Do I Make a Move? (Answer ASAP!)

[kesto]

Alright...

 

I'm going to a movie with a girl from a summer community college class tomorrow night. I'm 75% sure this is a date ... I've only known her a couple weeks, and I think I made it clear I had some extra intentions when I asked her, but I've been wrong on this before. (Girls think I'm just trying to be friends, awkward, etc.) I don't have a lot of dating experience, and I'm generally kind of shy. In fact, I've not yet kissed a girl at 18.

 

So I have a couple questions. If you can help me out before tomorrow night I'd be super grateful!

 

How can I tell if this is, in fact, a date, and whether she is interested in taking this to another level? Should I make a move on her physically? Do I wait for her to do that? How can I do that tactfully?

 

Thanks for your time in advance. Gah, I'm freaking out!

[nvroadkill]

Whatever you do.. DON'T pack your back pack full of goodies to save money at the concession stand!

 

Make sure you get plenty of napkins in case SHE orders extra butter on the popcorn.

 

End of night.... if she hasn't shown signs of affection... wiping the butter running down your chin... UNLOCKING the door from the inside of the car (after the movie and post coffee house) to let you in since you opened the door for her each and everytime you entered one.... holding your hand as you walk out of the theater.. then BACK off... give her a friendly hug/"SLIGHT" kiss on the cheek and tell her... if you still have the hots for her that you had a good time.. like to do it again... would it be okay if I called you after the weekend and make plans for next week.... that'll give you time to contemplate your date/feelings for her... OR maybe she'll lay one slow long kiss on you and you'll end up spending the weekend together!

 

Hope that helps

[foxxyy1313]

Okey... first off, how did you ask her? Sometimes the lines can be a little blurry for us girls too. If a guy asks me by saying, "hey, there is this cool movie I want to see this Thurs, you wanna come?" I would consider that a 'just friends' kinda thing. But, if the question was more like, "would you like to go out Friday night to see such and such movie", then I would consider that more of a date.

 

Also, I know in this day and age hardly any guys go pick up a girl for a date anymore, but if you told her that you were planning on picking her up, then it would be more like a date compared to if you guys were just meeting there seperately.

 

I guess I need to have a little more info. How did you ask her? How are you guys meeting? Are you guys planning to have dinner too? Are you paying? What kinda movie are you going to see?

 

As for seeing if you should make a move on her.. I would try to pick up any body language or things she might say that would give you the impression that she wants this to be a date. Leaning close to you while watching the movie... or even putting her hand and arm on the arm rest between you. If she has her arm on the rest for most of the time, she probably wants you to hold her hand. If she is sitting with her hands in her lap and her legs crossed away from you, then she probably wants you to sit in your own seat and stay away.

 

Give me more info!

[foxxyy1313]

Okey... first off, how did you ask her? Sometimes the lines can be a little blurry for us girls too. If a guy asks me by saying, "hey, there is this cool movie I want to see this Thurs, you wanna come?" I would consider that a 'just friends' kinda thing. But, if the question was more like, "would you like to go out Friday night to see such and such movie", then I would consider that more of a date.

 

Also, I know in this day and age hardly any guys go pick up a girl for a date anymore, but if you told her that you were planning on picking her up, then it would be more like a date compared to if you guys were just meeting there separately.

 

I guess I need to have a little more info. How did you ask her? How are you guys meeting? Are you guys planning to have dinner too? Are you paying? What kinda movie are you going to see?

 

As for seeing if you should make a move on her.. I would try to pick up any body language or things she might say that would give you the impression that she wants this to be a date. Leaning close to you while watching the movie... or even putting her hand and arm on the arm rest between you. If she has her arm on the rest for most of the time, she probably wants you to hold her hand. If she is sitting with her hands in her lap and her legs crossed away from you, then she probably wants you to sit in your own seat and stay away.

 

Give me more info!

[kesto]

Thanks for these responses! The body language stuff especially, I'm so bad at reading that.

foxxyy, I basically asked her after one of our classes, kind of like, "So, what are you doing this weekend? Not much? Would you like to catch a movie or something tomorrow night?" and she said sure. We're seeing The Village..I figure, creepy flick, could be good. We'll probably get dinner first.

