Addicted to cheating??

[Spark1111]

Hey, former evangelical OP, just one point:

 

"Pride goeth before the fall."

 

You chose to belong to a cult, and now you choose to spend 1 to 2k a month on two hobbies; race cars and young things.

 

You have regaled us with how smart you are, how happy, how sure you are that you will never be caught.

 

I think in your case, it is less about the sex, than the secrecy you enjoy perpetrating on your wife and family.

 

Maybe someday, you will figure out who and what you are so obviously rebelling against.

 

Maybe then you will live an honest and authentic life. Until then, remember we all die alone, facing ourselves and our God, if you still believe.

 

Either way, there IS a reckoning of conscience.

[2sunny]

Seems like you are feeding the dark energy - the more you feed it - the bigger it will grow.

 

Your conscience - your choices...you live with your decisions.

 

I live by one standard when I make choices = is there possible harm to self and/or harm to others? IF the answer might be yes - I won't do it.

[2sure]

Umm, read my journal. Sounds just like my eH before he got an STD, ruined his career and lost most of his money. Actually he didnt lose it, what am I saying? I know exactly where it is!

[sweetkiwi]

actually sauron i never passed judgement or blame. What i said was we should be evolving. And yeah. There have been times were i've been a liar and a cheat. But i try to come clean or dump the guy before hand.

 

I think its great if its out in the open. If both are enjoying the fruits of others.

I would like to have an open relationship at one point. Its a curiosity of mine. But both are in on it. Its not done in lies and secrets.

[Sauron]

No one is perfect. The question becomes, what are you going to do today? Continue with unhealthy behaviors or make a positive change? Generally, I think most agree that lying to someone is ethically unfair to them; it subjugates their equality in the relationship as it removes their ability to make informed decisions about their own life and the liar elevates themselves to a position of making decisions for person being lied to. It is disrespectful and I would say most would agree that it should be avoided unless there is a serious case for doing so.

 

The people that come here are generally morally conflicted about continuing their deceitful behaviors. I do my best not to judge and to advise on what I think would be an ethical choice for them (which is also typically the more respectful, healthy, and logical choice for them at the same time - we can disagree on those points if you like but I still find it a more ethical position not to unnecessarily subjugate someone else's right to live their life without manipulation).

 

You are not conflicted and not seeking advice. As you say, it is all an intellectual curiosity for you. You have an established opinion staked in the ground and thus, it's open for judgment.

 

What I find curious is that you don't blame your wife for your cheating. You seem to agree that it wasn't an optimal decision. You "take responsibility" for that and place no responsibility or blame on her (other than your clarification for her responsibility for the state of the marriage). But then you say it is all good because everyone is happy. So, what are you taking responsibility for? The fact that it is all good? Or is there, in fact, something (anything?) bad about it to take responsibility for? It's meant as a legitimate (non-accusatory) question. Seems relevant to the OP because I think he is also discounting anything "bad" that could happen as a result of his risky behaviors (at least risky to the OPs wife and his children). In your case, you at least can argue that your wife "doesn't want to know." I'm not sure that's the case with this poster. He's taking a huge risk in blowing up the world of his entire family. Is that bad? Are there other, better choices? Is your perfect case for cheating in your M the same as his?

 

Regardless of the judgements, the galling thing is how people claim not to be judgmental, except one or two that think they have a right judge.

 

I take responsibility for whatever comes of my lifestyle, good or bad. I am accountable and not blaming anyone for my actions or activities. I can't speak for the OP, intuitively I know I can cause harm, however, I have a risk mitigation plan. I know it's not perfect, but as I said if D-day ever comes I am prepared as I can be. In the meantime I enjoy everyday I can and I am not being pompous when I say that everyone is happy in my world. It is the truth today. I would think this poster might ackowledge the same thing. He also realizes that life is life and you have one shot at it. So why deny yourself something that brings pleasure, joy and satisfation. Is it greedy, yes but we are humans and we are programmed that way, many will say they are not but they are conditioned by society. Put them in a locked room with another human and deny them food for a while and then throw some food in the room and see what happens.

