Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 We've only been on one date so far, I don't expect him to divorce her tomorrow. But it'd be nice to hear that it can happen, or it did happen before Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Ok, but, you mean to tell me there's not one time a guy ever left for the ow? There are one or two here, but they didn't start out like yours did. And it remains to be seen what will happen. As you can see from the replies you have received, many MANY people here have had the same bad experiences you are about to go through. My ex-MM met me when he hadn't had sex with his W for 3 years prior. He was going nuts. I am guessing your guy isn't getting sex too. I gave him all the fantastic sex he ever wanted, but ultimately, he is still with his W. Who still doesn't give him sex (ever). At two years into a new marriage, the MM is finding things to be boring at best and perhaps nonexistent at worst. He is filling in the sexual gaps with you. It does NOT mean he loves you. Or that he will leave his M. It just means he is using you to get the excitement and sex that he is lacking in his M. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 People keep giving you heir own life experience with these crappy situations - and most turn out with so much hurt to many - and that's what you refuse to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 So why do I feel like this could work? Why do I feel this could be sooo good? Why and how does he look/sound so sincere when he says these things? Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 So why do I feel like this could work? Why do I feel this could be sooo good? Because you're good at lying to yourself. Why and how does he look/sound so sincere when he says these things? Because he's good at lying to you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 We've only been on one date so far, I don't expect him to divorce her tomorrow. But it'd be nice to hear that it can happen, or it did happen before A DATE??? Seriously, Jennifer, it seems that you are really losing your grip here. Please seek the help of a professional. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 A DATE??? Seriously, Jennifer, it seems that you are really losing your grip here. Please seek the help of a professional. Yes a date? What would you call it? Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 A booty call. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Yes a date? What would you call it? A booty call. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 Wow! You guys said it at like the exact same time Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I was going to comment on the 'date' wording too. There was no 'date'. It was a booty call. He wanted sex. He hasn't even pretended to you J. This is unbelievable... please get help. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Minka333 Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I guess it is best to let her be. Let her go through the whole myriad of emotions to teach her some lessons in life. She cannot comprehend the gravity of the situation yet*because she hasn't felt the intense pain of having an affair..of the damage it causes.* She is still high on the thick fog of emotion..with the person she craved for the longest time. Sometimes during the initial stages, when desire is at its ripest, it is quite impenetrable to get into the hearts/minds of people lost in this kind of "love". It is her life. Her journey. Her choices and experiences. Nobody can force her to do something she herself is not willing to do. No amount of coercion will change her mind coz' she isn't ready. All the wise words given by the posters here will just fall on deaf ears because she is blinded by hope, love and inexperience. The will to stop and change should start within her. But right now, this man is her crutch. She is equating him with happiness. He is filling the void..the loneliness in her heart. So let her feel all the highs and lows of what an affair entails. Let her deal with the repercussions, realize her mistakes, and wake up from this madness. Time, heartache, and endless waiting will someday take its toll. One day she will have her last cry and know when enough is enough. It is not about letting somebody waste their life. She has already been given ample knowledge about the dangers of diving into an affair. She knows what's right from wrong. But judging from her posts, she isn't the type who easily gets swayed by other people's opinions. She hears..but only listens with her heart. Hopefully one day, she would emerge wiser, stronger and a better person from this experience. Just my 2c worth... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I guess it is best to let her be. Let her go through the whole myriad of emotions to teach her some lessons in life. She cannot comprehend the gravity of the situation yet*because she hasn't felt the intense pain of having an affair..of the damage it causes.