Lost man Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 I've been in a relationship with a single mother of two teenage boys (shes in the UK and im in the US) for more than 4 months. We talk daily both through text messaging American telephone conversations. We've shared countless and revealing photos and I have fallen hopelessly in love with her. She knows I'm wealthy and have time and means to visit her, yet, she will not allow it. She won't give me her address and refuses all my gifts. I know she truly cares and it took her two months to say she loves me. She's more than 10 years younger than me but knows I look great for my age. Why would she keep putting me off? We talk all hours of the day and night and I even recently hired someone to make sure she's not in a relationship. I listed a few expectations I have and now she's not speaking to me. She's been hurt both mentally and physically in the past but knows I'm not that kind of man so what gives? Any ideas? Help! Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Chrissy Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Ok this is my thoughts on this. I just want you to know that I have not been in a situation like this so I am only guessing. My guess is, she is a mother so the whole adress thing maybe because she wants to keep her family safe? Because of things in her past she may have some serious trust issues that go beyond the surface of talking and sending pictures. It seems shes scared of becoming serious with you becuase of the past. I don't know, this is just my guess since based on what you said. I could be very wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pettie Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 My guess is, she is a mother so the whole adress thing maybe because she wants to keep her family safe? I second this. It's a valid point. Being a mother of 2, she is perhaps being extra-careful. Especially if they are teenagers. 4-5 months might be too soon for her? Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) I've been in a relationship with a single mother of two teenage boys (shes in the UK and im in the US) for more than 4 months. We talk daily both through text messaging American telephone conversations. We've shared countless and revealing photos and I have fallen hopelessly in love with her. She knows I'm wealthy and have time and means to visit her, yet, she will not allow it. She won't give me her address and refuses all my gifts. I know she truly cares and it took her two months to say she loves me. She's more than 10 years younger than me but knows I look great for my age. Why would she keep putting me off? We talk all hours of the day and night and I even recently hired someone to make sure she's not in a relationship. I listed a few expectations I have and now she's not speaking to me. She's been hurt both mentally and physically in the past but knows I'm not that kind of man so what gives? Any ideas? Help! For those put off by intimacy, a LDR can be especially appealing. There's closeness, sharing, attention, longing, but the S.O. is kept at a comfortable arm's length. My guess is your love interest is such a person. She's been hurt in the past but still craves connection. A LDR across the vast Atlantic may allow her to feel loved AND safe at the same time. Rather than close the divide physically or emotionally, she's content to continue the fantasy just as it is. Hence her strong reaction to you entering her real world and her bailing at your "expectations." Shiz started to become real and that didn't feel good to her. Edited October 22, 2012 by cerridwen Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 It took me years. If you hired someone and already know her address by now, and she got to know that, you're f---ed for good. Don't do that anymore. You'd lose the little trust you were able to build so far. Go on building that trust, one step at a time. And give her the time to physically want you. She'll get there one day. If you have the time to wait. Otherwise just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
PepperPotts Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 It took me years. If you hired someone and already know her address by now, and she got to know that, you're f---ed for good. Don't do that anymore. You'd lose the little trust you were able to build so far. Go on building that trust, one step at a time. And give her the time to physically want you. She'll get there one day. If you have the time to wait. Otherwise just move on. I second that. Maybe you're moving too fast for her, and maybe she suspects there's something squiffy going on. I don't mean to be insulting, but you've *hired someone to keep tabs on a woman you've been dating for four months.* You also say it "took her two months to say she loves [you]." The way you've worded that implies to me that you feel you had to be patient for her to say it. You don't sound like she grew to love you and said it when she was ready-- it was something she should have said earlier but it took her two whole months. These things make me think maybe she wants to keep the pace nice and slow. You live in two countries, you're definitely the more powerful person in the relationship, and she has children to protect. If you really care about her, let her set the pace. If it's meant to be it'll happen. And if you think she's worth being with, she's also worth waiting for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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