whichwayisup Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I just wish i didn't feel so strongly for him. Its crazy. I've never felt like this for any guy, ever. He really isn't a bad person. You don't know, you've never met him. He's the nicest, funniest, smartest, caring most sensitive guy i know. He's also really insanely good looking. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me The only way to get over him is to never see or speak to him again. It'll take time to grieve and get through this, but you WILL come out of this stronger and wiser. You will find love again with someone else when you're really ready to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 Love should enhance you and your life, it shouldn't hurt you like this is nor should you have to suffer for it. That is not true love. If you "needed" so badly to hear him say that to you, it speaks more about some hole within yourself, not about you really loving him. It's a longing, an emptiness within yourself. He can't fill up that hole, even if he ends up with you, in time the feelings of the hole being filled up will fade and you'll be back to where you started from. Josh can't fill up the gaping hole that is within yourself, no man can. What was your childhood like Jennifer? Your relationship with your father? Any abuse in your background, sexual or otherwise? I see some of the prior me in you, I'm just trying to help you. Keep you from some of this pain. Honestly, i had a great childhood. I grew up in a small NJ town with my parents and brother and sister. We'd spend our Summers at the Jersey shore with my grandparents. Mom and dad, till this day, have the healthiest, happiest marriage i can think of. their home is such a happy place.. I was always a good girl, in school, at home. I had a ton of friends growing up, i was never deprived of anything at all, i had a really happy childhood.. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Even if I'm not, that's how he makes me feel Does he really make you feel special, or do you allow your own feelings to manipulate situations? Do you look for breadcrumbs that he throws you and twist them around to make them seem like things he's doing to make you feel special? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 Then why are you not putting more value on yourself???? I don't know. I am a happy person, i love my job, I'm starting a business of my own, i love Manhattan, my apt is amazing (although without lights as of now, damn you, Sandy) But that's just material stuff. I'm nice, smart, i care for people...i do. i know my actions aren't showing that i do, but i do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 Does he really make you feel special, or do you allow your own feelings to manipulate situations? Do you look for breadcrumbs that he throws you and twist them around to make them seem like things he's doing to make you feel special? He's always made me feel special..not just now. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I believe you, but why the self destructiveness? Look deep! An affair is self destructive. What are you insecure about? So what did he say to you tonight? Maybe it's a simple case of boredom. Maybe her life has just been too perfect and she feels the need to shake things up..wouldn't be the first time that's happened. Jen, you should take up rock climbing instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 If he has a lick of sense he is going to tell you that he is sorry but this can't continue because he sees that he is hurting you, his wife and himself. This is what he's going to tell her. He's a scumbag that used her. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 He's always made me feel special..not just now. When? When he dated, proposed to, and married another woman? When he ignored you for 2 years while he was living his happy life with his wife? When he told you he loved you, bedded you, and then ignored you during an emergency all in the span of a week? That makes you feel special? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 I believe you, but why the self destructiveness? Look deep! An affair is self destructive. What are you insecure about? So what did he say to you tonight? Not much, it was short. He told me he was at a hotel, that his house was pretty damaged. He asked if he could comesee me tomorrow, because we need to talk..i said ok. That's it Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 When? When he dated, proposed to, and married another woman? When he ignored you for 2 years while he was living his happy life with his wife? When he told you he loved you, bedded you, and then ignored you during an emergency all in the span of a week? That makes you feel special? you don't know the sweet part of him. It does exist. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 you don't know the sweet part of him. It does exist. Having a sweet side doesn't make him a good person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 None of us are doubting his ability to "be nice", but that doesn't mean that he is a good and honorable man. Geez, Ted Bundy was described by a couple of his girlfriends as being kind, empathetic and honorable. He even managed to convince one of them (she was unaware that he was cheating with someone else at the time) that he wanted to marry her....until his abruptly and without warning cut off all contact with her, refusing to answer her calls or letters. When she finally succeeded in contacting him a month later by phone and asked why he had ended things without any explanation, he responded by telling her that he had no idea what she was talking about and hung up. Later, he told his biographer that "I just wanted to prove to myself that I could have married her." Now, I'm not suggesting that Josh is a serial killer, but I am trying to show you that his ability to make you feel good does not negate the fact that he is willing to cheat on his wife and use you for sexual gratification or to feed his ego. You say that we don't know him. Well, the truth is that you don't know him as well as you think you do either. You know the person he presents himself to be when he is with you and who you want him to be. You know nothing about "who" he is when he is with his wife. So stop making excuses for yourself and whining about how helpless you are. Stop defending him and stop trying to justify the affair. Own it or walk away, but stop trying to romanticize It. It is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 "Niceness" does NOT necessarily mean goodness. In fact-- there are times that "niceness" is nothing more than manipulation, and "impression management". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 I hate saying this is an "affair", affairs don't last. An affair is something that happens when a married person becomes bored and wants to have fun. This isn't about just having fun for me. I'd never give a married man a second look, usually. He's still the same Josh that I've always known, he hasn't changed. Of course he's married now, but he's still the josh I know. And that guy has told me multiple times, that he'd never hurt me. Not only since the "affair" began, but always. I trust him. I believe him. This is not just an "affair". Why does it feel so real if its all just a lie? He text me this morning saying: Jen I'll be there today. We gotta talk. I asked if everything is ok and he just said 'fine'. So, I'm not sure what is going on. I think he wants to end this. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Jen - you need to read through our Infidelity and OW/OM forum. You have a very skewed definition of what an affair is and in stating you wished you had listened to us, we can tell you that you are in a full-blown affair. They are not just conducted by people who are bored. Some last for a day and some last for years. I hope he does end it and I hope you two are strong enough to stay away from one another long enough to let the fog of desperate need clears. It will happen. There will be a point where you realize how you are worth more than this man is treating you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 I really don't know what to hope for anymore. I'm tired, you know? Physically, emotionally, and mentally. I'm tired. I feel drained. I'm not happy anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Just tell him to CALL you and discuss whatever he needs to say on the phone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 Just tell him to CALL you and discuss whatever he needs to say on the phone. I think I will do that, mostly because I can't wait. I need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I hate saying this is an "affair", affairs don't last. An affair is something that happens when a married person becomes bored and wants to have fun. This isn't about just having fun for me. I'd never give a married man a second look, usually. He's still the same Josh that I've always known, he hasn't changed. Of course he's married now, but he's still the josh I know. And that guy has told me multiple times, that he'd never hurt me. Not only since the "affair" began, but always. I trust him. I believe him. This is not just an "affair". Why does it feel so real if its all just a lie? He text me this morning saying: Jen I'll be there today. We gotta talk. I asked if everything is ok and he just said 'fine'. So, I'm not sure what is going on. I think he wants to end this. Because you want it to be real. But as a bunch of us have said before..wanting something does not make it true. If that were the case, we'd all be zillionaire princesses. Link to post Share on other sites
CarboniteCammy Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 wow...this thread... shew... Jennifer, as much as I detest your behavior, I feel so sorry for you. You'll never know what it's like to have a real relationship or be a mom and have a real family. For me, being a mom is the most incredible and wonderful thing that ever happened to me, and it's been made better because I have a stable family situation. I hope you don't get pregnant. No kid deserves to grow up with such a mess. *sigh* I *hope* you have a sister or a mom or a best friend or someone who you can call when he dumps you because you're too needy. Bottom line, there is always someone hotter, younger, smarter, closer, easier then you. This guy is like water. He follows the path of least resistance. When you start pushing back and requiring more time and your biological clock starts ticking and you want a baby, he'll be gone faster then you can say, "I'm ready for a family! Please divorce your wife!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 So, he's the "same Josh" you've always known; he hasn't changed, right? You mean the same Josh who chose to marry someone else when he COULD have married you IF he had loved you (but didn't). Yep, this time you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 So, he's the "same Josh" you've always known; he hasn't changed, right? You mean the same Josh who chose to marry someone else when he COULD have married you IF he had loved you (but didn't). Yep, this time you're right. i just got off the phone with him. He was going to come see me because he was worried about me, but i told him I'm ok. i asked what he wanted to talk about, he sounded so confused. He told me he wants me to know that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He said hewants me to know how much i mean to him. He said he feels so guilty about what we're doing and he hates that. He shouldn't have to feel guilt about us. He doesn't want to hide us. He said wants to tell her...he said he's going to tell her.he asked if I'd marry him after he tells her. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Well - that's all good - now you need to see his ACTION that DOES what he says he's gonna do! Don't see him until his divorce is FINAL! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 I told him of course i would, he said he's going to tell her tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I told him of course i would, he said he's going to tell her tonight. That's much different than filing for divorce. Time will show you how it works out. Many spouses fight hard to get the cheating spouse to repair the damage they caused. Does he plan to inform her that he had sex with you? Link to post Share on other sites
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