for Forever

[Bobbie]

I have to start with the one in the mirror & not happy with what I see.

 

honey, be easy on yourself.

We can't help who we love/ who loves us.

You haven't damaged MM's marriage or taken him away from his kids. Or your own family.

You've kept everyone happy.

 

I know it's not ideal, but it's life. Messy. Unpredictable. Real.

 

Would you like yourself any more if you'd denied your feelings with this guy?

I doubt it, I've met plenty of 'devoted' wives and husbands whose resentment turns to loathing and damages everyone around them.

 

Not everyone gets the fairytale romance and happy ending which we are taught to believe in; life happens, people make the wrong choices, life isn't perfect, people aren't perfect.

 

Now you're at different lifestages it's a good idea to re-examine your life and your options and decide what you want next for your life.

 

Good luck.

 

I certainly don't judge you, you had the courage of your convictions where mine let me down!

[Danielle73]

I will tell you.....i am not about to bash anyone as I am in the same boat. I fell in love with a married man that works in my office. But better yet, his wife works there as well and her family owns the company. Yes, I must be a glutton for punishment. Plus, she found out about us.

 

We did not intend for this relationship to go where it did. we began as friends, but when you belong together you just do what you have to. When everything is right yo make sacrifices. I fell in love, so sue me!

 

No one should judge another until they have walked a mile in their shoes.

 

It's difficult and heartbreaking ... but it's my choice.

[whichwayisup]

Really well put I must say. I know also what you both mean. Shouldn't judge people and their situations, generalize or criticize others until you know all the details.

I do believe that people come in our lives for various reasons. Some may stay and some may go. All in all it could be karma or fate that brings someone else into our love lives, especially when you aren't looking for it and already in a relationship.

I do love my partner, more than life itself. I would never cheat on him. We allow ourselves our own time and own friends as well as including friends together. Any male friend I do meet I always introduce him to my hubby. We are secure enough to not get jealous and to tell you the truth sometimes it's easier being friends with a guy then it is a guy.

 

I have an online guy friend. He is means the world to me and I have a really special place for him in my heart. I know we met because we were supposed to meet. Neither of us were looking for anything, we were on a support site and in a group chatroom. When we were all chatting away, I felt something from him right away. It was weeks later when we happened to run into eachother in the chatroom and I instantly felt something as we were talking again. I had to acknowlege what I felt because it was really intense and strong. He felt it too. We talked about it alot, realized that nothing ever will happen, but did admit that if we had met years ago when we were both free and single we would be together in a heartbeat.

For afew weeks we kept in touch almost everyday, sending emails and really talking about our lives, problems, past history and stuff. Eventually we both realized that we have a really nice friendship. Nothing more nothing less. I do care about him alot. And yes, being a woman I sometimes get abit emotionally attached more than I should, but I do wear my heart on my sleeve with EVERYONE.

He feels the same way but doesn't put it into words as I do, hehe, but that's just typical male stuff.

 

I guess Im rambling too much here. Will write another time, gotta to go now.

 

WWIU

[Forever]

Thank you for the understanding - I feel so alone in this - that is why this forum has been so helpful to me the last few days. Like I said I am trying to do what is right. Over the years I have broke off the contact & always went back - some excuse that made me feel sorry - we are close friends but I have waited in the shadows thinking one day we would be together.

 

I have read so many story's here that tell how the MM is only lying to get what he wants from me. Sure I feel this way when we are not together. He tells me that they have not been together in months & they are only staying in relationship for the children. We both agree that we can only have the left over time to spend together.

 

I sometimes feel like I have been such a fool - Maybe all the excuses are lies - and everything he has told me is only to get one thing. Hurts so bad when I really think about how I have allowed him to use me all these years.

 

I have been trying to look this situation head on & think about what would have to happen & what would happen if we decided to separate & divorce our spouses & make a life with each other. He has told me if he lost the relationship with his children then he doesn't think he would be any good for anyone.

 

I am afraid he would not be strong enough to make it through the break up - I sometimes wonder if he is just waiting for me to make a move & I am defiantly waiting for his move. I have feared that I would leave my husband & then he would really have a convenient situation.

 

Right now I am going through such hurt & anger - what led us to our current break it off was I for the first time in all these years ran into his wife face to face. She had no idea who I was but it has done something to me! She was supposed to be away w/ kids for a couple days on mini vacation. However, I saw her around & no kids - they must have had an evening together & I caught him lying to me - No need to lie I think we know where each other stand in our relationship. But I really was hurt & didn't find her looking like an unhappy woman. My mind went crazy thinking of him with her & lying to me - makes me sick -

 

I blew off to him & pleaded with him to help us end this madness - that I was married to a good man & I have been wasting my life for him - that I had a lot of making up to do with my husband & if he won't take my Love then I will stop giving it.

 

This time I don't think I can get over the guilt & pain - anger & depression I am going through. I wished I could turn it off & never go back to an intimate relationship with him again. He knows how much I adore him & that I would have treated him like a king -

 

I don't know if I should let my husband go & let him make a life with someone that would be true to him & forget any relationships - do I really deserve my husband since I have been such a fool over this lover.

 

Where do I go from here?

[whichwayisup]

Hey. Just read your reply here. OK, first off, try to let go of the anger. Do a pro/con list, good qualities, what you are getting out of this relationship with him. Then do the bad, what p*sses you off, what he doesn't do, how sometimes you feel awful etc...

I always think that when the bad outweighs the good most of the time, it's time to think about changing things or getting out, depending on the situation.

 

You seem to have alot of understanding and patience, but how much can one take? I don't think he's outright lying lying, but telling you what you wanna hear sometimes and leaves out that 'what she doesn't know won't hurt her' kind of thing.

 

I've not been in that situation but I feel for what you're going through. Too many on here will try and make you feel awful for what you are doing, so don't let them Okay?

 

Think about maybe seeing a therapist or something to help you through this too?? Just a suggestion. It may help you decide what and who you want. Maybe a vacation by yourself or with a girlfriend to clear your head abit. Don't make any harsh decisions without really thinking it through because either way its gonna be tough one.

He still loves her no matter what, just like you still love your husband. Don't allow yourself to go there in a sense of their intimacy if they still do that. Just going to upset you and make you feel bad.

 

Hope you're doing okay, reply soon.

 

WWIU

[Forever]

Doing good & thanks - appreciate the advise. Works better to find positive way out rather than waste on the neg. Trying to move on & not think about anything but what is happening now & its not being around him.

 

thanks will check later & let you know

[whichwayisup]

You are right, stay positive. Negative thoughts will just take over and then, yes us being women, we over analyze, over react and internalize...Then we don't feel good blahblahblah...You know what I mean.

Take it easy.

 

WWIU

[Forever]

I have made it for some time now without contact with MM. I went from un-relenting pain with in myself to coping day by day. I have sunk a lot of Love into my husband & so badly do not want to hurt this man.

 

But, I am afraid soon MM will be contacting me & as I sit here now I am strong & can think I will be able to go the next step & say its really over. Can I be Strong when the time comes?

 

Is it possible to just have a friendship no sex - Since seeing his wife face to face - I have sick feelings about being with him sexually anymore. I feel he has lied to me about their relationship and I don't want to share or be shared anymore.

 

Should I cut off completely or try to remain friends & cut out the adultery part of our lives. I need to take care of myself but do we just end it or try to carefully back off to a decent friendship that has been a big part of our relationship for years.