[xeon124]

The biggest thing is if she touches you often, or looks at you often when you two aren't talking... these are sure signs that she is interested. Just be gentle and be slow, and flirt back for God's sake. Open the door and while she is walking through, touch the small or her back or her shoulder. If you are watching the movie and she leans toward you, put your arm around her, or hold her hand... you HAVE to let her know through your body language that you are internested also. Else she might get the idea that you aren't interested in her.

 

Good luck. I'm rooting for you get get your kiss soon.

[HoldOn]

Make sure to show that YOU are interested too. Most girls wait for guys to make the first move. So be a man and act interested! Also, pay for her...

[jmargel]

When you first see her, stick out your tongue and lick your lips in the most obnoxious way possible. It really turns them on. Then mention how she is now 'yours' for life and you possess her soul. Before the movie I would demand that she pay, telling her it's against your religion to have to pay for anything. That the woman needs to provide for 'her' man. Also mention how you think women in society today have lost their nuturing touch, and how you wish they acted like they use to in the 1950s.

 

If she buys (at least she should) the popcorn, you can give her a few kernels. You don't want her to go hungry, but mention to her that you like your women 'slim', and that you dont' want her getting fat. She'll appeciate your concern. Tell her, you say these things because you love her, and that you want your love child to have a healthy mom.

 

At the end of the date, kinda slip in the fact that you used your own car & gas for this adventure and to ask her if she feels special that you spent the money for gas out of your own pocket. I mean.. you know gas is like, what.. $2.00 a gallon now?

 

Before you drop her off, try to get as much 'feel' as possible. I mean you paid for the gas, right? That's the least she can do for you. Also when you kiss her lick her on her face like a dog. Women like that. They won't admit it, but it's a turn-on to them.

 

I would wait at least a week though before demanding marriage. You don't want to seem too over-bearing.

 

Also if she is wealthy, make sure she starts signing things over in your name. You don't want to get screwed out of this deal.

[HoldOn]

jmargel, LOL

[foxxyy1313]

Yeah, the way you asked her definitely sounds like a date. I think you'll be fine. Just keep your eyes out for the body language and don't be afraid to make the first move.... but don't be too aggressive. Definitely watch out for the arm on the arm rest.. and if she leaves it there. Thats what I do to let a guy know that im interested in having him hold my hand. Also, if you are trying to feel out whether or not this is still a date or not, make sure you buy the tickets. Listen for how she responds. If she says thanks, well then she knows that you think its a date and she is ok with that too. If she says, hey, you don't need to pay for me... etc, then she probably is giving you a hint that your crossing over the friends boundary.

 

Anyway, good luck tonight! Im sure that you guys will have a good time and use the fact that your going to see a scary movie to your advantage. When she jumps or screams at the scary parts, you can look over at her and give her a comforting smile, or grab her hand (just for a second).

 

Relax and just have fun Oh, and let us all know how it went!!!

[kesto]

Well...it went kind of good and kind of bad.

 

We got dinner first, then saw the movie. We were talking a lot, and both really comfortable, and she didn't mind too much that I paid for both tickets, so I thought things were going good. But during the movie, she was kind of sunken in her chair, with her arms crossed (she said she was cold, and unfortunately I had no jacket to give her), and as we drove back to her house she said she felt a bit tired. She did definitely want to go out again, probably next week or so, and we left in good spirits.

 

So maybe she just wants to be friends? It could be. But I'm not totally sure. When we said goodbye, she kind of hesitated, but before I could think about it more I'd already left. Maybe she wanted me to stay?

 

I'm not sure because sometimes I think I'm unconsciously driving girls off. I have a really casual manner about me, and I'm kind of talkative and quick to joke in conversation (though somehow I'm still too shy to really make a move on a girl.) And sometimes, I'll come to a premature conclusion that girls aren't interested, and try to play it off. So it'll look like I just want to be friends, and I'm not interested in anything more, and maybe my body language shows that. I can be really private, and I've never been in a serious relationship, so maybe I'm a bit nervous about it.

 

I don't know if there's really a point to all this self-analyzing. But it seems like every time I try to find a girl, whether for a relationship or just looking to hook up, the same thing happens; we make friends, I see her a few times and we slowly drift apart. It must be something I'm doing.

 

This was really long. Do you guys have any ideas? I will be seeing this girl again, so if I can figure this out in the next week maybe I can salvage something good out of this. Your advice has been really helpful so far, and I appreciate everything!

