear through snide comments that I choose to over look. The only reason she wants me there is to save face with the rest of her family.

 

She's a bit of a bully when it comes right down to it, unfortunately.

[pink_sugar]

No, usually once kids start to have their own families, usually they begin a holiday tradition at their own home. They should be coming to you now if they really want to see you both and not expecting you to travel with an infant.

 

I would have a serious talk with your husband. It's one thing to have a crappy MIL and it all goes downhill when your husband sides with her.

[VeveCakes]

^^ This. They should be coming to you. No way would I sacrifice my free time on Christmas to hit the road with a baby.

[2sure]

Ask your husband where he spend Christmas morning as a child. It was with his parents at their home. Your MIL probably packed up the kids later in the afternoon to visit grandparents if they didnt live too far away.

 

Most of us do something similar when our children are born and growing up. These days , it certainly is more difficult because families often no longer live close to each other.

 

Visit your parents on the 22nd to the 23rd since they are further and require you to overnight.

 

Then invite your In Laws to your home for Xmas Brunch.

 

If that is not possible , be gracious and tell your H going to MILs in the afternoon but going to your MILs Mothers house...is well, her obligation - yours has been more than fulfilled.

 

Your H will want to do all this running around and driving for days with a baby exactly once.

[CarboniteCammy]

yeah, I agree with you all, but it's just not worth fighting over. either she gets her way, or she'll tell everyone about how I ruined her Christmas. it's just how she operates.

 

I'm going to talk with my husband about this tonight in more depth, but I'm pretty sure this is a lost cause.

 

When I suggested that they come to us, she was indignant and said, "Do you really expect for great grandma to travel to see you??? my sister travels from (insert distant state here) to see her husband's parents and THEN they travel all the way HERE to spend xmas with us!"

 

At that point, I just gave up the argument. It was pretty clear to me at that point that she was NOT going to be cool about this and that she was going to pull out all the stops necessary to argue her way into getting what she wants. Great grandma *does* get to see the baby on the weekend of the 15 and we *are* going to travel to her.

 

My husband really wants to see his extended family on Christmas, because it's what he's always done since he was a kid. There's really no compromising in this situation. If I don't go, I'll have an awful lot of people angry at me and thinking I'm a jerk.

 

Ah well. Thanks for your input!!! At least I know I wasn't being a freak of nature for suggesting that they come to us. That makes me feel a bit better, anyway.