Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 Good morning all, I'm seriously ok. I've made peace with him in my heart. I don't hate him, I'm not even angry or that sad anymore. I just have to start seeing things for how they are. I'll never be with Josh..he's married, he chose her, they will be together and have a family. And I'm okay with that. I will miss him though. Not the him that lied to me, but i will miss my friend.. It felt so normal, to have him here. The night he stayed over, I've never felt so complete. Why can't it always be that way? He said he loves me, and i know he means it. Just not enough...but, when you think about it that way, he said he loved his wife, right? But obviously not enough to NOT cheat on her and stay faithful...I'm letting my mind wonder again. I never had the slightest chance...he knew what he wanted from me. And i gave in, even though it went against my better judgment. I knew it was wrong, but i wanted so badly for it to be right... Okay, I'm finished....i promised myself I'd cut of any and ALL contact with him, starting now. And i also promised not to waste one more tear. I don't think I've cried this much since i was a toddler.. I had a dream of him last night. I hate when that happens. I can try to control my thought of him, but i can't control my dreams...and they hurt too. Ok, that's really it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 So, i just got off the phone with my phone company, which is T-Mobile, and they said there's no way to block a certain number. I'm curious as to how you guys had it done? He hasn't called, but i don't want to give myself a chance to cave into a weak moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 If it's a smartphone, there are apps you can download. Alternatively, you can also change your phone number and share it only with those that you want to have it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 If it's a smartphone, there are apps you can download. Alternatively, you can also change your phone number and share it only with those that you want to have it. Can't change my number..its not only my personal phone, but also people I've talked to about starting my business have my number aswell. Apps? I'll look into that. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 Can't change my number..its not only my personal phone, but also people I've talked to about starting my business have my number aswell. Apps? I'll look into that. Good excuse to contact those people again! Hi, my number has changed - contact me at this new number... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 Good excuse to contact those people again! Hi, my number has changed - contact me at this new number... I like the way you think lol Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 Good excuse to contact those people again! Hi, my number has changed - contact me at this new number... EXACTLY...it keeps those business contacts current, and removes his ability to contact you. EXCELLENT suggestion, 2sunny! Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 And what about his poor wife? She may be hosting something awful and have no idea that she needs to be tested. I have begged her to tell the wife in probably a dozen posts. I am a BS. I know what is at stake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 I have begged her to tell the wife in probably a dozen posts. I am a BS. I know what is at stake. As I've started before, I'm not going to do his dirty work for him. Its up to him if he's going to tell her or not. I can't do it. I believe she deserves to know, but don't you think its better for it to come from him instead of me? Won't it look like I'm just telling her out of spite? No, i can't do it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 Jennifer, it's not your duty to tell the wife. I have decided just like you that it wasn't something I wanted to do. You need to take care of yourself, and that invites more drama. You barely got out of the drama. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 Jennifer, it's not your duty to tell the wife. I have decided just like you that it wasn't something I wanted to do. You need to take care of yourself, and that invites more drama. You barely got out of the drama. My point exactly! I'm trying to distance myself from him as much as i can, why put myself right back into the line of fire. No thanks, I'm finished.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 Hmmm, it seems like there is a great deal about this situation that you can't do. More like you won't do it but that is your right. Just own it. I think I've done a lot more than i thought I'd do. I never thought that I'd be the one to end things with Josh. I didn't think I'd have the strength to shut him out, to tell him off. U think I'm doing better than i thought i would. As much as it makes me sick to think of him and her, happy, living their lives as if nothing has changed, as much as i wish she knew...i won't tell her. Because i know in my heart, it wouldn't really be for her benefit. It would be in hopes that she'd leave him, and that would leave him for me to be with... But again, that's my fantasies getting the best of me. I still have a looooooooooong road to recovery, it still hurts a whole lot. I miss him already. I miss what i think we could've had. I miss the image i had of him..i hate that its gone. I hate what I've done..to myself..to her..i hate that i showed him how weak i am when it comes to him.. You know what? If he were to call me tomorrow and tell me he's single, I'd probably let out happen again... I feel stronger...i do. But somewhere in my heart, i still hope he leaves her... I know its still new, and time will heal..but i really don't ever see myself NOT caring about him.