2sunny Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 If he was SO right - he would have married you - but he didn't! His email didn't say squat! IF he had told her - he would have said so - but he didn't! Look - he told you from the start - he's not leaving. Believe THAT! And DON'T give him your new number! No need to respond to his email - he has NOTHING new to say. I'm sure he just wants an excuse/opportunity to "see" you again so he can have sex again. Personally - I can't believe you're still all twisted about him - he CHEATS! That's not a nice man! No way, no how!!! Get busy living - you deserve so much better than his cheating arse. Quit wasting your time and energy even thinking about him - he will cheat on every woman he's with after he gets settled into his "relationship". Don't let that be you...and certainly don't be his mistress any longer. Thus, no reason to respond to his lies! He's not even a friend! Friends don't use friends and toss them aside - causing hurt and pain! He's no friend! Get busy! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 You've really never met anyone that you just felt connected to? Someone that was just so right for you, in every way possible? How can that be? I find that hard to believe. Yes. But, when that person is unavailable, it's a wasted energy, wasted love, wasted (your) life, it's best to make the final choice to let go and move on so you can find love with someone who will love ONLY you and want to marry you, start a family with you. You hanging onto Josh - You've lost 17 years of your life pining over someone who married another woman, 17 years of loving him and not getting what you deserve back. 17 years of missed opportunities because you can't let yourself fall in love with another man. That's sad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Josh didn't have to woo me. We've known each other forever, inside and out. I was ready to jump into bed with him 17 years ago lol...jk, but you know what i mean. Of course he didn't have to woo you, it took absolutely nothing for you to hop in the sack with him. And he knew you would too! He knows you've been in love with him for so many years, he also knows/knew you two were/are never an item for real. IF it was "you" all along, he never would have gotten married to someone else. HE TOLD YOU years ago that he didn't feel the same way as you. I really don't understand why you hung on to him, clung to him and wasted your previous heart to him all the while he married someone else and moved on with his life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 You've really never met anyone that you just felt connected to? Someone that was just so right for you, in every way possible? How can that be? I find that hard to believe. Well we know Josh has..and he married her a few years ago... Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Can you please refresh our collective memory on two points: 1) Why didn't you and "Josh" ever date … even one time … in your 17 years of having a crush? How do you feel about the reality that this fellow never wanted to date you, even one time, in all the years that you were both single and when he evidently knew that you were wildly infatuated with him? 2) How did you manage to rationalize his alleged phone call after 2 years of little to no contact telling you he loves you and wants to marry you and impregnate you? Seriously, if that was me, I'd think "he must be drunk." But you, on the other hand, invited him over for a one night stand. Or a two night stand. I forget. In any case, please clarify, and maybe explain how any of this translates into a relationship? Maybe it would be helpful in giving you a more balanced perspective … Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 Yes. But, when that person is unavailable, it's a wasted energy, wasted love, wasted (your) life, it's best to make the final choice to let go and move on so you can find love with someone who will love ONLY you and want to marry you, start a family with you. You hanging onto Josh - You've lost 17 years of your life pining over someone who married another woman, 17 years of loving him and not getting what you deserve back. 17 years of missed opportunities because you can't let yourself fall in love with another man. That's sad. I wish i could find a guy i feel a fraction of what i feel for Josh. I can't. I have tried, i promise you that i have. And like i said before, i keep falling back to him. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 You seem pretty determined to learn this the hard way, so why don't you just call him already? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 Well we know Josh has..and he married her a few years ago... Oh, yeah, ha ha ha. Really funny. Good one... I Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 I wish i could find a guy i feel a fraction of what i feel for Josh. I can't. I have tried, i promise you that i have. And like i said before, i keep falling back to him. You haven't cut Josh out your life and that is why this is happening. Honestly Jen, you should have walked out of his life when you told him years ago that you loved him and he told you he didn't feel the same way. Or he should have walked away and ended the friendship, even more so since he married someone else. You need counseling to get over him, if you don't, I can guarantee your life is going to be the exactly the same in 10 years as it is now. Only difference will be, Josh and his wife will have had a few children by then. If not her getting pregnant, they'll adopt. You ARE wasting your life and one day when you're older, alone, you're gonna wish you had walked away when you had the chance. Many chances, which you keep on blowing. It's your life, your decision. Up to you on how this goes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 You seem pretty determined to learn this the hard way, so why don't you just call him already? Its late. I think i should call at a decent hour. I don't know. Maybe i am scared to face the truth. I don't know what he'll say. