He said he loves me..but he's married

[MourningLosses]

Like, why am i not good enough for him? Does he think I'm not good enough?

Why doesn't he want me? what's wrong with me?

 

You're not his wife. It's that simple. You might be better than her at everything. But you aren't his wife. That's all.

[ThatJustHappened]

He's a selfish lying cheating loser. That's all I need to know about him to know I don't like him.

[ThatJustHappened]

By the way, a nice guy wouldn't do what he did to you. Take off the Josh-colored glasses and start seeing him for what he is. A pig.

[jennifernyc84]

Ok, well, its late, I'm tired. I've had enough of this day. And enough talking about Josh..good night all,

 

 

Don't let the bed bugs bite

[kaylan]

OP just remember. He told his wife he loved her, then married her and is off betraying her with another woman. You think he will treat you any differently? If he can betray his own wife who he made vows to and built a life with...then he can do it to you at any time.

 

Find a better guy. The more you hang onto this guy, the more youll ruin the chance for you to meet someone great.

[Tara247]

OP just remember. He told his wife he loved her, then married her and is off betraying her with another woman. You think he will treat you any differently? If he can betray his own wife who he made vows to and built a life with...then he can do it to you at any time.

 

Find a better guy. The more you hang onto this guy, the more youll ruin the chance for you to meet someone great.

 

Yep. Josh could quite possibly be onto his next victim by now.

[2sunny]

You'd be doing yourself a huge favor to never give him another thought - ever again.

 

It called learning from past experience and moving forward. That's when we know we are growing - by never doing those same things again as we move FORWARD - without ever looking back!

[Scarlett5]

I bet he took his wife out on proper dates. Think about that.

 

Definitely DON'T think about that - that won't help you at all!

[Decorative]

Ouch!

 

Really harsh, Tara. Extremely harsh.

 

Uncalled for.

 

It's truth- not uncalled for at all.

[Decorative]

He isn't a loser. Please believe me. He's really not. He's so smart, nice, funny, successful, everyone loves him. You can't not like him..you really don't know him.

 

Nice guys who have their poop in a group do not behave this way.

 

The sooner you realize that , the better you will be.

 

The Josh you pine for does not exist .

[stillafool]

. I need him i want him. I'm not ready to cut him off. Who the f.u.k. Does she think she is. I've been I'm love with him my whole life and she come out of nowhere and broke my world in two. Its not fair

 

Are you kidding or is this the alcohol talking? You know dang well his wife had nothing to do with him falling in love with her and asking her to marry him. Jen he was never yours to lose. He never even dated you. If you want to heal you must face reality.

[stillafool]

Sometimes i feel fine. Like, i can cope through out the day, but when I'm alone, or at night, that's when it gets super hard.

 

But last night was the worst. Its clear that I'm not ready to be around guys.

 

What if i never am? People say you never really "get over" someone you love. If you really love someone, how can you just "get over" them? Do people ever "get over" their parents/siblings/ other relatives or people close to you? That's how i feel...

 

Am i making sense or just rambling again?

 

No you are not making sense at all. What do you mean you are not ready to be around guys? You are a grown a*s woman and you do not have to let guys touch you if you don't want to be touched. You do not have to dance with guys if you don't want to dance. You need to stop acting like a 13 year old and act like a grown woman who has charge of her life. Fake it until you make it!

[stillafool]

 

So last night started out nice. Just me and my girls, drinking, laughing,

talking. I told them i just broke up with someone, (i may have left out

the part where he is married), and that's when we decided to go "man hunting",

their words, not mine.

 

These are not your friends if you can't tell them what is really going on in your life. Do you have one friend that you can tell the truth to?

 

 

We got to the club, had a few more drinks, talked to some guys. It felt like i

was pushing myself, but i thought it might be good for me.

 

Why did you need to PUSH yourself? You were supposed to go out and have fun not do things you don't want to do.

 

This one guy, he was really cute. He asked me to dance, but as soon as he put

his hands on me, i thought i was going to throw up. i realized i don't want any

mans hands on any part of my body, if they don't belong to Josh. That's when it

hit me, he's really gone.

 

Why are you letting men put their hands on you? That wasn't necessary.

 

All of the emotions i was feeling, mixed with alcohol is not a good thing. I

told the girls i wanted to go home, so we got a taxi and came home.

 

Really Jen?

 

I am totally not over him, i wish there was a way to stop this pain. I know i

sound sooooooo dumb right now, but i can't change how i feel.

 

No one said one night out was going to make you forget Josh. It is a slow process but you can't keep looking back if you want to move forward.

