He said he loves me..but he's married

[ThatJustHappened]

Then why won't you block him and make it easier on yourself?

[2sunny]

He keeps calling and texting me saying he's sorry. i told him to leave me alone and let me get over him..he said he doesn't want me to..to which i did not reply.

 

He's not making it easy....

 

He's just plain selfish!

 

He's knows your hurting and he's just still thinking of himself.

 

Call his wife! She needs to know!

 

And block his cake eating a$$!

[jennifernyc84]

Is there a way to block text messages? I don't believe there is? I could be wrong,.

[ThatJustHappened]

Is there a way to block text messages? I don't believe there is? I could be wrong,.

 

Of course there is. You call your cell phone company and have his number blocked. It's extremely easy.

[ThatJustHappened]

Actually, you could do it online too. That's how I blocked my @sshole ex.

[twinsmom]

Good for you! Don't cave! I was the OW for 3 1/2 years, and I can tell you that you don't want to go down that road. It is both painful AND demeaning. And the holidays are the worst! He may TELL you that he doesn't want to be there, but they will be having their turkey dinners together, they will be picking out a Christmas tree together, they will be celebrating New Year's Eve together, and probably making love all along, regardless of what he tells you. Trust me, you are so better off by nipping it in the bud now!

[whichwayisup]

Is there a way to block text messages? I don't believe there is? I could be wrong,.

 

How about just changing your number.

[Tara247]

How about just changing your number.

 

Well, if she changed her number, what's going to stop Josh from showing up at her door? Jen, he screwed you over, I wish you would just stand up for yourself and tell his wife. Of course, if you did that, he would probably show up at your door as well, after she kicks him out.

[twinsmom]

Yep, I would tell his wife, too. Even if it would be looked upon as "revenge", so what??!! You don't want to "hurt" him, but what about what he's done to you? His sweet words have destoyed you. I would have no qualms about hurting him in the same way he's hurt you.

[MourningLosses]

I think you should tell his wife. It's the best chance you've got an also stops him from hiding and minimizing. If you wait for her to find out he will paint you as the psycho. If you wait for him to confess hell will freeze over.

 

And yeah she probably deserved to know, but mostly he deserved to be accountable.

[Scarlett5]

I think for your own sanity and well-being, don't tell her. But obviously it would be to her advantage in the long run to know what her husband has been up to, and what he's really like. Although if (when) he has his next affair, I'm sure he won't cover his tracks quite so well....and it'll come back to bite him on the ass.

 

I think at this stage it will throw you deeper into this situation and will make you feel worse if you do tell her. Sometimes you have to put yourself first....especially when you feel as vulnerable and as confused as you do right now.

 

The truth always comes out in the end, I'm a firm believer.

Edited November 4, 2012 by Scarlett5

[ilovedhim]

Tell his parents. The two of you grew up together they must know who you are. Let them deal with him. And I still stand by telling the wife as well.

[Scarlett5]

I too am a firm believe in this....but I also don't believe someone should waste 20 years until that happens. In the mean time being exposed to potential diseases, bunny boilers or loss of one's own sanity.

 

True. If I was the wife, I'd 100% want to know, without a doubt. If I was Jennifer though, I'd want to protect myself by not becoming more involved and giving myself time to heal. It's a tough one.

[stillafool]

Of course there is. You call your cell phone company and have his number blocked. It's extremely easy.

 

Jen he is nervous right now. He knows he may have promised too much and your mental state right now may prompt you to tell his wife. That is one of the reasons he is being so nice and hasn't stopped contacting you. He knows he has to handle you with a gentle hand to prevent an explosion. You asked why he chose you for this rather than a slut. You have set him on a pedestal and you desire him deeply. He knows this and that makes the sex better for him than having sex with someone who is just looking for a sexual release the way he is. I really wouldn't be surprised to find out that his wife is in fact already pregnant. He probably isn't the center of attention around there anymore as his wife is, and that's why he called you. Stop acting like a victim because there's only one victim here and it's his wife.

Edited November 5, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[jennifernyc84]

True. If I was the wife, I'd 100% want to know, without a doubt. If I was Jennifer though, I'd want to protect myself by not becoming more involved and giving myself time to heal. It's a tough one.

 

My point exactly...I'm hurt enough as it is. I don't think i can stand to have her yell, scream, call me names..i already feel like a selfish monster.

 

I said it before, his wife is his problem, not mine. Right now, i just wanna forget that he exists.

 

Selfish or not, i need to focus on myself.

[jennifernyc84]

 

Jen he is nervous right now. He knows he may have promised too much and your mental state right now may prompt you to tell his wife. That is one of the reasons he is being so nice and hasn't stopped contacting you. He knows he has to handle you with a gentle hand to prevent an explosion. You asked why he chose you for this rather than a slut. You have set him on a pedestal and you desire him deeply. He knows this and that makes the sex better for him than having sex with someone who is just looking for a sexual release the way he is. I really wouldn't be surprised to find out that his wife is in fact already pregnant. He probably isn't the center of attention around there anymore as his wife is, and that's why he called you. Stop acting like a victim because there's only one victim here and it's his wife.

 

I never said i was the victim. i did a bad thing, i know, i hurt another woman for my own selfish acts of pleasure. But, come on, how many of us here has done, our would do the same?

