Re: dealing with jealousy

[Tony T]

You are never responsible for the feelings of others. You cannot cause anyone to feel any particular way. People respond to situations based on their personality, upbringing, personal social history, etc.

 

Everyone has their own unique way of responding to the same stimuli. An identical event could cause some to be embarassed, some to be angered, some to be fearful, some to be anxious, some to be frustrated, and some may have no reaction at all.

 

By the same token, you cannot deny other people their feelings. Your friend makes the decision to get upset and jealous when your other friend enters the chatroom. You then make the decision to be offended because your girlfriend gets jealous.

 

While you have no control over the feelings of others, you do control your own. Do yourself the biggest favor you can ever do for yourself while you are alive on this planet. Choose to feel good most of the time. Choose to feel positive. Select emotions that are appropriate for the occasion, ones that make you feel the least bad. In this case, instead of feeling offended, you might just feel a little sad that your friend has so many vicious insecurities from her past that she would become jealous about the mere presence of another of your friends in the chatroom.

 

As far as talking to her, she can only stay jealous for so long and she will give it up. Meanwhile, just tolerate it. When she learns that you will not abandon her and will give her appropriate attention no matter how many others arrive in the chatroom, she will feel less threatened and most likely will make friends with your other friends. If she is crazy enough to become jealous over another friend in a chatroom, she is nuts enough to become angry and/or embarassed if you confront her or put down her own feelings. Just leave it alone.

 

The motto here: Be responsible for your own feelings and do your best to make them positive. Let other people own their own crap and don't buy into it. Learn this now or you could have a miserable life.