long and draining relationship with a MM

[hurted]

I finally take the courage and decide to write here. I see how strong and clear minded a lot of you are and I hope hope hope you can help me walk out of this.

 

I met him 5 yrs ago in a mall at where he came up to me and the first time i felt the connection i never did with anyone else so that was how it all started.

 

I didnt know he is married until I googled him. He is semi-famous in his expertise and i also found out he has three kids and the wife is a Japanese. I confronted him and humiliated by his lies( he even lied about his age), but he begged asking me not to leave him.

 

This all happened in the first year but i stuck with him still for another 3 years. Long story short, his job requires him travel all the time all over the globe and we dont see each other over often, even his kids( in japan too) also dont see him that much.

 

During all these years, we probably broke up many times and you all know the drill that he said he is for sure going to leave his wife and they dont even talk or share anything. They are together only for the children and this is why so hard for him, the job, the travelling, the kids, and me. He said he really just want to go away with me.

 

Well of course things didnt happen as he ALWAYS SAYS, so at one point, i figured i cant just keep on like this but also if i dont make myself ulterly heart broken ( i mean the whole time was difficult and hurtful but i needed harder so i could wake up). So last year June while we were together i had the courage to check his computer. Turned out he is not only lying to me about him and his wife ( he sometimes even says good things with her), he is also out there paying for sex, looking for escort etc.

 

I was highly highly shocked. i thot i knew he is still pretending all good with his wife but definitely didnt expect things would be this disgusting. Out of my instinct, i wrote a letter to his wife ( then she forwarded to everyone in his family) and also forwarded all the gross emails to her as well.

 

As you can predict, things got really ugly between him and I but thats what i wanted. I need a clear cut otherwise i will stuck in here forever.

 

after a month or so he went back to Japan, his wife gave me hell as i can imagine and his family also think he has issues. Then he got revengeful, called my work, left msgs to coworkers, called my family,said some really bad things about me......I had to go to the police station to try to get a restrain order and he also went to the police( i didnt know what he got to say to the police cos i am the VICtim!!!)

 

I was so mad and hurt, couldnt believe a man i loved so much would turn to me like this.

 

His wife, surprisingly called and wanted to meet me. We met and i showed her a lot of things and she ended up asking for my help to get a divorce from him cos i know his stuff way more than she does. She dosnt even know how many condos he owns...

 

Anyways, i tried to help her for a few months but she is too weak to fight all these, so i gave up. I just want to move on without any of his news or his wife's news.

 

I kept NC until he started to call or write after a few month later (3-4 months),saying how much he misses me and love me and i all ignore. I couldnt understand. He seems unreasonable and all. Until June, i was at the airport waiting for my fight and he msged me. I didnt know why i replied but i did, and happens to be he is heading to where i was heading.

 

Things went crazy. We met. But like nothing bad happened and we still feel the love and all. AFter the trip we all go back to where ever we live but he promised to keep in touch. He did but he was doing great. Sometimes he wasnt calling as often as he promised but he said its the kids that kept him occupied and asked me to be more calm.

 

Since then, it was On and off, on and off. I just go into NC if i feel he really lacks of action and responsibility. I just couldnt understand how can a man says i will call you tomorrow when i get to there, but never called and emailed and texted??!!! what the **** is that. And this has happened at least 3 times in this 5 year relationship.

 

Anyways, I go into NC again. I really really just want to in NC forever because everytime i go into NC believe me it hurts like hell. Everytime it feels like a break up. But everytime he comes back and beg me for attention i cannot resist but reply him.

 

Love and feeling wise, I love him very very much, i feel he is the only one who understand me and makes me truly happy and i think he feels the same. But so what....

 

I am lost, miserable. I cannot move on, I dont even want to see other guys not to mention date any of them. I dont have feelings for anyone else except him, tho as much as i want to move on, i cant.

 

Please tell me what should I do just to move on in my life and find the real right one for me.

[Ladydrib]

I finally take the courage and decide to write here. I see how strong and clear minded a lot of you are and I hope hope hope you can help me walk out of this.

