stillafool Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 You have the option to come to your senses. Do the right thing. If you want to be with him and he really wants to be with you make him accountable. Ask him why (if he was in love with you) would he go all day knowing about this hurricane and not make it a priority to see that you are okay. Ask him how long before he plans to tell his wife about his love for you. Ask him when is he leaving. Make him accountable. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I didn't ask, but he bring it up. He said he's always loved me but that he just couldn't understand whatg love was at that time. SO he married someone else. For over 2 years he's been married and you really weren't in his life, then all of a sudden he told you he loved you. I don't believe that. Sorry Jenny but I really think he's fooling you and grooming you just to be the OW. you've already proved to him how you can be manipulated, you said you wouldn't have sex with him yet you did. He now knows how to push to get what he wants. He's scum. Truly scum. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 How long do you intend to wait? What's a suitable amount of time? Don't know...this us my first time doing something like this Link to post Share on other sites
truthbetold Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I didn't ask, but he bring it up. He said he's always loved me but that he just couldn't understand whatg love was at that time. Oh c'mon really? Then why did he marry someone else if he ALWAYS loved you? And if it's true then you should demand he tell her ASAP. Why can't you do that? You're not answering what he needs time for? In your situation I absolutely cannot see why he can't tell her and move out? How are you rationalizing that? Honest question Thanksgiving week and he's still not moved out, do you plan to give him more time? Same thing with Christmas? If so, why? There are no kids to break this to. Lies over the holidays are not just unthinkable Jen they are plain CRUEL and you are playing a part in that cruelness. At this point on every sweet word he says to his wife is a lie, since it's you he loves so why fake it with her? Why? unless he has no plans of leaving her then what will you do? Are small stolen pieces of Josh still going to be worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
ilovedhim Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I've already made my bed, i may as well lay in it. I had sex with him, i can't give up now. I know he's with her, don't you think that's killing me? I'm here alone, waitng for this huge storm, scared as crap. And they're together, and no matter what happens, they have each other. Who do i have? No one. Do you think that feels nice? But what are my other options? There are none. Why are you so down on yourself? If you dont love you no one else can... Do you see how many responses you received on this thread? I personally spent atleast 30 min with you tonight worried about you and so did a dozen other COMPLETE STRANGERS..... WHERE IS JOSH????? Why do you have people.you dont know spending all this time on your issues, while this guy could.t spend a second asking how youre doing after entering you r body just a day ago? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Did he say he and his wife were having problems? Did he talk about her at all? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 You have the option to come to your senses. Do the right thing. If you want to be with him and he really wants to be with you make him accountable. Ask him why (if he was in love with you) would he go all day knowing about this hurricane and not make it a priority to see that you are okay. Ask him how long before he plans to tell his wife about his love for you. Ask him when is he leaving. Make him accountable. This made me chuckle. But I agree. I'm sorry, I haven't posted except once on this thread because it is so frustrating to me. 30 odd pages of what??? A woman choosing a man who isn't choosing her and then saying her hands are tied. That annoys me to no end. Coming to your senses is an option. Not choosing him and realizing many more men exist is an option. Focusing on family and friends and the people who actually love you is an option. If you are not dead or being held hostage by kidnappers you have LOTS of options. Perhaps a therapist is another option, who can help you to uncover the rest of your options. All the rest is utter drivel! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 Did he say he and his wife were having problems? Did he talk about her at all? They aren't having problems, but he said something along the lines of, i can't seed myself being with her fit the rest of my life.. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 If you dont love you no one else can... There is so much truth to this, it deserves to be repeated. THIS is the golden nugget of truth that keeps so many people enmeshed in lopsided, unhealthy relationships. When you start loving yourself, and really KNOW (on every level, feel it in your bones, instead of just intellectualizing it ) --that you deserve to be treated well, and fairly--- You won't waste another moment of your precious time on someone offering you crumbs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 Jeez! sorry for all the typos tonight. I hate Swype type lol Link to post Share on other sites
truthbetold Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Jennifer how did all of this restart with Josh? You said you had no contact for 2 years and then he told you he loved you. How did that happen? Did he just call you out of the blue? Or were you somewhere that you ran into him or you initiated contact on fb or something? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 Jennifer how did all of this restart with Josh? You said you had no contact for 2 years and then he told you he loved you. How did that happen? Did he just call you out of the blue? Or were you somewhere that you ran into him or you initiated contact on fb or something? He called me. I'd still have a phone call with him once a week our so even though we weren't seeing each other as often. Link to post Share on other sites