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 I think I've done a lot more than i thought I'd do. I never thought that I'd be the one to end things with Josh. I didn't think I'd have the strength to shut him out, to tell him off. U think I'm doing better than i thought i would. As much as it makes me sick to think of him and her, happy, living their lives as if nothing has changed, as much as i wish she knew...i won't tell her. Because i know in my heart, it wouldn't really be for her benefit. It would be in hopes that she'd leave him, and that would leave him for me to be with... But again, that's my fantasies getting the best of me. I still have a looooooooooong road to recovery, it still hurts a whole lot. I miss him already. I miss what i think we could've had. I miss the image i had of him..i hate that its gone. I hate what I've done..to myself..to her..i hate that i showed him how weak i am when it comes to him.. You know what? If he were to call me tomorrow and tell me he's single, I'd probably let out happen again... I feel stronger...i do. But somewhere in my heart, i still hope he leaves her... I know its still new, and time will heal..but i really don't ever see myself NOT caring about him.. You need to look up limerance , get cognitive behavioral therapy, and stop peppering your life with descriptions of can't and weakness. Seriously. You can do better. You can feel better. You could do right by his wife and potential child. You CHOOSE not to. And honestly? That's what you should feel awful about. not that loser MM. You should feel awful about your part in this. And the best part of owning that? Is that you can, after that- change it!! Do better. Be better! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 I agree that the wife deserves to know, whether it comes from Jen or Josh, but Jennifer just did something very difficult. Let's ease off for a few days, huh? Give the girl some time to pull herself together. But Jen, I do think she needs to know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 A lot of reasons with the same outcome. Personally I feel it is a continuation of getting over on her by not owning what you and he did to her...but do what you must for you. Things have a way of evening out. Yes, yes they do. Link to post Share on other sites
Minka333 Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Good morning all,* And i also promised not to waste one more tear. I don't think I've cried this much since i was a toddler.. I had a dream of him last night. I hate when that happens. I can try to control my thought of him, but i can't control my dreams...and they hurt too. Ok, that's really it... Hi OP, i hope you remain strong. It may be one of the hardest things that you have ever faced but please believe that there is always hope.* I will share something that i wrote way back when i was devastated by a heartache...and how it eventually freed me... My eyes were in tears... Until it washed away my fears My life was a mess Until i realized i'm still blessed My mind was in confusion... Until i saw through the illusion My nights were empty... Until time healed me My pain never stopped... Until i've had enough My emotions were battered... Until it no longer mattered My ego was crushed... Until i remembered who i was My spirit was in agony... Until i learned to love me My heart was torn... Until i learned my lesson My soul was in prison... Until i released that person It may still be a long road ahead but don't worry, it is part of the journey meant to shape you into a whole new person. Once acceptance happens, the positive changes usually begins. I hope someday you will be able to look back and be glad you made the right decision. Goodluck! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 Minka, That was beautiful! Did you write that? You made me cry again, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 So i knew tonight would be hard. Its when I'm alone and i have all the time to think, that's when he pops into my head. I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm not going back on my word. i said no contact, and i meant it. Its just hard though. I keep thinking of last Thursday, when he was here. I wish he was here right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Minka333 Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Minka, That was beautiful! Did you write that? You made me cry again, though. Thanks jen, i'm sorry if i made you cry. But i know how it feels like to be in your shoes even if the circumstances were different. I loved my ex but i had to force myself to cut the relationship coz' he was too manipulative and controlling. I wrote that during one of my darkest hours. I kept crying..and crying too. I was like a zombie during day time but a wreck at night. I thought my pain would last forever..it was so bad i thought i'll have a breakdown. I even remember wanting to die. It was exhausting. But eventually, i snapped out of it. Slowly but surely. One small step at a time. After the heartache, anger and resentment..numbness eventually creeps in. By that time i was beginning to move in a different direction. I thought i will never love as much again. I was also stubborn like you..but the constant emptiness eventually created a new space.. a place for new beginnings. Just open your heart to the possibilities that await. Remember, there is always another tomorrow to make up for all the yesterdays you think you've lost. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 So i knew tonight would be hard. Its when I'm alone and i have all the time to think, that's when he pops into my head. I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm not going back on my word. i said no contact, and i meant it. Its just hard though. I keep thinking of last Thursday, when he was here. I wish he was here right now. Jen, make him pay for causing you to feel this way. Blow up his world. Blow it right out of the water. Tell his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 So i knew tonight would be hard. Its when I'm alone and i have all the time to think, that's when he pops into my head. I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm not going back on my word. i said no contact, and i meant it. Its just hard though. I keep thinking of last Thursday, when he was here. I wish he was here right now. Then stop ignoring your friends in NYC and give them a call. You have to make an effort to get out of the house and improve your social life. I'm not saying you have to start dating tomorrow, but don't you have some female friends you could call to get together with? The more you sit around thinking about him and talking about him the harder it will be to get over him. Yes his wife deserves to know what he has done to her, but since you have promised yourself and your mom that you will leave him alone, and have blocked him from contacting you, I say leave them alone. I have a feeling his wife will find out because I don't think you are the first affair for this guy nor will you be the last. He is too smooth in the way he handles women. He is a player. Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Jen, make him pay for causing you to feel this way. Blow up his world. Blow it right out of the water. Tell his wife. What you are suggesting is for Jen to use Josh's wife as a tool for revenge. That's just wrong. Despite Jen's desire to be with Josh and the fact that she cares more about her own feelings than his wife's, it has never been her GOAL to hurt her. Unlike you, whose primary motivation was to "get him" (your words, not mine), Jen responded to being pursued. She was not the aggressor. Yes, she is culpable in allowing their friendship to become physical but she never wanted or actively sought to have an affair with a married man. Despite her mistakes, Jen has never given any indication of being a vindictive person. So why in the world would you suggest to her that being so now would somehow make her feel better? There are three reasons to tell his wife: 1) to give her the knowledge so that she can make an informed decision about her marriage (regardless of the damage it causes Josh), 2) as revenge on Josh (regardless of the pain it causes his wife) or 3) as a means to break up the marriage in the hope that Josh will turn to her (disregarding the feelings of both Josh & his wife). While all three may result in the same outcome, it is the MOTIVE that Jen will have to live with in the end...and I believe that it would be extremely difficult for her to live with the knowledge and guilt that she intentionally caused pain to another person--particularly the one who is innocent of wrongdoing. Just my 2 cents... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 What you are suggesting is for Jen to use Josh's wife as a tool for revenge. That's just wrong. Despite Jen's desire to be with Josh and the fact that she cares more about her own feelings than his wife's, it has never been her GOAL to hurt her. Unlike you, whose primary motivation was to "get him" (your words, not mine), Jen responded to being pursued. She was not the aggressor. Yes, she is culpable in allowing their friendship to become physical but she never wanted or actively sought to have an affair with a married man. Despite her mistakes, Jen has never given any indication of being a vindictive person. So why in the world would you suggest to her that being so now would somehow make her feel better? There are three reasons to tell his wife: 1) to give her the knowledge so that she can make an informed decision about her marriage (regardless of the damage it causes Josh), 2) as revenge on Josh (regardless of the pain it causes his wife) or 3) as a means to break up the marriage in the hope that Josh will turn to her (disregarding the feelings of both Josh & his wife). While all three may result in the same outcome, it is the MOTIVE that Jen will have to live with in the end...and I believe that it would be extremely difficult for her to live with the knowledge and guilt that she intentionally caused pain to another person--particularly the one who is innocent of wrongdoing. Just my 2 cents... You're totally right, I'm not a vindictive person at all. I know what I've done to her, I know it was wrong, I never wanted to hurt her. But in the end, I did put my feelings, my wants, my desires, before hers. I'm not proud of that. But, I have to be truthful. Part of the reason I don't want to tell her is, I wouldn't want to be the one to shatter her world. But it's mostly that, I cannot bring myself to do anything that I know would cause him pain. Even if it would mean leaving him available for me, I can't and I would never to anything to hurt him. It's not in me..it doesn't matter how bad he hurt me. Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Jen, It is often much easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. This situation has already caused you tremendous pain and remorse--some self-inflicted, yes--but you can and will recover if you stay true to yourself and what you know is right, work hard to put it behind you and stay strong. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
TexasCountryGirl Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 I thank you for your opinion, but idk if i feel that to be true. Why would he lie to me? He's always been truthful to me. We have such a strong history and i don't think he'd jeopardize that. Really?!?!? So if we are to assume the above is true ... then turn the tables!!! Tell him just what you told us !!! Tell him that you do not believe that he would jeopardize the history that the two of you have had ... therefore YOU WILL not jeopardize any future that there may be!!! Do not engage in an affair - Emotional or physical If he "loves" you as he says ... he will leave his marriage first! You are headed down a very dark path and I do not foresee anything positive coming from it. You have already stated that you have never agreed with affairs or cheating ... so why would you lower yourself to those measures now? If he cheats on his spouse with you ... what reason do you have to believe that he wouldn't cheat on you with someone else ? Link to post Share on other sites
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