 

And it doesn't matter if she's the"victim" in this, it hurts me too, ok?

 

I'm not sitting here, posting myself on the back saying "well done, Jen". Yes, it was premeditated, but it was still a mistake.

Edited November 5, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ThatJustHappened]

I never said i was the victim. i did a bad thing, i know, i hurt another woman for my own selfish acts of pleasure. But, come on, how many of us here has done, our would do the same?

 

And it doesn't matter if she's the"victim" in this, it hurts me too, ok?

 

I'm not sitting here, posting myself on the back saying "well done, Jen". Yes, it was premeditated, but it was still a mistake.

 

So have you blocked his number yet?

[Decorative]

I never said i was the victim. i did a bad thing, i know, i hurt another woman for my own selfish acts of pleasure. But, come on, how many of us here has done, our would do the same?

 

And it doesn't matter if she's the"victim" in this, it hurts me too, ok?

 

I'm not sitting here, posting myself on the back saying "well done, Jen". Yes, it was premeditated, but it was still a mistake.

 

Mistakes are dropping a slippery glass, or locking your keys in the car.

 

You made a choice. If you own that, you'll do better as you grow.

[jennifernyc84]

So have you blocked his number yet?

 

No. I haven't,. But he stopped calling. He hasn't called since last night.

 

And if he does call, i just won't answer..there's point in it.

 

If he wanted to leave her, he would have.

[ThatJustHappened]

He will start calling again. He will leave you heartfelt pleading messages, texts, emails etc. Blocking his number means you don't have to hear them and worry about caving. You said last night that he's not making it easy..but you're not making it easy on yourself either. If you just block his number or change yours, you won't have to know when he calls you.

 

I had an ex who did that to me. He treated me terribly, and I tried to break up with him many times, but I loved him and he would chase me when I walked away. When I finally his my breaking point (seeing him at a party with another woman hanging all over him), he STILL tried to chase me, but I blocked his number and his emails so I wouldn't be tempted to go back. Maybe you're stronger than I was, I don't know..but I do know that I sounded just like you when I would first try to walk away. But he would sweet talk me, and send me flowers, and eventually he would wear down my resistance and I would crack. I would justify it and say we would only be friends, or that as long as I didn't sleep with him, or as long as I didn't spend the night, it would all be ok. But I would always end up back with him.

 

I only loved him for 5 years..you've loved Josh for 17. I believe that you are strong, but I also believe that he is extremely manipulative, and you might as well do everything you can to make things easier for yourself.

[Decorative]

No. I haven't,. But he stopped calling. He hasn't called since last night.

 

And if he does call, i just won't answer..there's point in it.

 

If he wanted to leave her, he would have.

 

And if you wanted to move on, you would block him. Stop letting your life happen to you. Act.

[CarrieT]

But, come on, how many of us here has done, our would do the same?

 

And it doesn't matter if she's the"victim" in this, it hurts me too, ok?

I'm going to call you on this one, Jen.

 

A LOT of us have not done the same. I was entering into an affair and when I went to meet my OM and was in his arms, I got up and walked out, immediately calling my partner to confess my indiscretions and transgressions.

 

I knew that what I had done on an emotional level was bad enough, but I stopped short of taking it to the physical level. I was hurt, he was hurt, we were all hurt.

 

But my partner was a victim of MY actions and in that regard, my hurt was meaningless in the greater picture and you need to be culpable for your actions. Blowing it off with excuses like, "every one else does it" or being so self-centered in your own pain to not consider others is just plain selfish. We'd like to think better of you.

 

Part of how you will be able to start healing is to think of the others you have hurt in all of this. Be the better person than the form of rationalizing path you are taking...

[jennifernyc84]

I hate this, its excruciating.

 

What if he calls and actually had something important to say?

 

I won't answer, but at least I'll be able to hear his messages.

 

I'm not ready to block him. I know its just his phone number, but i wouldn't feel right about blocking him out of my life.

 

A life that he isn't in, seems so lonely.

 

Oh my God, I'm not strong enough to do this.

[2sunny]

Continue being at the mercy of him would be to even ALLOW him to think he can contact you.

 

Taking YOUR power back would be blocking your number so he can't reach you. Change your number even.

 

If he were to show up (which he will) - calling the police before opening the door would allow him to understand "it's over!"

[ThatJustHappened]

I never said i was the victim. i did a bad thing, i know, i hurt another woman for my own selfish acts of pleasure. But, come on, how many of us here has done, our would do the same?

 

And it doesn't matter if she's the"victim" in this, it hurts me too, ok?

 

I'm not sitting here, posting myself on the back saying "well done, Jen". Yes, it was premeditated, but it was still a mistake.

 

I missed this post. I know you're hurting but that doesn't give you the right to dismiss anyone else's pain, especially considering the fact that you caused it. You chose to participate in this affair, his wife did not. You're still not owning up to what you did.

 

You refuse to block his number, you refuse to say anything to his wife. You're not being honest with yourself. You still want him to chase you, and eventually you will cave.

 

And for the record, I have never been an OW and I never would be. I was the one who was betrayed, and many other people here are the BSs, not the OM/Ws. Don't make assumptions.