Stopped my training and my bf telling me to go back? Rude or ful?

[hopefullove]

Since Dec 2011, I have had a trainer that i pay a lot of money to, and she has helped me lose 40 lbs.

 

I love food! I love cooking and eating and all types of food.

 

Now I have been fighting with my boyfriend, so i have been going on a binge, and have been exhausted so I have not been going to the gym, or seeing my trainer.

 

We haven't spoken in a few days, and he finally texted me today, and he said "Don't eat junk food, start going to the gym again"

 

I was totally offended at first, especially since we are on a break. But at the same time, he said before that I spent so much money on this, he doesnt want it to go down the drain. When i first met him, I was 20lbs heavier, so I have lost weight since having met him gradually.

 

Am i being too sensitive? Is he looking out for me?

[tman666]

Why are you offended that he wants to be with a girl who he finds attractive and leads a healthy lifestyle? He'd be doing your relationship more of a disservice by telling you that he doesn't care if you let yourself go. What kind of message would it send for him to say that he doesn't care how you look, how healthy you are, or how you feel about yourself?

 

As far as the money spent on the trainer issue, that's all water under the bridge at this point. That shouldn't have any bearing on your future decisions. For that matter, my belief is that your boyfriend's request shouldn't have influence on your decision to train and eat well either. You should do it for yourself. You'll never, ever be able to motivate yourself in the long term to continue with a fitness lifestyle if it's something you do not enjoy for your own reasons. Pleasing your man might be one of the benefits of such a lifestyle, but your motivation and drive to succeed with crumble if it's built solely on trying to please someone else.

 

Just as an aside: is your boyfriend in good shape and value a healthy lifestyle for himself? If not, he better take a hard look in the mirror before lending such directives to you or others...

[ON MY OWN]

I agree with tmann. Also is there a history of him being encouraging or ridiculing to you in the past? There is a way of giving someone support and a way of insulting them also. I dont think it is bad if he doesnt verbally bash you. I do agree with tmann also about him wanting to be with someone he is attracted to. That in itself is a positive thing, however I dont think it should be a requirement of your relationship otherwise that will be too stressful for you to always be thinking about that you have to meet his criteria to be with him.

[Chocolat]

Now I have been fighting with my boyfriend, so i have been going on a binge, and have been exhausted so I have not been going to the gym, or seeing my trainer.

 

This is something you need to work on. Bingeing is never healthy and food should not be a seen as a solution to fights with your bf. This is an eating disorder and it will plague you for your whole life if you do not get it under control. Are you in counseling? This is something to consider, imo.

[todreaminblue]

Since Dec 2011, I have had a trainer that i pay a lot of money to, and she has helped me lose 40 lbs.

 

I love food! I love cooking and eating and all types of food.

 

Now I have been fighting with my boyfriend, so i have been going on a binge, and have been exhausted so I have not been going to the gym, or seeing my trainer.

 

We haven't spoken in a few days, and he finally texted me today, and he said "Don't eat junk food, start going to the gym again"

 

I was totally offended at first, especially since we are on a break. But at the same time, he said before that I spent so much money on this, he doesnt want it to go down the drain. When i first met him, I was 20lbs heavier, so I have lost weight since having met him gradually.

 

Am i being too sensitive? Is he looking out for me?

 

 

as a poster said you have to do it for yourself weight loss puts a bounce in your step makes you feel alive.....i suffer from depression so even when i am not motivated i will still try and get out there injuries or whatever i do push......i am a food lover too always have had to cook for many for years.....losing wight for someone else doesnt work.....if its not in you you wont find that push....i have lost weight over the years normally fall pregnant shortly after.....god says nah your time for another.....smilin.....i have always trained solo.....and extreme training....not so much this time with extreme training, age related probably the injuries and too many extreme training sessions....but ill get there....fitness to me is a way of life....taught from a very young age......its the only real way i can stay sane without meds by looking after my body and getting into peak physical condition......if you dont really want to do this fitness thing you wont do it ....whether or not your boyfriend wants you to or not......most guys want a girl who looks after themselves.....but honestly yoru boyfriends opinion is not the priority......your feelings are....if you want to cut back on training do so...if your body is telling you too....follow your own heart not his he doesnt have to train ...you do......as far as junk food goes dont deny yourself totally you will binge treat yourself now and again to something you like be it chocky, or a burger or an ice cream or a small bag of crisps......ill say this....YOU ARE NoT IN COMPETITION ARE YOU? For yourself dont get into the junk food every day cycle too hard to break.....allow a treat now and again train however much you feel liek training ......and if your boyfriend doesnt like it.....tell him to start coming along.....learn kickboxing and he can hold your focus pads......;0)..by the weay i have trained pretty much daily for the last couple of months....i had a pig out today.70 per cent dark cocoa intense coconut chocky..and a whole packet of rice crackers sour cream and onion and it was delish.....doesnt mean ill do it tomorrow....but i did enjoy it.....life is about enjoyment and fulfillment not guilt says me.....good luck and happy trails......deb

[fremonde]

he could be both an jerk and helpful at the same time and you will never know.

