He said he loves me..but he's married

[Mount]

:D:D

 

But again, going forward someone for sure will remind Jennifer that the D paper is the key. Simple is that.

 

Lord help us.

[mammasita]

His words have about as much value as one peso in the united states.

 

Don't believe anything without the actions to prove it.

[VeveCakes]

Do you a trust a man who flip flops so easily?

 

Who lies through his teeth?

 

Who cheats on his wife?

 

Who pretends to want a child but behind his wife's back says its the last thing he wants?

 

What a catch.

[ThatJustHappened]

And i swear, this will be my last post. You guys have devoted alot of time and given me alot of advice and support, do i thought you all deserved to know.

 

I called him. This morning.

 

He told me that their house is really not worth fixing, since they don't own it. That it would be easier if they would just move. So they are, which i already knew that. Them he told me that he's not moving into a new place with her. They talked about getting seperate places. He told her everything, about us, about how unhappy he has been. She wasn't angry, he said. She wasn't even surprised. He told me he's looking for an apartment the city..to be near me.

 

Then he told me he really regrets the last few years of his life, but it feels good to be finally making it right. He said that he's sorry for everything he's put me thru, especially in the past few Weeks. He should be here later. I told him he could stay here until he find a place.

 

I knew not to doubt him. Something inside of me kept saying for me not to give up on him.

 

 

I do thank you all for helping me in thetime i needed it. You guys are awesome.

 

P.S. Oh, and, btw, just fyi, I'm not fat or ugly.

 

Best of luck to you. I hope it all works out.

[MissBee]

And i swear, this will be my last post. You guys have devoted alot of time and given me alot of advice and support, do i thought you all deserved to know.

 

I called him. This morning.

 

He told me that their house is really not worth fixing, since they don't own it. That it would be easier if they would just move. So they are, which i already knew that. Them he told me that he's not moving into a new place with her. They talked about getting seperate places. He told her everything, about us, about how unhappy he has been. She wasn't angry, he said. She wasn't even surprised. He told me he's looking for an apartment the city..to be near me.

 

Then he told me he really regrets the last few years of his life, but it feels good to be finally making it right. He said that he's sorry for everything he's put me thru, especially in the past few Weeks. He should be here later. I told him he could stay here until he find a place.

 

I knew not to doubt him. Something inside of me kept saying for me not to give up on him.

 

 

I do thank you all for helping me in thetime i needed it. You guys are awesome.

 

P.S. Oh, and, btw, just fyi, I'm not fat or ugly.

 

While you don't have to give up on him....I don't see why he needs to stay at your place until he finds a place. That seems foolhardy to me. If his wife is not angry, then he doesn't need to start staying at your house. Has he no family or friends? For me personally, that part does not sit well with me at all.

 

I would suggest you not simply allow him to stay with you and act like everything is fixed now. Dissolving a marriage is more than just moving out. It's not going to be that easy. There can be lots of back and forth and his wife may be in shock now, but it may get way worse before it is truly fine. This man is also a KNOWN flip-flopper, so you would be foolish to dive in head first now. I'd give him 3 months MINIMUM after his divorce is FINALIZED before I even think anything about staying at my place. Don't be so quick and jumpy jennifer, as all your updates usually amount to the same suspicions and nothing really changes. Sorry but I don't see this as any proof of anything. Until he finds his own place and has been truly divorced and alone for 3 months...then ONE DAY or him saying a whole bunch of stuff makes no difference and is not any different from before.

 

He won't be homeless I'm certain. He can stay with a friend or relative or get a hotel...he does have a job right?Hopefully OW who have gone through that process can share with you, since you may not want to believe other people who have not. But many know from experience that it is not that easy, and some have even experienced the man moving out, coming to stay with them then after a few weeks goes back to his wife. Please don't foolishly sign up for that. Let him stay elsewhere and don't take him too seriously until he has actually divorced and is living alone.

 

My gut tells me that that is a terrible idea. Hopefully I'm wrong, for your sake.

Edited November 13, 2012 by MissBee

[Tara247]

Jen, I thought he and his wife did own the house. Anyway, you can breathe your first sigh of relief when he actually moves out. Oh, and you don't have to stop posting.

 

P.S. Moving in with you right now is really fast. I wouldn't do the move in this fast. Remember, he isn't divorced yet.

