He said he loves me..but he's married

[2sure]

I have never heard of a Man leaving his wife for a woman he has never had sex with. ..oh, the Internet I guess. But still...you said you've known and loved him since grammar school and he wasn't attracted to you. And that you cut contact with him after he married two years ago, but out of the blue now ...while the national guard is on his doorstep, he decides to leave his wife.

 

I'm betting she is pregnant and that he has been screwing around, got caught, thrown out, needs a place.

 

That I've heard of.

[truthbetold]

I have never heard of a Man leaving his wife for a woman he has never had sex with. ..oh, the Internet I guess. But still...you said you've known and loved him since grammar school and he wasn't attracted to you. And that you cut contact with him after he married two years ago, but out of the blue now ...while the national guard is on his doorstep, he decides to leave his wife.

 

I'm betting she is pregnant and that he has been screwing around, got caught, thrown out, needs a place.

 

That I've heard of.

 

FYI, they had sex a few days ago.

[Tara247]

To get you in bed again.

 

I'm not trying to be negative or mean..nobody here is. We're just trying to keep you grounded in reality. What Josh is doing right now is standard fare for married people who don't want to leave their marriages but just want to have a little piece on the side. He could very well be telling the truth..nobody knows besides him. Just be careful until you have solid proof that he is doing what he says he's doing.

 

If he moves out and moves in with Jen, I think he's serious. Honestly, I don't see why he would lie like this if he isn't serious.

[Tenacity]

If he moves out and moves in with Jen, I think he's serious. Honestly, I don't see why he would lie like this if he isn't serious.

 

Serious about what? Don't you get that jumping into the home and bed of another woman before even dealing with his own marriage is wrong on so many levels? Do you really think such a man is thinking about his wife or his OW or anyone but himself?

[CarrieT]

Jen - he shouldn't even stay with you when/if he leaves his wife. That will only feed the obsession.

 

As others have said, he needs to grieve the loss of his marriage and the fog of a new relationship is not the place to do that. He needs to be alone and on his own for a while before he will be capable of being anything to you.

 

You have already stated that he is calling you and questioning his actions. He is waffling. Being there for him physically will be a crutch that won't benefit your relationship in the long run.

[Mount]

Honestly, I think the whole thing is in right order, MM met OW, had relationship with her, then decided to leave wife. That is typical affair --> marriage 2nd time.

 

I think people here mostly the Affairs did not have such result, thus people may say bitter things.

 

Only watch out for the whole thing is that, it seems Josh came to proceed too fast....but again time will tell then.

[Tenacity]

Honestly, I think the whole thing is in right order, MM met OW, had relationship with her, then decided to leave wife.

 

I seriously hope you are joking.

 

Plus, this MM knew the OW for decades longer than he did his W, and had no relationship with her. You don't have your facts straight.

[Tara247]

Serious about what? Don't you get that jumping into the home and bed of another woman before even dealing with his own marriage is wrong on so many levels? Do you really think such a man is thinking about his wife or his OW or anyone but himself?

 

I think he's serious about being with Jennifer, if he tells his wife, files for divorce, and moves in with Jennifer. I don't agree with the no contact.

 

Jennifer, I wouldn't go no contact. If he tells his wife, let him move in, but he must go file for divorce. It's done people, ok? He's chosen Jennifer. The only problem for Jennifer now would be if he changes his mind before he moves in with her.

[2sure]

FYI, they had sex a few days ago.

 

Oh well hey, it's been what 10 days ? That's enough time.

[Tara247]

To add to my last post, I'm not saying it's right what Josh did to his wife (cheating), it's not. I'm just saying that's it's done.

[Tenacity]

I think he's serious about being with Jennifer, if he tells his wife, files for divorce, and moves in with Jennifer.

 

Except he's not doing it in that order. Kind of important distinction, you think?

 

It's done people, ok? He's chosen Jennifer.

 

How do you know that?

 

My ex-MM "chose" me too, told his W, spent months in wishy washy decision-making, then "chose" his W again. Do I think he ever really "chose" me? No way.

 

The only way to know who he "chose" is to fast-forward and see how things end up. Words mean nothing.

 

The only problem for Jennifer now would be if he changes his mind before he moves in with her.

 

No, that's not the 'only' problem. There are plenty of problems that could occur well after that, even if he moves in with her. He needs to get a divorce. Until that happens he is not available. Period.

[truthbetold]

Honestly, I think the whole thing is in right order, MM met OW, had relationship with her, then decided to leave wife. That is typical affair --> marriage 2nd time.

 

I think people here mostly the Affairs did not have such result, thus people may say bitter things.

 

Only watch out for the whole thing is that, it seems Josh came to proceed too fast....but again time will tell then.