 

is he saying it cause he wants a skinny hottie?

 

or is he saying it because he wants you to be healthy and live a long time without chronic problems?

 

Either way, you should work out for you, and be healthy. nice side effect is you are also more attractive when you look like you take good care of yourself.

 

 

I deal with weight issues myself (I love eating) My fiancee tells me to lay off the junk food cause she wants me to be hot, and so i dont have a heart attack when im 49 like my dad (so its win win for both of us)

[RiverRunning]

Meh, in my experience, when a guy says this, 9 times out of 10, it's because he likes you thinner and he wants a thin girlfriend. It's almost never about your health (let's face it: most young people who are overweight, even obese, are not going to be facing diabetes, high cholesterol, etc...YET. And most young folks probably do not have enough first-hand experience with those conditions to actively think, "That could happen to my girlfriend one day. She should lose weight.").

 

I would take offense to his comments, but I'm not one who needs external validation often. I'd be furious if my boyfriend wanted to push me toward something. Comments like that would wind up making me feel guilty - they'd make me feel even worse (there's a reason that research now shows that people who get lots of positive attention and encouragement stick to weight loss more: because guilt and "DON'T!" don't work in the long run).

 

If he wants to support you, it's better for him to call and say, "Hey, want to go for a walk?" or "I found this new recipe that we could try." That's being supportive: "Don't eat junk food!" is a jerk move. It doesn't help. Don't eat junk food - you mean, I shouldn't eat it? I had NO idea that I shouldn't. Thanks so much for your help!

 

OP, start teaching him how to give you the support you need. It sure is easy to say "Don't do x..." without actually helping someone.

[yongyong]

I don't understand why women spit out this kind of crap.

 

yeah once you guys settled down, had kids and plan to build the life together rest of the life, it's wise to care about each other's health.

 

Do you expect someone you are dating to really care about your health??????

Chronic problems for a girl in 20s or even 30s?? LOL

 

To be honest, if he 'bought' you when you were skinny, it would be nasty to deal with those extra fats. it also affects his status in public 'look at this guy with a girl like that'

If you don't like that, I hope you meet someone 'open minded'

 

 

is he saying it cause he wants a skinny hottie?

 

or is he saying it because he wants you to be healthy and live a long time without chronic problems?

[Emilia]

I would take offense to his comments, but I'm not one who needs external validation often. I'd be furious if my boyfriend wanted to push me toward something. Comments like that would wind up making me feel guilty - they'd make me feel even worse (there's a reason that research now shows that people who get lots of positive attention and encouragement stick to weight loss more: because guilt and "DON'T!" don't work in the long run).

 

 

This. I wouldn't tolerate it. My last ex wanted to change my appearance (to the opposite direction, he wanted me to get fat) and first I received texts from him asking what I had for dinner (ie if I ate enough) then a more direct text saying 'I wouldn't mind you plump' and I called it a day there and then because how disrespectful is it that he thinks I should mould to his preferences - apart from the fact that I didn't want to ruin my own body. He knew what I looked like when we met.

 

You were 20lbs heavier when you met, he knew you were prone to put weight on, he should have either accepted that or not asked you out.

 

While I agree with tmann in some ways as I'm pretty fit, I also believe people should respect the way they find you rather than get in a relationship to try to change you. It's just insulting.

[Imported]

This. I wouldn't tolerate it. My last ex wanted to change my appearance (to the opposite direction, he wanted me to get fat) and first I received texts from him asking what I had for dinner (ie if I ate enough) then a more direct text saying 'I wouldn't mind you plump' and I called it a day there and then because how disrespectful is it that he thinks I should mould to his preferences - apart from the fact that I didn't want to ruin my own body. He knew what I looked like when we met.

 

You were 20lbs heavier when you met, he knew you were prone to put weight on, he should have either accepted that or not asked you out.

 

While I agree with tmann in some ways as I'm pretty fit, I also believe people should respect the way they find you rather than get in a relationship to try to change you. It's just insulting.

 

I can agree with this. He should have been more careful picking his girlfriend. Fat young people generally become even fatter old people, rarely does it improve. He should have gone for a girl that is already concerned about her own fitness, not try to motivate someone that looks at it as an insult. Even scarier are the ones that are effortlessly fit up till the early 20's and then get fat. Safe bet though if they are in great shape still by 30, they'll stay that way till they are old and grey.

Edited October 30, 2012 by Imported

[pink_sugar]

May I ask what your arguments have been about? Perhaps you should say the relationship issues are contributing to your binge eating and focus on what's making you do this.