Edited November 13, 2012 by Tara247

[heartinlove]

Good luck to you.

 

I did think alot of the posts were very harsh towards Josh in painting him as such a horrible person. Especially given you've known him for so long. Letting go of a marriage is confusing and hard and that it only took him a short time to tell his wife is actually pretty remarkable compared to most people. I thought the expectation for Josh to have this all wrapped up neatly in a week was pretty unrealistic, and to paint him as a heartless user because he hadn't wrapped it up quickly was not really accurate. Im not saying how he handled it was right, but we all make mistakes. People are human.

 

Life is complex. I also think most people on this site have been really hurt and they want to prevent others from being hurt, so the intentions are good, but cheaters are treated very harshly.

 

As others said though, I would make it clear that he needs to file and that his staying with you is contingent on his continuing to take steps to leave the marriage.

 

Keep posting though.

[heartinlove]

One more thing. I do agree. Why cant he stay somewhere else until the divorce is final? I dont think its a great idea to live with you right away.

[Decorative]

A woman trying to pregnant by her husband wasn't upset when her spouse "revealed" he was leaving her and had slept with an old friend?

 

Wow. That seems like quite an unusual reaction. She must be a robot.

[jennifernyc84]

Jen, I thought he and his wife did own the house. Anyway, you can breathe your first sigh of relief when he actually moves out. Oh, and you don't have to stop posting.

 

P.S. Moving in with you right now is really fast. I wouldn't do the move in this fast. Remember, he isn't divorced yet.

 

I know, i thought the same thing. When the papers are in his hand, then I'll be sure.

 

And he's not moving in yet. Its hard to find a place in NYC..i told him hr could stay until he finds a place

Edited November 13, 2012 by jennifernyc84

[jennifernyc84]

A woman trying to pregnant by her husband wasn't upset when her spouse "revealed" he was leaving her and had slept with an old friend?

 

Wow. That seems like quite an unusual reaction. She must be a robot.

 

They haven't been trying for 8 months...

[Decorative]

They haven't been trying for 8 months...

 

Yeah. I don't believe that, and neither should you.

 

Good luck to you. I'm out. I hope you do not end up with Josh, because I can see from here, that this won't be a healthy relationship.

[Tenacity]

I hope it all works out for you. I concur with the advice that letting him stay with you is a terrible idea.

 

I can't help it, but there are too many things in this whole story that just don't add up. Wife's happy photo on the facebook page with him, and now she's cool with the fact that he has slept around and wants to move out? His saying he didn't want kids, but clearly having at least attempted it to the point of seeing a fertility specialist?

 

Plus I caught several discrepancies throughout the story - one which Wiser caught about the claim to have removed all social media only to have it magically have been restored the next day. There were other things that were not consistent.

 

Just something about the way things went, the way she worded things, the things she did and did not do, just seemed "off" to me, all the way through. I hope I'm wrong though, but I don't think I am.

[sweetjasmine]

Since the wife is cool with everything, it wouldn't hurt to give her a call and get her side of the story,...

 

...would it?

[CarboniteCammy]

I really debated on whether or not to respond to this post, but decided to go ahead and write my opinion, anyway.

 

Relationships are only as strong as their foundations. If you have a relationship founded on love, trust, and honesty, you have a chance of making it through life together.

 

If your foundation is made up of the quicksand of lies and deceit, then likely that's what will pull your relationship down into the mire. I hope that your next post here won't be titled, "OMG HE CHEATED, NOW WHAT??"

 

Good luck.

[whichwayisup]

Good luck Jen, and please keep posting. I invested a lot into your situation, so do update or PM me.

 

Have you told your mom yet? If so, how does she feel about him living/staying with you while he divorces his wife?

 

Take it slow. Shield your heart. His words mean nothing unless he can actually back it up with actions.

[jennifernyc84]

Good luck Jen, and please keep posting. I invested a lot into your situation, so do update or PM me.

 

Have you told your mom yet? If so, how does she feel about him living/staying with you while he divorces his wife?

 

Take it slow. Shield your heart. His words mean nothing unless he can actually back it up with actions.

 

Mom is not happy with the fact that she thinks I've broken up his marriage, but in the end, she supports me on whatever i do. Always has. She told me to be careful..but she said she wants me to be happy.