 

So COLD is everyone in your world happy? Is your wife happy? Are your kids well adjusted? Do you get off on getting away with it, and getting to have a different 20 something every few months? Is it only about sex?

[Sauron]

Sauron has repeatedly said he wouldn't care as long as she was discreet. Would be interesting to hear from the OP.

 

She may be for all I know. I am gone a lot. And I would only be upset if it was not done in a discreet fashion.

[Sauron]

actually sauron i never passed judgement or blame. What i said was we should be evolving. And yeah. There have been times were i've been a liar and a cheat. But i try to come clean or dump the guy before hand.

 

I think its great if its out in the open. If both are enjoying the fruits of others.

I would like to have an open relationship at one point. Its a curiosity of mine. But both are in on it. Its not done in lies and secrets.

 

 

OK. Just wondering since you mentioned "being a better liar", there for a minute I was concerned that perhaps you never told a lie. I wonder how many other folks on this site that have called me a liar have never told a lie...

[Spark1111]

Regardless of the judgements, the galling thing is how people claim not to be judgmental, except one or two that think they have a right judge.

 

I take responsibility for whatever comes of my lifestyle, good or bad. I am accountable and not blaming anyone for my actions or activities. I can't speak for the OP, intuitively I know I can cause harm, however, I have a risk mitigation plan. I know it's not perfect, but as I said if D-day ever comes I am prepared as I can be. In the meantime I enjoy everyday I can and I am not being pompous when I say that everyone is happy in my world. It is the truth today. I would think this poster might ackowledge the same thing. He also realizes that life is life and you have one shot at it. So why deny yourself something that brings pleasure, joy and satisfation. Is it greedy, yes but we are humans and we are programmed that way, many will say they are not but they are conditioned by society. Put them in a locked room with another human and deny them food for a while and then throw some food in the room and see what happens.

 

So COLD is everyone in your world happy? Is your wife happy? Are your kids well adjusted? Do you get off on getting away with it, and getting to have a different 20 something every few months? Is it only about sex?

 

Who here claimed to be non-judgemental?

 

I am not for denying oneself of whatever you may want to partake in, whether it is greedy or not.

 

I just do not get how you can answer for me and my relative happiness at all.

 

So, you believe that ignorance is bliss, and your spouse does not have a right to know about your OWomen?

 

Why NOT tell her, so she too can go get some variety in her life with 25-year old hot bodies?

 

Doubt it would cost her anywhere's near 1k.

 

It's not what you do, it is the secrecy you do it in that offends me, and as a partner, betrays me of making any informed choices for myself.

 

You NEED to control the outcomes, so you NEED to keep it secret.

 

And that is what makes it oh, so selfish.

[turnera]

So what does your therapist say about all your addictive/self-centered activities? You do go, don't you?

[so_cold]

Regardless of the judgements, the galling thing is how people claim not to be judgmental, except one or two that think they have a right judge.

 

I take responsibility for whatever comes of my lifestyle, good or bad. I am accountable and not blaming anyone for my actions or activities. I can't speak for the OP, intuitively I know I can cause harm, however, I have a risk mitigation plan. I know it's not perfect, but as I said if D-day ever comes I am prepared as I can be. In the meantime I enjoy everyday I can and I am not being pompous when I say that everyone is happy in my world. It is the truth today. I would think this poster might ackowledge the same thing. He also realizes that life is life and you have one shot at it. So why deny yourself something that brings pleasure, joy and satisfation. Is it greedy, yes but we are humans and we are programmed that way, many will say they are not but they are conditioned by society. Put them in a locked room with another human and deny them food for a while and then throw some food in the room and see what happens.

 

So COLD is everyone in your world happy? Is your wife happy? Are your kids well adjusted? Do you get off on getting away with it, and getting to have a different 20 something every few months? Is it only about sex?

 

Everyone is very happy!! The hotty (wife) is doing great!! Planning a trip to Haiti to go do some helping. It's 100% not for me, but she loves to go and give. She has big heart a very big heart!! The kids are super involved all honor roll students, but how hard is that these days.