* She is still high on the thick fog of emotion..with the person she craved for the longest time. Sometimes during the initial stages, when desire is at its ripest, it is quite impenetrable to get into the hearts/minds of people lost in this kind of "love". It is her life. Her journey. Her choices and experiences. Nobody can force her to do something she herself is not willing to do. No amount of coercion will change her mind coz' she isn't ready. All the wise words given by the posters here will just fall on deaf ears because she is blinded by hope, love and inexperience. The will to stop and change should start within her. But right now, this man is her crutch. She is equating him with happiness. He is filling the void..the loneliness in her heart. So let her feel all the highs and lows of what an affair entails. Let her deal with the repercussions, realize her mistakes, and wake up from this madness. Time, heartache, and endless waiting will someday take its toll. One day she will have her last cry and know when enough is enough. It is not about letting somebody waste their life. She has already been given ample knowledge about the dangers of diving into an affair. She knows what's right from wrong. But judging from her posts, she isn't the type who easily gets swayed by other people's opinions. She hears..but only listens with her heart. Hopefully one day, she would emerge wiser, stronger and a better person from this experience. Just my 2c worth... I agree. I hope this thread ends. He just seems so much worse than most MM at the beginning of an A. It kills me. He is so clearly manipulative and J is so clearly his doormat. I hate it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 I agree. I hope this thread ends. He just seems so much worse than most MM at the beginning of an A. It kills me. He is so clearly manipulative and J is so clearly his doormat. I hate it. So what should I do? What would be the right thing? He's the one who came to me with all of this. I was the one trying to move on. I gave up. Then he calls me and says the I love you's. He said he wants me..if I want him, and he wants me, isn't that the right thing to do? He has a wife.. But he said to give him the time he needs. He swore he'd do the right thing by me and his wife too. So what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 But he said to give him the time he needs. He swore he'd do the right thing by me and his wife too. So what should I do? Stop having sex, tell him to get in touch when he's divorced and go no contact. It's your only chance to have Josh for yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 For now, yes i guess. But no, its def not the way i thought I'd be with him. I just don't want to hurt anymore. And i want to feel loved, and desired, and special. I don't want to be alone, and he's the only one i want to be with. Stop being so selfish and self absorbed. All you care about in life is what makes you happy. You aren't concerned at all with trying to do the right thing. Why did you bring him to your apartment when you knew what would happen? You are not innocent in any of this and to tell the truth you are as calculating as he is. Instead of making him accountable you decide giving him phone sex at 2:30AM is a better idea. Are you actually saying that because the two of you "just started dating":sick: you don't expect him to leave his wife right away? Are you kidding Jennifer? Tell the truth, you don't want to challenge him in any way that would prevent him from dishing out crumbs to you. You are not 17 waiting for the HS quarterback to choose between you and the head cheerleader. You are a 27 year old woman who is playing with another persons (his wife) life. What has she done to you (except invite you to her wedding, not knowing you wanted him too) that would make you go after her husband? You could at least demand he tell her the truth. Don't be flattered that he used you at 2:30AM when he got up to use the bathroom and had a boner. You were more than happy to oblige him. You actually think he did that out of love. You are in full affect an Other Woman so now you can stop the act. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Ok, but, you mean to tell me there's not one time a guy ever left for the ow? Of course there is. Of course, there are also people who have won the lottery. Given that...why don't you quit your job, sell all of your possessions, and run down to buy as many lottery tickets as you can...right now? Why not? Because you know the truth...that even if you did so...the ODDS are EXTREMELY HIGH that you won't win enough to matter...won't win enough to cover your losses. And yet you're willing to do this with other aspects of your life? Non sequiter. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 He called you at 2am for phone sex because he was being courteous to his wife by not waking her up, and he knew you would answer because you've already shown him that you'll do anything he tells you to do. That's not love, it's just sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 If he loves his wife, why would he call me at 2am and want phone sex? He's lying in bed with her right now, if he was horny all he had to do was screw his wife, right? Why then, is he calling me for phone sex? I can't think of anything much more degrading than being called up at 2:00 AM by a married guy for phone sex, a married guy who hasn't even taken me out on a proper date no less! I wouldn't put up with that kind of selfish disrespect from a single guy even. I bet you gave him his phone sex and when it was done he happily drifted off to sleep with his wife while you got to hang up the phone and be all alone. Some married guys leave their wives to be with the OW. Doesn't happen often but it does happen once in a while. I can't see your MM leaving his wife to be with you because you are not showing yourself to be a person of value to him. I bet he properly courted his