Leegh Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 How often do men leave their wives for their girlfriends, and if they leave their wives do they usually marry their girlfriends? I would think that if a man is having an affair that most likely there may be problems with his marriage? In addition, it must be quite hard for the married guy having an affair to tell his girlfriend that he is married, as most likely she would find out, if they can't go out at night and on week-ends, etc.? Thanks for any input on this subject! Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 How often do men leave their wives for their girlfriends, and if they leave their wives do they usually marry their girlfriends? I would think that if a man is having an affair that most likely there may be problems with his marriage? In addition, it must be quite hard for the married guy having an affair to tell his girlfriend that he is married, as most likely she would find out, if they can't go out at night and on week-ends, etc.? Thanks for any input on this subject! Can't say. But I do know not all men who get divorced have another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 How often do men leave their wives for their girlfriends, and if they leave their wives do they usually marry their girlfriends? I would think that if a man is having an affair that most likely there may be problems with his marriage? In addition, it must be quite hard for the married guy having an affair to tell his girlfriend that he is married, as most likely she would find out, if they can't go out at night and on week-ends, etc.? Thanks for any input on this subject! I don't know but it would seem if a man has a wife he shouldn't have a gf and vice versa. An even better question would be why would a gf want a man who has a wife? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 I don't know but it would seem if a man has a wife he shouldn't have a gf and vice versa. An even better question would be why would a gf want a man who has a wife? Worked with a girl once who admitted to people that she tries to date married men. I'm sure there are men who think the same. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 I've seen it all over the map. I've seen men who string their GFs along for YEARS and never leave the wife. I've seen men leave their wives, and marry their GFs. (although I only know one couple who have made it work long-term.) And I've seen men leave their wives, then dump their GFs too. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 There are a number of married guys that don't have a choice but to get together with their girlfriends since the wives have punted them out for cheating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 I would assume that if a married man actually DOES leave his wife (whether for the girlfriend or not) he would not be ready for another relationship right away and would want time to "spread his wings".... Link to post Share on other sites
jf2good Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 (edited) Why does a married man need to lie to his GF? He doesn't, he wants one who accepts that he is married and won't spill the beans back to his wife. Why does a GF date a married guy? Simple, lots of reasons, no crazy relationship issues, for money or gifts, for sex, and most good guys are snagged into a marriage supporting a family. Since this good guy isn't fooling around because he wants too, but because he is married to an evil witch of a wife (usually) who knows she doesn't have to give her husband sex because she has the ring and the kids, who knows she doesn't need to work or work part time because she the wife has a the golden uterus complex, the GF doesn't feel bad rescuing the good guy from the evil witch. Having a GF doesn't make a man any more likely to leave his wife, in someways it can be the safety valve he needs to escape from the pressures of his bad marriage, which he is only staying in for the sake of the children, else he would have dumped the witch long long ago. Getting time to cheat can be hard, as the witch wants to control all of your personal life, friends, and money. However, since she no longer cares about having a real relationship with you and isn't giving you sex on a regular bases, nor cares to be part of your activities, she doesn't know when you start to lie about going to the gym, or store, or whatever. I am not saying getting a GF while married is the correct solution. Getting the marriage fixed would be #1, but marriage counseling often fails, christian ones say you just need to stay together, your reward will be in heaven, other ones are just another avenue for the wife to bitch some more and to blame the husband, always his fault. #2 choice is if you can't fix the marriage, then have a fair and equal divorce where he or she isn't made to be the bad guy and the kids are used as pawns, #3 choice is just to go ahead and cheat since #1 or #2 are not an option. Why be 100% miserable in your marriage, but always be honest to your GF as you can't be honest to your wife, else option #2 would have been taken. I just want to say as a married guy who has cheated because he didn't know what else to do, get some help first, your cheating is not the problem usually, but a symptom of problems in your marriage. Check out this website: http://www.shrink4men.com/ when I read some of the articles it was like WOW I am not facing this problem alone, and it could be worse. Edited October 20, 2012 by jf2good Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 Don't forget that there are actually wives who thank you for taking a man like this off our hands...they become YOUR problem. While we recover from our caretaker role of feeding them what they needed, you become the target. My exH throws dressers at windows and, when that doesn't work...he throws them down stairs at his AP (who he chose to marry) and our son and her son. He enlists the help of his son to find his new AP wife's rings in the yard where she threw them. I'm sure none of that was his fault as AP's would say until they (the wife) really have to own up?? By saying that I mean, it really is the wife's fault right? She never really understood that having her stuff broken, being hit, screamed and yelled at really was passion?? I guess I never "UNDERSTOOD" him....I would agree, I didn't. But...an AP came along that was a soul mate...someone who could save him from himself...even though he still hasn't found that yet. I would say that any woman who lusts after another woman's man gets exactly what she deserves, it's a sad place to be. I couldn't do that, I've been approached by many men who said the same ole' crap...."My wife doesn't understand me"....my response..so quit being an a**hole.....If you AP's fall for that one, you are sooooo easy. Here's one that will piss off the AP's....while he is screwing me he is thinking of you and while he screwing you he is thinking of me...guess what, AFTER YEARS, IT WAS THE BEST SEX I EVER HAD with him.....he lasted more than 3 minutes for a change while he was making his mind up between the two of us....even if neither of us were ever privy to that (but I have to thank you for that). It might be new and all to you, but I bet you he is thinking of the first time we had sex...wait!! I have actual texts from my exH who married his AP to prove that point, but that is just my story. The fact is, not all women and men are "wired" like that, there are good men and women out there...The fact that you can't find them or want them is more telling on AP's, 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Worked with a girl once who admitted to people that she tries to date married men. I'm sure there are men who think the same. That's so sad. She is sick and twisted. Link to post Share on other sites
