veryhappy Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I'm already hurting, I've never hurt so bad in my life. what's the difference? A little piece of him is better than nothing at all. I don't care wat happens anymore Josh will be very happy. All he misses is a pregnant wife, and his life will be just amazing. Do not delude yourself that he's going to leave for you. If an A is what you want, you'd better be smart about it. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 "Take care, then." (just thought I'd remind you of what he said to you) Keep in mind how badly that hurt. Imagine if you do have an affair with him, and he gets busted by his wife. To save his own azz, he labels you as a psycho stalker who threw herself at him. Try to imagine what those words will feel like. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Share Posted October 25, 2012 I called him..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Share Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) I told him that I've been thinking about what he told me the other day non stop, and trying to ignore it was like trying not to breathe. I asked again of he really meant what he said and he told me he does. I told him i wanna see him. He said he's going to come to the city on Saturday. Just to talk, that's all i want, to see what's really going on in his mind. Edited October 25, 2012 by jennifernyc84 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I told him that I've been thinking about what he told me the other day non stop, and trying to ignore it was like trying not to breathe. I asked again of he really meant what he said and he told me he does. I told him i wanna see him. He said he's going to come to the city on Saturday. Just to talk, that's all i want, to see what's really going on in his mind. You KNOW what's going on in his mind! He wants sex on the side - someone he doesn't need bothering his home life - and THAT'S what he's offered. Now you have him thinking YOU'RE willing to settle for his crumbs... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 He knows he's gonna get sex... That's why he's willing to travel. I'm sure he will tell his wife he's leaving for the day to go visit you. NOT! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Share Posted October 25, 2012 I'm not going to mention a thing about sex. I just wanna talk this out. There's something about phone call and text messaging that gets lost in translation. Link to post Share on other sites
truthbetold Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 I told him that I've been thinking about what he told me the other day non stop, and trying to ignore it was like trying not to breathe. I asked again of he really meant what he said and he told me he does. I told him i wanna see him. He said he's going to come to the city on Saturday. Just to talk, that's all i want, to see what's really going on in his mind. :rolleyes: Seriously Jennifer you just negated pretty much everything you said about being intelligent and having it all together, self respect etc... Own the fact this a choice. Own the pain that will surely follow. It's all on YOU now, it doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do, you have choices you're choosing the pain. I'm sorry that you must think so little of yourself that you are choosing to be disrespected like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 26, 2012 Author Share Posted October 26, 2012 :rolleyes: Seriously Jennifer you just negated pretty much everything you said about being intelligent and having it all together, self respect etc... Own the fact this a choice. Own the pain that will surely follow. It's all on YOU now, it doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do, you have choices you're choosing the pain. I'm sorry that you must think so little of yourself that you are choosing to be disrespected like this. I don't know what else to do. I tried twice to tell myself to be strong and push him away. But i don't want to. Someone on here told me to love myself, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. I can't hurt myself anymore. And living without him of hurting me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 26, 2012 Author Share Posted October 26, 2012 :rolleyes: Seriously Jennifer you just negated pretty much everything you said about being intelligent and having it all together, self respect etc... Own the fact this a choice. Own the pain that will surely follow. It's all on YOU now, it doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do, you have choices you're choosing the pain. I'm sorry that you must think so little of yourself that you are choosing to be disrespected like this. I don't know what else to do. I tried twice to tell myself to be strong and push him away. But i don't want to. Someone on here told me to love myself, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. I can't hurt myself anymore. And living without him is hurting me. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 If you'd agree to the same arrangement with so cold and Sauron - they pay big money to their mistresses! Just pointing out the obvious - and yes, it's creepy! But you are CHOOSING that creepy guy! Every single time you look in his eyes the only thing you'll think is "I'm helping this total creep cheat"! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 I don't know what else to do. I tried twice to tell myself to be strong and push him away. But i don't want to. Someone on here told me to love myself, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. I can't hurt myself anymore. And living without him is hurting me. Drama much? So much harm to yourself! You must not think you're worthy of an available man. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 If you absolutely have to talk with him face to face, do it at a restaurant, or a bar, NOT in your home. You have every right to call the shots about that--if he balks about it----that alone will speak volumes, about what expects of you. Why make it easy for him? Stay sober--and don't be afraid to ask him difficult questions. After all, with such a close friendship, you should be able to ask him anything, & expect a truthful response, right? I still think you're feeling the first of the withdrawal effects, and I'm very saddened to see you giving in so easily, but I don't see how shaming you will do anything helpful. Please continue posting as you need to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 I did tell him that, he pretty much told me to "take care" when i did. He's probably screwing his wife right now...here i am, feeling like an idiot. Do not go see him. Whatever you can say face to face can be said over the phone. It's a huge mistake if you allow him to see you. 1)He can easily manipulate you better face to face. 2)You get a feed of feelings by seeing him. 3)Too easy to touch, hug or allow him to kiss you. Sure, maybe no sex will happen, but a kiss can lead to more, as it opens the door a crack. Remember how he's made you feel by cutting you off and telling you to 'take care.' If you see him, own it and blame nobody but yourself when this blows up in your face. I can guarantee you NOTHING will have changed, except that you're face to face and giving yourselves a chance to kiss and hug and maybe make out.