 

 

 

How about being concerned and having COMPASSION for Jennifer? Can you understand that? Can you believe some people honestly CARE about others and try to help them not keep hurting themselves? Is that such a foreign concept to you? Must be, I've said it before I feel very sorry for your worldview as evidenced in your posts. ....sorry Jennifer I just want you to know it's not "bitter". It's hard watching you do this to yourself and not getting it.

Edited November 5, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Mount]

But I don't understand why you don't like to see Jennifer gets what she wants....why so much green-eye talking...

 

What has been done is done, that has no CANCEL button in life, or time machine. So let them just move forward.

 

That is it. No fuss about it.

 

But - I must say, if things are not going to the direction that Jennifer hopes for, she has to be strong enough though to prepare.

 

I seriously hope you are joking.

 

Plus, this MM knew the OW for decades longer than he did his W, and had no relationship with her. You don't have your facts straight.

Edited November 1, 2012 by Mount

[Tara247]

I said stay...not move in

 

Jennifer, don't tell him to stay with her. What are you doing?? If you want him, don't push him away. Let him move in. BUT, he needs to get up in the morning and either file for divorce, or contract with a lawyer. It's that simple.

 

But, why would you tell him to stay in the house with a woman that he just cheated on? She may flip out on him and start throwing things, etc. when she finds out what he's done. She won't be happy, I can guarantee that.

 

Let him move in.

 

I don't condone infidelity and divorce, but like I said, you and Josh have already done what you've done, so if you want to be together, then be together.

[2sure]

There are SO many former and current OW here who kick themselves for believing nonsense, it's important to give each other a heads up.

 

Besides, people don't initially come here because they feel confident about their relationship or choices.

Edited November 5, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Tenacity]

But I don't understand why you don't like to see Jennifer get what she wants....why so much green-eye talking....

 

I would love to see Jennifer gets what she wants. But she is a long way from that... which is the only point people are trying to make, and trying to save her from some of the pain that others have experienced. If we are all wrong, then great for Jennifer... I will be the very first person to happily admit I am wrong.

 

If you think people are saying these things out of jealousy, instead of having already experienced it and ended up learning the hard way from it, then you clearly haven't spent too much time reading around here.

 

For you to wrap it all up like it's a done deal, based on the posts in this thread so far, is misleading at best and not even remotely helpful. You seem to have a very strangely skewed view of relationships and life in general.

[Mount]

It could be not accurate that I commented on posts to Jennifer being jealsouy, I was just trying to say all comments back to her seem to be all discouraging, even though the posts did try lay out the fact or give "heads-up"...etc.

 

But MAYBE...there has an exception here, never say never..

 

I would love to see Jennifer gets what she wants. But she is a long way from that... which is the only point people are trying to make, and trying to save her from some of the pain that others have experienced. If we are all wrong, then great for Jennifer... I will be the very first person to happily admit I am wrong.

 

If you think people are saying these things out of jealousy, instead of having already experienced it and ended up learning the hard way from it, then you clearly haven't spent too much time reading around here.

 

For you to wrap it all up like it's a done deal, based on the posts in this thread so far, is misleading at best and not even remotely helpful. You seem to have a very strangely skewed view of relationships and life in general.

[whichwayisup]

He said he hasn't told her yet. But he is going to, that we.need a plan first.

I told him hr could stay with me if he wants to, he agreed to that. He said he'll let me know when he'll be over.

 

 

Does it sound like he's backing down?

 

Why do you and he need a plan?

 

He tells his wife, I'm not in love with you anymore, I'm sorry. We need to divorce.

Then he divorces.

He should NOT stay with you, he should stay with a friend or a family member. Letting him stay with you is just wrong and it's going to be weird. He still loves his wife on some level obviously - So to end a marriage and a life he built with her, then divorce and move in with you so quickly is just asking for a VERY UNHEALTHY start to a new relationship. Please tell me you can see this???

[MissBee]

This Josh man must be a simpleton or a liar.

 

Who ups and announces they're leaving their wife with NO PLAN of where to stay and how it's all going to work??? I mean really...this sounds like kids saying they're running away from home, they have a plastic bag and start walking with no actual plan of how they will survive, where they will go etc . then after 2 blocks they go back home.

 

I for one would be disturbed if a MM in the span of 24 hrs says he's announcing he's leaving and if he can stay with me. I would tell him no and ask if he's an idiot. I want a smart man who isn't impulsive who puts forethought into his plans...not one who acts on a whim and makes drastic choices over night.

 

If he is planning to divorce then he needs to do that without relying on you for a place to stay etc. He needs to get his own ducks in order separate from you and tie up his loose ends before pursuing you.

Edited November 1, 2012 by MissBee

[Tara247]

Why do you and he need a plan?

 

He tells his wife, I'm not in love with you anymore, I'm sorry. We need to divorce.