[foxxyy1313]

HI! Well, that doesn't sound so bad! Movie theaters are ALWAYS cold. From this you can for sure know that you should have a sweater next time As for the fact that she said she wanted to go out again, thats great. That means that she at least had a decent time and didn't get scared off. What exactly did she say when you bought the tickets???

 

As for all your self analyzing... its perfectly normal. Im sure she is doing the same thing right now. But... what I wanted you to notice was how you said that maybe you come to a premature conclusion that they don't like you, then you play it off, then your BODY language changes. Maybe some of these possible relationships are ended because THEY think that you are no longer interested when in fact you are, but are afraid that they aren't. Don't shoot yourself in the foot and let your mind get the best of you. Be confident... you seem like a really nice intelligent young man and you shouldn't put yourself down and convince yourself that its over before it really even began.

 

Try working on your confidence a little and give yourself a little credit. She said yes to you for tonight.. which means she had some kinda interest... then she said yes to another date, so that means that things are going well. Take things slow and feel each other out and if your not sure if she's feeling you then ask. We aren't the big mystery that all men think we are. Sometimes a little heart to heart isn't as bad as it may seem. I mean don't get all mushy and philosophical, but keep it sweet. Tell her you had a nice time and enjoyed her company and that you'd like to see if this will go somewhere.

 

But if you get anything out of this letter let it be that you need to believe in your self and be confident. Make her see how much of a great guy you are by believing it yourself.

 

Lemme know what you think.

[HoldOn]

Hello??!! She said yes to a second date = she likes you = KISS HER.

[jmargel]

See, ya didn't follow my suggestions.. If you let a chick pay your way, then she has an 'investment' in you, and will less likely give you up. She doesn't want to lose what she put into you.

 

Next time you see her, lick her face like I suggested, and try to stick your tongue in her mouth while making grunting noises. That'll get her attached to you pretty fast.

[manofmystrey]

jmargel

 

dude that is some funny stuff.

[manofmystrey]

kesto

 

Ur date did not seem that bad bro. But just remember one thing......

 

if u dont take the leap and make the move u wont really know what she thinks.

 

And do this after the next date give her a kiss and she will know it is coming and if she gives the cheek it means that she is a friends but if she puckers up take the kiss and u know u are in.

 

Just take the chance and worst case she says sorry i dont see u that way.

 

What u lose nothing.

[Yikes]

This time last year, I ended my 17 year marriage (insert long and painfull story here) and am now faced with attempting to figure out how I let someone close again. Kesto's 18, and I'm 41 and boy, I understand where he's coming from. This thread is certainly a refresher course for me. I had sort of made up my mind that I wanted to wait a year to get settled, to focus on my kids and straighten out my head as best I could. My year is up, I guess I better figure out if I can do this. Interesting comments none the less.

 

jmargel: Hillarious... I had such a good belly laugh sitting on my deck reading your posts. (my neighbours now think I'm nutts by the way, so thanks) Not enough humour in the world these days!! Your sense of humour reminds me of my buddy's... off the wall goofy. Keep up the good work soldier.

[lisamarisa]

Hi: I’m separated from husband ready to sign the divorce paper. I went you with this guy who I really liked a lot. This is unusual for me. I’m always very picky. We have only gone out once, but have talked on the phone for hours.

 

Well, to make the story short, we went out once, and he thought that I’m very attractive and complemented me on everything I had on, including my perfume. He called me next morning and we have talked maybe every other day after that, but he doesn’t tell me anything I don’t know, like "I like you."

 

This mystery is killing me. For some reason I find myself thinking about him all the time. But, of course, I have to play the game and not to call him. This is the guy that so far has all the qualities I was looking for.

 

What should I do? Should I wait for him to call? I hate this feeling. I feel like a teenager. I’m 30 and he is 33

 

What should I do?

 

Lisa

[Yikes]

If he called you the next morning and every other day since. Uh... yea, I would say it's a safe bet that he likes you.

 

Relax and take a deep breath. Is he coming out of a bad relationship?

[moimeme]

Kesto

 

If you're still reading, she might be shy and she may well have wanted to see what sort of guy you were before letting you get close. Good on you for not kissing her or anything else. Body language is key! If she lets you into her 'personal space' http://www.geocities.com/thesciencefiles/personal/space.html then you can, slowly, test her reactions. If your arms touch on the armrest and she doesn't move quickly away, then you can go for a hand. If, on the other hand, she keeps her distance and avoids touching you, you're not in the clear yet.

