Survivor12 Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 PS I still wish you'd check out CBT...it provides useful tools to help you recover and move on from emotional pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) Jen, make him pay for causing you to feel this way. Blow up his world. Blow it right out of the water. Tell his wife. "Josh" did not "make" the OP feel anything. She was a 100% participant. Making an effort to "blow up his world" is not going to fix anything in a scenario like this one. If she wants to tell the wife out of a sense of decency towards that woman (including acknowledging the possibility that she may have transmitted an STD to the wife - who is trying to get pregnant!) that is a different story. But to do it just out of revenge? Just as selfish and delusional as the whole story is up to date. Edited November 9, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cessaro Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Go for it! Go for what? Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Jen, make him pay for causing you to feel this way. Blow up his world. Blow it right out of the water. Tell his wife. Jen, don't do this. If you're going to tell his wife, do it for the right reasons, and wait until you're emotionally stable enough to handle it. Revenge isn't going to make you feel any better. If you're not going to tell his wife, then block everything everywhere so you're not tempted to contact him or return if he contacts you. Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 "Josh" did not "make" the OP feel anything. She was a 100% participant. Making an effort to "blow up his world" is not going to fix anything in a scenario like this one. If she wants to tell the wife out of a sense of decency towards that woman (including acknowledging the possibility that she may have transmitted an STD to the wife - who is trying to get pregnant!) that is a different story. But to do it just out of revenge? Just as selfish and delusional as the whole story is up to date. as long as the OP blames her friend ( Josh is it?) for her feelings and actions, nothing will change. She'll continue to feel like she has no control over he life and her actions, and she'll just keep on getting hurt over and over. She's a woman in her late 20's for goodness sake, not a child. She's an adult capable of making her own decisions about her life. She went into this with her eyes wide open. She feels she knew him really well and for a long time, she knew he was married and that he wasn't going to leave his wife. She's responsible for her own part in this, and she can't blame it all on him, his wife, or anyone else. I know it may sound mean. but she needs to place the blame for her feelings right where it squarely belongs...on her own shoulders. The sooner that she does that, the sooner she'll be able to take charge of her life, start feeling better and she'll be able to see that she is a strong, capable adult woman who doesn't need him in her life to be happy. She'll be back in charge of her own life. As for telling his wife, yes, she needs to know. But something to keep in mind is that even if she tells his wife and his wife drops him, he won't be any different than who he was before they split up. He'll still be the same guy who has been treating her badly...nothing will chnage that short of him getting a personality transplant:laugh: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 Jen, don't do this. If you're going to tell his wife, do it for the right reasons, and wait until you're emotionally stable enough to handle it. Revenge isn't going to make you feel any better. If you're not going to tell his wife, then block everything everywhere so you're not tempted to contact him or return if he contacts you. No, i won't. Because even though it would be the right thing to do, it would be done for the wrong reasons. I've done enough wrong by her...and myself for that matter. PS, i don't have any STDs, I'm sure he doesn't either. As far as i know, this is the only time he's cheated on her. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 As far as you know... But we all know that evidence shows his words and actions don't match. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 ugh.....i'd really like to get hold of the person who coined the term"soulmate," and ring his/her neck. that is one of most misused & misunderstood terms EVER! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 As far as you know... But we all know that evidence shows his words and actions don't match. That's why i said "as far as i know". We all know he's been sooooo honest in the past few Weeks....*sarcasm* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 You're totally right, I'm not a vindictive person at all. I know what I've done to her, I know it was wrong, I never wanted to hurt her. But in the end, I did put my feelings, my wants, my desires, before hers. I'm not proud of that. But, I have to be truthful. Part of the reason I don't want to tell her is, I wouldn't want to be the one to shatter her world. But it's mostly that, I cannot bring myself to do anything that I know would cause him pain. Even if it would mean leaving him available for me, I can't and I would never to anything to hurt him. It's not in me..it doesn't matter how bad he hurt me. So you're cool with hurting someone who did nothing to you, and not cool with hurting someone who used and abused your body and your trust? Just clarifying. Think long and hard about your answer. It's related to your character. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 So you're cool with hurting someone who did nothing to you, and not cool with hurting someone who used and abused your body and your trust? Just clarifying. Think long and hard about your answer. It's related to your character. It sounds worse when you put it that way.. What i meant was, i can't hurt someone who i love and care for. Would you intentionally hurt someone you love? No matter how bad they hurt you, you'd still feel bad, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett5 Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 So you're cool with hurting someone who did nothing to you, and not cool with hurting someone who used and abused your body and your trust? Just clarifying. Think long and hard about your answer. It's related to your character. I think that's a very simplified interpretation of a very complex situation. Almost manipulative. I am sure Jen isn't 'cool' with hurting anyone, as you put it. That is all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 So i decided to take your guys advice about meeting up with some friends. I called some girlfriends for a night out tonight. We're gonna get a few drinks then go to some club.. I'm excited! Yay! I got my number changed today..i cut off every other source that i could reach him too. Facebook, instagram...everything. It feels empty, lonely, I'm sad, but i guess its for the best. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 It sounds worse when you put it that way.. What i meant was, i can't hurt someone who i love and care for. Would you intentionally hurt someone you love? No matter how bad they hurt you, you'd still feel bad, right? I'm sure it was meant to sound worse and make you consider your actions. By telling his wife, you are not deliberately hurting Josh, you are helping a fellow woman. Please put yourself in her shoes; wouldn't you want to know if the man you wanted to have a family with didn't really want children with you but another woman? I think it is a matter of courtesy and consideration that we women have to look out and take care of each other because of guys like Josh who hurt us. It does not have to do with revenge or hurting Josh, but showing an act of consideration towards his wife who deserved to know the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 I'm sure it was meant to sound worse and make you consider your actions. By telling his wife, you are not deliberately hurting Josh, you are helping a fellow woman. Please put yourself in her shoes; wouldn't you want to know if the man you wanted to have a family with didn't really want children with you but another woman? I think it is a matter of courtesy and consideration that we women have to look out and take care of each other because of guys like Josh who hurt us. It does not have to do with revenge or hurting Josh, but showing an act of consideration towards his wife who deserved to know the truth. Jen wasn't looking out, nor caring for, the other woman though. She was instrumental in hurting her. There was no courtesy or consideration for her ... and guys like Josh can't hurt us unless we allow it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 It sounds worse when you put it that way.. What i meant was, i can't hurt someone who i love and care for. Would you intentionally hurt someone you love? No matter how bad they hurt you, you'd still feel bad, right? Being honest and telling him how much he hurt you and how much you hate his behaviour, how he's treated you, lied to you etc..etc.. Isn't intentionally hurting him. WHAT HE IS DOING TO YOU AND TO HIS WIFE IS INTENTIONAL and selfish. He is knowing banging (or was) two women at once and keeping it from his wife, lying to you saying things that are exaggerated about him and his wife, not getting along , not having sex, not having children... He omitted the truth big time. This isn't about hurting him on purpose. You're not being malicious here, k. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 10, 2012 Author Share Posted November 10, 2012 Being honest and telling him how much he hurt you and how much you hate his behaviour, how he's treated you, lied to you etc..etc.. Isn't intentionally hurting him. WHAT HE IS DOING TO YOU AND TO HIS WIFE IS INTENTIONAL and selfish. He is knowing banging (or was) two women at once and keeping it from his wife, lying to you saying things that are exaggerated about him and his wife, not getting along , not having sex, not having children... He omitted the truth big time. This isn't about hurting him on purpose. You're not being malicious here, k. But i did tell him all of that stuff. Telling his wife what happened, on the other hand, is a life changing thing for him. And its something i can see he's not ready to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 It sounds worse when you put it that way.. What i meant was, i can't hurt someone who i love and care for. Would you intentionally hurt someone you love? No matter how bad they hurt you, you'd still feel bad, right? Yes. I exposed my spouse's affair far and wide. Which upset him greatly. But it helped my children. It helped me. It even helped the OW- because it broke up their affair that was never going to lead to the life she thought she was going to with him. He thanks me for it now- because it pulled his head out of his rear end. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 But i did tell him all of that stuff. Telling his wife what happened, on the other hand, is a life changing thing for him. And its something i can see he's not ready to do. When he cheats again, and he will, because of the way yours began and the way he has treated you, eventually one of the OW will tell on him. He'll never tell her. He won't. And she'll be dying on the inside from a wound she cannot find, because she doesn't know the truth of her own life . And you could stop that. You could help. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 I think that's a very simplified interpretation of a very complex situation. Almost manipulative. I am sure Jen isn't 'cool' with hurting anyone, as you put it. That is all. The truth isn't what is complicated. Deception is. I am not manipulative. I'm blunt. There's a difference. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 But i did tell him all of that stuff. Telling his wife what happened, on the other hand, is a life changing thing for him. And its something i can see he's not ready to do. Then he never should have told you he loved you, wanted your children, wanted to marry you, or had a fling with you for 2 weeks or so. HE created this mess and you said yes, let it happen. If his wife finds out on her own, and she may, please own your part in this IF she contacts you. Don't put all the blame on him. Or maybe he'll confess on his own. He's a jerk but your feelings for him won't let you see this. He isn't the man you thought he was. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 But i did tell him all of that stuff. Telling his wife what happened, on the other hand, is a life changing thing for him. And its something i can see he's not ready to do. But, he was ready to use you, wan't he? He didn't hesitate about that, did he? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 But i did tell him all of that stuff. Telling his wife what happened, on the other hand, is a life changing thing for him. And its something i can see he's not ready to do. You need to stop considering HIS feelings at this point. You need to take a good, hard look at who he REALLY is compared to who you USED to think he WAS. He's no longer that person - he's proven he's just a lying, cheating guy who will hurt anyone to get the sex he's hunting down. He will cheat again. That's why I think his wife should know... He's on the hunt to cheat and now it's not gonna be you any longer. And HE changed YOUR life for the worse! So stop considering him before you or his unknowing wife. He shouldn't be given any consideration at this point. Ad who cares IF he's ready to tell? He will most likely NEVER be ready to give her his truth! Glad you're going out to reconnect with friends and have some fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 10, 2012 Author Share Posted November 10, 2012 I just got home. It started out fine..we had a few drinks before the club. The club was awful. At least five different guys were hitting on me buying me drinks flirting with me.i danced with a few of them but all i could think of was Josh. I think i made a big mistake. I should given him a chance to deal with his wife. I feel sick to my stomach. I need him i want him. I'm not ready to cut him off. Who the f.u.k. Does she think she is. I've been I'm love with him my whole life and she come out of nowhere and broke my world in two. Its not fair Link to post Share on other sites
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