 

Like I said in my original post we are the picture perfect family. Share chores, I'm at all the events, workout with the kids, do homework, we have datenight, trips, nice home, life truly is good 99% of the time.

 

As far as the extracurricular activities it defininely has a physical undertone, but it's not always or even needs to be sex. It's really exploring with a new person, showing her new things, buying toys, and just having a very memorable time without all of the games and drama that a traditional "tryst" might have.

 

We talk all the time in fact the only person I msg more is my wife. She says she talks to me more than anyone!! She says that is because we have real conversations and dialogue. She tires of the constant meat market mentality that her age group is fixated on. Not that I am any different (lol), but we do talk, share, encourage, mentor, and compensate, and not just say "Can I hit that?? You're Hot!!" She is in cooking school and wants to be a pastry chef, loves nature, animals, is very much a social butterfly, really fun to be around.

 

No qualms!! Hope everyone is good and doing well the weather is beatiful I love fall!

Edited October 23, 2012 by so_cold

[2sunny]

Actually it is quite easy to look into my wifes eyes. It's just another moment in time that we spend toegther, when I am home it's just normal everyday life. I would bet the OP would probably tell you the same thing.

 

So what he is paying for sex, the female gender has been selling it since there have been females on the planet. These women are not your typical escorts or prostitutes they are in college usually, or have a professional career, and need cash or support and are very selective.

 

I do not think he is addicted to anything except wanting variety, which as I man I can tell you we ALL crave it, some of us just act on it. I also see that this OP has a normal sex life with his wife, so he is taking care of business at home. Probably makes his sex life with his wife much more exciting since she is in the rotation and adds variety. Sounds to me like he has it made and everybody is happy in his world.

 

I would imagine the OP also makes a ton of money since he is spending $ 24K or so a year on being a man, so once again we see there are some benefits of being a man with means. And that would imply he has intelligence to earn enough to have this lifestyle, and based on what he wrote practices good risk management skills. And regardless if his wife finds out, she is probably well taken care of and wouldn't want to rock the boat much since he brings home the bacon. Plus he can always do the mea culpa and check himself into that place Tiger Woods went and I would bet big money she would stay. Not everyone has their life blown to shreds, even though a lot of you choose that route.

 

If that's the life he wanted - then he should have stayed single!

 

And you say he can because he has money? Sheez, I guess I hope the men I date are poor then! Money affords cheating? :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

Both of you cheaters certainly spend a lot of time and energy justifying your bad behavior.

 

It's one thing if you're single - it's totally disrespectful when you're married.

 

One day maybe your daughters will sit you down and explain how she gives multiple men sex for money.

 

And comparing "cupcakes" is just something you should explain to your wife and kids! Tell them you're willing to dip your sausage with strangers by paying money to test their cupcake with it. See how that makes you feel.

 

And you are terribly mistaken - it certainly IS only "about getting your rocks off"! - to use your term...

 

You and Sauron have egos that are too big and thinking way too much of yourselves.

 

Any man that lives life THAT way is NEVER a good lay!!! They may pretend you are because your paying them!

 

Selfish men are crappy lovers.

[2sunny]

Everyone is very happy!! The hotty (wife) is doing great!! Planning a trip to Haiti to go do some helping. It's 100% not for me, but she loves to go and give. She has big heart a very big heart!! The kids are super involved all honor roll students, but how hard is that these days.

 

Like I said in my original post we are the picture perfect family. Share chores, I'm at all the events, workout with the kids, do homework, we have datenight, trips, nice home, life truly is good 99% of the time.

 

As far as the extracurricular activities it defininely has a physical undertone, but it's not always or even needs to be sex. It's really exploring with a new person, showing her new things, buying toys, and just having a very memorable time without all of the games and drama that a traditional "tryst" might have.

