2sunny Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 He called me from work to tell me she'll be back tonight. I asked him what he thought about telling her tonight. He got a little nervous, i could hear it his voice. But he said he would. I told him why don't we hold off on anymore hanky-panky until its done, for her respect..he didn't oblige..so, maybe this is it. That's a good stance to take. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 He called me from work to tell me she'll be back tonight. I asked him what he thought about telling her tonight. He got a little nervous, i could hear it his voice. But he said he would. I told him why don't we hold off on anymore hanky-panky until its done, for her respect..he didn't oblige..so, maybe this is it. What do you mean by this...he didn't agree? If not, why not? Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Jennifer, you need to understand that sex makes men feel connected. The fact that he promised you all that after the two of you had sex might evaporate in the harsh light of the reality in the following days/weeks/months. Assume reality to be what he had told you before having sex. As much as you want to believe something, it doesn't make it true. If you stop having sex with him and he follows through, then he knew what he was talking about. Otherwise is just his little happy friend getting too excited. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 What do you mean by this...he didn't agree? If not, why not? I'm sure he doesn't agree - because he still wants BOTH women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 I meant he did....Swype type Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 He called me from work to tell me she'll be back tonight. I asked him what he thought about telling her tonight. He got a little nervous, i could hear it his voice. But he said he would. I told him why don't we hold off on anymore hanky-panky until its done, for her respect..he didn't oblige..so, maybe this is it. What do you mean he "didn't oblige"? Did he tell you he didn't want to stop having sex with you until he told her? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 He called me from work to tell me she'll be back tonight. I asked him what he thought about telling her tonight. He got a little nervous, i could hear it his voice. But he said he would. I told him why don't we hold off on anymore hanky-panky until its done, for her respect..he didn't oblige..so, maybe this is it. You hold up your end of the bargain. MAKE yourself accountable. Then you wait to see if he actually tells his wife. Though, you'll only have his word to go on. If he tells - There's no way of you to verify it. If he doesn't tell her tonight (which I don't believe he will, hence the nervousness in his voice..) then the chances of him telling before 2012 runs out is slim to none. Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 OP, your story makes me very sad... it sounds like this guy knows that you have always had feelings for him, and he is taking advantage of that. Try and stand back and look at your situation objectively...pretend it's happening to your best girl friend, and she was hurting and wondering what to do...what would you tell her? Would you advise her to put her life on indefinite hold while her married man made up his mind, or would you advise her differently? look at it this way...he says he loves you...and maybe he does, but what does "love" mean to him anyway? I'm pretty sure he told his wife he "loves" ( at least at one time he told her that) her, but look at how he's chosen to treat her. is that the kind of love you want in your life? as for their marriage being not your concern, well, i hat to break it to you, but you've inserted yourself into it whether you like to admit that to yourself or not. if you were in her shoes, wouldn't you want to know what it going on? why does she deserve not deserve to know...if he won't tell her, why not do the decent hing and let her know...maybe she'll even end things and he can be with you full time that much sooner. are you not telling her because you are afraid that if she knows, he may go running back to her? ( that happens a lot). Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 I honestly, i don't know what to think right now. But i know i shouldn't have to do his dirty work for him. If he tells her tonight, great. If not, I'll probably give him two more Weeks. I cannot spend the holidays doing what i did during that storm. I don't know how some women do this for years. I'm barely two Weeks in and I'm about to go mad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 I honestly, i don't know what to think right now. But i know i shouldn't have to do his dirty work for him. If he tells her tonight, great. If not, I'll probably give him two more Weeks. I cannot spend the holidays doing what i did during that storm. I don't know how some women do this for years. I'm barely two Weeks in and I'm about to go mad. Keyword: probably. Two weeks become two months become two years. He's already broken his promise to you to tell her. What keeps you from letting him know that he should get in touch once he's filed and moved out? Hope, wanting to believe. That's what keeps some women on the rollercoaster for years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 Keyword: probably. Two weeks become two months become two years. He's already broken his promise to you to tell her. What keeps you from letting him know that he should get in touch once he's filed and moved out? Hope, wanting to believe. That's what keeps some women on the rollercoaster for years. Because I've waited alooooong time for him,. i can't let him go that easily Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Because I've waited alooooong time for him,. i can't let him go that easily Well what will you do if his wife feels the same way? Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Well what will you do if his wife feels the same way? Josh told Jennifer he wanted her, and not his wife. Why don't we just all calm down and see if he's going to tell his wife tonight. This can't go on though. It's terrible what he's doing to his wife. He needs to make a decision and not drag it out anymore. It's not decent. I think Jennifer sees that. He is sharing bodily fluids with both Jen and his wife. His wife needs to know. Hopefully Josh will do the right thing and tell her tonight. Jen did say no sex until he tells the wife though. I'm proud of Jen for that. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 I cannot spend the holidays doing what i did during that storm. You mean, be alone, without him. Do you really expect and hope that he'll be spending Thanksgiving with you this year? And Christmas? Come ON Jen. You're fooling yourself if you believe this. There's NO way he's going to confess ANYTHING to his wife until WELL after the New Year, in 2013. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 Well what will you do if his wife feels the same way? that's his choice. She can't trap him in a marriage he doesn't want. I'm willing to fight for him...that is, if he wants me too. If he were to tell me to leave him alone, i would 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 You mean, be alone, without him. Do you really expect and hope that he'll be spending Thanksgiving with you this year? And Christmas? Come ON Jen. You're fooling yourself if you believe this. There's NO way he's going to confess ANYTHING to his wife until WELL after the New Year, in 2013. His nervousnous does indicate this, yes. But, if this is the way it does go down, at least Jen won't be giving him anymore sex until he does the right thing. She just needs to stand her ground with him. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 I think Jennifer sees that. He is sharing bodily fluids with both Jen and his wife. No, he is not having sex with his wife. Right Jen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 No, he is not having sex with his wife. Right Jen. That's what he told me..i can only go by what he tells me, and choose to believe it or not Link to post Share on other sites
