He said he loves me..but he's married

[canuckprincess]

Yes, you're probably right. But i know i want him, and no one else, so i figured why not give him the benefit of the doubt.....for now anyway.

 

We need to chat, I have a similar situation but don't want to be attacked by everyone on here. Are you able to PM me?

[jennifernyc84]

Anyway, did Josh say something about his current thoughts besides his txt back "I am sorry"?

 

Not a thing... i text him times before that asking him what happened, if he was ok, and then asking where he was.

 

The only one he responded to was when i called him a liar

[ThatJustHappened]

Honestly I think this will end up being a blessing in disguise (for you..definitely not for his poor wife, who is saddled to a scumbag). You've been obsessed with this man for 17 years and unable to seriously invest in another man. Now that you know what a terrible person he is, you can finally move on.

[jennifernyc84]

We need to chat, I have a similar situation but don't want to be attacked by everyone on here. Are you able to PM me?

 

i don't know how to do that...how do you pm someone?

[Tara247]

I thought he could change...

 

I wanted to believe that so badly

 

Jen, what you have to do now is mourn this, and then find you a nice, decent single guy. Josh is not decent. He has proven that to you. Just look how he treated his wife. Could you trust him again, after what he's just done to you? I wouldn't be able to if it were me.

 

P.S. let's not forget the 2:00 a.m. call for phone sex (when his wife was sleeping right next to him). Decent guys don't do that.

[Tara247]

Jen, also you need to get STD tests scheduled A.S.A.P.

[jennifernyc84]

Honestly I think this will end up being a blessing in disguise (for you..definitely not for his poor wife, who is saddled to a scumbag). You've been obsessed with this man for 17 years and unable to seriously invest in another man. Now that you know what a terrible person he is, you can finally move on.

 

I'll also miss the part of him that was my friend

[CarrieT]

i don't know how to do that...how do you pm someone?

 

You can't yet - you have to be here at least a month and have 50+ posts.

[Decorative]

I'll also miss the part of him that was my friend

 

Friends don't behave like this. Remember that when it feels rough.

[jennifernyc84]

We had such a fantastic time on Thursday. We spent the whole day out in NYC. Wee were really happy. Then he spent the night with me in my apt.we slept in each others arms the whole night

 

how could he do this to me?

[CarrieT]

I'll also miss the part of him that was my friend

True friends don't do this to other friends.

[Decorative]

We had such a fantastic time on Thursday. We spent the whole day out in NYC. Wee were really happy. Then he spent the night with me in my apt.we slept in each others arms the whole night

 

how could he do this to me?

 

This will be hard to understand right now- but his behavior isn't about you. Or his wife. It's about him.

[ilovedhim]

Whenever someone tells me to take care its like a knife thru my heart...

 

 

I really wish people would NOT say that to me

 

LOL i hate that phrase as well. Don't be so hard on yourself. You needed this to move on from this guy. Now you need to do one more thing before putting this behind you... Normally I wouldn't agree, BUT in this case I also think you need to tell his wife. Imagine if this was you. Be honest with her, he told you he was leaving. If you don't you might regret it. He's a pro at this she needs a heads up that she is married to an ADULTERER... this is not the first time he's done this.

 

BTW he has not been your "friend" for a while. Look how he made you feel.

[Heartdefeated]

We had such a fantastic time on Thursday. We spent the whole day out in NYC. Wee were really happy. Then he spent the night with me in my apt.we slept in each others arms the whole night

 

how could he do this to me?

 

This is what his wife would be thinking is she found out about you:

"He courted me, we dated. I spent many nights (years, not a night) in his arms. He proposed, we married, he promised to love me forever. He told me he wanted to have my children. How could he do this to me?"

Despite what OW's think, history, logic, and just plain integrity dictates that an affair is not a healthy relationship. Learn to love who you are and accept your role in recruiting the pain you are in. Write down all of your positive qualities and try to internalize that they define who you are, not some man that only wants to use you. Don't fall into the needy, weak OW trap now that you are ahead. I guarantee that if you become less needy and obsessive, you will attract a single, emotionally available man who treats you with respect. In turn, other women wil respect you as well. I know I have been harsh in my last posts, but it was because I simple cannot respect OW's. You have been given another chance to really turn this experience into something that will make you a better person. Look back in this experience in a few years and laugh at what a silly, little person you were. Become the real woman with an enlightened view on life. We know you can do it! You wouldn't be posting here if you had no shame. Push yourself over the brink into another world where you see our point of view.

[whichwayisup]

We had such a fantastic time on Thursday. We spent the whole day out in NYC. Wee were really happy. Then he spent the night with me in my apt.we slept in each others arms the whole night

 

how could he do this to me?

 

You let him do this to you. We all warned you not to have sex with him or take it to the next level..

 

Unfortunately now you see who he is. A liar and a cheater. A man who never intended on leaving his wife for you and marrying you. He is no friend.