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Oh, yeah, ha ha ha. Really funny. Good one... I As much as they may have hurt to read, sorry Jen, but it's true. You need big reality checks right now to wake you up and to get you out of the fantasy that you've built up about him. Never on LS have I seen so many people reach out to someone like this and pretty much EVERYBODY is in agreement that you need to end it and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Its late. I think i should call at a decent hour. I don't know. Maybe i am scared to face the truth. I don't know what he'll say. What's the truth? That he made a mistake and never should have told you he loved you, never should have allowed sex to happen between the two of you? That he was feeling pressured at home, confused and fed up for a while so instead of talking to his wife, he ran into your arms for comfort and excitement? What's your truth, what's his truth and what is the REAL truth of all this? Link to post Share on other sites
Lois Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Its late. I think i should call at a decent hour. I don't know. Maybe i am scared to face the truth. I don't know what he'll say. Decent? You're sleeping with a married man, have no intention of leaving him alone, and you're concerned about calling at a decent hour? Are you having us on? For the love of all that is holy, please get some professional help. You really do need it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Go to your Moms again. This time stay 6 or 12 months. Get a job there and start over. You need support and to hit the restart button - from 17 years ago. Please - get counseling. Your obsession with him is way over the top and extremely delusional and unhealthy for your well being! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 (edited) Remember about 30 pages ago when the issue was whether "Jen" would call "Josh's" wife and tell her about the one (or two) night stand? It was vigorously discussed, and evidently dismissed because the OP didn't want to get re-involved with the situation. But … a day or two later, look! "Jen" is going to call "Josh" again! If OP was willing to stay wrapped up in this, it probably would have been a better outcome to have told the poor woman who's married to this man. Edited November 13, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 What's the truth? That he made a mistake and never should have told you he loved you, never should have allowed sex to happen between the two of you? That he was feeling pressured at home, confused and fed up for a while so instead of talking to his wife, he ran into your arms for comfort and excitement? What's your truth, what's his truth and what is the REAL truth of all this? All of that. I'm afraid to hear his excuses and believe him, I'm afraid he'll tell me he doesn't love me, I'm afraid to get anymore hurt than i already am. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 What's the truth? That he made a mistake and never should have told you he loved you, never should have allowed sex to happen between the two of you? That he was feeling pressured at home, confused and fed up for a while so instead of talking to his wife, he ran into your arms for comfort and excitement? What's your truth, what's his truth and what is the REAL truth of all this? The truth is - she's wasted 17 years on a total douche bag - and she still intends to waste more time pinning away and being his complete doormat. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 All of that. I'm afraid to hear his excuses and believe him, I'm afraid he'll tell me he doesn't love me, I'm afraid to get anymore hurt than i already am. That's his truth, then you need to hear it. Prolonging this and hanging onto some bullshi.t fantasy that you've created for the rest of your life about josh loving you, is so messed up. The pain you feel now will lessen as time goes on, ONCE you know how he really feels. That pain is FINAL. Not new and on going. That pain is letting go, grieving the loss, accepting and moving on. THAT should happen, should have happened years ago...That way at least you can go on with your life. You need a best friend who is a woman. Not a MM! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 I think you're just looking for any excuse to give him your new number! Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 All of that. I'm afraid to hear his excuses and believe him, I'm afraid he'll tell me he doesn't love me, I'm afraid to get anymore hurt than i already am. Pretend you call him and your fears play out. You will get more hurt, aren't you? Why don't you ask your mom to call him to see what he has to say? I bet he'll be flushed and mumbling in 2 seconds. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 My real friends never hurt me this way. He isn't a friend. He's a guy who will use you if you allow him to keep doing so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 My real friends never hurt me this way. He isn't a friend. He's a guy who will use you if you allow him to keep doing so. True, but I'm also not in love with any of my other friends. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 True, but I'm also not in love with any of my other friends. Which is why this friendship is UNHEALTHY and does damage to you. God, this thread is coming close to 100 pages. Please tell me some of what we're saying is sinking in? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 You need a best friend who is a woman. Not a MM! Probably the best advice I've gotten in this whole thread. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 True, but I'm also not in love with any of my other friends. So... What you're saying is - you are willing to let him continue using and abusing you - for his own pleasure and your pain? Link to post Share on other sites
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