Owl Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I'm really trying to do the right thing. I'm really trying to be a better person. But every nerve in my body is telling me to give in. Have another talk with your mom, or whatever family you're staying with that's helping you work through this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett5 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I don't know how you can even look at his fb page....I saw a wedding picture of the guy I had a 'fling' with and that was enough to put me off ever looking again any time I was even tempted I asked myself, do I really want to see pictures of them happy together?? YUK, no thanks! All the horrible feelings it brought back then became what I put all my efforts into avoiding. That included texts, pictures, social media and any contact with him. Granted, we didn't have a 17 year history you have but it's the same principle. Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 (edited) That's just you feeling the pain that you need to ride out. What would you even say if you called him? I'd like to know this as well. Jen, the best thing to do would be ignore him, but I don't think you will. You said the last time you talked to him, he said he would tell her, right? If you just have to call him, when he starts in with the lies, the focus and the question you should have is, "when are you going to tell her?" His answer and the way he answers should tell you everything. If he's going to tell her, and he really wants a life with you, he'd sit her down and do it, now. If not, it will be more lies and excuses that it needs to be done at the right time. And I believe pretty much everyone on here told you that. I believe that in your desperation to have him, and not wanting her to have him, you're going to end up telling his wife. Edited November 12, 2012 by Tara247 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I'm really trying to do the right thing. I'm really trying to be a better person. But every nerve in my body is telling me to give in. Seriously - don't you have some close friends and family members (besides your mom) who can support you through this? Since you've known & crushed on "Josh" all your life, and his family is friends with yours; you attended his wedding, aren't most of your lifelong friends also his friends, and don't they ALL know about your infatuation? What do THEY think about all of this? I'm sure they don't want you to waste any more time on it and would be happy to help you right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Share Posted November 12, 2012 That's just you feeling the pain that you need to ride out. What would you even say if you called him? I don't think i even know. I just want to talk to him. There's a song by Sheryl crow , and there's one lyric that says "lie to me, i promise I'll believe". I just wanna hear him say he loves me and needs me Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I don't think i even know. I just want to talk to him. There's a song by Sheryl crow , and there's one lyric that says "lie to me, i promise I'll believe". I just wanna hear him say he loves me and needs me Please don't tell me that you have become this weak and pathetic. After you confront him about the way he has treated you, the only thing you should say/ask if you have to call him is "when are you leaving your wife?", and don't ever contact me again until you do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett5 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I just wanna hear him say he loves me and needs me And what if he does say that? Unless he leaves his wife you're still in the same boat. Pleeeease don't sleep with him tell him you're saving that for relationships only. Serious ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 OK...I'm out. You've received more advice/support than any other single person I can recall on this site in all my years here. My credulity is being strained at this point. Time for me to move on. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleGal Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 It might be a little late in the game to ask, but I don't remember reading the answers. What was his reason for not marrying you in the first place, and why the recent declaration of love? How has he explained his behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I don't think i even know. I just want to talk to him. There's a song by Sheryl crow , and there's one lyric that says "lie to me, i promise I'll believe". I just wanna hear him say he loves me and needs me I'm not trying to be mean, but this is the most pathetic thing I've heard on your thread yet. Jennifer, you need professional help. The attitude that you have now taken means that Josh could now treat you like a doormat if he wanted to. You sound worse than you've ever been. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 It might be a little late in the game to ask, but I don't remember reading the answers. What was his reason for not marrying you in the first place, and why the recent declaration of love? How has he explained his behavior? Because they never dated. He never was interested in her romantically. Ever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Because they never dated. He never was interested in her romantically. Ever. Sad, but true. In all the 17 years that they've known each other and been "best friends", Josh has never invited her out on one date. However, now, all of sudden, he's "loves" her. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Jennifer, I have been one of your strongest advocates in this thread, but even I am beginning to get angry at you. You. Need. Therapy. Desperately. He doesn't love you. He doesn't care about you. He wanted a spare vagina and yours was readily available. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 It might be a little late in the game to ask, but I don't remember reading the answers. What was his reason for not marrying you in the first place, and why the recent declaration of love? How has he explained his behavior? Purple, on one occasion when Jen told him he would have to make a choice between her and his wife, he told her to, "take care". On another occasion, he called her up at 2:00 am for phone sex with his wife laying in bed right beside him. However, Jen still thinks that he is a great man, and that this is some sort of a love story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Share Posted November 12, 2012 It might be a little late in the game to ask, but I don't remember reading the answers. What was his reason for not marrying you in the first place, and why the recent declaration of love? How has he explained his behavior? He told me that she isn't the woman he thought she was. She wanted to have a baby, and that made him realize that he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with her. He said he doesn't feel connected to her anymore.. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett5 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 So ring him and have it out with him, but be warned. If he ends up back in your bed, it's game over. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Those are just words. What ACTIONS has he taken to prove any of that to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 So ring him and have it out with him, but be warned. If he ends up back in your bed, it's game over. Yes, Jen, take action. Don't just sit around like this indulging in these pathetic dreams and ideas of him as this wonderful man, and the wonderful life you're going to have. Call him, confront, demand to know when's he telling her. Tell him that if he means what he says about you, you want him to do it NOW. Then, listen to what he has to say. If it's more excuses, you will know the "real" Josh. Make the call already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 He told me that she isn't the woman he thought she was. She wanted to have a baby, and that made him realize that he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with her. He said he doesn't feel connected to her anymore.. My spouse originally told the OW I had cheated on him ten years prior to their meeting, that we were divorced, and no children. She found out shortly after that what a crock o'crap that was. she chose to stay with him, anyway. Married men lie to their OW. be smarter, do better, and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Share Posted November 12, 2012 Those are just words. What ACTIONS has he taken to prove any of that to you? none, so far. But i didn't really give him a chance to. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Is that a joke? He had 17 years to take action!! He wanted sex, and he knew how you felt about him so he told you what you needed to hear in order to get you into bed..and then he went into panic mode because he was scared you'd tell his wife, and because he wanted to keep sleeping with you. Just call him already. You're not going to listen to anyone else anyway..not even your own mother, who told you to stay away from him. Just do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 none, so far. But i didn't really give him a chance to. Then make the call, Jen. If you believe that he's telling the truth and is going to do right by you like he said he was, then there's nothing to fear, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett5 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 He's had aaaaaages. Maybe he's scared of taking action, or maybe he knows exactly what game he's playing. Who knows. Only him, sadly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Share Posted November 12, 2012 My head is spinning. I know the right thing to do. I've known from the beginning. But its not that easy. I enjoy being with him....sexually Link to post Share on other sites
ilovedhim Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 none, so far. But i didn't really give him a chance to. yeah, that's it! you didn't give him a chance. what's 17 years anyway in this fairytale love story? um, i mean look when he was trying to tell you he's going to tell the wife in the last convo you said "don't bother" right? he probably thinks you're not interested... or... he's not interested and is relieved maybe? it's not like he's banging down your door or anything... nah, that can't be... you should really call and get to the bottom of it. does he or doesn't he??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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