[stillafool]

I'm really sorry for driving you guys crazy but i really feel that you guys here are the only ones who understand me..I'm sorry if sometimes i come off rude or angry or unappreciative but i really do appreciate your advice even though i still wind up doing the wrong thing.

 

 

I'm a little drunk

 

No Jen most of us don't understand you.

[ThatJustHappened]

No Jen most of us don't understand you.

 

That's not very nice. I understand. She wanted to believe him because she's been in love with him for most of her life, and she's having trouble reconciling what he did with how she feels about him. If you've never been hurt before and had it leave you unstable for a while, you're lucky. I have. I just wish she'd get some help.

[ComingInHot]

Jen;

I hope you had a good rest.

Everyday that goes by clarity will set in more & more. It is SO Hard to have feelings for someone that cannot recipercate! It is even worse when that person USES your feelings to get immediate satisfaction w/out a thought to how it will hurt you.

 

Just so you know, I am a betrayed wife. Am I mad at my husband's exOW ? No.

Was I mad at hr when she outed him after he dumped her? Yes but also grateful for the truth. I thanked & asked a couple questions then told her I would take it from here.

 

Jen, this woman HATED me! She kept contacting me giving me information she thought I should know about how my husband Really felt about her and me and our marriage. I changed my email address & phone # & she still kept finding me to let me know I was ugly & old & fat.. I am not ANY of those things.

 

She stalked me until my husband got w/our attorney & a case/decist letter was sent.

 

I didn't do ANYTHING to this young lady except than her for the information!!!

 

I told my husband if he waned her then go. I gave him freedom of choice & he CHOSE me*

 

I'm telling you this because... I believe that yu are headed down this path w/your obsession, heartbreak and feeling like you were "not picked" over his Wife.

Don't be angry at her! So far sh has done Nothing wrong. You & MM have!

Call your Mom & check in. Share your feelings w/her that you have about his Wife. She loves you and being a wife herself might be able to explain to you some things w/rgar to that "position".

[jennifernyc84]

I don't mean to minimize your pain, I know it hurts, but again, until you realize that you brought this into your life, you will not be be able to move on. You've got to own it, you aren't any where near that point and you come off like a spoiled child, with I want, I want.

 

You aren't the first nor will you be the last to get your heart broken, it happens to most of us at some point in time. Learn your lessons, be smarter and wiser in the future, think with your head before your heart. Don't give away anything you can't take back and be careful who you give it to, someone's elses husband should be an automatic NO in the future.

 

I'm not this kind of person. I don't sleep with other womens husbands. I never have before. I never thought i would ever do that.

 

I don't think of it that way. I'm not a husband snatcher. The only reason it happened, is because it was him...but I'm sorry, like still a fool said, no one here can understand me anyway.

 

I'm sorry for bothering you guys. I won't anymore...thanks for the advice, everyone. It means a lot to know that there are people in the world who care about others feelings.

 

I'll get thru this....on my own.

[ThatJustHappened]

Jen, nobody is trying to chase you off. But there are two things you need to realize.

 

First, you need to own up to the fact that although you didn't think you were the kind of person who would sleep with someone else's husband, you did. While I understand why you allowed yourself to be seduced by his words, you still did something very wrong. As many other people here have stated, he was never yours to lose. He took advantage of your feelings for him and you caved.

 

Second, you need to reconcile yourself to the fact that Josh is not a good guy. You had a fantasy of him built up in your head but he did not live up to that fantasy and now you're having trouble letting go of it. What you're going through is perfectly normal..love is blind after all..but eventually you need to face the truth.

 

I think you should still keep coming back here, especially if you refuse to get real therapy..but you have to know that you will get some tough love if you do. If not, feel free to PM me..I'd be happy to talk to you about it off the boards.

[Tara247]

Jen, as long as you see Josh as this "great guy", you're going to be vulnerable to letting him creep back into your bed whenever he wants.

[stillafool]

That's not very nice. I understand. She wanted to believe him because she's been in love with him for most of her life, and she's having trouble reconciling what he did with how she feels about him. If you've never been hurt before and had it leave you unstable for a while, you're lucky. I have. I just wish she'd get some help.

 

I have been hurt more than once and went through something similar to what Jen is going through now except I didn't chose to sleep with him. If you look back over these 80 some pages you will see that others have pretty much said the same. I don't understand why she doesn't see who this guy really is after he has lied and lied, said anything just to sleep with her. I don't understand how she doesn't see (by his actions) that it is his wife he loves and has no intention of leaving her for Jen. I don't understand why Jen doesn't have a close friend to confide in. I don't understand why she refuses to see a therapist to help her through this. I don't understand how she goes on and on about what a great guy he is. Maybe you understand it all but I am a person who believes in reality. At some point a person has to take their head out of the sand and help themself.

