Scarlett5 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 It's hard to say something that hasn't already been said. Call him. Don't forget the pain you will feel when he leaves your bed and returns to his wife. Horrible feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 My head is spinning. I know the right thing to do. I've known from the beginning. But its not that easy. I enjoy being with him....sexually Of course you. I explained why. Dopamines=chemical reactions in the brain=addiction. Are you not reading any of the advice being given to you? Are you that self-destructive? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Share Posted November 12, 2012 My point is, why would he sleep with another woman, if he's so happy with her? There must be something wrong? And the reason why he's not"busting down my door", is because i told him to stay away from me. I changed my phone number too. Remember? Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 My point is, why would he sleep with another woman, if he's so happy with her? There must be something wrong? And the reason why he's not"busting down my door", is because i told him to stay away from me. I changed my phone number too. Remember? If he really wanted you, why would he have given up this easily? Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 He told me that she isn't the woman he thought she was. She wanted to have a baby, and that made him realize that he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with her. He said he doesn't feel connected to her anymore.. My point is, why would he sleep with another woman, if he's so happy with her? There must be something wrong? And the reason why he's not"busting down my door", is because i told him to stay away from me. I changed my phone number too. Remember? There is something wrong. With him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Share Posted November 12, 2012 I'm not going to call him. I won't call him. I said NC...If he wants me, he'll come find me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 So you obviously are still holding up hope - WAITING for him to find you. You are unsavable - PLUS, you even don't know how to be an OW even he wants you to be his OW (mostly for sexual use of course). I'm not going to call him. I won't call him. I said NC...If he wants me, he'll come find me. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 I'm not going to call him. I won't call him. I said NC...If he wants me, he'll come find me. I don't agree with Mount that you are unsavable, but I do agree that you're just waiting around for him and that this behavior is extremely unhealthy. You need to stop thinking of him as yours. He never was and it's HIGHLY doubtful that he ever will be. You have to keep telling yourself that he's gone forever until you start to believe it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 I know that i know that i know, what you guys are saying is true. But i haven't spoken to him in 5 days and i feel lost. I feel like something is missing. I really love him with all my heart. Its killing me that he isn't trying reach me. I thought he'd put a little effort. He said that i mean so much to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 (edited) You aren't going to like this, but your feelings for him are more powerful, more obsessive because you've LET YOURSELF pine for him all these years. It's not the kind of love that a long term relationship is built on. You've built him up to be something he isn't. Sadly you can't see the man he really is.........he is simply a man who cheats on his wife and uses another women, you. I keep telling myself this. But i don't know how to make myself believe it. And the sex is not just exciting because its risky, i can't describe it in words. It was perfect. Like we fit together naturally..it was crazy. I've never had sex so good Edited November 13, 2012 by jennifernyc84 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 He also told you that he wasn't interested in leaving his wife. The ONLY thing he WAS interested in was a ONS with you. Why? Because, he knew you'd say yes. Girl, he's over this, wish you'd get over it too. Just see it for what it was... Sex. He's not coming back, not leaving his wife, you're unlikely to hear from him again...Unless, you initiate contact, and let him know you're willing to be his sperm repository. Oh my God! It couldn't have been a ONS...could it ? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Oh my God! It couldn't have been a ONS...could it ? Yes. YES. A thousand times, yes. Jen, why can all of us - after 80+ pages - see the obvious? Because you are letting your base, primal desire override your logical brain. And the more you dwell on it, the more you are going to try and "negotiate" a reason to contact him. To get a fix. To feel like you felt when you were together and all the oxytocin chemicals were getting released into your system. It was just chemical and MEANT NOTHING TO HIM or he *would* be breaking your door down to be with you. But he is not - because what you had (however special and unique YOU think it was), is all in YOUR head. He doesn't feel the same or he wouldn't have called you for 2:00 a.m. phone sex. And he wouldn't have left you alone during the storm. And he would be there with you right now. Get it? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 I'm really trying to do the right thing. I'm really trying to be a better person. But every nerve in my body is telling me to give in. Then do it. Call him. Tell him you love him and want to re-start things, have that affair. Go be the OW and have your world as you know it crash to bits and pieces. If you think you're suffering and in pain now - Wait until the A is full on and you get even more attached and deeper in love with him. Just know if you do decide to 'cave and give in' your word means absolutely nothing! Meaning you standing up to him and ending it, doing NC is worthless and he can have you whenever he pleases and he'll know you'll eventually cave to him. I don't think i even know. I just want to talk to him. There's a song by Sheryl crow , and there's one lyric that says "lie to me, i promise I'll believe". I just wanna hear him say he loves me and needs me This is really stinkin' thinkin'. Talk about lying to yourself and playing the fool. But, go ahead-Call him and tell him you want him to say I love you Jen, I need you. IT IS MEANINGLESS because he's married and that's not going to change. Now, you read how ridiculious my replies are to you - DO the opposite. Basically . Suck it up, butter cup. Get your ego and pride out and forget him. He is married and he isn't in love with you the way you are with him. He doesn't need you the way you want him to need to you. DO NOT cave. IF you do, you'll regret it. Call your mom right now and let her know what you are feeling and allow her to talk some sense into your head! STOP being so afraid of feeling pain. It'll pass, just be strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Oh my God! It couldn't have been a ONS...could it ? Bingo! It was over before it really got started. Accept this. This man is NEVER leaving his wife. He doesn't love you that way. He doesn't need you that way you want him to need you. I will say it 100 times if I need to until it sinks into your head. You need to have continuous reality checks to keep you from contacting him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 I keep telling myself this. But i don't know how to make myself believe it. And the sex is not just exciting because its risky, i can't describe it in words. It was perfect. Like we fit together naturally..it was crazy. I've never had sex so good Because you're listening to your emotions and not your head and basic common sense. Your gut KNOWS and so does your head that this is not right, he isn't leaving and he isn't in love with you, he isn't divorcing and he isn't wanting a life with you. He played you. Take him down a few notches and see he ain't perfect - Then you'll see how much his shi.t stinks. Stop putting him on that pedistool! Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Josh and his wife were going through a difficult time. All marriages have them. As odd as it may seem, it's surviving the "rough" times that make a marriage stronger and the love deeper. In this case, Josh either got his feelings hurt or got scared and instead of doing what a good and decent man would do, he selfishly used you to stroke his ego. He may also have been looking for a place to land in the event that things didn't work out. Whatever the case, he has decided that he isn't ready to give up on his marriage. If he were, he would already be at your door needing a place to stay and wanting some more stroking. Instead, he is still with his wife and very likely assuaging his guilt by doing everything he can to make his marriage better and his wife happier. Now, knowing what he has done, when he looks at her, he probably feels an even stronger bond with her than he did before. It is not, after all, unheard of for an affair to be the impetus for repairing a marriage. Now, I'm not excusing his atrocious behavior, but if he's as "good" a man you say he is, he is feeling very remorseful and wishing that it had never happened. So, if you do truly love him, leave him alone so that he can save his marriage and find some redemption. Pursuing him for your own gratification is not love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 My point is, why would he sleep with another woman, if he's so happy with her? There must be something wrong? Nothing is wrong with her, it's him. He's selfish and wants what he wants. If he didn't think he could get away with it, didn't think he could manipulate you, he wouldn't have let anything happen, he wouldn't have said a word or made a move on you. He KNOWS you're loyal and would never go against him. Hell, he can do as he pleases with you and you'll eat it up like a puppy, wanting more and wait for him. He knows this Jen. He played you, he took advantage of your love for him, ruined it all. I know deep down you know this but you are many months away from realizing this let alone accepting this. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 He told me that she isn't the woman he thought she was. She wanted to have a baby, and that made him realize that he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with her. He said he doesn't feel connected to her anymore.. All the more reason to call his wife from a BLOCKED number to tell her these things! Before she gets pregnant - which she will! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 He told me that she isn't the woman he thought she was. She wanted to have a baby, and that made him realize that he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with her. He said he doesn't feel connected to her anymore.. He lied to you Jen. Even your mom knows this too. He fed you lines of crap to get you. He greatly exaggerated his status and issues with his wife. They are not divorcing. You know this so stop hoping that he will. I'm not going to call him. I won't call him. I said NC...If he wants me, he'll come find me. Good. Then don't call. Get busy and focus on you. I know that i know that i know, what you guys are saying is true. But i haven't spoken to him in 5 days and i feel lost. I feel like something is missing. I really love him with all my heart. Its killing me that he isn't trying reach me. I thought he'd put a little effort. He said that i mean so much to him. It won't kill you, I promise you that. You'll cry, you'll feel like shi,t, you'll feel like your heart is going to crack open .. But you will survive this and be OK. DO NOT be afraid of pain that you'll feel by accepting he never loved you the way you wanted him to. Acceptance is a good thing and it'll help you truly start your grieving process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 I'm just so tired of crying over him. I keep saying I'm done, not one more tear. But it still hurts. I wanna thank all you guys for always knocking some (at least a little) sense into me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 What do you think, based on all that's happened? Methinks, hells yea! You were just that. Now, to get you to believe that. I truly picture you as a young, beautiful woman, wasting her time, on this loser. Yes, he's a loser. Why not go out this week, and surround yourself with available, hot men. Seriously, stop wasting your time and energy on some married, horny, lying, loser. Worth so much more, right! i don't know why, but this made me smile Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 My point is, why would he sleep with another woman, if he's so happy with her? There must be something wrong? And the reason why he's not"busting down my door", is because i told him to stay away from me. I changed my phone number too. Remember? How do you rationalize the lack of door-busting-down for the past 17 years? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 I'm not going to call him. I won't call him. I said NC...If he wants me, he'll come find me. He doesn't exactly have to "find" you. Didn't he spend a night or two in your apartment a couple of weeks ago? I think he knows where you live. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 But i haven't spoken to him in 5 days and i feel lost. I feel like something is missing. Something is "missing"? Before his phone call out of the blue, which happened about two weeks ago, you hadn't been talking to him for two years. This little interlude has lasted approximately week. Try to return to the status quo of the majority of time you've been acquainted with "Josh." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 Oh my God, he emailed me last night. At 12:40am. I rarely check my personal email, actually, i never do. But for some reason, i just decided to check it..all he said was: Jen, i gotta talk to you. I've been calling you. did you get your number changed? Please call me. So he has been calling me. I think i should see what he wants. I can't let it go, right? Link to post Share on other sites
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