Affair

[Denver22]

ok so I need to let this out somehow...

I've had an affair with a coworker. It lasted 4 months and it's over now since 5 months ago. Everything went ok, until I noticed I was and still am in love with this girl. She's in a relationship. I'm married and have a kid with my wife.

 

The relationship with my wife was not going well. we separated and during that separation period I started the affair with my coworker.

 

The relationship with my coworker was great, we used to talk a lot about everything, especially about out problems with our partners. The sex was great, it even got to the point that she started to want to be with me more than she wanted to be with her boyfriend. So at that time things started to get out of hand for her, obviously she noticed that I had started to have feelings for her. It went on for another month or so until a relative of her boyfriend saw us walking down the street hugging each other. Her boyfriend starts to suspect of her and we had to stop seeing each other.

 

So that was like 5 months ago. The reason why I'm here writing about it is because I feel in love with her and can't go through the "falling out of love" process, which would involve not having any sort of contact with that person. I see her everyday at work, and it's hard for me to fall out of love when I see her everyday.

 

I know that I have to stop thinking about her, but I can't. We've become real good friends and she's the only person I can have true conversations with. I talk to her more than I talk to my wife.

 

I want to keep her as a friend but I know that it's not possible.

 

What should I do?

[Spark1111]

Decide who you want to be with and make a choice.

 

Either you and your co-worker come out from the shadows and be a couple and let your wife go to find a man who loves and cherishes her.

 

If you stay with your wife, you need to tell her the truth about your affair.

 

In that situation, you cannot be friends with your former AP. It's impossible to have any objectivity. You would have to go completely no contact with her, maybe even change jobs.

 

You will never be happily married while you have more fun, conversation and sex "with a friend."

[Denver22]

a relationship with my coworker is absolutely impossible. she loves her BF very much.

[RickFox]

a relationship with my coworker is absolutely impossible. she loves her BF very much.

 

She loves him so much, she spent all that time with you and all the sex wasn't real right? Yeah, she loves herself more and the comfort of familiarity.

 

You know what to do, so do it.

[Sauron]

I have a wife and a GF and we manage just fine. Maybe you should just appreciate that you had a great thing while it lasted and a fun lover that got you, and now it's time to go back and focus on your wife. Plus you need to man up and take care of your child. Of course maybe your GF will decide she liked you and want to reconnect, or maybe her BF will drop out of the picture, you never know what the future may bring. You have lots of options, but stop thinking with an all or nothing mentality. By the way, you will probably get alots of advice about confessing your affair and coming clean, blah, blah, called a cheater and liar if you don't, you can do that, but I would keep my mouth shut if I was you and see how things play out keep your options open.

[Denver22]

She loves him so much, she spent all that time with you and all the sex wasn't real right? Yeah, she loves herself more and the comfort of familiarity.

 

You know what to do, so do it.

 

I guess you would call this a "sex-only-relationship"; we both we're looking for a good time and nothing more, no commitments.

 

I have a wife and a GF and we manage just fine. Maybe you should just appreciate that you had a great thing while it lasted and a fun lover that got you, and now it's time to go back and focus on your wife. Plus you need to man up and take care of your child. Of course maybe your GF will decide she liked you and want to reconnect, or maybe her BF will drop out of the picture, you never know what the future may bring. You have lots of options, but stop thinking with an all or nothing mentality. By the way, you will probably get alots of advice about confessing your affair and coming clean, blah, blah, called a cheater and liar if you don't, you can do that, but I would keep my mouth shut if I was you and see how things play out keep your options open.

 

I'm trying to do that, and I appreciate all the things we've done together and the sweet memories will be with me forever...and we had fun while it lasted...when it was finally over, we both agreed that it was "good" to have met each other...

 

 

so right now I'm focusing on my child.

[beenburned]

Are you and your wife still separated?

 

What caused that if your affair started after the separation?

[Denver22]

Are you and your wife still separated?

 

What caused that if your affair started after the separation?

 

 

not separated now.

 

after the affair was over, we decided to get married.

 

we split for a while because it was like living in hell for me...coming home from work, pick up my kid from grandma's house, cook dinner, clean up the kitchen,

and all this for what? I thought all that effort was useless because she came home, went straight to bed...no family dinner. no time together.

[woinlove]

not separated now.

 

after the affair was over, we decided to get married.

 

we split for a while because it was like living in hell for me...coming home from work, pick up my kid from grandma's house, cook dinner, clean up the kitchen,

and all this for what? I thought all that effort was useless because she came home, went straight to bed...no family dinner. no time together.

 

Why did you decide to get married? It doesn't sound like you got along well before marriage, and you were in love with another woman. What you describe on your other threads, sounds like you still don't get along. It seems like a strange decision you made to marry at that time. Was there a reason for doing this rather than staying separated and working out a formal co-parenting agreement?

[TigerCub]

Why did you decide to get married? It doesn't sound like you got along well before marriage, and you were in love with another woman. What you describe on your other threads, sounds like you still don't get along. It seems like a strange decision you made to marry at that time. Was there a reason for doing this rather than staying separated and working out a formal co-parenting agreement?

 

Very excellent question!!

Exactly what I was wondering as well.

[2sunny]

not separated now.

 

after the affair was over, we decided to get married.

 

we split for a while because it was like living in hell for me...coming home from work, pick up my kid from grandma's house, cook dinner, clean up the kitchen,

and all this for what? I thought all that effort was useless because she came home, went straight to bed...no family dinner. no time together.

 

Has TJIS routine changed?

[stillafool]

not separated now.

 

after the affair was over, we decided to get married.

 

we split for a while because it was like living in hell for me...coming home from work, pick up my kid from grandma's house, cook dinner, clean up the kitchen,

and all this for what? I thought all that effort was useless because she came home, went straight to bed...no family dinner. no time together.

 

Why on earth would you marry a woman you can't stand to be around? Wouldn't it be better to stay single and bang coworkers or whomever else you want to be with? Amazing.

[Denver22]

Why did you decide to get married? It doesn't sound like you got along well before marriage, and you were in love with another woman. What you describe on your other threads, sounds like you still don't get along. It seems like a strange decision you made to marry at that time. Was there a reason for doing this rather than staying separated and working out a formal co-parenting agreement?

 

 

well this is kind of strange....

when the affair was over, I started to try and fix the relationship with my wife, and things started to turn out well. my wife then gave me an ultimatum. she said that I had until December 31st to decide what I wanted to do with her. and that the only way out was getting married. I agreed to this crazy idea.

she later changed the dated to july, and we got married in july.

 

I think the only reason I decided to go back with her and get married was my kid. I love my kid so much and would love for him to grow up with a loving/caring father (something I missed so much in my childhood, I wouldn't want him to go through the same situation as I did).

 

I also thought that marriage was something really important to her, I thought it was what she needed, that acknowledgement she demanded from me.

 

I just can't stress how important that little kid is to me.

[mass millz]

If your kid is so important to you and you want him to have a good life....Then stop cheating on his mother! Or do them both a favor and just leave. Your not a bad parent if you don't live with your kid. The way you are feeling/living is not beneficial to any child and or family. Sometime it's best to live with one parent then two under the same roof. You already broke it off with the AP and she seems to be in love with her BF and was just using you to get something out of her system.... Get over her, she don't want you. Leave your wife if she's so miserable and find someone who will take care of your needs. Your son will appreciate that more then you sleeping around behind his mothers back.

[waterwoman]

as I did).

 

I also thought that marriage was something really important to her, I thought it was what she needed, that acknowledgement she demanded from me.

 

It probably was. But the way you are, it was a waste of time and a lie wasn't it? H's OW married her partner summer 2011 - 6 m before she confided in H how unhappy she was and had been even before they married. And then started an affair with my h...to make herself feel better and possible lever herself out of the situation she had got herself into

 

Why do people f*ck around with each other's lives so badly?

[nofool4u]

What should I do?

 

Come clean with your wife. That will do a few things. It will either help smack some sense into you when your spouse holds your feet to the fire and you risk losing your family, or it will simply help your wife make a decision on how her life is to proceed from this point on.

 

My main concern is with your wife being married to someone that is in love with someone else. That shouldn't be her problem. So tell her so she can decide for herself on how to proceed with her life rather than you making the decision for her.

 

Who knows, maybe she will file for divorce, kick you out, then you can pursue this woman who happens to be cheating on someone else. Then she can be all yours until she gets bored with you too.