Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 You wouldn't feel this way if you cut him out of your life. Please try to understand, cutting him out of my life is something i can't do. I don't want to. The thought of a life without him is excruciating. Its so empty.. Link to post Share on other sites
Stellar Wench Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Please try to understand, cutting him out of my life is something i can't do. I don't want to. Then don't. Accept your role as Other Woman and quit whining. Or demand better from him and better from yourself. It's not that difficult. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Please try to understand, cutting him out of my life is something i can't do. I don't want to. The thought of a life without him is excruciating. Its so empty.. IMO, you'll find your own truth in your time. One bit of advice I can give you from the 'over the hill' point in life is that you don't get the years you're living right now back. Make the most of them. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Please try to understand, cutting him out of my life is something i can't do. I don't want to. The thought of a life without him is excruciating. Its so empty.. It's empty because you are in love with him and not getting back from him what you want and need. You're settling for the tiny bits he's giving you .. AS a friend, and that's not enough. You can't be around him in his every day life with his wife because seeing them together is too painful for you. Once you meet and fall in love with someone else you'll look back and this and see how much energy, love and care you wasted on him, putting your own life on hold by allowing him so close to your heart. He IS living life with his wife and like it or not, one day his wife will get pregnant..That will be the final nail in the coffin.. True and honest best friends are involved in each others daily lives, included in family gatherings, parties, holidays etc.. You won't be around to watch their child grow up because it's too painful for you. You aren't happy for him that he met someone he loves and married, that's not right on some level...It's because you're in love with him and the friendship isn't pure and innocent. You need to give it your best to detach from him day by day and get used to not relying on him for your own happiness. He has become your habit, you need to him feel complete. Bottom line is, he isn't yours and never was, so the only way out of this is to walk away while you still can and maybe once your feelings go away for him on a romantic level, a friendship can happen at some point in the future.. An honest one based on mutual respect that includes his wife and your boyfriend (husband) one day. I'm sure you want children of your own, a family and a man who will love and adore you, right? The only way to have all that is to make yourself fall out of love with him and not let feelings grow more for him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 I know what the right thing to do is ditch him, cut him out, forget him. But i feel once i do that I'll lose him plus any chance I'll ever have to be with him for good. I'm scared.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I know what the right thing to do is ditch him, cut him out, forget him. But i feel once i do that I'll lose him plus any chance I'll ever have to be with him for good. I'm scared.. SCARED? SCARED of what? You should thank the stars up above that you found out what kind of man he really is! Go visit a hospital today in the cancer ward....you want to see what scared is? STOP.....MOVE ALONG....YOU ARE MAKING YOURSELF SICK. As for all of the advice that each and everyone on this post has given to you...listen to them/us...WE KNOW WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT! Now it's time to put the big girl panties on and pull them up!!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I know what the right thing to do is ditch him, cut him out, forget him. But i feel once i do that I'll lose him plus any chance I'll ever have to be with him for good. I'm scared..[/QUOTE] Your thinking is a bit frightening. This post suggest that you actually believe you have a chance to be with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 You're absolutely right. You're exactly right. I'm every bit to blame. But how could i have not taken his call. We call each other once in awhile. How was i to know that this phone call was going to be life altering? And i missed him terribly. What about my feelings, huh? Who's looking Look...sarcasm ill becomes anyone. I'll ask the dumb question here. What ABOUT your feelings? Yep, you have them. So does he. So does his wife. So does every other member of the 7,000,000,000+ population on this planet. Act on them...or don't. What advice are you wanting to hear, here? What "support" are you expecting LS to provide you? If all you want is someone to tell you to go for it...you don't need anyone's 'permission' to do so. If you don't like that everyone here is telling you NOT to go for it...find a site that tells you what you want to hear, rather than one that tells you what they think you should do based on their own experiences and viewpoints. Instead...you come here asking for input, you get it...and then you lash out angrily at the folks who gave it to you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 I'm scared that I'll never find a guy i care for as much as Josh. I'm scared I'll never be happy. I'm scared I'll never get over him and keep on comparing other guys to him. That's what scares me Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 How old are you? I get that you're scared that you'll never find another. And you're right...you won't as long as you never allow yourself to TRY to find another...and you never allow another to have the CHANCE to be with you. Right now...you'll never find another because you've closed your eyes to them, closed your heart to them. Only once you've closed your eyes and heart to HIM will you open them to someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 I wanna let you guys know that, for the record, I'm not angry at you. I just need to vent. Please, no offense, ok? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I know what the right thing to do is ditch him, cut him out, forget him. But i feel once i do that I'll lose him plus any chance I'll ever have to be with him for good. I'm scared.. Then call his bluff. Tell him that you are in love with him and are going to fight for him - That you're going to go talk to his wife and tell her what he said to you (that he loves you and isn't that happy with her) and be prepared for him to divorce her so he can be with you. Can you do that? If you want him, fight for him. My guess is, you're shocked at that suggestion, that you would never ever dream of approaching her and interfering like that in her life, to try to woo/steal her husband away.. OR, you can tell him goodbye and when he does divorce, to call you when it's official, then you can date him in the proper way. Anything short of that IS going to keep you in the same place for a long time. I feel for you, but make a big change either way otherwise you'll be at a stand still while he goes on to have babies with his wife..And when that happens maybe you'll realize there is never going to be a "you and him" as a couple. He told you he loved you for selfish reasons, not malicious reasons. The guy isn't being cruel on purpose, he isn't thinking at all! He just wants you in his life on his terms and you're OK with that. Yet it'll keep you interested in him, give you hope... Ask yourself for real how YOU are going to feel when he tells you "my wife is pregnant." Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I'm going to offer one last bit of actionable advice for you. I get that you want him. And he apparently wants you too. So...tell him to do so. Let him know that you're more than willing to wait for him while he divorces her, and frees himself up to be 'with' you. Make it clear that this is what you want, what you expect...what you demand if he intends to consider any kind of romantic relationship with you. Inform him of that clearly, and let him know that you're there, waiting for him to come to you, finalized divorce in hand, so that he can truly BE yours, and you can truly be his. If he balks, refuses, drags his feet, or otherwise doesn't immediately jump on that offer...then his priorities are NOT the same as yours. If he does...then you have an answer, proof of his intentions, and your life is good. Simple. Perhaps not easy...but simple. Thoughts? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I'm scared that I'll never find a guy i care for as much as Josh. I'm scared I'll never be happy. I'm scared I'll never get over him and keep on comparing other guys to him. That's what scares me Everybody feels this way when they love someone..There's nobody else, no one will ever love me or I won't ever love anybody ever again like I love him. Truth is, once you get over him, you WILL find someone else. But you'll never get over him if you continue on like you are now. In 10 years, where do you see yourself? Still pining for him, hoping he'll realize he should have married you? All the meanwhile, he's still with his wife and they have 3 kids.. Nobody here is mad at you either, we're all just trying to get you to take a step back so you can see this a bit more objectively - See the reality of your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 I know what my reality is. Its just hard to ignore the things he's saying. Weather they're selfish or not.all the years of me feeling like I'm not good enough for him, then suddenly he tells me i am, and that he wants the exact same things i want. To good to be true, i guess. But why can't it be true? It very well can be. No one knows for sure. Its all speculation.. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I know what my reality is. Its just hard to ignore the things he's saying. Weather they're selfish or not.all the years of me feeling like I'm not good enough for him, then suddenly he tells me i am, and that he wants the exact same things i want. To good to be true, i guess. But why can't it be true? It very well can be. No one knows for sure. Its all speculation.. Why can't you become the mistress? It seems you are never getting over this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett5 Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Let him know that you're more than willing to wait for him while he divorces her, and frees himself up to be 'with' you. Make it clear that this is what you want, what you expect...what you demand if he intends to consider any kind of romantic relationship with you. Inform him of that clearly, and let him know that you're there, waiting for him to come to you, finalized divorce in hand, so that he can truly BE yours, and you can truly be his. If he balks, refuses, drags his feet, or otherwise doesn't immediately jump on that offer...then his priorities are NOT the same as yours. If he does...then you have an answer, proof of his intentions, and your life is good. Simple. Perhaps not easy...but simple. ^^^^ what do you think about this Jennifer? Seems like the best option....surely if you're going to be together then you can't accept anything less? So you have nothing to lose. If he isn't going to divorce then he clearly wants to have his cake and eat it, but that isn't an option for you, right? You're not going to let him use you like that I hope. You deserve better. Have you had many other relationships? Or have you always been hung up on this guy? I'm the same age as you and was in a similar situation in my early twenties. I was so hung up on someone I could never move on, could never really like anyone else...and basically wasted years of my life rather than making any real progress. Thankfully by the time he was telling me I was the only girl for him, I'd moved on emotionally, and it was a HUGE relief to FINALLY be able to say 'no thanks, I don't feel the same anymore'. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, and to the fear of never being able to find anyone else so right for you, or anyone you'll have such strong feelings for. Or at least that's what you believe. But just like any other addiction, you convince yourself that you actually need something/one that is doing you more harm than good. And you absolutely do not need anything or anyone in your life like that. The grass is definitely greener on the other side of this one, but I'm afraid the only way to get there is to go NC and give it time. Not an easy ride, but one that is well worth the struggle Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 Yrs, of course I've been with other guys. None of which could hold a candle to the way i feel for Josh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 My point is, no matter what i go thru, no matter what he goes thru, i keep falling back to him Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett5 Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 My point is, no matter what i go thru, no matter what he goes thru, i keep falling back to him I remember it well. I'd say because you've always thought of you and him being together eventually as a possibility, that your subconscious mind has seen other guys as temporary. This time, if Josh chooses his wife, you will know deep down that he's had his chance and chose not to take it. Although it will feel faaaaar from it at first, this should help you accept and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 I remember it well. I'd say because you've always thought of you and him being together eventually as a possibility, that your subconscious mind has seen other guys as temporary. This time, if Josh chooses his wife, you will know deep down that he's had his chance and chose not to take it. Although it will feel faaaaar from it at first, this should help you accept and move on. Yeah, i guess that makes sense. Especially the past about my mind seeing other guys only as temporary. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 As you may have noted...I'm kinda an "action oriented" person. So...what are you going to DO with the advice you've been given here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 As you may have noted...I'm kinda an "action oriented" person. So...what are you going to DO with the advice you've been given here? I've already told myself to stay away from him, but i already broke that promise yesterday when i texted him. I can tell you now, oh yeah I'm done with him, and I wish i could mean, but in my heart even i know i don't... Sometimes i wish is never met him in the first place Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Freestyle posted a link to the site baggage reclaim. Please google it and please read it. It will help you immensely understand the dynamics of bad relationships and hanging on to someone who is all wrong for you. You don't have to choose that for yourself, you can be free of him if you want. Love is a choice. I do not love or pine for my xmm. I couldn't care less if he lived or died. The point.......is love is within our control. Letting go, is painful, giving up sucks but it won't kill you. I can attest to that so can many other women here. You can be so much stronger and wiser if you choose. I must say Miss LadyGrey..... YOU ARE GOOD!!!! Thanks........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 Josh just sent me a pic of us from like 2001, from the night before he left for college. With a "lol" attatched. I didn't reply. Why would he send that? I remember taking that pic like it was yesterday...and i kinda did "lol" Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts