Is this a risky behaviour in Office space ?

[eternal.denied84]

Hi Guys,

 

I came across a pretty girl at my office.I approached her to say hi and hello and that was end of the story because we don't have a common platform to interact.

 

everyday I get this irresistible feeling to talk to her and get to know her more (part of the reason could be that I find her attractive) and So I sent her a friend request on facebook to see if she accepts. I see that she has already ignored my request and kept it in pending queue. (This happened yesterday)

 

Now, I am thinking of sending an email to her (contents below) but I am afraid if this is unprofessional/risky behavior in the office space ?!

 

'heya - I think my name should ring the bell. Forgot to tell you that I got stumbled on your profile (through fb friend suggestion I guess) and yet again my eyes found it hard to believe that you are like doppleganger for a good friend of mine - not the ghostly double though but a real one.. I was gonna tell you this other day in the office but I hardly knew you and I thought you may find this weird... but yeah - if it's not inappropriate..would you mind breaking the ice ?'

[pteromom]

CREEPY ALERT.

 

Do NOT send her that email. You should not have sent the friend request either... she knows you were cyber stalking her!

 

You need to back off and do some damage control before you move forward again.

 

Just smile and say hi when you see her. Nothing more!

 

DO NOT stalk her online or try to find out more about her or ask others about her or anything else that may come across as creepy.

 

After a couple weeks of just smiling and saying hi, then add a simple, non-personal question. "How's it going today?" or something about whatever is going on at your company.

 

If she is at all interested, she'll engage in conversation with you, but if not, there isn't much you can do, and I would drop it and move on.

[VeveCakes]

^^^ this x 1000000

[nofool4u]

No, you should NOT use company facilities and assets to carry on a pursuance of a colleague. They could fire you justifiably if she complains.

[eternal.denied84]

Agreed, you make perfect sense but the only reason I wanted to befriend her was - so that I could approach and talk to her. We don't see each other everyday.

1. What if I am not going to bump into her accidentally ever again ? Does that mean I should just forget her ?

 

2. What about the friend request now? Should I pull that back ?

 

3. Just out of curiosity why do you say that she knows I was cyber stalking her ?

CREEPY ALERT.

 

Do NOT send her that email. You should not have sent the friend request either... she knows you were cyber stalking her!

 

You need to back off and do some damage control before you move forward again.

 

Just smile and say hi when you see her. Nothing more!

 

DO NOT stalk her online or try to find out more about her or ask others about her or anything else that may come across as creepy.

 

After a couple weeks of just smiling and saying hi, then add a simple, non-personal question. "How's it going today?" or something about whatever is going on at your company.

 

If she is at all interested, she'll engage in conversation with you, but if not, there isn't much you can do, and I would drop it and move on.

[ms_daisy21]

1. You will bump into her again, if it's any normal office. Maybe in the break room or getting copies or passing in the halls or what have you.

 

2. Don't pull back the friend request.

 

3. She thinks that, because after you bumped into her once, you found out her full name and found her profile on facebook. If someone from work I met today did that, I would be a bit weird-ed out. Facebook and work is a tricky thing anyway. I won't "friend" anyone from my job, because I want to keep my professional life separate and don't want things like what I do in my free time or what I post to impact my job.

 

 

Just take it easy with her. You have a bit of damage control to do now. I would definitely back off and ask noninvasive questions like pteromom said.

[eternal.denied84]

1. You will bump into her again, if it's any normal office. Maybe in the break room or getting copies or passing in the halls or what have you.

 

2. Don't pull back the friend request.

 

3. She thinks that, because after you bumped into her once, you found out her full name and found her profile on facebook. If someone from work I met today did that, I would be a bit weird-ed out. Facebook and work is a tricky thing anyway. I won't "friend" anyone from my job, because I want to keep my professional life separate and don't want things like what I do in my free time or what I post to impact my job.

 

 

Just take it easy with her. You have a bit of damage control to do now. I would definitely back off and ask noninvasive questions like pteromom said.

 

3. Can not agree more with you that I have to do some damage control and that is why I was thinking of sending that email to tell her that

a. I got landed on her profile accidentally through mutual friends( did not search for her full name or

so

)

b. There was a reason to send her the friend request as explained in the email.

I know that in order to fix one mistake generally we commit another and that's why I came here to get my questions answered before taking any further step.

[pteromom]

3. Can not agree more with you that I have to do some damage control and that is why I was thinking of sending that email to tell her that

a. I got landed on her profile accidentally through mutual friends( did not search for her full name or

so

)

b. There was a reason to send her the friend request as explained in the email.

I know that in order to fix one mistake generally we commit another and that's why I came here to get my questions answered before taking any further step.

 

Sending the email would be making another mistake. Explaining everything just makes you seem overly defensive and insecure. I would not send it. I would just do what I already said - smile and say hi, and leave it at that for now.

[eternal.denied84]

Sending the email would be making another mistake. Explaining everything just makes you seem overly defensive and insecure. I would not send it. I would just do what I already said - smile and say hi, and leave it at that for now.

 

Update- As suggested by many out here, I did not send any mail. Just smiled with a good gesture whenever I saw her.However, today, after 2 weeks, I happened to ask her .."if you are not very busy can we grab a coffee ?.".

 

She said may be some other time, She was indeed busy though. So what should I take from this now ?

 

Should I conclude that she is not at all interested in me and forget her for good ? Should I make any further move ? Or leave it on her to contact me if at all she wants ?