 

Since then, it was On and off, on and off. I just go into NC if i feel he really lacks of action and responsibility. I just couldnt understand how can a man says i will call you tomorrow when i get to there, but never called and emailed and texted??!!! what the **** is that. And this has happened at least 3 times in this 5 year relationship.

 

Anyways, I go into NC again. I really really just want to in NC forever because everytime i go into NC believe me it hurts like hell.

 

Love and feeling wise, I love him very very much, i feel he is the only one who understand me and makes me truly happy and i think he feels the same. But so what....

 

I am lost, miserable. I cannot move on, I dont even want to see other guys not to mention date any of them. I dont have feelings for anyone else except him, tho as much as i want to move on, i cant.

 

Please tell me what should I do just to move on in my life and find the real right one for me.

 

You are on the path to being strong and clear minded too. If any of us seem this way, it's because we fought through the pain of whatever bad situation we were in, to get to a healthier place. Getting this man out of your life is the first step. Good job, keep it going.

 

Regarding the "on and off" you speak of above, doesn't matter why or how. What matters is that this is the pattern he has shown (along with other bad patterns -cheating, lying, etc.). So you need to be honest with yourself and acknowledge he will not change. This is who he is. This is what he has to offer. And it's not enough for you (if it was, you'd not be in pain and trying to leave).

 

Regarding loving him, I'm sure you do. But that is not a reason to stay. And I have to disagree with you on how happy he makes you. Perhaps you have fun with him, but he is causing you a lot of pain and suffering too (and I'm assuming pain and suffering do not make one happy).

 

Stop saying you can't move on. You can, and you will. If you're like me it makes sense that you have no interest in other man (because you still love this poisonous man). I have only ever had room in my heart for one man at a time. Sounds like you are the same. Do not look for another man to help you fall out of love. It doesn't happen that way. Just like you said, you have no interest in anyone else. The trick is to stay focused on NC so that you will fall out of love with him. Once you are no longer in love with him, your heart will be open for another man. And you will not want that or find it until you have removed this poisonous man from your heart. It won't be easy, but you know you've been wasting your life, that's why you're here. So you have to push through the pain to get to s better place. And trust that when you do, you will want someone else, and you will find someone else.

[kamani]

Well, from your post it is obvious that he has never been faithful. He cheated his wife, apart from you, he had sex with many other women as well.

 

I don't beleive this is love. This is lust more than love and now you are both finding it difficult to escape. You cannot take someone you love to the Police.

 

Please try hard NC. You are wasting your time that you could have on far worthwhile guys. Change your phone numbers, email accounts, place of residence all.

Try this at least 3 moths. I warrant you success. You need to come out of this hell.

[hurted]

You are on the path to being strong and clear minded too. If any of us seem this way, it's because we fought through the pain of whatever bad situation we were in, to get to a healthier place. Getting this man out of your life is the first step. Good job, keep it going.

 

Regarding the "on and off" you speak of above, doesn't matter why or how. What matters is that this is the pattern he has shown (along with other bad patterns -cheating, lying, etc.). So you need to be honest with yourself and acknowledge he will not change. This is who he is. This is what he has to offer. And it's not enough for you (if it was, you'd not be in pain and trying to leave).

 

Regarding loving him, I'm sure you do. But that is not a reason to stay. And I have to disagree with you on how happy he makes you. Perhaps you have fun with him, but he is causing you a lot of pain and suffering too (and I'm assuming pain and suffering do not make one happy).

 

Stop saying you can't move on. You can, and you will. If you're like me it makes sense that you have no interest in other man (because you still love this poisonous man). I have only ever had room in my heart for one man at a time. Sounds like you are the same. Do not look for another man to help you fall out of love. It doesn't happen that way. Just like you said, you have no interest in anyone else. The trick is to stay focused on NC so that you will fall out of love with him. Once you are no longer in love with him, your heart will be open for another man. And you will not want that or find it until you have removed this poisonous man from your heart. It won't be easy, but you know you've been wasting your life, that's why you're here. So you have to push through the pain to get to s better place. And trust that when you do, you will want someone else, and you will find someone else.