Then he divorces.

He should NOT stay with you, he should stay with a friend or a family member. Letting him stay with you is just wrong and it's going to be weird. He still loves his wife on some level obviously - So to end a marriage and a life he built with her, then divorce and move in with you so quickly is just asking for a VERY UNHEALTHY start to a new relationship. Please tell me you can see this???

 

I don't think moving in with Jen is a problem. They've already slept together. I say let him move in with her. Prince Charles moved in with Camilla Parker Bowles. Look, Josh wrecked his marriage. It he wants it to be over, then it's over. There is no reason that he and Jen have to live seperately now. His wife will be hurt, but that train has already left the building. Josh has already hurt and betrayed his wife.

 

Of course, Jen needs to prepare herself emotionally for the possibility that Josh could go back to his wife, even after a divorce has been filed, but that's just the chance you take in these situations. Personally, I don't think Josh's marriage will recover even if he and his wife did want to work things out.

[Mount]

I think WWI's comment is more coming from Josh's mental progressing stage of his procedure.

 

Yes, ideally he can let his wife know marriage over, he's moving on with Jennifer, but in reality he might still have emotional attachment with wife. Thus he might need a panel to clear it out before life moving on with Jennifer.

 

I don't think moving in with Jen is a problem. They've already slept together. I say let him move in with her. Prince Charles moved in with Camilla Parker Bowles. Look, Josh wrecked his marriage. It he wants it to be over, then it's over. There is no reason that he and Jen have to live seperately now. His wife will be hurt, but that train has already left the building. Josh has already hurt and betrayed his wife.

 

Of course, Jen needs to prepare herself emotionally for the possibility that Josh could go back to his wife, even after a divorce has been filed, but that's just the chance you take in these situations. Personally, I don't think Josh's marriage will recover even if he and his wife did want to work things out.

[Tara247]

I think WWI's comment is more coming from Josh's mental progressing stage of his procedure.

 

Yes, ideally he can let his wife know marriage over, he's moving on with Jennifer, but in reality he might still have emotional attachment with wife. Thus he might need a panel to clear it out before life moving on with Jennifer.

 

What do you mean a "panel"? Does anyone know how long Josh and his wife have been married?

 

If I was Josh's wife, I wouldn't take him back after what he's done. That is why I don't think his marriage will survive now even if he decided he wanted to stay married.

Edited November 1, 2012 by Tara247

[Tenacity]

I don't think moving in with Jen is a problem. They've already slept together. I say let him move in with her.

 

What does sleeping together once have to do with moving in together?

 

Look, Josh wrecked his marriage.

 

How on earth do you know that?

 

Did I miss some posts?

 

There is no reason that he and Jen have to live seperately now.

 

Well gee, except for the tiny detail that he is MARRIED TO ANOTHER WOMAN and to no one's knowledge has he even told this woman anything.

 

I'm beginning to wonder if this whole thread is real. This Tara247 person sounds like Jennifer.

[Mount]

I mean Josh could use a single time stage to clear his thoughts after he does end his marraige, but before his moving on with Jennifer.

 

But, where is Jennifer, are we all discussing the real thing here or not:confused:

 

What do you mean a "panel"? Does anyone know how long Josh and his wife have been married?

 

If I was Josh's wife, I wouldn't take him back after what he's done. That is why I don't think his marriage will survive now even if he decided he wanted to stay married.

[truthbetold]

I don't think moving in with Jen is a problem. They've already slept together. I say let him move in with her. Prince Charles moved in with Camilla Parker Bowles. Look, Josh wrecked his marriage. It he wants it to be over, then it's over. There is no reason that he and Jen have to live seperately now. His wife will be hurt, but that train has already left the building. Josh has already hurt and betrayed his wife.

 

Of course, Jen needs to prepare herself emotionally for the possibility that Josh could go back to his wife, even after a divorce has been filed, but that's just the chance you take in these situations. Personally, I don't think Josh's marriage will recover even if he and his wife did want to work things out.

 

I would hope you're kidding but I guess you're not.

 

EVERY reason under the sun if Jen would ever have a hope in hell of having a healthy relationship. Personally I feel THAT ship has said bc I agree with others that he's very immature and unstable and it doesn't bode well for any relationship much less marriage.

 

I feel sorry for anyone that thinks any guy can go straight out of a marriage to living with another woman right away with no time to process or grieve anything. It's a recipe for a disaster,a ticket through hell, likely the relationship with whomever would not survive.

 

People are not just replaceable that can just be interchanged on a whim.

 

Most people can see Jennifer is not going to get her ride off into the sunset. She needs to figure out what went on at home to prompt this reversal of a commitment in less than 2 weeks, it's really more than strange.

 

This is just not a healthy relationship at all. And less than healthy relationships tend to not survive over the distance.