 

This is actually the best outcome for you. BECAUSE, now you can grieve the loss, get him out of your heart and blood, go on with your life so you can find love and happiness with some other guy who will adore you and put you first.

[Tara247]

This will be hard to understand right now- but his behavior isn't about you. Or his wife. It's about him.

 

This is true, Jen. It's the kind of person he is and how he deals with problems/stress in his life. So, don't beat yourself up.

[canuckprincess]

I just text him again. I said "don't ever call me again, you are a liar".

 

He text back "I'm sorry".

 

Hey, at least he text me back...

 

I said i wasn't going to cry

 

Have you contacted his wife and if why don't you. She needs to be tested too.

[ThatJustHappened]

We had such a fantastic time on Thursday. We spent the whole day out in NYC. Wee were really happy. Then he spent the night with me in my apt.we slept in each others arms the whole night

 

how could he do this to me?

 

The honest answer is that he did this to you because you were an easy target. Either he got bored with his marriage or something happened in his life that made him panic, so he went looking for something to make him feel better for a while, and he either didn't realize or didn't care about how his actions would affect anyone besides himself as long as he got what he wanted, and he knew you'd give it to him willingly and happily. He used you.

 

Sorry, but the more important question here is how could he do this to his wife? A man who would do that the the woman that he promised to love and honor is not a man, he's a selfish little boy.

 

I'm sure you did have a great time last week. I'm sure he did too. But for him it was never real..he was running away from his life for a day.

[truthbetold]

You let him do this to you. We all warned you not to have sex with him or take it to the next level..

 

Unfortunately now you see who he is. A liar and a cheater. A man who never intended on leaving his wife for you and marrying you. He is no friend.

 

This is actually the best outcome for you. BECAUSE, now you can grieve the loss, get him out of your heart and blood, go on with your life so you can find love and happiness with some other guy who will adore you and put you first.

 

Jen I'm sorry for your pain. I'm sorry you had to learn the hard way. At least this was only a little over a couple weeks. It may not seem like much but looking back you will be so glad it wasn't months and years wasted.

 

Try hard to not fall into the trap of being an OW because of loneliness or whatever. You don't need to PM people that don't have the courage that you do to want to and to start to make healthier choices. and would keep you trapped those people haven't found happiness. YOU are more than that. Keep posting and write it all out. You have many people posting to you bc we care. We want to see you find happiness within.

 

I think he'll try to come back with excuses too. Don't fall for it. Be strong, you can do this. Through pain will come great growth.

[jennifernyc84]

Even though I'm hurt, I'm so extremely mad at him, and i hope i never see him again, i still don't want to hurt him.

 

I should call her and tell her, but that won't help me.

 

Its not in me to hurt him. I can't do it. I said the other day, if he told me to leave him alone, i would...

[ThatJustHappened]

Even though I'm hurt, I'm so extremely mad at him, and i hope i never see him again, i still don't want to hurt him.

 

I should call her and tell her, but that won't help me.

 

Its not in me to hurt him. I can't do it. I said the other day, if he told me to leave him alone, i would...

 

Maybe it wouldn't help you, but it would help her. I'm not trying to rub salt in your wounds but she is the true victim here, not you, and not Josh. You and Josh both hurt her, and she deserves to know.

[Tara247]

She needs to be told, Jen.

[ComingInHot]

First let me say how incredibly Sorry I am that you got hurt!

I can kind of see your pain*

 

I wanted to address two things;

 

First, you absolutely would Not tell his wife. It "wasn't yours to deal with". Right?

 

Second, now that things aren't going your way, you are mad & feel you Should tell his wife.

 

Whether or not you do "out" him, please be sincere & as kind as can be to her. Give her evidence allow her to ask questions then Never contact her again. If the W starts getting ugly w/you, understand but end the conversation.

 

I say this because my husband's OW outed their A after it ended but continued to be cruel and contact me even after I had thanked her & asked her to please not contact me again. Sometimes, in our hurt & anger we do/say thins we normally wouldn't. You come across. woman who wouldn't be mean maliciously. Don't let your hurt & anger turn you into someone you're not.

I wish you well in your healing (when you are ready to heal)*

[jennifernyc84]

Maybe it wouldn't help you, but it would help her. I'm not trying to rub salt in your wounds but she is the true victim here, not you, and not Josh. You and Josh both hurt her, and she deserves to know.

 

No, I'm out.

 

I don't want any part of either of them. I can't be in the middle of this anymore. I can't take back what I've done, but i know for sure i don't want this anymore..

 

He's ruined my life. I'm going to try hard to forget this whole thing ever happened. Telling her will only make it worse for me. Bringing myself deeper into this....its not worth it. He's not worth it.

[ilovedhim]

Even though I'm hurt, I'm so extremely mad at him, and i hope i never see him again, i still don't want to hurt him.

 

I should call her and tell her, but that won't help me.

 

Its not in me to hurt him. I can't do it. I said the other day, if he told me to leave him alone, i would...

 

Telling his wife isn't about you, it's about her. She deserves the truth and you own half of this affair.