 

Dear Ladydrib,

 

Thank you for your encouring words and thank you for having faith in me that i will walk out of this. That means a lot to me.

 

I am actually aware all the things you have said but my mind is very weak when I am alone. You are totally right that i have to let him go in order to let another person in. But trust me, i tried, i really did.

 

What is really bothering me now is that I actually did went into NC from last July till this year June ( almost a year), should be long enough to forget him and move on. However like i said, i was so stupid to talk to him again and saw him again this June like i got witched or sth.

 

I am more afraid now than just him drawing me back. I know he couldn't cos walking away from him is no longer the scary part( I did it for almost a year), it is the part that after a year i still couldn't let others to come in. Honestly, this may sounds crazy and stupid to you, but i am scared of that one day if i ever run into him or we meet again, i am still alone, lost and miserable. I dont want that! I want to live better, happier without him, but with someone truly treats me better and cherish me. I want to show up one day, truly happy with the person I am with then and calmly say "thank you for letting me know what i dont want in my life". I dont want to give him the chance to think " oh well, she didnt do better than me''.....

 

I guess i am so eager to move on yet the fact i am still stuck makes me more nervous so I relapsed?! Does that even make sense to you?

[hurted]

Well, from your post it is obvious that he has never been faithful. He cheated his wife, apart from you, he had sex with many other women as well.

 

I don't beleive this is love. This is lust more than love and now you are both finding it difficult to escape. You cannot take someone you love to the Police.

 

Please try hard NC. You are wasting your time that you could have on far worthwhile guys. Change your phone numbers, email accounts, place of residence all.

Try this at least 3 moths. I warrant you success. You need to come out of this hell.

Dear Kamani,

 

Your comment is sharp and so right that he has never been faithful. i was so stupid thought maybe when our great love would change him. I guess it never will.

 

But I tried everything, i replaced my phone number, i moved, i put him on the police report file in case he waited downstairs again. Yet he still somehow found me. He somehow always found a way to convince me this time would be different.

 

So you think even he is not married, he is not attached with kids, he is not too busy with work, he is still more of a scumbag and not worth me to shred a tear right? Aside from all other outside factors, he is the real problem right? No matter who he is with, he will make the other cry, hurt and suffer right??

[hurted]

Below is the email he sent to me most recently(one month ago):

 

Your getting this letter and saying to yourself……here we go! Here we go again?!?!?! The whole time I have been going through my **** you were there. The times I needed someone you were with me. The things in life you have and the things I have just seem less when we are not together. I have to thank you over and over for making me look inside.

 

 

 

Today we have 2 lives that cannot cross unless we make them cross. You have work in Beijing and I have work everywhere. I know I tried to tell you times are tough mow with me trying to figure out how I have failed everyone. I wake up and wish you were there to tell me it was ok, I love you, do everything possible to make everything work, be happy, and you're a great person. Instead I wake up dreaming about you and I cry inside.

 

 

 

My biggest problem is conflicting issues of love and trust. You should trust the one you love yet I trust no one. I want to trust but all I find is love for you yet I do not trust you. How can I find trust? I have to trust myself and believe in you. I know I broke everyone’s trust. I feel my only chance is reset yet I can not, I have not been with or tried to be with anyone since we were together, I am possessed by the love we have. I am slaved day in and day out to dreams that the world will make it easy and bring us together.

 

 

 

I am sorry if I hurt you. I am sorry if you felt that I would betray us and make you 2nd or 3rd. My goal in life has been and will be to make someone happy. I am guilty of hurting many people and I am guilty of not being courageous when we fell in love. I have been dealing with issues that I can not explain because I do not fully understand.

 

 

 

Yuuka has decided by herself or help from Junko and Junko’s family how bad of a person, father, husband I was. She tells me she hates me yet I keep a strong face and know I failed her. My boys need me as I show them and teach them many things and I need to be around them as much as I can. All this but I need to be loved by you. I need to see or hear you everyday. I need your life to blend in my life.