wife before she fell in love with him. I doubt his first "date" with her consisted of just hanging out at her place and taking her to bed. I doubt that he was calling her up in the middle of the night and and demanding phone sex from her less than 24 hours into their relationship. Even if they were having sex early on he still had to court her and impress her otherwise she wouldn't have married him and he wouldn't have married her if she had been such a willing doormat. Men like to feel like they won their wives love and affection by outshining all the other guys with their attention and affection. Ask him if he thinks his wife is giving married men phone sex in the middle of the night. He will probably look horrified and disgusted at the very idea of his wife behaving that way. You think being asked for something as cheap as phone sex at 2:00 in the morning makes you special. If I posted my number on my craigslist and offered up phonesex my phone would be ringing off the hook 24 hours a day and that would't mean I was special or loved. I thought only immature teenage girls thought the way to a win a man was through his d*ck. I can't remember your story. How old are you? Have you been in therapy? Have you ever had a longterm relationship with a man who has been madly in love with you, who you were also madly in love with? Have you spent your whole adult life pining and fantasizing about your MM as if he is some kind of mythical white knight? I think you might need some professional help to move past your adolocent thoughts and dreams. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 (edited) If he loves his wife, why would he call me at 2am and want phone sex? He's lying in bed with her right now, if he was horny all he had to do was screw his wife, right? Why then, is he calling me for phone sex? He has done his wife a zillion times and now needs variety. This is not rocket science. Edited November 5, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 If he loves his wife, why would he call me at 2am and want phone sex? He's lying in bed with her right now, if he was horny all he had to do was screw his wife, right? Why then, is he calling me for phone sex? Probably because you are giving it to him for free. Phone sex usually costs a man $2.99 a minute. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 If he loves his wife, why would he call me at 2am and want phone sex? He's lying in bed with her right now, if he was horny all he had to do was screw his wife, right? Why then, is he calling me for phone sex? How do you know he was laying in bed with her while calling you? (Some) Men can easily separate love and sex. It just is. J, it isn't flattering to have a 2am sex chat with a MM. Notice how quickly this all about sex now? If he truly loved you, he'd wait and respect you. He'd talk to his wife, detach and separate/divorce. So far all he's done is groom you for the affair, get you to be the willing OW. And yes, you've fallen for his lines, big time. It's sad. You had morals and reasons not to enter an A, and all that is out the window because you're listening to your heart and body parts, not your gut and mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 Calling you for phone sex at 2:00 AM in the morning. He's treating you badly already. Is that all you're good for, Jennifer? Does this sound like a love story to you? You're really going to get hurt, I can see it now. Of course, his wife will be too because he betrayed and lied to her. This man is a scumbag. I'm afraid of losing him. And that's why I keep giving in to him. I don't know what else to do. If I force him to tell his wife, I'm afraid he'll leave me. I know I sound pathetic to you, and I know I sound totally insane, but I really love him a lot. And, trust me, he's not a scumbag. Not at all. He is a wonderful man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 How do you know he was laying in bed with her while calling you? (Some) Men can easily separate love and sex. It just is. J, it isn't flattering to have a 2am sex chat with a MM. Notice how quickly this all about sex now? If he truly loved you, he'd wait and respect you. He'd talk to his wife, detach and separate/divorce. So far all he's done is groom you for the affair, get you to be the willing OW. And yes, you've fallen for his lines, big time. It's sad. You had morals and reasons not to enter an A, and all that is out the window because you're listening to your heart and body parts, not your gut and mind. He does respect me. He hasn't done anything that I haven't ALLOWED him to do. You can't just blame him, it is me too. I wanted him to come to see me, I wanted him to come up to my apt, I allowed him to cheat on his wife. That part is on me too. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 He does respect me. He hasn't done anything that I haven't ALLOWED him to do. You can't just blame him, it is me too. I wanted him to come to see me, I wanted him to come up to my apt, I allowed him to cheat on his wife. That part is on me too. It is what it is then..An affair. You've just enabled him to stay in his marriage and not leave his wife. If he really wanted JUST you, he would not have let anything happen PERIOD and he would have done this the right way. Instead, you get a cheating man in your bed when he has time for you. If that's enough for you, so be it. Enjoy it while it lasts.. Link to post Share on other sites
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