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truthbetold Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 Newsflash: Loving yourself is the opposite of choosing hurt for yourself. Not to mention the ripple effect that it will have. There's absolutely nothing to love about that. And though you may try to squash those true feelings down, they'll keep coming up. You can trick your mind or self for awhile, but not very well nor very comfortably. It will eat at you, it will destroy what you believe is good about yourself. Be prepared, you have the facts. This is your selfish choice and it's very far from "self love". As Lost said, this is a lost cause I guess you will have to feel that searing pain for yourself to learn, too bad but it's on you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 I don't know what else to do. I tried twice to tell myself to be strong and push him away. But i don't want to. Someone on here told me to love myself, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. I can't hurt myself anymore. And living without him is hurting me. Then go have that affair Jennifer. This is what it comes down to. You lowering your morals and personal standards to keep him in your life so you won't be hurting anymore. Instead, you'll hurt yourself MORE as time goes on, you become more attached and in love with him - ALL the meanwhile he'll still go home to his wife and live life with her, keep you on the down low and a secret. Or you can hurt yourself now, end it totally and let yourself grieve the loss. Pain heals and lessens over time! Fact!!!! You stay and the pain will get worse, I can promise you that. Just go read what others have gone through. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
truthbetold Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 If you absolutely have to talk with him face to face, do it at a restaurant, or a bar, NOT in your home. You have every right to call the shots about that--if he balks about it----that alone will speak volumes, about what expects of you. Why make it easy for him? Stay sober--and don't be afraid to ask him difficult questions. After all, with such a close friendship, you should be able to ask him anything, & expect a truthful response, right? I still think you're feeling the first of the withdrawal effects, and I'm very saddened to see you giving in so easily, but I don't see how shaming you will do anything helpful. Please continue posting as you need to. She already said she's doesn't want to push him away, she wants this now her choice. Sad indeed for HER. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 Most times - I learn more from my mistakes - than what I've done right. I think this is one of those times where you're just gonna have to learn the hard way. You think your pain is difficult now? Just wait and see how you feel after he pumps and dumps you to run home to the wife he's never leaving. THEN you'll know what more pain feels like. We can't stop you - so go ahead... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 A real friend would never ask you to stoop so low! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 I started my A as a result of a crazy infatuation similar to yours. Even after knowing how it feels to kiss him and touch him, after losing him it's still painful - maybe more painful knowing exactly what I miss. If you go into an affair, do it from a power position, have a plan, have boundaries, set some goals, set a time limit for yourself. Otherwise if you play the naive, desperate young woman, you will not havea soul by the end because it will be so crushed. Infatuation is one side of it, but before get if lost in that use the rational part of your brain to plan for your best interest. There's also future Jennifer, and you are seting her up for a big heartache. In this state, you will not manage having an affair well. Unless you pick yourself up and think it through, it will be really bad. I agree it's one of those life lessons you'll learn by living, but at least be smart about it. You are on your own in an A. He won't be looking after your best interest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 26, 2012 Author Share Posted October 26, 2012 After i told him i didn't want us to talk anymore, it was a different kind of sadness. It was like i was empty inside. I couldn't sleep, i can't eat, I've been crying non stop. every time I'd close my eyes I'd see him. I felt so alone, and the pain...not just emotional, actual pain. My body, my head, my eyes are about to burst from swelling, and there's actually pain in my heart/chest. I feel that he's part of me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 26, 2012 Author Share Posted October 26, 2012 Are you really that pathetically weak? That's not attractive to any man. You might as well wear a sign along the lines of "here........take what you want" I give it away without thought to myself. That's not true of me at all. I love him. I know him. He's not some guy i just met. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 26, 2012 Author Share Posted October 26, 2012 That's not true of me at all. I love him. I know him. He's not some guy i just met. And you have no idea how much thought I've put into this.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 26, 2012 Author Share Posted October 26, 2012 The way you are posting makes you sound weak, that you have no choices, that you will do anything for "love", that you have no self control. Is that who you are? I don't know... Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 And you have no idea how much thought I've put into this.. Rational thought or obsessive limerance thought? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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