 

 

 

I know that you have many positive things in your world now. You meet many people and have a social life and dating. Why would you want to be in this mess again with me. We love each other and think about each other but you now try to figure out which ways to fill your dream. your dream of 4 Children, living in nice house, good schools, social life, nice vacations, nice clothes, nice car. Maybe you think even if I love him he will not or cannot give these things to me. That us together is a different fantasy.

 

 

 

It is the weekend and Friday night, your out with guys from work and clubs. You can avoid thinking about me and maybe wake up with different comforts. What can I do? I have to do so much to get your life and my life on the same page. I know that the work for this is a lot. Payout is love. Love is the only payment I can give or get. I sent you my flight because I was hoping the higher life, god, karma brought us to the same place again. I thought I maybe had the chance to make it work. I did not want you to think and compare my love for the kids and you was ranked. You're the one I want to give a life and happiness to. I also want my kids happy and to have a great life. I believe I can do both but also know I need to be a better father next time.

 

 

 

I can’t again raise kids under my past ways. I need to have a stable place and life to share everyday and teach them. I can’t be a part time father and husband. I need to be a better father and husband if this is going to happen for us. I choke when I think that we will never be together. I get sick like the last night we were together were I can not see or stand up.

 

 

 

You blocked me from everything and have given up. I have 500 more days at my job and I need to find a new way to work and make money so I can have a life with you and raise my kids. I dream every minute how I can escape and change being with you now, today, in 5 minutes. You look so beautiful; you're intelligent and savoy “street smart” businesswomen and have the world in your hands. Maybe god will not bring us together now but I dream so. I am hoping to wake up at the Loden and have you knocking on my door. When I see you truly happy with the simplest things it makes me so happy. Usually food

 

 

 

I lost you and try to catch you. I know I had a second, third fourth time to be with you and I failed. All I know is I love you and want you to be my number 1 always. Maybe there is a guy there with you now who can say yes to your every need. I hope that this is not true but if he is there you deserve all you want.

 

I love you.

 

.....................................................................................

 

Okay reading this email was really really hard for me. After all the frustration and pain i still cried when reading it and yes i talked to him after this email. Tell me all of you think he faked all of it and just trying to get me back and hurt me again?

 

Honestly i do know, like ladydirb said, he will never change. His pattern of writing to me such a tearful letter is definitely not a first, but i just dont understand, how would someone be so true to you in one minute and the next he doesnt fulfill whatever he said or deliver the promises and just disappear?? I simply dont understand.

 

I am starting to be very self-blaming and self-indulged. I am not positive as i was and I am very closed to anyone, even to my best friends. I get angry very very easily and i take everything personal and think bad things always happen to me. I am very irritated and yell at people all the time, even strangers sometimes get to my nerves, i bite them back. I am so fragile inside yet showing a fake strong face. I get so humiliated by other friends all getting married, find the right person and live a happy life. The more i see others, the more i hate him yet think about him. I become psychotic i am worried about he is remotely torturing me even without needing to be physically here!!

[veryhappy]

So last year June while we were together i had the courage to check his computer. Turned out he is not only lying to me about him and his wife ( he sometimes even says good things with her), he is also out there paying for sex, looking for escort etc.

 

I was highly highly shocked. i thot i knew he is still pretending all good with his wife but definitely didnt expect things would be this disgusting. Out of my instinct, i wrote a letter to his wife ( then she forwarded to everyone in his family) and also forwarded all the gross emails to her as well.

 

Just trying to understand. Why isn't the fact that he's paying for sex, and sharing his penis left and right a dealbreaker for you?

[veryhappy]

 

Your getting this letter and saying to yourself……here we go! Here we go again?!?!?! The whole time I have been going through my **** you were there. The times I needed someone you were with me. The things in life you have and the things I have just seem less when we are not together. I have to thank you over and over for making me look inside.

 

Here we go again, nothing changed for me. Can we resume the affair?

 

Today we have 2 lives that cannot cross unless we make them cross. You have work in Beijing and I have work everywhere. I know I tried to tell you times are tough mow with me trying to figure out how I have failed everyone. I wake up and wish you were there to tell me it was ok, I love you, do everything possible to make everything work, be happy, and you're a great person. Instead I wake up dreaming about you and I cry inside.