 

Also, when you're talking at dinner, watch for where she's looking. If she looks into your eyes, she's comfortable with you. If she looks anywhere but, she's still feeling iffy. I think it's a very good sign that she wanted to go out with you again (which, I assume, has happened by now) - it means you passed the first test - you didn't grope her on the first date

 

As for Lisa, cool your jets. People don't tell each other they like each other right off the bat. You're supposed to figure it out by how they act towards you. Too, you cannot possibly know that somebody has all the qualities you're looking for after one meeting. That takes months to know - and to find out which things you don't want that he also is. I'm glad you said 'so far' but don't be tempted to think that he's perfection just yet.

[She's Come Undone]

jmargel, I could use a good face-lickin' right now!! I'm feeling dirrty!

[amerikajin]

Before I begin analyzing the date, here's a tip: movies aren't a good idea for a first date. They don't really give you a chance to talk and a lot of the time the girl (or you) ends up getting sleepy. Worse, she may not like the movie you chose, and while that's ordinarily a misdemeanor offense in a healthy relationship, it could be a bigger problem when you're still trying to make a good first impression on her.

 

Now, about the prognosis...

 

We got dinner first, then saw the movie. We were talking a lot, and both really comfortable, and she didn't mind too much that I paid for both tickets, so I thought things were going good. But during the movie, she was kind of sunken in her chair, with her arms crossed (she said she was cold, and unfortunately I had no jacket to give her), and as we drove back to her house she said she felt a bit tired. She did definitely want to go out again, probably next week or so, and we left in good spirits.

 

Let me give you a tip: what a girl says to you at the end of a date doesn't mean that much. You'll never get rejected right there on the spot, so it's not like you really know whether she's up for it or not. The only way you would know that by now is if you would have gone for the kiss, which you didn't do. If you go for the kiss and strike out, then you know where you stand.

 

Now, having said that, you may still have a chance. You may still be able to get another opportunity to go for the gusto, but for now, you're no more than friends. She's also probably a little confused because on the one hand, you paid for the date, while on the other you didn't give her a smoochie. She's probably not sure what to think.

 

Dude, when you go for it, go for it. No half-steppin. Either go for it or don't make a move, but never reverse course.

 

I'm not sure because sometimes I think I'm unconsciously driving girls off. I have a really casual manner about me, and I'm kind of talkative and quick to joke in conversation (though somehow I'm still too shy to really make a move on a girl.) And sometimes, I'll come to a premature conclusion that girls aren't interested, and try to play it off. So it'll look like I just want to be friends, and I'm not interested in anything more, and maybe my body language shows that. I can be really private, and I've never been in a serious relationship, so maybe I'm a bit nervous about it.

 

First things first, when you've decided it's time to open up to a girl, make your intentions clear. Don't say it, show it. Show it by giving her a good time; make her laugh occasionally; make her talk about her experiences; make her share with you the things that matter to her. And for God's sake, you damn well better taking mental notes of the things she's telling you. Don't spend time thinking about how to respond or how to chime in; just let her yap away, listen, and pour her another glass of wine If she wants to hear you talk, she'll let you know.

[jmargel]

Originally posted by She's Come Undone

jmargel, I could use a good face-lickin' right now!! I'm feeling dirrty!

 

Well if that's you in your pic, I'm panting right now.. *woof woof* I have a long tongue and I know how to use it

 

lisamarisa, I would start driving by his house. Then about 2am in the morning call him and tell him you were driving up and down his street and saw his car outside but didn't know if you should come in. You can then mention to him that every night before you goto bed you listen to the song 'When I think of you, I touch myself' and you re-enact the words.

 

If the mystery of him is killing you, then I would suggest you tell him this, and that you have a friend in the law enforement field who did a background check on him. He'll appreciate the time you put into this and will feel very wanted by you.

 

If you could also get a picture of him and have it re-sized to like a 8x10, and put a framed picture of it on every wall in your house, i'm sure he'll be nicely surprised when he comes over to your house the next time.

 

See, it's been awhile since you dated. Guys have changed since then. We like our women to be very into our lives and to make us feel like they need us to live. A good stalking here & there never goes unappreciated. We also like when women leave 5 or 6 messages in a row on our machine. We sometimes play hard to get for this reason. It just shows us how much you care & love us