 

We talk all the time in fact the only person I msg more is my wife. She says she talks to me more than anyone!! She says that is because we have real conversations and dialogue. She tires of the constant meat market mentality that her age group is fixated on. Not that I am any different (lol), but we do talk, share, encourage, mentor, and compensate, and not just say "Can I hit that?? You're Hot!!" She is in cooking school and wants to be a pastry chef, loves nature, animals, is very much a social butterfly, really fun to be around.

 

No qualms!! Hope everyone is good and doing well the weather is beatiful I love fall!

 

But all this is based on the illusion because you're not honest with your wife.

 

She doesn't really know you - because you hide this part from her - which makes it truly a farce to her.

 

You aren't the man she thinks you are - so how can she possibly love you when she REALLY has no idea that the REAL you is doing all this in secret?

[2sunny]

OK. Just wondering since you mentioned "being a better liar", there for a minute I was concerned that perhaps you never told a lie. I wonder how many other folks on this site that have called me a liar have never told a lie...

 

This is what gas lighting looks like... Typical and expected defensive move for any cheater.

 

Thanks for the ugly reminder Sauron - I almost forgot what that looked like. Haven't had to put up with that inferior communication style anymore. Cheating comes out in many forms - yours shows in your entitled and overinflated ego.

 

It's not attractive. Remember you pay for that sex. It's not qualifying as attraction or a connection.

[Sauron]

Everyone is very happy!! The hotty (wife) is doing great!! Planning a trip to Haiti to go do some helping. It's 100% not for me, but she loves to go and give. She has big heart a very big heart!! The kids are super involved all honor roll students, but how hard is that these days.

 

Like I said in my original post we are the picture perfect family. Share chores, I'm at all the events, workout with the kids, do homework, we have datenight, trips, nice home, life truly is good 99% of the time.

 

As far as the extracurricular activities it defininely has a physical undertone, but it's not always or even needs to be sex. It's really exploring with a new person, showing her new things, buying toys, and just having a very memorable time without all of the games and drama that a traditional "tryst" might have.

 

We talk all the time in fact the only person I msg more is my wife. She says she talks to me more than anyone!! She says that is because we have real conversations and dialogue. She tires of the constant meat market mentality that her age group is fixated on. Not that I am any different (lol), but we do talk, share, encourage, mentor, and compensate, and not just say "Can I hit that?? You're Hot!!" She is in cooking school and wants to be a pastry chef, loves nature, animals, is very much a social butterfly, really fun to be around.

 

No qualms!! Hope everyone is good and doing well the weather is beatiful I love fall!

 

I figured this would be the case. Sounds like your realtionship with your wife is better than mine.

 

So would you even consider leaving your wife and get divorced? I think I know your answer but I am curious?

[Sauron]

If that's the life he wanted - then he should have stayed single!

 

And you say he can because he has money? Sheez, I guess I hope the men I date are poor then! Money affords cheating? :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

Both of you cheaters certainly spend a lot of time and energy justifying your bad behavior.

 

It's one thing if you're single - it's totally disrespectful when you're married.

 

One day maybe your daughters will sit you down and explain how she gives multiple men sex for money.

 

And comparing "cupcakes" is just something you should explain to your wife and kids! Tell them you're willing to dip your sausage with strangers by paying money to test their cupcake with it. See how that makes you feel.

 

And you are terribly mistaken - it certainly IS only "about getting your rocks off"! - to use your term...

 

You and Sauron have egos that are too big and thinking way too much of yourselves.

 

Any man that lives life THAT way is NEVER a good lay!!! They may pretend you are because your paying them!

 

Selfish men are crappy lovers.

 

So mean spirited. I have a lover and I help support her now. Prior to that all my other lovers were for pleasure and satisfaction, none of them complained. My OW and did not start off with a finacial element involved. You can name call all you like, it doesn't change the fact that I enjoy living life and have a different world view from you. You strike me as the kind of person that would particpate in a genocide if you decided some one didn't deserve to exist, were the wrong color, believed te wrong thing, etc.

[Sauron]

This is what gas lighting looks like... Typical and expected defensive move for any cheater.

 

Thanks for the ugly reminder Sauron - I almost forgot what that looked like. Haven't had to put up with that inferior communication style anymore. Cheating comes out in many forms - yours shows in your entitled and overinflated ego.