 

I wish you could solve everything, or I wish you could understand that you can only be the OW, but I'm weak and all I can do is dreaming. I have some guilt for everyone, but not enough to stop me from wanting to continue the A.

 

My biggest problem is conflicting issues of love and trust. You should trust the one you love yet I trust no one. I want to trust but all I find is love for you yet I do not trust you. How can I find trust? I have to trust myself and believe in you. I know I broke everyone’s trust. I feel my only chance is reset yet I can not, I have not been with or tried to be with anyone since we were together, I am possessed by the love we have. I am slaved day in and day out to dreams that the world will make it easy and bring us together.

 

I know you shouldn't trust me, so I project and don't trust you. You really shouldn't trust me, especially when I tell you how I wish the world will bring us together. Not even that I'll do anything about it, but some mysterious third party will bring us together.

 

I am sorry if I hurt you. I am sorry if you felt that I would betray us and make you 2nd or 3rd. My goal in life has been and will be to make someone happy. I am guilty of hurting many people and I am guilty of not being courageous when we fell in love. I have been dealing with issues that I can not explain because I do not fully understand.

 

I'm f ud, and an apology here will probably go well with you.

 

Yuuka has decided by herself or help from Junko and Junko’s family how bad of a person, father, husband I was. She tells me she hates me yet I keep a strong face and know I failed her. My boys need me as I show them and teach them many things and I need to be around them as much as I can. All this but I need to be loved by you. I need to see or hear you everyday. I need your life to blend in my life.

 

Poor, poor me. See? I have it so hard. You used to be so understanding. I'm sure you understand.

 

I know that you have many positive things in your world now. You meet many people and have a social life and dating. Why would you want to be in this mess again with me. We love each other and think about each other but you now try to figure out which ways to fill your dream. your dream of 4 Children, living in nice house, good schools, social life, nice vacations, nice clothes, nice car. Maybe you think even if I love him he will not or cannot give these things to me. That us together is a different fantasy.

 

I can't give you what you want. I don't deserve you.

 

It is the weekend and Friday night, your out with guys from work and clubs. You can avoid thinking about me and maybe wake up with different comforts. What can I do? I have to do so much to get your life and my life on the same page. I know that the work for this is a lot. Payout is love. Love is the only payment I can give or get. I sent you my flight because I was hoping the higher life, god, karma brought us to the same place again. I thought I maybe had the chance to make it work. I did not want you to think and compare my love for the kids and you was ranked. You're the one I want to give a life and happiness to. I also want my kids happy and to have a great life. I believe I can do both but also know I need to be a better father next time.

 

I can't stand thinking of you with other guys. Maybe if I keep you pining for me, you'll mess up any potential R.

 

I can’t again raise kids under my past ways. I need to have a stable place and life to share everyday and teach them. I can’t be a part time father and husband. I need to be a better father and husband if this is going to happen for us. I choke when I think that we will never be together. I get sick like the last night we were together were I can not see or stand up.

 

I won't leave for you. Poor me. You understand, right?

 

You blocked me from everything and have given up. I have 500 more days at my job and I need to find a new way to work and make money so I can have a life with you and raise my kids. I dream every minute how I can escape and change being with you now, today, in 5 minutes. You look so beautiful; you're intelligent and savoy “street smart” businesswomen and have the world in your hands. Maybe god will not bring us together now but I dream so. I am hoping to wake up at the Loden and have you knocking on my door. When I see you truly happy with the simplest things it makes me so happy. Usually food

 

Tell me you haven't given up. Tell me you still want me, so I don't have to face that I lost you. (which by the way - you gave him what he wanted by responding).

 

I lost you and try to catch you. I know I had a second, third fourth time to be with you and I failed. All I know is I love you and want you to be my number 1 always. Maybe there is a guy there with you now who can say yes to your every need. I hope that this is not true but if he is there you deserve all you want.

 

I'm f up, and I can't give you what you want. You've given me several chances, and I blew all of them. If I tell you mushy stuff, will you be there waiting for me?

 

I love you.

Please?