truthbetold Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 LFH, you clearly didn't read any of the other thread because you have no idea what you are talking about. Just because you are in an A that hasn't exploded on you yet, or just because it's special and different and may last forever, does not mean you should encourage people to behave the same way you do. Your situation, as I remember it, is that you don't care that the MM won't marry you. Most people don't feel that way.... or don't end up feeling that way. This OP thinks this man is going to ride off into the sunset with her as his W. And frankly, your viewpoint -- and encouragement of others to believe the same -- that "you have nothing to do with his M" even though you are screwing her husband is just sick. If nothing else, just because you think it's acceptable to treat a spouse that way. Bet things would be quite different if you were the betrayed wife. I haven't read the whole thing yet...but totally agree with this. LFH it's VERY clear you didn't read the other thread. Many of us have poured ourselves out on that one. And shocking or not, I totally think he should tell his wife EVEN in the disaster of the hurricane. Why? because there's NEVER a good time. And since this guy as gone from saying he loved his wife and was fairly happy on Oct 22, to him wanting a divorce a couple days ago?? Yeah, he needs to tell her ASAP regardless of what's going on. Especially since he made such a turnaround so fast the wife has a shorter amount of time to reconcile what of her life has been lies. Jen, like I said to you before, I wish you'd see it. Now he's postponing it how long? I'm not sure why you are are willing to do exactly what you said you would "never" do. Especially when there's going to be so much more pain. Everyone told you if he delayed it wouldn't be good. What possible excuse does he have to keep lying to her? Why did they take the other thread completely down? It did have valuable input. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 She should be there in about a half hour. I'm so nervous...I'm having so many mixed emotions right now. I don't enjoy doing this to her at all. But in the mean time, I'm very anxious. Link to post Share on other sites
truthbetold Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 that's his choice. She can't trap him in a marriage he doesn't want. I'm willing to fight for him...that is, if he wants me too. If he were to tell me to leave him alone, i would I hope you mean it, that you will not have sex with him until he has told her and has filed for divorce. What exactly does "fight" mean though? If you mean if he doesn't tell her you tell him that you are stepping out of this although you love him but he must come to you after he has gotten his head on straight then okay, but if you mean that you will allow yourself to be there for him no matter what professing you love and taking crap treatment bc you're afraid of losing him, well that's being a doormat, not fighting for him. A bunch of us also mentioned in your other thread there's the possibility that he's doing this to get his wife's attention again. Something is very off after all this time to do such a turnaround. What are you going to do if she does decide to fight for her marriage and he plays all confused with you and not sure what he should do? Are you going to hang around and "fight" for him? Because that again is being a doormat. If he's confused let him be confused elsewhere not on your doorstep. He should come to you only when he sure that's what he wants. You can't lose something you never had. And you can't be afraid of losing him. Love doesn't have fear, love is secure in the choices. If you're afraid of losing him if you back off and tell him to get his head together, then he never was serious about leaving and loving you. I told you this before and you agreed, he must divorce for HIMSELF and no one else, especially not you. I'm glad to see you set a timeline of 2 weeks. I think it should be tonight and not 2 weeks, but at least you're not saying you understand and will hang in until after the holidays. But just remember if he doesn't do it soon he likely is stalling and will not. If he said he doesn't love her and wants all things with you, then there should be no hold up. *LFH sorry I didn't realize the other thread was completely inaccessible until I kept reading. I thought you could access her past posts even if the thread wasn't there. Can't they bring it back, or is it just gone? Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 She should be there in about a half hour. I'm so nervous...I'm having so many mixed emotions right now. I don't enjoy doing this to her at all. But in the mean time, I'm very anxious. I hope this works out for you. Be sure you get some proof that he actually did tell her. My ex-MM actually called me right after he told her (in front of her) and she requested to talk to me (and now I can't believe that I sunk so low as to have any part in that at all... but the point is, if he told her about you then he should not have to hide you, or his comings and goings with you.... if he continues to do so, and you have no proof other than his word that he told her, then don't believe him... again, you need actions from him and he needs to prove to you that he's doing what he says).. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 that's his choice. She can't trap him in a marriage he doesn't want. I'm willing to fight for him...that is, if he wants me too. If he were to tell me to leave him alone, i would Exactly. Each of them are free to say "I'm not happy, let's divorce." If he talks to her and she is like you - Wants to fight for him - Then what are you going to do if he cannot decide between you two? Do you have it in you to go to her and say you want him, I want him - I plan on fighting for him so bring it on. That's what he told me..i can only go by what he tells me, and choose to believe it or not And you're choosing to believe he doesn't have sex with his wife anymore. Did you ask him if they made love a few nights ago in the hotel room? She should be there in about a half hour. I'm so nervous...I'm having so many mixed emotions right now. I don't enjoy doing this to her at all. But in the mean time, I'm very anxious. I highly doubt he's going to drop the bomb on her the minute she walks in the door. Bolded part: Not enough to realize the guy is married and not to let the A happen. That ship has sailed. Own it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 Proof, how? And if she does wanna talk to me, what the heck do i say to her + Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 3, 2012 Author Share Posted November 3, 2012 I'm so happy i could cry Link to post Share on other sites
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