 

It's not attractive. Remember you pay for that sex. It's not qualifying as attraction or a connection.

 

 

OK Sunny answer the question, have you ever told a lie?

[skywriter]

[sauron;4343981]OK Sunny answer the question, have you ever told a lie?

 

 

Save that arguement for your wife when she catches you.

[woinlove]

Sauron, seems the point isn't so much telling a lie as making your spouse live a lie. I've never found the need to make any man believe I was monogamous when I wasn't. Ever. And when I decided to marry, I wanted my H to know the full me, know exactly what kind of commitment we were making, and what kind we weren't and we continually discuss that to make sure there isn't something changing in our commitment that the other is not aware of.

 

Removing all that is a lot different than telling a few lies. It would be manipulating our lives to make the other unknowingly live a lie. It would remove the intimacy we have from knowing and loving all of each other. I get the impression that some who chose to cheat don't want the kind of intimacy that comes with living openly and honestly and sharing that with a partner so they know the full you, preferring perhaps to substitute different or new, and maybe a bit of risk, for real intimacy. This thread gives that impression.

 

So cold, your original post described how you need to go through a string of college girls, tiring after 3 or 4 meetings and then moving on to the next one. But your latest message seems to focus just on one college student, making it sound like she is a special person for you. Do you plan on staying with this one, or are you just part way through the cycle with her? Maybe she is just special for a few months, and then you'll need a new special? Or do you think she is she more than that and you won't need a new one in a few months?

Edited October 23, 2012 by woinlove

[so_cold]

If that's the life he wanted - then he should have stayed single!

 

And you say he can because he has money? Sheez, I guess I hope the men I date are poor then! Money affords cheating? :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

Both of you cheaters certainly spend a lot of time and energy justifying your bad behavior.

 

It's one thing if you're single - it's totally disrespectful when you're married.

 

One day maybe your daughters will sit you down and explain how she gives multiple men sex for money.

 

And comparing "cupcakes" is just something you should explain to your wife and kids! Tell them you're willing to dip your sausage with strangers by paying money to test their cupcake with it. See how that makes you feel.

 

And you are terribly mistaken - it certainly IS only "about getting your rocks off"! - to use your term...

 

You and Sauron have egos that are too big and thinking way too much of yourselves.

 

Any man that lives life THAT way is NEVER a good lay!!! They may pretend you are because your paying them!

 

Selfish men are crappy lovers.

 

How many more stereotypes can you add in a reply? LOL...for the record I don't see myself justifying anything.

 

The comment about the "lover" part? It's not always sex how many times can I say that often it's mutual masturbation, nothing, foreplay, it's not always the end all be all.

[woinlove]

How many more stereotypes can you add in a reply? LOL...for the record I don't see myself justifying anything.

 

The comment about the "lover" part? It's not always sex how many times can I say that often it's mutual masturbation, nothing, foreplay, it's not always the end all be all.

 

Don't get hung up on a word or two. You made it clear in your opening post that it is about exploring new young bodies and comparing them. "sex" is a just a convenient shorthand. Also mutual masturbation, foreplay is all part of sex.

[frozensprouts]

Op

I knew hat you think that what you're doing isn't hurting anyone, but in all honesty, that's not for you to say. You are not the person being affected by your behavior without even knowing why... it's like a junkie saying " so what if I get high, it doesn't hurt anyone...my family is fine" when the reality is that they are not.

 

What you don't realize is that all it takes for your life to come crashing down is for just one of these "extras" to decide that they don't want things to end, for them to be a little nutty, for them to assign way more meaning to a relationship than you do, or to think that you owe them more than what you gave You may think they'll never be able to find you, but really, it's not that hard.

 

What happens then? You'll have invited this person into your life and the life of your wife and child without their permission. They'll be having to face the consequences of your choices and your behavior...which, by the very nature that you work so damned hard to hide it, shows that you know they wouldn't approve of.