 

 

In the words of a broken heart: it sounds so familiar. Ignore.

[alexandria35]

That email sounds like a bunch of gibberish to me. The whole time I was reading it I was thinking "what the hell is he talking about"? He broke everyones trust but he doesn't trust you? He wants to be with you and he knows he needs to be a better husband and father? WTF?? It's just a bunch of long winded crap that he wrote to try to keep you emotionally involved with him while he changes nothing. Reading that drivel actually makes him sound worse than he already did.

[hurted]

In the words of a broken heart: it sounds so familiar. Ignore.

Haha Cutedragon,

 

Thank you for translating this letter for me!!! I guess i could use some laughs and face it and not try to believe what i want myself to believe!!!

 

AWESOME!! I totally needed that!!!!

 

I actually did read some of the underlining meaning out of the letter but i guess i was so desperate and lonely which made me believe maybe i am not good enough for other guys, maybe only him still loves me. Stupid huh~~ Pure pure stupidity!!

 

Seriously, Thank you for this. I used to read this and teared up and made myself believe that was such a great love and no one else can exceed that! But you are so right, each paragraph you translated, I can see what he was really saying and it actually matches his action which is NOTHING IS HAPPENING AND NOTHING WILL EVER HAPPEN!!! Afterall, what really matters is one's action not his bullsh*t right??

 

I deleted him off from everything and i cant believe i fu*king fall for his sh*t again!!!!!!!!!!!

[hurted]

That email sounds like a bunch of gibberish to me. The whole time I was reading it I was thinking "what the hell is he talking about"? He broke everyones trust but he doesn't trust you? He wants to be with you and he knows he needs to be a better husband and father? WTF?? It's just a bunch of long winded crap that he wrote to try to keep you emotionally involved with him while he changes nothing. Reading that drivel actually makes him sound worse than he already did.

Totally, i felt that in the very beginning but then thot hmm, read again, maybe he is trying to say sth and he is doing sth that want to surprise me one day.

 

A lot of times, the hot head me always try to convince myself what i want to believe which is far far away from the reality. And he always get away with that by knowing me too well. Damn i am stupid!!!

[hurted]

I took him off from everything that he can try to contact me, unless he call my parents' house which i doubt he would.

 

But to keep myself determined and leave no other ways, i am thinking to write to his wife again and CC him, tell him that if he ever contacts me again, i will tell on him, just like the last time.

 

Actually from last time his wife and I talked, she asked me to do this ( everytime he contacts me she wants me to tell her), but after a while, i wanted to move on and even tho he did contacts me several times i chose to ignore and didnt want to continually involved with them so i stopped writing to her and havent talk to her since.

 

I am not sure how much restraint it would put on him cos obviously when last time sh*t happened yet he still dared to contact me regardless i might would contact his wife again.

 

But i really just want to stop him and humiliate him, make him think" dont ever mess with this women, she is evil". I dont care what he thinks of me, just never ever contact me again and dont ever try to drag me back!!!

 

What you all think?

[veryhappy]

We all want to believe the stuff they're saying. And we believe and believe, until the moment of disbelief arrives. Actions don't match the words, and the words become more and more pathetic. Read my threads. They all say the same bs.

 

If the wife asked you to let her know, send her the long email. Let him sweat explaining that. Also, send what you know about him paying for sex. As a woman, I'd want to know that.

 

There's nothing this guy can offer you. Maybe some stds.

[kamani]

Dear Kamani,

 

'Your comment is sharp and so right that he has never been faithful.'

 

Sorry I had to be sharp for your own benefit.

 

I think you are still not sure whether you want to end this or not. First decide it.

 

You can end this only if you put a real effort only. I know this is easier said than done. Specially, when you desperately want to end it and when he doesn't want to leave you alone.

 

I know this is extremely painful. You have wasted considerble period of your life, how old are you now?

 

 

' But I tried everything, i replaced my phone number, i moved, i put him on the police report file in case he waited downstairs again. Yet he still somehow found me. He somehow always found a way to convince me this time would be different. '

 

Why don't you try a vacation of few moths in countryside? You can consider migration as well. Please don't forget if you want to come out of this hell, you need to do a lot of sacrifice other than your life. Even your job. Now this has gone too far and no need to say there will be a lot of pain and lossess. So be prepared.