[Tara247]

I'm not this kind of person. I don't sleep with other womens husbands. I never have before. I never thought i would ever do that.

 

I don't think of it that way. I'm not a husband snatcher. The only reason it happened, is because it was him...but I'm sorry, like still a fool said, no one here can understand me anyway.

 

I'm sorry for bothering you guys. I won't anymore...thanks for the advice, everyone. It means a lot to know that there are people in the world who care about others feelings.

 

I'll get thru this....on my own.

 

Jen, you'll be back when he comes knocking on your door feeding you more BS to get you into bed again. I'm not trying to be mean, but if your current state of mind doesn't change, that's exactly how it will play out.

[waytogo]

You know, i thought this was a place where i could get some advice our encouragement. I didn't think I'd get criticized or judged especially since we are all kinda in the same boat. I thought that was the purpose of this forum being labeled "the other man/woman"

 

Admitting I've skipped past some posts, so apologize if I'm repeating someone else.

 

Darling, you are getting advice. And really had not been criticized when you wrote this. People are supporting you and trying to steer you away from how painful what you do sound like your heading toward, will be.

 

What was said to you here was correct. Don't settle for less than his showing his love, ie, making himself available. Otherwise, if you see story after story here, the most likely is getting yourself more hooked on him while he ends up using children, pets, grandchildren, finances, etc as reasons he WOULD be with only you, but can't.

 

He already could have for more than half your life but didn't choose to. Hopefully you will consider that instead of getting angry with those that don't tell you what you want to hear. You are being supported more than I know it feels like while in this haze of confusion.

[Tara247]

I have been hurt more than once and went through something similar to what Jen is going through now except I didn't chose to sleep with him. If you look back over these 80 some pages you will see that others have pretty much said the same. I don't understand why she doesn't see who this guy really is after he has lied and lied, said anything just to sleep with her. I don't understand how she doesn't see (by his actions) that it is his wife he loves and has no intention of leaving her for Jen. I don't understand why Jen doesn't have a close friend to confide in. I don't understand why she refuses to see a therapist to help her through this. I don't understand how she goes on and on about what a great guy he is. Maybe you understand it all but I am a person who believes in reality. At some point a person has to take their head out of the sand and help themself.

 

I think it's because Jen can't reconcile the idea of the "nice" Josh that has presented himself to her for the past 17 years, and the Josh that just used her for sex and validation. Jen, there is a saying that serial killers are nice 80% of the time. I wish you would take no-good Josh down off the pedestal you have placed him on. The clue that he wasn't what he seemed, and the way he said he felt about you wasn't what it seemed, was the disrepectful 2:00 am phone call for sex when his wife was laying in bed sleeping right beside him.

[ThatJustHappened]

I have been hurt more than once and went through something similar to what Jen is going through now except I didn't chose to sleep with him. If you look back over these 80 some pages you will see that others have pretty much said the same. I don't understand why she doesn't see who this guy really is after he has lied and lied, said anything just to sleep with her. I don't understand how she doesn't see (by his actions) that it is his wife he loves and has no intention of leaving her for Jen. I don't understand why Jen doesn't have a close friend to confide in. I don't understand why she refuses to see a therapist to help her through this. I don't understand how she goes on and on about what a great guy he is. Maybe you understand it all but I am a person who believes in reality. At some point a person has to take their head out of the sand and help themself.

 

I agree, but when somebody is in pain, telling them that nobody understands what they're going through is not kind or helpful.

 

She doesn't see those things because she doesn't want to. She's been in love with this guy for 17 years..it's going to take more than a few weeks for her to come to grips with everything that's happened. I'm sure you went through all the same things she's going through when you were in the thick of things. And she probably doesn't want to tell her friends because she's embarrassed that she slept with someone else's husband.

Edited November 11, 2012 by ThatJustHappened

[RickFox]

It's a common theme. People come here, as did I, looking for sympathy as we are emotional wrecks. When we get hit with reality it stings and we don't want to accept it. So we lash back, tell people we don't need the harshness, and thank those who appear compassionate but are giving us the same message as the ones who are being blunt yet in a different way.

 

Ive read it in a lot of newbie posts and I went back and saw it in my threads when I first arrived. Bottom line is, while all posts were helpful, it was the brutally honest ones, the ones that slapped me in the face, that opened my eyes as to who I was and had become because of the A.

 

The OP is reacting defensively at all the reality that is debunking her fantasy, eventually she will see it for what it is, whether she stays here or does not. You can only help someone if they truly want it, that's the bottom line.