Dating when you're ugly

[Lauren101]

Hi everyone

 

First time posting here. I wanted to ask what hope an objectively ugly woman has in the dating world. Since the age of twelve I have been called ugly more than ten times, by guys, who were strangers. I have had people comment about me being ugly to my friends, and all through my teenage years I was without a boyfriend whilst my friends had one. I was also left standing alone when me and my friends were out, on differen occasions with different friends, while guys approached them and not me. On the odd occasion I would get approached, it would be to talk about my friends. Or just for sex. I have a great ass, before you accuse me of having low self esteem I know what my qualities are, anyway my ass is often commented on and I have had guys told me that was the only reason why they approached me. I have dated online, some guys have said they were disappointed when they met me offline. I even had a can of soda thrown at me whilst walking home one night from across the road, and the guy screamed 'ugly bitch!'

 

When I was sixteen I met a guy online, and from the go I felt he was not shallow. He often told me I was beautiful. I fell for him hard. Funnily enough, he never made he effort to call or text, it was always me calling and texting him. I'm older now and I know if a guy does this to leave him brcause he's not interested. Anyway, me and this guy were talking for a good ten months and every time I brought up a relationship he would scoff; or say he thinks its best we stop talking because if he took my virginity he feels that I would get attached and that's not what he's looking for. Stupidly, I was young, I sti continued speaking to him. After several moths he got a girlfriend. I was heartbroken, hat was two years ago and I'm still not over it now. I loved him deeply. This confirmed to me that I am indeed ugly and nobody will ever want me.

 

I put alot of effort Into my clothes, and I am regularly complimented on my dress sense. My weight is fine, I am 5'2 and 8 and 1/2 stone. I take alot of time doing nmy makeup when I go out (I love makeup lol,) and I use cosmetics from Dior and Nars, and professional brushes. I keep my eyebrows some too. I work for a prestigious fashion brand in a luxury department store and I am currently studying a bachelors degree in literature.

 

I am twenty now, and my four friends have had one or two serious relationships, while I haven't had one. It's really getting to me. I feel so invisible when I go outside. Every guy I've dated has told me he doesn't want a relationship, and no, I haven't slept with any of them for them to decide I'm easy. I'm scared I will be alone for the rest of my life. Is there hope for an objectively ugly woman finding love? I've scoured the Internet and found ugliness to be down to symmetry and proportions, and my features are extremely disproportionate and two sides of my face don't look the same.

 

 

Thankyou so much for reading if you've got this far

 

Lauren

[Arabella]

Just like there are ugly women, there are also ugly men. Also, as men grow older, they begin to concern themselves more with finding a good woman to settle down with and less with finding a hot piece of ass.

 

Don't let this make you become bitter. That WILL stop you from finding a man. You're only 20. Continue taking care of your appearance and try to build a fulfilling life for yourself. People in general are attracted to others who are happy with themselves.

 

-A

[Mint Sauce]

as above, but put in a slightly different way: young guys will often be attracted to Barbie-style beauty. As we grow older, we learn to appreciate the character of someone's looks, even if full of imperfections. If there are things you can still improve (didn't see you mention your teeth), do so, and in any case don't despair. By your late twenties (I'm know that sounds like a long wait for you now), the rules of attraction will be totally different!

 

ps: I once fell for a woman who lost half her face to 3rd degree burns. She was still classy, with a nice figure, etc.

Edited October 19, 2012 by Mint Sauce

[Ghisop]

This post really made me sad to read. And I compliment you on your honesty and frankness. It's really hard at that age I think because most guys are looking for a good time and bragging rights to their friends. My best guy friend is super short and chubby and he says he needs to be way sneaker and dazzle them with his whit and humor. It always makes me laugh when he says that, but really ts true. You need to let people see your personality, and what a cool chick you are. It may take longer and may get discouraging but I think a girl with good style and takes care of herself and is super fun to be with is more desirable then a super cute high drama girl - good luck and keep your head up

[mesmerized]

This post really made me sad to read. And I compliment you on your honesty and frankness. It's really hard at that age I think because most guys are looking for a good time and bragging rights to their friends. My best guy friend is super short and chubby and he says he needs to be way sneaker and dazzle them with his whit and humor. It always makes me laugh when he says that, but really ts true. You need to let people see your personality, and what a cool chick you are. It may take longer and may get discouraging but I think a girl with good style and takes care of herself and is super fun to be with is more desirable then a super cute high drama girl - good luck and keep your head up

 

I agree.

 

Op you have a great attitude and I applaud you for that. You might not be objectively beautiful on tge outside but you certainly sound beautiful on the inside, please keep it that way. I have a friend that I would say is very unattractive. She however has a lovely personality and found a kind man to be in a relationship with. It took her a while but she seems very happy with him and he is so sweet to her.

 

I think we all have to accept that life is not easy and not fair and can be pretty disappointing at times. Just dont lose hope and try to believe in yourself for much more than your looks.

[carhill]

My exW had great perspective, IMO, about this issue, since she works in a profession which helps women look their best.....she believes that doing the best one can with what one has to work with promotes a positive image which people respond positively to.

 

Beyond that, it's a big world with a lot of people and one has choices about whom they associate with. Good luck in your choices and welcome to LS

[threebyfate]

I work for a prestigious fashion brand in a luxury department store

Something doesn't jive. Prestigious fashion brands in luxury stores rarely hire unattractive sales people.

 

It makes me wonder if the scarring from being considered unattractive as a child and teen, have carried into adulthood and into your mirror.

