Need some help with a broken heart

[hopeless_love]

Readers, I am heartbroken and I need some helpful advice...

 

About two years ago a co-worker and I fell HARD in love with each other (we had been seeing each other 'on the side'). I knew, from the minute I firs tlooked into her eyes, that she was THE ONE and that I had truly found my life's greatest love. This is despite the fact that I was already married (she was as well).

 

We knew it wsn't the right time - OUR TIME - and that to leave our existing relationships would be disastrous to all involved, but we knew in our hearts that our acting on our desires was just below the surface and a simple spark would set us off.

 

To make a long story short, the night I was going to announce to my wife that I was planning to leave her I was beaten to the punch, in that she announecd that she was pregnant. I have to admit, my first thought was not for her or the baby, but OH **** what am I going to do now!! Needless to say, any plans for my love were put on indefinite hold.

 

To make an already long story short, my love was heartbroken (as was I, for I knew what was coming) and broke off our seeing each other and she changed jobs- moved to another hospital all the way across town, and cut off virtually all contact with anybody working here.

 

Now, almost a year after I last saw her or even herd her voice, she won't answer my emails (I email her at least twice a week), she won't answer her phone (caller ID is a bitch), nor will she give me any sign whatsoever she is even alive out there.

 

I'm not asking her to drop everyting and come running back to me- that wouldn't be fair to either of us. All I am asking- and have ever asked- is that IF and WHEN the time is right, and we both find ourselves on our own, if she will give us a second chance at happiness. We both know that we would be amazingly happy together, but without even a word from her I am absolutely heartbroken.

 

I'm still so in love with her, and I want to know that she is okay and if she ever, ever thinks about me at all any more- I can only hope that she does. I want nothing more in my life than to one day have that second chance with her. I don't care if I'm 99 and in a nursing home, I know if I can just hold her hand one time and call her mine that I can die a happy man. I'm so afraid that if I never have that chance that I will never be happy again.

 

What can I do? My friends say that time will heal the hurt, and that I'll eventually forget...but I don't WANT to forget. She is the greatest, most powerful love I have ever felt in my entire life and I can't ismply 'forget about it'.

 

I need some good advice- please don't rag on me either- I've dine that enough to myself- thank you all.

[TommyGirl]

So tell me what's wrong with your marriage?

[lioness]

It does seem like there's more to it than you are saying. What IS wrong with your marriage? You have stuck it out... why?

 

If this other woman truly was the love of your life, and you were hers, then her heart was broken too and you can't blame her for trying to move on.

 

Why not let her move on, and try to do the same.

[saintfrancis]

What were you doing having sex with your wife if this other woman was "the love of your life?"

[Kelebek]

I bet that wasn't easy for you...having sex with your wife, I mean. But you had to do it, because you didn't want her to know anything was different - and plus, if you've married someone (not that I'd know...but) I'd assume you love them a lot, (albeit the WAY you love them may change) and wouldn't want to hurt them.

 

Your head must have been in such a mess. Chances are she knows something is/was up. How old is your baby now?

 

I know your head is telling you all the practical consequences of leaving her would be, and yes it'd be hard, and messy, and painful. But marriages break up, it's a fact, mostly cos people finally follow their hearts instead of their heads. I know it must be the scariest thing to do - but it sounds to me like you're wasting your life. I feel terrible for your poor wife, being strung along, but I think it's SO much better in the longrun to get out of this now. You are not being fair to her...and you are not being fair to yourself!! Like someone said to me on here, why deny yourself the chance of great love?? You only get one life, one chance.

 

What if you're sitting in that old people's home one day, alone. Completely regretting the fact that you settled for a loveless marriage that inevitably ended anyway instead of throwing caution to the wind and going after your soulmate?? Do you know how rare that kind of love is??

 

On the other hand - I know how awful the break up of a marriage is (my parents split up)...there are no words to describe how terrible it was, and I saw how much pain my dad was in - I hate thinking that I'm practically encouraging you to make your wife feel like this. But if you're not happy, you're not happy, simple as. You can't keep going the way you are for much longer. If you are not in love with your wife, it will eventually end ANYWAY. This other woman was just the catalyst for you feeling like this - there must have been something wrong deep down already. Which means it will eventually end. What if your soulmate isn't there when that time comes?

 

Good luck, I really feel for you, and for your wife, and your child! Take care, and do something soon.

[Craig]

Maybe the "love of your life" has decided that

 

1. she can't trust a man who would cheat on his wife.

2. she can't be the love of your life if you were having sex with your wife and seeing her at the same time.

 

and does not want anything to do with you. It is time to leave her alone.

[dosomethingnow]

Let's not forget that this woman had a husband too. What's to say she wasn't having sex with her husband at the same time, yet knowing that hopeless_love was the love of her life.

 

And if she can't trust a man who would cheat on his wife, then she's a bit of a hypocrite, isn't she??

 

It's not as if these are people randomly cheating on their spouses....the fact of the matter is that they were deeply in love...they couldn't help it.

 

Hopeless_love has said he's ragged enough on himself, let's respect that.

 

To the man himself - it's obvious this woman has been badly scalded by this experience. She was probably ecstatic that you were about to start your life together, then she discovers that you're having a baby and calling all the plans off - if, like you say, you are the love of her life, then she would have been DEVASTATED!!! If you want her back, let her know that this time it will be DIFFERENT. Commit to her, no matter what happens. Leave your wife - I bet she won't want your "pity"...staying with her is giving her that.

 

Good luck. Let us know what you intend to do!

[bobbie jo]

Originally posted by dosomethingnow

Let's not forget that this woman had a husband too. What's to say she wasn't having sex with her husband at the same time, yet knowing that hopeless_love was the love of her life.

 

And if she can't trust a man who would cheat on his wife, then she's a bit of a hypocrite, isn't she??

 

It's not as if these are people randomly cheating on their spouses....the fact of the matter is that they were deeply in love...they couldn't help it.

 

Hopeless_love has said he's ragged enough on himself, let's respect that.

 

To the man himself - it's obvious this woman has been badly scalded by this experience. She was probably ecstatic that you were about to start your life together, then she discovers that you're having a baby and calling all the plans off - if, like you say, you are the love of her life, then she would have been DEVASTATED!!! If you want her back, let her know that this time it will be DIFFERENT. Commit to her, no matter what happens. Leave your wife - I bet she won't want your "pity"...staying with her is giving her that.

 

Good luck. Let us know what you intend to do!