oceandreaming Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 I am afraid that I have checked out of our marriage and I don't want to come back. I have been with my husband for 20+ years. He's a good man, I do not regret marrying him. But I find myself dreaming of him being gone, we spent some time apart this year and it was wonderful. It's gotten so bad that I have thought maybe he won't live forever. What happened to me, how did I get this way. I have a hard time being near him. His voice, the way he looks at me.... Oh and I hate sex with him. I could go the rest of my life and never be touched again. We have talked endlessly about this, we just don't fit together right. We've tried "a variety of marital aids". I know it's not that I have low drive. I know that a man can peak my interest. I've tried the whole fantasy thing in bed, but it just doesn't work. It seems so unfair to him to have to live with someone like me. I'm told all the time he is good looking, I know he is a good man, he has a good heart. He could still find someone to love him, lust him, desire him... I think I could be okay alone, not that I wouldn't like one day to have someone that I enjoyed their company. We still have small children at home. I don't think our children can afford us to divorce. Financially we just barely make it. I could go to bare basics, but kids should have shoes, clothes, be able to play sports... Running two households would be a financial nightmare. Does it ever work for couples to just share a house and have separate lives? Anyone here try? Link to post Share on other sites
CheckYourself Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I know the feeling. Just signed up to get a unbiased perspective on my plight. I too have not been happy and this struggle is beating the ***** out of me. I do love my wife and despite her past year long fling, I am gratefully of what we had and our amazing children. But I DO want out and when our daughter leaves for school, I am done. You just have to do it and soak up the aftermath in good standing order! Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Oceandreaming...based upon your original post ....too bad. Cry us all a river that your not happy. Do you think that marriage is the unicorns and rainbows that come in the first year? Grow up. You choose to get married and choose to have children...do you think that somewhere along the way you might have thought...just a little... that maybe you were with the wrong person? So now, because you want to be a walkaway wife, more than just your husband suffers, now you have children that do as well. My first thought is...who is the other guy. It is up to you to make your own happiness, not you husband. Figure it out and work on your marriage...get counseling, get a hobby..etc. You owe it to your kids to find your own happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
TiredFamilyGuy Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 OP, I feel this is a small part of the picture you are giving us. You said: You have a spouse who is a good man and attractive to your female friends. You can't stand to be near him, hate sex, and dream he was dead. You know that "a man can pique your interest". This doesn't add up. Is it that he is boring? Ultra-religious or with different values? Betrayed you? Are you wanting to betray him and are in the fog (where nothing the spouse does is right)? Did you marry in haste? What is the actual source of your discontent? Link to post Share on other sites
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