[spiderowl]

You sound like a lovely person. Young guys are very into what they consider 'hot' girls, but they do get attached to and fall in love with 'not too hot' girls. None of us know what you look like but I suspect you are being really hard on yourself. You need to think about the kind of people you are associating with. If they are putting looks above all else, then they are not really that great, are they? What do you value most - kindness, honesty, generosity, or looks? Looks are there only for a short while.

 

The way you think of yourself matters. If you are giving of a vibe that you don't think you look good, people will pick up on that even if they don't know exactly what's bothering you. I've had completely contrasting comments from guys - ugly, attractive, beautiful, all sorts. If I believed them all, I'd be very confused. Any guy who would shout an abusive comment to a girl he doesn't know has got to be the very pits of mankind. Why take someone seriously who behaves like that?

 

I think you need to change the way you think of yourself internally. I bet if you go out thinking you are beautiful and attractive (and the two are not necessarily the same but attractiveness is the most powerful), then you will get different responses from guys than if you go out believing you are ugly. As I see it, the body is a shell. There are some gorgeous-looking guys who are utterly boring people, or narcissistic and have few social skills. Do they really deserve more attention from women than the decent guys who are fun and thoughtful? Be proud of your looks. There is only one of you in the world. No other girl, no matter how beautiful, will ever look or sound like you, wear the clothes you wear, or have your warmth and personality and unique scent. That's what attracts a guy, that magical individual appeal that a girl has. That's what a guy will become bonded to for the longer-term, your individuality.

[kamani]

Well, I also agree that when men get older they get more interested in qualities rather than looks.

 

I think best thing for you to make friendships with guys, and then they get to know your inner qualitites. When somebody begins to like you as a friend and perhaps more, then he his more likely to forget about your looks.

 

However please be careful not to cling on to someone with romantic feelings while all what he wants is just to be nice or friends. That will waste your time.

[todreaminblue]

Hi everyone

 

First time posting here. I wanted to ask what hope an objectively ugly woman has in the dating world. Since the age of twelve I have been called ugly more than ten times, by guys, who were strangers. I have had people comment about me being ugly to my friends, and all through my teenage years I was without a boyfriend whilst my friends had one. I was also left standing alone when me and my friends were out, on differen occasions with different friends, while guys approached them and not me. On the odd occasion I would get approached, it would be to talk about my friends. Or just for sex. I have a great ass, before you accuse me of having low self esteem I know what my qualities are, anyway my ass is often commented on and I have had guys told me that was the only reason why they approached me. I have dated online, some guys have said they were disappointed when they met me offline. I even had a can of soda thrown at me whilst walking home one night from across the road, and the guy screamed 'ugly bitch!'

 

When I was sixteen I met a guy online, and from the go I felt he was not shallow. He often told me I was beautiful. I fell for him hard. Funnily enough, he never made he effort to call or text, it was always me calling and texting him. I'm older now and I know if a guy does this to leave him brcause he's not interested. Anyway, me and this guy were talking for a good ten months and every time I brought up a relationship he would scoff; or say he thinks its best we stop talking because if he took my virginity he feels that I would get attached and that's not what he's looking for. Stupidly, I was young, I sti continued speaking to him. After several moths he got a girlfriend. I was heartbroken, hat was two years ago and I'm still not over it now. I loved him deeply. This confirmed to me that I am indeed ugly and nobody will ever want me.

 

I put alot of effort Into my clothes, and I am regularly complimented on my dress sense. My weight is fine, I am 5'2 and 8 and 1/2 stone. I take alot of time doing nmy makeup when I go out (I love makeup lol,) and I use cosmetics from Dior and Nars, and professional brushes. I keep my eyebrows some too. I work for a prestigious fashion brand in a luxury department store and I am currently studying a bachelors degree in literature.

 

I am twenty now, and my four friends have had one or two serious relationships, while I haven't had one. It's really getting to me. I feel so invisible when I go outside. Every guy I've dated has told me he doesn't want a relationship, and no, I haven't slept with any of them for them to decide I'm easy. I'm scared I will be alone for the rest of my life. Is there hope for an objectively ugly woman finding love? I've scoured the Internet and found ugliness to be down to symmetry and proportions, and my features are extremely disproportionate and two sides of my face don't look the same.

 

 

Thankyou so much for reading if you've got this far

 

Lauren

 

 

When i was growing up I copped a lot of flak.....always a bit of an outsider....got teased a lot.....it was a small country town so i didnt know much different when i hit teenager status i started to get compliments still didn't believe them when they did happen....made me wary......and whenever i did get compliments i still felt ugly.........its conditioning.....lol...i had a father who called me fats domino every time the car bottomed out going down a steep driveway(to tell the truth i wasn't that fat i was more upset he likened me to a really large man......that fats domino though, could sing couldn't he..man what a voice.)...i have issues....smilin....it doesnt matter what you look like it matters what is in your heart and how much you can love in return and if you are willing to accept love...how good a friend you can be to someone is far more important than what you look like..stuff the people who call you ugly or dont invite you anywhere they are missing out my friend....on knowing you.....

 

there is someone for everyone....i truly believe that in your life you will find someone and a group of friends who appreciate all you are....i will pray to god for that for you...he will look after your soul......yeah yeah god talk ok......the truth is everyone is beautiful in their own way god made sure ofthat......you just have to find your beauty....let it shine on....now for me to listen to myself....nah....i am way too boring for me to listen to....yawn....smilin atcha........big hugs to ya.....deb