truthbetold Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 He called me. I'd still have a phone call with him once a week our so even though we weren't seeing each other as often. Oh okay, so it's not like you lost total touch for the two years and then this. That explains why he knew you'd be receptive for this. Really Jennifer I guess no one can say anything that is going to resonate with you that his intentions are just way less than honorable. I wish you'd see you have choices but I guess you have to ride the crazy train to your destination. I maintain what I said, there should be nothing that's holding him back from telling her. Okay maybe the storm wouldn't be brilliant timing, but after that? This should not be dragged out if he can't "see" himself growing old with her. That's a trite excuse by the way. And so if he can't see himself with her longterm why the hold up in letting her have a choice to be set free? Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 They aren't having problems, but he said something along the lines of, i can't seed myself being with her fit the rest of my life.. Wow. This is encouraging as he seems to be saying that sometime during the course of his lifetime he just maybe might leave his wife. Wonder if it will be before the grandkids finish high school. You told him you would wait forever so I guess he can take all the time he wants. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 Oh okay, so it's not like you lost total touch for the two years and then this. That explains why he knew you'd be receptive for this. Really Jennifer I guess no one can say anything that is going to resonate with you that his intentions are just way less than honorable. I wish you'd see you have choices but I guess you have to ride the crazy train to your destination. I maintain what I said, there should be nothing that's holding him back from telling her. Okay maybe the storm wouldn't be brilliant timing, but after that? This should not be dragged out if he can't "see" himself growing old with her. That's a trite excuse by the way. And so if he can't see himself with her longterm why the hold up in letting her have a choice to be set free? He called me at about 11:30, he apologized for not taking mg call earlier. He said he had a great time yesterday and can't wait to see me again. He asked if i had supplies for the storm and told me not to be scared. He said he wished he could be here with me. I asked him where he was staying because his area got evacuated. He told me he'd come see me as soon as he could. I told him t that i love him, he said he loves me too and that was it. 7 mins total conversation. I really wish he was here with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 Oh c'mon really? Then why did he marry someone else if he ALWAYS loved you? And if it's true then you should demand he tell her ASAP. Why can't you do that? You're not answering what he needs time for? In your situation I absolutely cannot see why he can't tell her and move out? How are you rationalizing that? Honest question Thanksgiving week and he's still not moved out, do you plan to give him more time? Same thing with Christmas? If so, why? There are no kids to break this to. Lies over the holidays are not just unthinkable Jen they are plain CRUEL and you are playing a part in that cruelness. At this point on every sweet word he says to his wife is a lie, since it's you he loves so why fake it with her? Why? unless he has no plans of leaving her then what will you do? Are small stolen pieces of Josh still going to be worth it? For now, yes i guess. But no, its def not the way i thought I'd be with him. I just don't want to hurt anymore. And i want to feel loved, and desired, and special. I don't want to be alone, and he's the only one i want to be with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 Better start getting used to talk like that. Wishing doesn't make it so and you'll soon realize that thoughts don't mean much when you are lying in bed alone and you are lying there wondering if he is making love to his wife. @Ladygrey, Can i ask you a question? If you don't mind. Have you ever been in an (i dread the word!) affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 (edited) Of course he had a great time; he got to screw you. I'm sure he's excited for the next screw session. He could be there with you if he wanted to. Nothing is stopping him. You don't want to be alone? Then get out... now. Because that's what you will be. Just like you are tonight. You won't feel loved, desired, or special month after month and year after year when he is with his wife instead of you, when it matters.... every single time. His escapes to have sex with you are what he wants. For love and companionship he is with his W. I cant believe a MM can get away with wishy-washy statements like "I don't know if I can stay married to her forever" and "we aren't trying to get pregnant yet" at this early stage of the A. Most MM have to at least pretend they are going to get a D in the near future. Yours hasn't even bothered to pretend. Edited November 5, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Nothing will change because you won't change. I wish you'd think MORE of yourself! But you won't and don't want help. Best wishes... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 If he loves his wife, why would he call me at 2am and want phone sex? He's lying in bed with her right now, if he was horny all he had to do was screw his wife, right? Why then, is he calling me for phone sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 It's no secret around here. Yes, several years ago I was involved with a man who said he had separated from his wife, after I fell for him hook, line and sinker, he came up with a very good story about why he had to go back, but he promised me he would not stay. I continued to see him a an ow for about a year, although we did not take it all the way sexually. It was the most soul destroying period of my life and finally it got the point where I just could not take it and I walked, but like many ow I still held a torch for him for years. A few years down the road he contacted me and said that he had moved out, moved away, new job, new apt, he was done with the marriage. I waited about 9 months before I started seeing him because I did not want a repeat of the last time. This time it was a ldr. About 2 years into it I found out that he had lied about BOTH separations and he was never separated, (well not until the last couple of months and only then because she had found out about me). He told me so many lies that it still makes my head spin, if I think about it. And............this was a guy who by everyone's account was one of the nicest guys you could ever meet. ha ha He had everyone fooled. The things he lied about to me, to his wife were beyond huge, pathological indeed. Also, come to find out, he was repeating the same history with me that he had with his now 2nd wife. He started dating her and lied about a separation with her too. It's been over 2 years, I'm in a good place with all that. It taken a lot of hard self introspection and a lot of anger at myself and him to come out on the other side. I also had to own my part of how I got myself into that mess. Now.....just working on my foo issues. So yes, I come from my pov with personal experience. I was just asking to see if there is ever any hope? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 I mean, not one happy ending? Why does he want phone sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 If he loves his wife, why would he call me at 2am and want phone sex? He's lying in bed with her right now, if he was horny all he had to do was screw his wife, right? Why then, is he calling me for phone sex? OMG. Please J. Get help. He is calling you for phone sex as a booty call. It has nothing to do with love or commitment for you as a person. It's sick and disgusting. Please... get help. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I was just asking to see if there is ever any hope? Thirty-four pages of replies didn't clue you in on that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 Thirty-four pages of replies didn't clue you in on that? Ok, but, you mean to tell me there's not one time a guy ever left for the ow? Link to post Share on other sites
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