sapientia Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 'Other women' always get the crappy end of the deal. They want what the wife has, but almost never get it. Men rarely leave their wives for their GF and if they do, even more rarely marry them. Even if there is a divorce, the ex wife ends up with 1/2 of communal property, other assets, often custody of the children... the new woman gets squat and drama usually. Plus she has won a man she knows is a cheater. Why any woman would want a relationship with a man who cheats is beyond me. Damaged and insecure, usually. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Radagast Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 How often do men leave their wives for their girlfriends, and if they leave their wives do they usually marry their girlfriends? I would think that if a man is having an affair that most likely there may be problems with his marriage? In addition, it must be quite hard for the married guy having an affair to tell his girlfriend that he is married, as most likely she would find out, if they can't go out at night and on week-ends, etc.? Thanks for any input on this subject! I know quite a few. When I did it myself (left my ex-wife and married my girlfriend) I found out from quite a few couples that I had known for many years that they were in fact second marriages, formed when one partner (I think in all cases it was the husband) had left their former partner to marry the current partner. Having known them for only twenty years or so (at longest) I had never met the former partners and only knew them and their current partners and so was quite surprised to find so many others in the same situation as myself. I do suspect that it is is more common in my professional environment, since all of those couples were professors who went on to marry their graduate students. Outside of those I know from that context, the others I know typically involved a "midlife crisis" situation where the man no longer recognised himself in the mirror and sought to reconnect with his "true self" through changing partner, changing job and often changing lifestyle completely. There certainly were problems with my (previous) marriage, yes, otherwise I would not have wanted or needed a girlfriend as well as a wife. With my current marriage I certainly have no need of anyone else. And no, I did not have to lie to my (then) girlfriend. She knew from the outset that I was married. We both had children, which led to natural constraints on when we could see each other, as well as living some distance apart, so those logistics were always far more important than the inconvenience of a vestigial wife. I think the likelihood of the outcome (of the man leaving his wife for his girlfriend) depends on many factors, some relating to the nature of the two relationships, and some relating to situational or environmental factors which might make it easier or more difficult for him to leave. I don't believe there are any easy answers and I think each situation needs to be viewed individually. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I think you need to be cautious when reading responses to your thread here, OP. It varies GREATLY, depending on location and culture. In some cultures, it's common practice...almost expected. In others, much less so. Does it happen? Certainly. Is it common, or a commonly accepted practice in your culture? That's likely a more relevent and important question to consider I think. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 How often do men leave their wives for their girlfriends, and if they leave their wives do they usually marry their girlfriends?So far I know of two who cohabited long-term, but have not yet married/did not marry; in one case, the couple has lived together for about 8 years now; in the other, they did live together but the girlfriend died. The tricky part about this stuff is disclosure. Unless it's voluntarily disclosed, no one other than the parties themselves would know the circumstances of their association and subsequent relationship. 'Disclosure' could be an open affair or proactive voluntary private disclosure of such events to friends/family. My anecdotes were a result of voluntary private disclosure, generally retrospectively. In both cases, the parties were 'cheating', meaning deception was involved during the process. Increasingly, in my demographic, people are choosing to avoid marriage due to the costs of divorce and/or pre-nuptials, as most are past the point of child-bearing years. For many, they choose cohabitation with whatever desired legal contracts/documents they deem appropriate for their circumstances. I say this in general, not just with former affair partners. It appears marriage is of less importance than it used to appear. YMMV. Link to post Share on other sites
PoopHappens Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Although I am on the other side of the gender roles here my story is the same. My wife has the BF and I wonder if she will leave for him. I am remarkably at peace over the whole thing now. I do get upset from time to time but I realize I have done the noble thing and will win in the end no matter how badly I lose. Back to the topic. I met my neighbor yesterday dropping her kid off at school. Her hubby left her for a younger GF and they are in the final hurtles of their divorce. What an unbelievable nightmare. They are smart people, a PhD apiece and then some. Both talented with really smart kids. Been together 20 years through a lot. Now they are facing two weeks in court slandering each other to try and protect themselves. Hubby wants everything. The kids the house the whole deal. Where is the sanity in this? The kids are grieving badly and may never heal. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I think the real question is.....why would the "girlfriend" want to marry a man that has cheated on his wife? (and vice versa) Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 How often do men leave their wives for their girlfriends, and if they leave their wives do they usually marry their girlfriends? I think most men that cheat and then marry their girlfriends were likely kicked out by the wives after DDay. But there are a rare few that leave their wife. I would think that if a man is having an affair that most likely there may be problems with his marriage? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But the funny thing is he will lie to you just like he lies to his wife. So becareful what you believe. In addition, it must be quite hard for the married guy having an affair to tell his girlfriend that he is married, as most likely she would find out, if they can't go out at night and on week-ends, etc.? I don't believe that at all. I have seen cases where the OW finds out after the flirting has started, but rarely is the OW clueless as to his marriage. Thanks for any input on this subject! Link to post Share on other sites
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