whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Who the f.u.k. Does she think she is. I've been I'm love with him my whole life and she come out of nowhere and broke my world in two. She hasn't done anything wrong. Absolutely nothing. You're blaming the wrong person. The person you're angry at is JOSH. He never loved you during those 17 years like you loved him. It was always one sided. He chose her before and is still choosing her. Sorry to be blunt but you need to see this, let it sink in and accept it. Jen, you've had a lot to drink tonight so before you start a rant about this, go to sleep and tomorrow you'll feel better. You and your friends should have gone to see a movie, or done something that didn't involved dancing/drinking with other guys around. That's not fun when one is down and out like you've been. You're so not ready for that stuff yet, and tonight proved it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Oh and turn your cell off! NO drunk texting/dialing Josh. If you do that, you might as well know the A is back on. Talk to your mom. She seems to be your conscious and will point you in the right direction. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 They used each other..........unlike a lot of ow she had the benefit of many people here at LS.........telling her what was ahead. She was not innocent and naive nor stupid, but she chose to believe what rationally she should have known were lies and she gave her body to him, knowing he had a wife. He was only the big bad wolf because she let him be. What do you mean she used him? Used him for what? SHe was in love with him and wanted a relationship with him? He knew this, but he on the other hand didn't want a relationship with her because he doesn't want to leave his wife. He used her for sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 10, 2012 Author Share Posted November 10, 2012 I'm really sorry for driving you guys crazy but i really feel that you guys here are the only ones who understand me..I'm sorry if sometimes i come off rude or angry or unappreciative but i really do appreciate your advice even though i still wind up doing the wrong thing. I'm a little drunk Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Don't get drunk over Josh Jennifer, he ain't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 10, 2012 Author Share Posted November 10, 2012 You don't know him he's amazing. If you spent five minutes with him you'd understand Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 You don't know him he's amazing. If you spent five minutes with him you'd understand Ok, maybe it's the alcohol, but you don't seem to be listening. Amazing men don't cheat on their wives, they divorce them if they don't want to be with them anymore. AND amazing men don't use other women for sex, especially their best friend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett5 Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Jen the fact he's been such an idiot (to put it mildly) and has treated you and his wife awfully, is not going to make you hate him. You've got to keep that in the forefront of your mind and expect to feel like you did last night. I think it's just part of the process of healing and getting over him, so you can't give in to those feelings. That just takes time, and as much as it sucks, no one can make it go quicker for you. So just ride those feelings out and you'll get back on track. Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Jen, in addition to the above by Scarlett, if you don't feel you can cope, it's okay for you to seek therapy. I do think Josh is going to contact you again though, to do some more using. I don't think he's intentionally trying to hurt you, but I think that he will put his needs first whether it hurts you or not. If it's sex or someone to stroke his ego, idealize him, you are the perfect person for that. He can't get that from someone he doesn't know like a girl that he picked up in a bar. You are very comfortable to him. So, that's probably why he chose you: he knows you worship the ground he walks on. Guys have a way of knowing when women like them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 You don't know him he's amazing. If you spent five minutes with him you'd understand Amazing people don't act like he has. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 10, 2012 Author Share Posted November 10, 2012 (edited) And you can quote me on that! ^ I was never a big drinker to begin with, but last night, i thought i was going to die. So last night started out nice. Just me and my girls, drinking, laughing, talking. I told them i just broke up with someone, (i may have left out the part where he is married), and that's when we decided to go "man hunting", their words, not mine. We got to the club, had a few more drinks, talked to some guys. It felt like i was pushing myself, but i thought it might be good for me. This one guy, he was really cute. He asked me to dance, but as soon as he put his hands on me, i thought i was going to throw up. i realized i don't want any mans hands on any part of my body, if they don't belong to Josh. That's when it hit me, he's really gone. All of the emotions i was feeling, mixed with alcohol is not a good thing. I told the girls i wanted to go home, so we got a taxi and came home. I am totally not over him, i wish there was a way to stop this pain. I know i sound sooooooo dumb right now, but i can't change how i feel. Edited November 10, 2012 by jennifernyc84 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Have you started looking for a therapist yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 10, 2012 Author Share Posted November 10, 2012 I really don't believe in therapists. And i don't want people thinking I'm weak..I'm not, I'm stronger than this. I have my moments of weakness, but I'm strong. Last night was a moment of weakness, but i still didn't cave. I wanted to call him, i thought of it, but that's when i came here and made that post instead. I guess you can say this is my therapy lol Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Jen: Heck of a couple days you've had!! Your Mom gave you the support and love you needed as well as some Clarity* LS'ers are keeping you on the path* I am glad you are coming here & not your MM! As far as your friends, they sound great and I'm happy you have them. I think if they knew the "whole" story, they would have chosen something different to do... Hang in*** 