 

I don't think him staying here was an issue with her..she didn't address it.

[Tara247]

I hope it all works out for you. I concur with the advice that letting him stay with you is a terrible idea.

 

I can't help it, but there are too many things in this whole story that just don't add up. Wife's happy photo on the facebook page with him, and now she's cool with the fact that he has slept around and wants to move out? His saying he didn't want kids, but clearly having at least attempted it to the point of seeing a fertility specialist?

 

Plus I caught several discrepancies throughout the story - one which Wiser caught about the claim to have removed all social media only to have it magically have been restored the next day. There were other things that were not consistent.

 

Just something about the way things went, the way she worded things, the things she did and did not do, just seemed "off" to me, all the way through. I hope I'm wrong though, but I don't think I am.

 

This has been bugging me too, but I forgot to post it. I just don't understand that. Also that his wife wasn't crazy upset about him leaving her and moving out, and she was trying to get pregnant. I just don't get these two things.

[jennifernyc84]

In my replies I've tended to concentrate on your behavior and again that is what I'll point out.

 

Your choices aren't healthy and sound for you imo, you let this man use you, take advantage of you and you have this romantic view of who you think he is and how you think your relationship will be and it's not based in reality. You gave him all your power, I don't know of any relationship that withstand that nor do I know any men who won't take advantage of that. You have set yourself up, self sabotage, I think.

 

Now I'm afraid you are pining all your hopes on something that is not a reality yet.

 

Don't count the chickens before the eggs hatch jennifer. Many an ow has found that to be true.

 

Good luck!

 

I know that..but i would feel so dumb to just give up now after all that's happened. We're almost..just a few more steps. We will make this right...I'll give it all i have

[twinsmom]

I think a lot of people's time has been wasted on nothing more than some great fiction..

[Tara247]

Jen, I know you're probably not going to wait until the divorce is final to sleep with him, but just don't do it until he's completely moved out. I would hate for him to have sex with you again, then tell you afterward, "I'm sorry, but I just can't do this". I just don't trush Josh after all the flip-flopping that he's done.

[jennifernyc84]

Jen, I know you're probably not going to wait until the divorce is final to sleep with him, but just don't do it until he's completely moved out. I would hate for him to have sex with you again, then tell you afterward, "I'm sorry, but I just can't do this". I just don't trush Josh after all the flip-flopping that he's done.

 

He's supposed to be here this evening. He's putting some stuff in storage, and bringing some here. I don't really see a problem with him living here. I mean, beside the fact that wee want to be together, we are also long time friends. I don't know...i know he's been acting sort strange lately, but i trust him.

 

He may have done things his way, but he is acting on it.

 

And about the wifes happy pic...i don't know...maybe she wasnt all that happy as she looked. But what difference does it make? None to me...if they're both not happy with each other, and Josh wants to be with me, where is the problem?

[Tenacity]

He's supposed to be here this evening. He's putting some stuff in storage, and bringing some here. I don't really see a problem with him living here. I mean, beside the fact that wee want to be together, we are also long time friends. I don't know...i know he's been acting sort strange lately, but i trust him.

 

He may have done things his way, but he is acting on it.

 

And about the wifes happy pic...i don't know...maybe she wasnt all that happy as she looked. But what difference does it make? None to me...if they're both not happy with each other, and Josh wants to be with me, where is the problem?

 

If after almost 100 pages of replies to your last thread you don't see any red flags, then there's nothing more to say. I really do think many people have spent way too much time on this topic, to no avail.

 

There are other people on this forum who deserve the time and attention more, in my opinion... people who have been in long-term RELATIONSHIPS lasting years with MM and who are hurting and trying to find a way past it. That's what I had been thinking for the last 90 pages of the thread.

 

I hope others who have been posting here and trying to help will focus on them instead of this situation. There has been no relationship here at all, and this OP has no idea what that kind of pain is like. This is a crush and puppy love, based on nothing real.

 

Good luck Jen - I believe you're going to need it.

Edited November 13, 2012 by Tenacity

[William]

As a message from moderation, when we lock a thread, that's a signal to refrain from starting a new thread on the same/similar subject. We have our reasons for what we do and this discussion is in the cooling off period. This thread is closed and will be merged into the similar thread which was locked earlier.