sphillip Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 Hi..Well I just got into commitment in September. My fiance has a passion for reading and teaching. I know he has been working really hard towards his passion. I too have my own passion for my area of interest but I make sure that I should not over burden myself with work to an extent that it should start bothering and affecting our relationship. He is so much engaged in his work that he doesn't feel that time is necessary for relationship as well. He's a lecturer and day by day he's increasing his subjects to teach. Earlier he used to teach 3 subjects and now he has taken up 6 subjects which he needs to teach on saturdays and sundays. Obviously , which so much load , he needs ample time to prepare for his classes as well. The whole week he prepares for his classes. Since last 1 month , we have met only once, as Monday to Friday Im working and he's busy in his studies and Saturday Sundays he's busy , jam packed with his classes. Now where is the time for us. If this is the situation in our courtship period, what would happen once we get married??? When yesterday , I asked him that why he's overburdening himself with so much work and why doesn't he understand that it would affect the family life . He said I'll think about it and work on it but my life is my books. If his life is his books then why does he want to marry me? A guy expects that a girl should mantain the balance between family and work..but what about a girl's expectation? Is it wrong to expect that he should also mantain balance between both family and his work. Wouldn't it affect our married life in future. I am really confused, as I want to know him more and share so much before we tie a knot. I wanna spend time with him so that we can talk about our future and plan accordingly but.........he just doesn't have time. Is it because he doesn't love me and doesn't wanna spend time ..because if U love someone , U would try and spend time with that person . Otherwise , there is no meaning for a relationship..Please help me with your honest advice as it's an important decision of my life. I don't wanna pressurise him but yes I want to spend my life with him and have few expectations too. Love him a lot. Please help. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
kae Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 he loves you hun.. he asked you to marry. he loves you. ok. its not rocket science.. dont make it complicated. now some men think their job in marriage is to provide. some men think the more they provide the better husbands they are. he wants to give you more and is driven to do so by love. also if he`s young and just starting his professional career he will invest alot to establish himself. people lose jobs fast and are replaceable so setting yourself in stone is smart. he is being smart. My mother left my father for this and i grew up with my father. When he talks about my mother i know he loved her and i understand that he thought he was loving her a lot by giving her more..stuff not time. its a common mistakes guys make. try and be patient and slowly open his eyes. good luck. whatever you do dont become dependent. stay independent. it wont hurt if you have a million things going on. he will want to beg for your time, Link to post Share on other sites
Ladydrib Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 If it's not enough now, it's not going to be enough later. You will not change him. He won't change. I don't believe his ballance ratio in any way is reflective of how much he loves you. I think it probably is about his needs. His needs are already met by the amount of time you spend together. Now it's your job to decide if that is enough for you. If you decide everything else he has to offer is worth the fact that your needs are not fully getting met (in terms of how much time you spend together) then you need to understand he does love you and that this dynamic will not change so that you can accept it and live happily with it. Try to think of it from another perspective. Often women do not engage in intimacy/sex as often as men would like. If you have sex less often than your finace wants, does that mean you don't love him? Does it mean that he can't be happy with you? The answers to these questions is probably no. But he would have to accept that his desire is more frequent and therefore he must engage in intimacy with you less often than he would prefer. He has to accept that. He makes the decision whether it is something he can live with or not. See what I mean? Hopefully this helps... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 When I was dating my now husband, we were semi-long distance (an hour drive one way). During the weekends, we spent that time together, even though I worked part of that time, either at his place or at mine. During the week, we often drove to each other's town or met halfway for dinner or a movie or something, or sometimes spent the night and got up early the next morning to drive to work. I am not sure why you have only seen each other once in a month? I know he is working all weekend, but surely you can hang out wherever he is while he prepares for classes, or you can make dinner while he studies and then you eat together. And then there is always bedtime, where we often went without an extra hour of sleep because of cuddling/love-making/pillow-talk/dreaming aloud. Why aren't you spending time together? That concerns me more than his working on weekends. There are tons of hours here that you could be spending with each other - why not? Link to post Share on other sites
suzy70 Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 he loves you hun.. he asked you to marry. he loves you. ok. its not rocket science.. dont make it complicated. Some people do get married for reasons other than love. Marriage might result from pressure from family and community, or it might be for status and social respectabilty - love may be secondary to these reasons, or in some instances it could be absent altogether. You value togetherness and your finace does not. It doesn't mean it can't work out between you, but if he wont at least listen to your needs, then I think you should prolong the engagement until you sort out your differences. Link to post Share on other sites
youna Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 He really loves you. do not think too much. This may hurt him. Link to post Share on other sites
MichelleRhett Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Well, i don't know if i should say! But just as a model you can think about! My best friend had the same promblem with you! And now they broke up already! Its really hurt for her but she knew that the boy won't change and she couldn't bear it for the whole life! Its the key! Best wishes to you! Link to post Share on other sites
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