 

'So you think even he is not married, he is not attached with kids, he is not too busy with work, he is still more of a scumbag and not worth me to shred a tear right? Aside from all other outside factors, he is the real problem right? No matter who he is with, he will make the other cry, hurt and suffer right??

'

 

This is not something about marriage. Even if he marries you, I don't think that you would be happy. Just think about his letter. Everything is I......... I...... I. Remember 'happiness is the greatest wealth' Can you ever be happy with this sort of man in your life? Are you prepared to be a stepmother of 4? You want 4 as well, so all together eight children?

 

I feel this is selfish love. He isn't concerned about the pain you undergo.

[hurted]

I blocked him but still can see his whatsapp pic and when was his last logon. He rarely uses it only when he contacts me he would use whatsapp. BUT today believe it or not, i saw his displayed pic changed into a woman in her swimming suit in the swimming pool. and his profile says an island name in Japan. So this girl must be his new "Girlfriend"!

 

I was like, wow! In total shock and couldnt believe my eyes. I was taking the elevator down and almost fell on the floor. wow, a new girl already, great, but why would he want to put it up and he for sure knows i would see it! Yet he either wants to hurt me or he doesnt care what i would feel!!

 

This is like breaking up again even tho i have broke up with him so many times but still hurts like hell.

 

I guess the good part of this is i would have ZERO imaginations on us anymore, not even a tiny bit. Cos before i always thot every man comes with defects, no one is perfect. He has his imperfections but what we had was real.

 

Now, i dont think what we had in the past 5 years was real. I think the whole time i was talking myself into it and he was controlling me without moving his finger, only by lying. If he really loved me or still love me, he wouldnt hurt me over and over again. He wouldnt put on a pic of other woman, assuming i would see it.

 

 

I am devastated less becuz he moved on/with another girl so soon, more becuz he is having fun yet still wants to hurt me. Why hurt me????!!!!! why?? I dont understand!!! he was saying how much he loves me but just turn around find another girl and hurt me? that is just mean!!!! If you moved on even quicker than i could, good for you! But why would you do that and hurt me intentionally??

 

I dont think the world is fair. For someone like him, hurt his wife, hurt and torture me, yet still can find girls and have fun in life??!! And I couldnt or even want to be another man just becuz of him??? I am such an idiot now i regret everything, every bit of him and even happy moments we had, i regret it.

 

I feel like the biggest fool in the world when someone stabbed me i still come up and let him stab me over and over. I feel i am hopeless and miserable and lost. what a loser i am. No wonder other guys would probably know how stupid this girl is so no one wants me. I guess i asked for the pain, i asked for it.

[hurted]

'

 

This is not something about marriage. Even if he marries you, I don't think that you would be happy. Just think about his letter. Everything is I......... I...... I. Remember 'happiness is the greatest wealth' Can you ever be happy with this sort of man in your life? Are you prepared to be a stepmother of 4? You want 4 as well, so all together eight children?

 

I feel this is selfish love. He isn't concerned about the pain you undergo.

You know what Kamani, I used to think there is gotta be a way that i can be with him. My parents were divorced, my dad cheated and now married to this woman. My uncle was same and a lot of people they had an affair then divorced then married to this woman whom they had affair with. So i thot okay, there must be some way.

 

Now i finally understand, it is all because of him. Things that shouldnt be happened, happened becuz of him, things that i thot will happen that didnt happen also becuz of him. Everything is an illusion that he created and put me into that imaginary bubble and turned out i was so stupid even like to stay in there and got played.

 

you are right. It is this guy who has a lot of traits that couldnt be trusted to be a bf not even mention a husband.

 

I actually met his wife as i told you in the beginning of my story. She is very very thin and she needs to take mental pills since she found out a cuff in his luggage when she is first pregnant after just married 2 months. Maybe if i had to make him and I work, i might end up just like her, mentally ill. In fact this already makes me mentally drained and ill.

