skywriter Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 The exMM talked to me about having his child as well. I was 42 years old when I started having an A. Having another child was the farthest thought in my mind. I believe it's standard procedure for MM to approach this subject with women they want to bed. It stands to reason, that most MM or MW, will say things, that help them, to accomplish ,what they have set out to do, have an A. I also know from experience, the depth of the disappointment, that follows when the you piece all the future faking in mind. ....and it will happen. When all you have is time to post here and to think. You will meditate on all that has been exchanged, verbally and physically, then you will discover so many inconsistencys. BTDT. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Can't you lighten up a bit on her, ThatJustHappened? Who are you to say she deserves what's coming? Don't take things out on people like Jennifer because your husband cheated on you. Jennifer is weak. She made a mistake. She will find out the hard way that Josh is using her for sex on the side, and he will always put his wife first, and Jennifer will get whatever crumbs are left over. A mistake is accidentally locking your keys in your car. Jennifer made a an active choice. There's a difference. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I don't know if i can walk away, i wanna give him a chance to deal with his wife. Which way is up suggested i threaten to tell her myself, but i don't want to scare him away. I've dreamed of being with Josh for years, and it was amazing to finally get to have every bit of him..nothing held back, even if it was only for a little while. But for that while, he was mine..not hers. But i never thought it'd be in this way..i hate that this is what its come to, but it happened.. The thing is, he won't deal with his wife. They are newly married. There is too much to lose and risk. He will always choose her not just because he's married to her, but for so many other reasons i.e. family, security, comfort, finances, just married, etc. It outweighs the affair, and even you. A married man will tell you what you want to hear to keep you holding on. Mine told me the same things. I want to have children with you. I want to run away with you. I want to build a life with you. It's fantasy thinking when they're laying in your arms. But when they go home, the reality sets in and they settle down and accept the marriage. They go back to their routine until they see you again. So, nothing really happens in that there is no action, just dreams and schemes. Don't fool yourself into believing words. Everytime you both are together, it detaches him from reality. When he's not with you, all that fantasy talk is reversed and he goes back to living the life he knows he has to lead. He married her for a reason. Mine said they were not wanting to get pregnant. Eight months later, she's pregnant. I said, "But..." He said, "What could I do, it just happened." You've crossed the point of no return, in a sense. If you thought it was painful not having him, you're in for an emotional upheaval. As you get more attached, you'll want more and he will sense it and then comes the push and pull. It's nice now but when it comes to a boil, it won't be happy, lovey feelings. It will be a consistent sad and depressing lull as you wait and hope for him to choose you. There is nothing anyone can say here that will help you see the monster infront of you. You will have to experience it on your own, suffer your actions and learn the difficult way. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others, not from their own. I hope you don't let your feelings consume you and that you start thinking about what you're truly getting into. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 At this point I'm ALMOST left wondering who the victim is. I never claimed to be the victim. I know that this will probably kill his wife more than it would me, I'm not heartless. I would NEVER do this if i want in love with him. I wouldn't sleep with a married man just for the thrill of it. I have thought about being with him before i even fully understood what that meant. I don't want an affair, i want to marry him, have his children, own a home with, go on vacation with him, i wanna fight with him on who's turn it is to throw out the trash, i want a life with him..not just sex. At this point, i hope that she find out and leaves him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 And, yes, sleeping with him was my choice. Maybe not the best one, but that is my problem.and i will suffer the consequences. But being in love with him, being so desperate for his touch, that is NOT a choice. Wouldn't have been easier to just move on and forget him? Don't you think i tried to do that? I can't... Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Jen, why don't you just tell her about the affair yourself? That would certainly move things along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 Jen, why don't you just tell her about the affair yourself? That would certainly move things along. I won't do that unless he asks me to. I believe that its his job Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 And i don't really believe sleeping with a man once qualifies as an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 And i don't really believe sleeping with a man once qualifies as an affair. Do you think his wife would feel the same way? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Wouldn't have been easier to just move on and forget him? Don't you think i tried to do that? I can't... We told you it wouldn't be easy. But - no - you didn't even try... Saying you "can't" is cop-out. Of course you CAN - but you chose not to. Own up to that. And i don't really believe sleeping with a man once qualifies as an affair. Read through this site or google "emotional affair." You can have an affair without ANY sex. Darling, you are IN a full-blown affair. That train has left the building.. This is part of what you have to start coming to terms with; you are in an affair. It is a done deal. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 And i don't really believe sleeping with a man once qualifies as an affair. How would you call it? What was it? A fling? Link to post Share on other sites
ilovedhim Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I never claimed to be the victim. I know that this will probably kill his wife more than it would me, I'm not heartless. I would NEVER do this if i want in love with him. I wouldn't sleep with a married man just for the thrill of it. I have thought about being with him before i even fully understood what that meant. I don't want an affair, i want to marry him, have his children, own a home with, go on vacation with him, i wanna fight with him on who's turn it is to throw out the trash, i want a life with him..not just sex. At this point, i hope that she find out and leaves him. He has this already with his wife. If he wanted it with you he would've committed sometime within the SEVENTEEN!!! Years he's known you. She won't leave him because hell be too busy kissing her ass and feet to let him stay, putting all the blame on you, doing ... ACTIONS. .. all the things she wants. Save yourself some dignity and stop groveling to him . Have an affair, no judgements, but please don't play us for fools. Jen, have you read through threads on this forum? Your story isn't miracle, its typical. Link to post Share on other sites
ilovedhim Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 How would you call it? What was it? A fling? God, for Jen sake I pray its not a ons Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 And, yes, sleeping with him was my choice. Maybe not the best one, but that is my problem.and i will suffer the consequences. But being in love with him, being so desperate for his touch, that is NOT a choice. Wouldn't have been easier to just move on and forget him? Don't you think i tried to do that? I can't... If you "win" him- think long and hard about what the "prize " will be. And try and feel secure in that. You won't. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 But being in love with him, being so desperate for his touch, that is NOT a choice. Yes, it IS a choice. You made the choice to constantly feed those feelings. You're probably so used to self-pity that it feels comforting to "suffer" for this liar. It's a perpetual drama fix, and you've been hooked for 17 years. If you're so in love with each other and if he really wants to have your children, shout it from the rooftops and tell the whole world. See how he reacts to that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cravinglove Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 You know, i thought this was a place where i could get some advice our encouragement. I didn't think I'd get criticized or judged especially since we are all kinda in the same boat. I thought that was the purpose of this forum being labeled "the other man/woman" People replied you does not mean they are in the same boat with u.they were there maybe sometimes in their life,or they might have seen their friends been their.thats why they gave u this advice.yoy are still young.you also said you have made progress without him.why not continue your life without him？u will surely meet your mr right someday.dont get your hand on other woman's man.even though u met him first,but the ither woman married first.it wont be a good experience.something never happens,then u dont need to spend your quality life to forget abt it when it cant come true.but if u know this wont come true and u still do it,it may affect the rest of your life.people are not meant to be mean.they just have a deeper sight into this guy's mind.he was not,is not,and will not be your pie.move on your life without him.. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 If you DO end up with him--what's going to happen when the two of you hit a "rough patch"--- and he disappears for eight hours? What's going to be going through your mind? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 Here is the The OM/OW forum, and we all choose to be OWs or OMs at this point. Are you not supposed to post here if you feel despicable here? And actually what we post here should be "despicable" otherwise no need to have The OM/OW forum existing AT THE FIRST PLACE. I think you might need to have thorough emotion outlet to your therapist or whomever first in order to release your grudge, instead of releasing your grudge to us posters here. Thank you... Its nice to see that there are people here who won't look down at me. Although i am kinda looking down at myself. I'm not proud of what I've done. I'm just saying it felt amazing to be in his arms...finally Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 If you DO end up with him--what's going to happen when the two of you hit a "rough patch"--- and he disappears for eight hours? What's going to be going through your mind? That's a risk you take with any relationship. This one wouldn't be any different Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I asked if they planned on having kids, he says they aren't even trying trying yet. Then he told me he wants to have children with me, he said he wants to have grandchildren with me.. Yet he still is married. How does he plan on having kids with you? Keep you as the OW and get your pregnant? Sister wives.. ?? He said he doesn't want an affair , he said if he did, he would've just picked up any girl. He said he'd never cheapen whatwe have. He said he respect me. Bullshi.t! If he really respected you, he wouldn't have had sex with you. He has cheapened it by letting something happen. He's screwing you in more ways than one but you cannot see this.. one day you will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I never claimed to be the victim. I know that this will probably kill his wife more than it would me, I'm not heartless. I would NEVER do this if i want in love with him. I wouldn't sleep with a married man just for the thrill of it. I have thought about being with him before i even fully understood what that meant. I don't want an affair, i want to marry him, have his children, own a home with, go on vacation with him, i wanna fight with him on who's turn it is to throw out the trash, i want a life with him..not just sex. At this point, i hope that she find out and leaves him. Bolded part. Tell her this exactly. You want him and are going to fight nail and tooth for him, that you feel he is YOURS since you've known him longer and have loved him longer than her. That he should have married you, not her. Seriously Jenny, tell her the truth and hopefully she'll leave him, grieve him and find a real man who won't hurt and betray and lie to her, play her for a fool like he has. Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 No need to thank me, please bear in mind I am not necessarily supporting your decision+action at this point either. I am just providing neutral perspective here. I am kind of in similar situation as yours, although had lots of thoughts battle myself at the beginning of Affair. Time or reality will tell if we are finally going to end A ourselves. Thank you... Its nice to see that there are people here who won't look down at me. Although i am kinda looking down at myself. I'm not proud of what I've done. I'm just saying it felt amazing to be in his arms...finally Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 No need to thank me, please bear in mind I am not necessarily supporting your decision+action at this point either. I am just providing neutral perspective here. I am kind of in similar situation as yours, although had lots of thoughts battle myself at the beginning of Affair. Time or reality will tell if we are finally going to end A ourselves. I don't even support what I'm doing. I hope all goes well for you, though....and me Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 I didn't want an affair, i still don't. I didn't plan this. If someone would've told me two Weeks ago that I'd be having sex with Josh while he was married I'd have said they were insane Link to post Share on other sites
ilovedhim Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 (edited) Did you read what LadyGrey wrote in #428? Re-read it (You too, Mount) Let's use a real life example... tonight we're getting a huge storm in NYC, public tranist is shutting down, everyone will be home cuddling with their loved ones, including JOSH, YOUR MAN! He should be with you, correct? Who wil be snuggloing with Jennifer tonight? Don't you think you deserve someone who is not already TAKEN? Now go on and tell me he'll be sitting watching football or movies on a different couch or bed. ETA if you're worried about some people on the interent looking down on you for having an affair, what will happen IRL? If you feel badly about yourself now, each time he calls you fpor abootie call you'll be adding to your misery, your self-esteem will be shot by the time this is over.. please stop now! Edited October 28, 2012 by ilovedhim Link to post Share on other sites
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