 

Besides, in spite of what you think your perfect plan to not get caught and that you'll not catch an STD from any of these women because " you can tell they are not promiscuous"...oh please, are you really that lame? ... you met them on a website for women looking to hook up with men for money, what the heck do you think they did before you came along? lived in a nunnery? In spite of what you may think, you're nothing special to them, just one in probably a string of men they've ben with, and you can't tell. AFter all, you are able to hid what you're doing from the people you live with, what makes you think they can't hide their behavior form you?

 

Honestly, if you care anything for your wife beyond what she gives to you, you'll put your self in her place for a moment and ask yourself how it feels? how's it going to feel should she find out that you've been cheating? how's it going to feel knowing that the guy you trusted and loved for years has been sleeping around behind your back? What if she does catch something from you, how are you going to explain that? What lie will you tell then?

 

It sounds like you're being really selfish...you want all the benefits of being married to a wife who loves you, kids who adore you and a great life plus your stuff on the side. Funny thing is that your wife doesn't love YOU, not really, what she loves is the person she thinks you are, which is nothing but a lie. You can't even be honest with yourself.

[Owl]

So here's my thought...what did you hope to find when you posted here on LS?

 

A bunch of folks telling you that you should be HONEST with your wife, rather than deceive her and lie to her by omission and continue your cheating with these women?

 

One person who would tell you what you wanted to hear? That what you're doing is "ok", and you should continue.

 

You found both.

 

Now what?

[2sunny]

So mean spirited. I have a lover and I help support her now. Prior to that all my other lovers were for pleasure and satisfaction, none of them complained. My OW and did not start off with a finacial element involved. You can name call all you like, it doesn't change the fact that I enjoy living life and have a different world view from you. You strike me as the kind of person that would particpate in a genocide if you decided some one didn't deserve to exist, were the wrong color, believed te wrong thing, etc.

 

How many more stereotypes can you add in a reply? LOL...for the record I don't see myself justifying anything.

 

The comment about the "lover" part? It's not always sex how many times can I say that often it's mutual masturbation, nothing, foreplay, it's not always the end all be all.

 

 

You two guys must not understand honestly when you see it. So cold - you're user name says enough... Yes, it's cold of you to be living a "pretend life" as your wife doesn't know about your double lifestyle. Both of you are LIVING the lies; not just telling a white lie. That's a BIG leap from a white lie.

 

For the record I live my life not even judging any person on color or sexual preference but on principles - of which honesty is key.

 

If you choose what you're choosing, I don't care, as long as you're honest with your spouse.

 

But neither of you have given your wives THAT honesty...

 

You simply aren't the men your wives think you are.

 

IF you were both thinking you were "all good" with the scenarios you portray here and guilt free - you wouldn't be posting here for approval.

 

Guess what, you're getting honesty and you don't even recognize what that looks like!

 

It couldn't possibly be marriages that are"that great" since you both have the need to deceive and cover up and justify to your wives.

 

Sauron - yours may not care - so why don't you ask her?

 

So cold - the thrill is in the secret, eh?

 

Until it all comes to the light...then you'll be left with the wreckage of YOUR actions not matching who YOUR WIFE THOUGHT she was married to. She'll be saying she doesn't even know who you are.

 

You seem so proud of your accomplishments with these young gals - play the tape forward and see what pain is on their faces when the truth comes to light.

[turnera]

It's not always sex how many times can I say that often it's mutual masturbation, nothing, foreplay, it's not always the end all be all.

Any of which you do in front of your wife?

 

If not, you're being a ...not so nice person ... and you should do her a favor and divorce her.

[so_cold]

I figured this would be the case. Sounds like your realtionship with your wife is better than mine.

 

So would you even consider leaving your wife and get divorced? I think I know your answer but I am curious?

 

 

Noway not in a million years!! There is no one that knows me better on the planet even with my secrets.

 

In fact Sex with my wife has been and is FAR BETTER than any activity outside of my marriage mainly due to the emotional bond and how well we know each other. The "cake eating" is interesting and adds spice, just like eating at a new restaurant vs a old time favorite, but new doesn't mean better.