[hurted]

We all want to believe the stuff they're saying. And we believe and believe, until the moment of disbelief arrives. Actions don't match the words, and the words become more and more pathetic. Read my threads. They all say the same bs.

 

If the wife asked you to let her know, send her the long email. Let him sweat explaining that. Also, send what you know about him paying for sex. As a woman, I'd want to know that.

 

There's nothing this guy can offer you. Maybe some stds.

Hi cutedragon,

 

Thanks for your suggestions. But after what happened today ( I just mentioned in my earlier post today) i think i wont tell his wife. I want this person to get out of my mind and continue engage in whatever communication involves him just going to drag me longer.

 

I did emailed his wife with all of his emails with different girls( escort, girls online, japanese pay girls etc), his wife was very disgust but still they are married. I guess that explains sth to me.

 

I am just hoping the world can be more fair to me. why is he having all the fun in the world and me is still suffering after one year of NC, broken once and now back to NC. why the right person in my life still wont show up, why is my life right now is so messed up becuz of him?!!

[kamani]

I understand your pain. Your childhood had family troubles. Now you are involved with a married man and this man is giving you hell. You need to be happy in the rest of your life. Have you ever loved any guy apart from this one? I mean love, not just dating. I think you haven't.

 

You don't deserve this agony for the rest of your life. Once you detach with this one and you are healed, you'll be able to fall in love with a respectable man, a gentleman, not this type of bull****, who is 100% available for you. Only then you'd be totally convinced how this man ate up your life for years. I'm sure you don't deserve this, you deserve much more in your life.

 

Just try no contact for 3 moths. Pleas remember no contact is 'no contact at all' and not limited contact. You should get rid of his sight, photos as well. IMO, if you email his wife and others involved with him, it would increase the risk of contacting him again. The chances are high that he would again get connected to you. On the other hand it would make the healing process slower.

 

Whenever you feel devastated post here, never contact him.

 

Good Luck.

[firstandlast]

I blocked him but still can see his whatsapp pic and when was his last logon. He rarely uses it only when he contacts me he would use whatsapp. BUT today believe it or not, i saw his displayed pic changed into a woman in her swimming suit in the swimming pool. and his profile says an island name in Japan. So this girl must be his new "Girlfriend"!

 

I was like, wow! In total shock and couldnt believe my eyes. I was taking the elevator down and almost fell on the floor. wow, a new girl already, great, but why would he want to put it up and he for sure knows i would see it! Yet he either wants to hurt me or he doesnt care what i would feel!!

 

This is like breaking up again even tho i have broke up with him so many times but still hurts like hell.

 

I guess the good part of this is i would have ZERO imaginations on us anymore, not even a tiny bit. Cos before i always thot every man comes with defects, no one is perfect. He has his imperfections but what we had was real.

 

Now, i dont think what we had in the past 5 years was real. I think the whole time i was talking myself into it and he was controlling me without moving his finger, only by lying. If he really loved me or still love me, he wouldnt hurt me over and over again. He wouldnt put on a pic of other woman, assuming i would see it.

 

 

I am devastated less becuz he moved on/with another girl so soon, more becuz he is having fun yet still wants to hurt me. Why hurt me????!!!!! why?? I dont understand!!! he was saying how much he loves me but just turn around find another girl and hurt me? that is just mean!!!! If you moved on even quicker than i could, good for you! But why would you do that and hurt me intentionally??

 

I dont think the world is fair. For someone like him, hurt his wife, hurt and torture me, yet still can find girls and have fun in life??!! And I couldnt or even want to be another man just becuz of him??? I am such an idiot now i regret everything, every bit of him and even happy moments we had, i regret it.

 

I feel like the biggest fool in the world when someone stabbed me i still come up and let him stab me over and over. I feel i am hopeless and miserable and lost. what a loser i am. No wonder other guys would probably know how stupid this girl is so no one wants me. I guess i asked for the pain, i asked for it.

 

I don't know which is better on Whatsapp -- removing or blocking. If you just remove them, you won't see their online status, but they can still contact you. I think the best thing is to remove them, they block them after they send the first message.