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Jen, don't tell his wife. All that will do is bring you back into his life and you need to avoid that at all costs. I feel bad for his wife, but you will be dragged back into this mess if you tell her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 10, 2012 Author Share Posted November 10, 2012 Jen, don't tell his wife. All that will do is bring you back into his life and you need to avoid that at all costs. I feel bad for his wife, but you will be dragged back into this mess if you tell her. That's exactly why I'm not going to tell her. I'm trying to get myself out of this drama. Telling her will only refuel it all over again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 I really don't believe in therapists. And i don't want people thinking I'm weak..I'm not, I'm stronger than this. I have my moments of weakness, but I'm strong. Last night was a moment of weakness, but i still didn't cave. I wanted to call him, i thought of it, but that's when i came here and made that post instead. I guess you can say this is my therapy lol What is there not to believe in? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 10, 2012 Author Share Posted November 10, 2012 What is there not to believe in? I don't believe should be charged by the minute, just to talk about their problems. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Clearly you've never tried it..if you find the right therapist, it's much more than that. My therapist charges $20 an hour and it's worth every penny. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 I really don't believe in therapists. And i don't want people thinking I'm weak..I'm not, I'm stronger than this. I have my moments of weakness, but I'm strong. Last night was a moment of weakness, but i still didn't cave. I wanted to call him, i thought of it, but that's when i came here and made that post instead. I guess you can say this is my therapy lol You don't believe in therapists? Like they are cousins to the Easter Bunny or something? LOL Therapy can help you far more than anything you will find here- because although people here care and want you to feel better, the only person that can do that is you. And fundamentally- something in you needs some help that this mess was created, and that you have rewritten the last 17 years as you have. You may not be able to see what some of us can see, but a good therapist and CBT can change your life and empower you in ways you don't even understand yet. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 I don't believe should be charged by the minute, just to talk about their problems. You don't have to tell anybody you're seeing a therapist, that's nobody's business but yours. And who cares if someone in your life thinks you're weak? Don't let that be the excuse (or an excuse) not to go to therapy. People at times need it, for whatever reason (death of a parent, death of a spouse, or a child, or just stuff like throws at one, a break up, infidelity..) Therapists aren't free and they don't charge by the minute. You book an hour session and you pay for that hour. Some are covered through insurance, some aren't. Look into it!! I believe those who refuse therapy and don't want try it are too afraid to deal with their issues head-on and also are afraid of change and hard work, making yourself (general you) accountable for your choices. Therapy is great, what you put into it is what you get out of it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 you don't have to tell anybody you're seeing a therapist, that's nobody's business but yours. And who cares if someone in your life thinks you're weak? Don't let that be the excuse (or an excuse) not to go to therapy. People at times need it, for whatever reason (death of a parent, death of a spouse, or a child, or just stuff like throws at one, a break up, infidelity..) therapists aren't free and they don't charge by the minute. You book an hour session and you pay for that hour. Some are covered through insurance, some aren't. Look into it!! i believe those who refuse therapy and don't want try it are too afraid to deal with their issues head-on and also are afraid of change and hard work, making yourself (general you) accountable for your choices. therapy is great, what you put into it is what you get out of it. this^^^^^^^ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett5 Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 I really don't believe in therapists. And i don't want people thinking I'm weak..I'm not, I'm stronger than this Recognising your character flaws/downfalls and making a commitment to yourself to improve them and become a better person, and in turn live a happier and more fulfilled life, actually shows strength, not weakness. Sometimes we need a little 'help' to get us to where we want to be, there's nothing wrong with that. Anyone who thinks otherwise or makes you feel 'weak', would only be doing so out of defence of their own issues that they're clearly too scared to admit the existence of. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 10, 2012 Author Share Posted November 10, 2012 Sometimes i feel fine. Like, i can cope through out the day, but when I'm alone, or at night, that's when it gets super hard. But last night was the worst. Its clear that I'm not ready to be around guys. What if i never am? People say you never really "get over" someone you love. If you really love someone, how can you just "get over" them? Do people ever "get over" their parents/siblings/ other relatives or people close to you? That's how i feel... Am i making sense or just rambling again? Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Sometimes i feel fine. Like, i can cope through out the day, but when I'm alone, or at night, that's when it gets super hard. But last night was the worst. Its clear that I'm not ready to be around guys. What if i never am? People say you never really "get over" someone you love. If you really love someone, how can you just "get over" them? Do people ever "get over" their parents/siblings/ other relatives or people close to you? That's how i feel... Am i making sense or just rambling again? If they exit your life, yes. My mom died a few years ago (I was in my early 20's, and I have no dad or siblings). I still get sad sometimes, but I don't think about her every minute of every day. I'm ok for the most part. If I can be ok, you can be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
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