[2sure]

Enough. Cease. She is not interested, she has ignored a FB request and declined coffee.

 

Any other attempt at contact will be creepy to her and anyone else she describes it to...ruining your chances at possible professional networking, friendships , as well as possible future promotion.

[eternal.denied84]

Enough. Cease. She is not interested, she has ignored a FB request and declined coffee.

 

Any other attempt at contact will be creepy to her and anyone else she describes it to...ruining your chances at possible professional networking, friendships , as well as possible future promotion.

 

Update:

 

Following your instruction, I did not make any attempt to contact; however, few days later we bumped into each other at coffee machine and She initiated the conversation and so we talked for a while.

 

Couple of days later we again bumped into each other at a shopping store and we happened to talk for quite some time. I reminded her that we should consider going out for coffee some time to which she said that yeah we will.

 

 

Following these two conversation, I was under impression that everything is going well and it seems she likes talking to me because whenever she talked ; there were no signs of avoiding me and she was talking in a very positive & friendly way.

 

however today I tried to initiate conversation with her through messenger(office) asking how is she and she replied back saying she is good and that was it; she did not make any attempt to carry on the conversation. I reckon that I pinged something for which she did not even bother to reply..I assumed from this that probably she is not interested in talking and backed off.

 

Questions:

 

1. I am really confused; why would she not even bother to reply to my messages when 2 days before we had a nice conversation ?

 

2. Was she only being nice to me during previous conversations(face to face) which I took as probably she likes talking ?

 

3. What should be the Next Steps for me- I think most probably the answer I am going to get is Back Off, but what if I really want to know her more ? Is there nothing I can do without embarrassing me or ruining my chances?

 

 

 

 

.

Edited November 15, 2012 by eternal.denied84

[2sure]

I'm thinking when you stopped talking to her , she no longer thought you were interested in her and she was more comfortable with that..so she talked to you.

 

The work thing is something many people, and possibly her, like to avoid.

If she was interested , you would KNOW it by now. Let her lead, be friendly but don't initiate.

 

It's nice to be friendly at work, but if someone gives too much attention, I feel trapped.

[2sure]

I'm thinking when you stopped talking to her , she no longer thought you were interested in her and she was more comfortable with that..so she talked to you.

 

The work thing is something many people, and possibly her, like to avoid.

If she was interested , you would KNOW it by now. Let her lead, be friendly but don't initiate. See what happens.

 

It's nice to be friendly at work, but if someone gives too much attention, I feel trapped.

[tman666]

I'm thinking when you stopped talking to her , she no longer thought you were interested in her and she was more comfortable with that..so she talked to you.

 

The work thing is something many people, and possibly her, like to avoid.

If she was interested , you would KNOW it by now. Let her lead, be friendly but don't initiate.

 

It's nice to be friendly at work, but if someone gives too much attention, I feel trapped.

 

Bingo. If she were interested, you wouldn't have to think about it this hard. Be pleasant to her, but don't go out of your way to make conversation or ask her to coffee, etc.

 

Don't be surprised when she becomes more chatty again after you back off. Unless you are looking for a female friend (emphasis on the word "friend"), I'd, again, be pleasant, but distant.

[tman666]

what if I really want to know her more ? Is there nothing I can do without embarrassing me or ruining my chances?

.

 

Of course there's things you could do to test the waters. You could always date other girls and make sure she knows about it (talk about your "amazing" dates, how you've discovered a deep connection with someone else-seemingly out of nowhere!, blah blah blah). Hell, you could even parade the other girls you're dating in front of her to see how she reacts.

 

Not that I'm advocating playing any BS games of the sort. Best thing to do is to stop thinking about this girl as a potential prospect and focus your efforts elsewhere (i.e. outside of work).

[eternal.denied84]

Of course there's things you could do to test the waters. You could always date other girls and make sure she knows about it (talk about your "amazing" dates, how you've discovered a deep connection with someone else-seemingly out of nowhere!, blah blah blah). Hell, you could even parade the other girls you're dating in front of her to see how she reacts.

 

Not that I'm advocating playing any BS games of the sort. Best thing to do is to stop thinking about this girl as a potential prospect and focus your efforts elsewhere (i.e. outside of work).

 

Yeah at times I do think that stop thinking about this girl and concentrate on important things in your life but then I reckon I read somewhere that 20 years later you would regret more about the things you didn't do than the things you did.And this thought really forces me to go ahead, try it out and put my best effort to impress her..at the worst I will come to know that she is not interested. big deal ?

 

Probably she has already given signals that she may not be interested in anything more than a friend..but at the same time I did not make any efforts from my side to get her interested. Is that all I am good for ? Shouldn't I go out there and try rather than calling it quit ?

 

I know that I don't have killer looks. Does this mean that guys who do not have killer looks can't get a girl they like. I read it somewhere that when it comes to girls what matters is how you make them feel rather than how you look and How can I make her feel anything If I do not get close to her ?

 

My ego says that -" I have shown enough interest, I have done my job and now I should leave it on her to come back to me but why will she come to me if I do not look like Tom Cruise" ? And If there are any other qualities in me which might impress her then how is she going to come to know about those qualities unless I try to get close to her ???

 

Isn't this weird ?

[Bryanp]

I strongly suggest that you let it go. She could file an harassment claim with your employer and you will get fired. No woman is worth risking losing your job .