yessy21 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 A man that cheats is a man that is still in love with his wife and is just trying to save his marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I told him of course i would, he said he's going to tell her tonight. Report back tomorrow and tell us *if* he actually goes through with it. 90% of the time, there is an excuse why they can't tell the betrayed spouse and keep the OW/OM on the leash "a little while longer." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 That's much different than filing for divorce. Time will show you how it works out. Many spouses fight hard to get the cheating spouse to repair the damage they caused. Does he plan to inform her that he had sex with you? That's what he said.. He sounded very intense.. I don't think he'd go to that extreme to lie to me. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 That's what he said.. He sounded very intense.. I don't think he'd go to that extreme to lie to me. Really??? I'd bet his wife thinks the same thing. Just sit back and wait - while doing nothing - to see if he files for D - and goes through with it. If he doesn't tell her what's real - that he f-Ed you - then he's not one bit honest. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Call him back and ask if he's going to be honest with his wife! You need to know! And ask him what his specific plan is - does he plan to file for divorce and if so, when? If not - there's no need to speak with him any further. Watch carefully for all words and no action. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Well I hope he's telling you the truth but I still think you should refuse to see him until you see the divorce papers. Actions speak louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 Well I hope he's telling you the truth but I still think you should refuse to see him until you see the divorce papers. Actions speak louder than words. I don't know what to believe. I didn't ask him to tel his wife. I didn't pressure him in anyway. So why would he just come up and say it without reason? Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 That's what he said.. He sounded very intense.. I don't think he'd go to that extreme to lie to me. Married men lie to their mistresses. It's what they do. Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 (edited) Jennifer, I'm willing to go into it with an open mind and give you a chance that Josh will move forward with a divorce to marry you. Now tape this around your apartment: the only way this will happen the right way is if you stop the sex/emotional support and ideally go no contact. You ask him to set deadlines for himself, and establish what limited contact if any you will have. Then stick to it. If he falters, if he blinks, if he hesitates it is very bad news. If he doesn't, you might just be one of the 3%. Edited October 31, 2012 by cutedragon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 i just got off the phone with him. He was going to come see me because he was worried about me, but i told him I'm ok. i asked what he wanted to talk about, he sounded so confused. He told me he wants me to know that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He said hewants me to know how much i mean to him. He said he feels so guilty about what we're doing and he hates that. He shouldn't have to feel guilt about us. He doesn't want to hide us. He said wants to tell her...he said he's going to tell her.he asked if I'd marry him after he tells her. Hi Jen glad you're back. I might get flamed myself for saying this but it does sound like he is serious. That's alot to promise and occur in 24 hours. The only thing you can do is wait until tomorrow to see if the above is true. If it is I'll be the first one to say I was wrong about him. If what he said above is bs he is a real SOB. Just wait and see. I bet you're on cloud 9 now aren't you? Don't get too happy until you know he is telling the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 Hi Jen glad you're back. I might get flamed myself for saying this but it does sound like he is serious. That's alot to promise and occur in 24 hours. The only thing you can do is wait until tomorrow to see if the above is true. If it is I'll be the first one to say I was wrong about him. If what he said above is bs he is a real SOB. Just wait and see. I bet you're on cloud 9 now aren't you? Don't get too happy until you know he is telling the truth. Yes, for sure, I'm not greeting my hopes up too high.. But, i am hopeful. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Hi Jen glad you're back. I might get flamed myself for saying this but it does sound like he is serious. That's alot to promise and occur in 24 hours. The only thing you can do is wait until tomorrow to see if the above is true. If it is I'll be the first one to say I was wrong about him. If what he said above is bs he is a real SOB. Just wait and see. I bet you're on cloud 9 now aren't you? Don't get too happy until you know he is telling the truth. This is how I,m thinking too. No one can be certain, as to how this will play out. The majority of people that post here, don't have the MP actually leave and start a life with their AP. Sometimes, but not often. Then there is the fact that in A's, someone, always gets hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I don't know what to believe. I didn't ask him to tel his wife. I didn't pressure him in anyway. So why would he just come up and say it without reason? Because you might believe his words. When the action matches his words is when you can believe him. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I don't know what to believe. I didn't ask him to tel his wife. I didn't pressure him in anyway. So why would he just come up and say it without reason? To get you in bed again. I'm not trying to be negative or mean..nobody here is. We're just trying to keep you grounded in reality. What Josh is doing right now is standard fare for married people who don't want to leave their marriages but just want to have a little piece on the side. He could very well be telling the truth..nobody knows besides him. Just be careful until you have solid proof that he is doing what he says he's doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 (edited) Jennifer, I truly hope it works out for you. It's good that he says he is going to tell his W he wants a divorce. My concern is that he slept with you before telling her. And that he made the statement about asking if you would be there to marry him after he told her. It just raises red flags as to his ability to be honorable and commit to anyone for the right reasons. Could his W be cheating? Do you have any idea why he suddenly out of the blue after 2 years has decided he wants you instead of her? I don't know what is going on in his M, obviously, but don't be his fallback woman. I do hope you will tell him that you can't see him until the D is final. Good luck to you. Edited November 5, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 (edited) There are a lot of books out there on affairs. Maybe if you read up on some of them- you would see why people are trying to warn you away from this mess. Edited November 5, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 WOW what a roller coaster to ride in just 2 weeks!! I was REALLY struggling today not to break 15 days of NC with my xMM (ugh so many Halloween things we'd talked about). BUT then I stumbled upon this thread and now almost an hour later, I am fully consumed with Jennifer & Josh. I thought for sure he was calling to say he felt too guilty & had to end it...definitely did NOT expect the marriage proposal! I won't chime in with warnings of how awful the aftermath is when things end...this train is already in motion. Good luck tonight....keep us posted... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Time will tell if he is pulling one over your eyes (fooling/lying to you) or if he actually does tell his wife and then divorces so he can marry you. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 If you do marry him, you will always remember what happened just now. And when he goes out for an hour or two , you'll wonder if he's doing it again, after all- he did it to a wife he loves enough to marry- even after knowing you for 17 years. Think about how he treated that commitment. Think about what you participated in. Why would you be different? He did not love you enough when you were willing and able and he was free! And proceed very, very carefully. If Josh was truly honorable, and your love was all he needed- he would have asked before he got married. And even in this "proposal"- you are a backup plan. He won't leave her, unless you are there to catch him. You cannot save another person. You cannot be solely responsible for another person's happiness. You cannot save Josh- the outcome of this is quite simply- him pulling you down. And you deserve so much better than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 He said he hasn't told her yet. But he is going to, that we.need a plan first. I told him hr could stay with me if he wants to, he agreed to that. He said he'll let me know when he'll be over. Does it sound like he's backing down? Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 He said he hasn't told her yet. But he is going to, that we.need a plan first. I told him hr could stay with me if he wants to, he agreed to that. He said he'll let me know when he'll be over. Does it sound like he's backing down? Yes. What 'plan'? What is there to plan? What is the 'we'? It's his marriage, not yours. If he want a D he just has to ask for it. ??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 Yes. What 'plan'? What is there to plan? What is the 'we'? It's his marriage, not yours. If he want a D he just has to ask for it. ??? I know, right. Why do WE need a plan? I said it before, dealing with her is his problem, and job. Not mine, right ? Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I know, right. Why do WE need a plan? I said it before, dealing with her is his problem, and job. Not mine, right ? You are part of the plan already, didn't you just say he wants to move in with you when he drops the bomb on his wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 You are part of the plan already, didn't you just say he wants to move in with you when he drops the bomb on his wife? Not the point, the point is, i think he's looking for excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I know, right. Why do WE need a plan? I said it before, dealing with her is his problem, and job. Not mine, right ? Yes, although you have been complicit in hurting her. He needs to deal with her- but he doesn't seem to have the nerve to stand on his own ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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