Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 @Freestyle I read the article and i must say i can relate to a lot of it..ok, most of it. And i do wanna thank you for it. All these things are eye openers, and i am VERY angry at him for treating me this way. But it does still hurt to let him go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 Should i reply to his text? it said "i thought you said you weren't mad. Please talk to me" Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Should i reply to his text? it said "i thought you said you weren't mad. Please talk to me" NO! He's married now and your friendship is inappropriate because you are infatuated with him. You have to realize the dream is over for now. Should he decide to contact you later on down the road after a divorce then cross that bridge at that time. Time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Should i reply to his text? it said "i thought you said you weren't mad. Please talk to me" I would tell him that you're not mad, but that you can't just be friends with him and you need him to respect that and leave you alone. Then I would block him everywhere and never speak to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 OP, I admit i didn't read the whole thread, as it's late and i'm tired, so if i say anything that's not relevant, please accept my apologies) first a question...is his wife by any chance pregnant? some guys tend to get the "wandering eye" when that happens... secondly...no one on here thinks you are unlovable...if anyone did they may very well be telling you to go for it, as you couldn't do any better... it sounds to me like you've convinced yourself that no one else can love you the same way you think he does, and that you can't love anyone either...but that's not true. It sounds like you have spent a huge amount of mental effort in trying to convince yourself of that... but look at it this way...let's say that instead of getting married he had died ( not trying to be morbid, but to make a point) and there was zero chance of you ever being with him again. would you have just given up and spent the rest of your life alone, or would you have grieved the less and moved on? I would hope that you would have moved on... while he may still be here, the reality is that he's not anymore available to you... you say that you don't want to be a home wrecker,that you don't want to be a mistress or "the other woman"...those are your morals (and I for one applaud you on them) and if he knows you at all, then he would know that. Then why, if he loves you at all, would he ask you to go against your morals and ask you to live with the guilt, heartache, sadness and anger if being an other woman? how could he do that to someone he loves? If he really loved you in the kind of unselfish way that you deserve to be loved, he'd either : (a) divorce to be with you or (b) love you but leave you alone and never even consider asking you to do something that would hurt you BTW..you are loveable, you sound like you are an intelligent woman, with a strong moral character and a very big heart and a huge capacity to love someone wholly and completely...in short, you are a real catch for the right guy...someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved, where you wake up every day completely happy with him and not feeling pangs of guilt...you jut have to open your heart a little bit to the idea and see that there are many guys out there who would move heaven and earth to be with someone like you and stop wasting your time with this guy who won't do a damn thing to be with you besides a text and a sappy picture... you deserve the best life has to offer, and my dear, he isn't it...he doesn't deserve you Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 @Freestyle I read the article and i must say i can relate to a lot of it..ok, most of it. And i do wanna thank you for it. All these things are eye openers, and i am VERY angry at him for treating me this way. But it does still hurt to let him go. You're quite welcome. If you check the archives on that site, there's a ton of great articles. She's a brilliant writer. My heart goes out to you, because like I said in previous posts--I've worn your shoes before. My guy never got married, but he'd string me along, and then suddenly have a girlfriend. It was hard to break free, because I'd bonded with him, so young. It would be really easy to sit here & bash him for being insensitive, & duplicitous--but the most valuable lesson I took away from that was: I finally had to look at mySELF---and acknowledge what role I played in that dance. It happened, because I allowed it to. There's nothing you or I or anyone can ever do to change someone who's being a jerk--it's NOT in our power to change someone else's decisions, or behaviors. And sure-- it helps to vent about it, it's part of the healing process. But, too much of that takes the focus off of our personal growth. At some point, shifting the focus back on to ourselves, is what heals us, and restores our self-esteem. The ONLY thing you, I , or anyone can do--is learn to set boundaries of what we will, and won't tolerate, regarding other people's behavior towards us. That's what will bring you into a healthy place, emotionally---and that's when you'll attract someone equally healthy. Water seeks its own level. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Should i reply to his text? it said "i thought you said you weren't mad. Please talk to me" Let him know you're hurt and disappointed in him by opening up and telling you he loved you when he never had any intention of divorcing his wife. Tell him that he has led you on and made you feel bad. Make this about you, not about him. He doesn't want to be the bad guy but he IS. Cut him loose. It'll hurt more if you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 I texted him back.. I said "I'm not mad, i just don't have anything to say to you Josh" Then he called me, i told him i could not stand being his friend, and i don't want to be his mistress. I told him i love him and letting him go hurts but i can't stop my life anymore than i already have. He said he doesn't want to stop my life either. I told him maybe its best we keep our feelings for each other to ourselves. I told him i think we should stay away from each other until our feelings cool of a bit. He said he didn't want to stay away from me, i said neither do i but its for the best. I wished him luck with his wife, And the last thing he said was "i love you Jen" and i said i love you too Joshua And that's it...my heart is crushed. I can't stop crying...i miss him already Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Deep down he knows this had to happen. I really hope he leaves you alone so you can begin your grieving process and let yourself heal. Hugs and sorry you're hurting. you did the right thing by ending it. The friendship was holding you back, even though it may have some good in it, there was a lot of negative and unhealthy things that really have taken it's toll on you. It's okay to miss him and what you two shared, so cry it out, eat ice cream and mourn the loss. Just know that things will get better as time goes on.. Reach out to friends and family so you won't be alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 There's no way I'm going to get any sleep tonight... I really wish i wasn't alone right now. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Many many many hugs. You should be VERY proud of yourself..that was a HUGE thing you did. I know you're sad now, but if you had kept him in your life, you'd be in for a lifetime of this feeling times 100. You did the right thing and you know it..and he knows it too. I promise this feeling does go away. Good for you! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Basically it's got to be pretty clear even to you now...he wanted you as a mistress...not as a wife, and not as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 You know, after all he's put me thru, i still can't stay mad at him. I'm not angry at all. I don't really feel anything right now. Just an empty, alone feeling. I feel like i have no one special. Like no one thinks I'm special. I'm really not doing well with this. i don't want to be here right now. Its great that i have a good job. Hey, financially I'm doing well...but who am i working so hard for? What good is all that when you have no one to share it with. I'd trade everything...every last thing just to have him hold me, tell me I'm the one,....whatever Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 As far as i know, she isn't pregnant. And she is far from ugly...she is actually really pretty. A cheating man can have the prettiest and greatest wife in the planet and he may still love the idea of having sex with the cleaning woman. Remember Arnold Schwartznegger? His OW was not exactly Hollywood material, but she was a different vagina and a supplement to his marriage. Cheating cake eating men love the supplement to the marriage. If Arnold had been single he would not look at this maid at all. However, as a married man the maid looked good as a supplement to the marriage. Do you want to be the supplement? Do you see why Josh did not come after you when he was single? If Josh is single he does not love you. If Josh is married then he loves you. Do you get it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 (edited) I'm just such a mess right now My brain feels like mashed potatoes My heart feels like a punching bag What now? I feel an affair would have been easier. It would have been false and based on selfish feelings but i would have been able to wrap my arms around him. I can't wrap my arms around "self respect" or my "pride" I feel like I'll never see him again Edited October 24, 2012 by jennifernyc84 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Well...you SHOULD be angry. He wanted to USE you. He didn't marry you. Didn't want to marry you. He won't even consider divorcing his wife to free himself to be with you. BUT HE STILL SET THE STAGE FOR YOU TO CHEAT WITH HIM, AND WHEN YOU INFORMED HIM THAT YOU WEREN'T WILLING TO BE THE OW, HE SAID "Take care then". He doesn't want to be your friend. He doesn't want to be your husband. He wanted to schtup you AND his wife. And when you refused to go along with that plan...he told you that he was willing to live without you. The fact that you're NOT mad suggests that you need to seriously stop and re-look at all of this. Have you considered seeing a therapist or counselor to help you sort through all that you're going through right now? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I wouldn't be surprised either. He would be quite the expert groomer. Get her all worked up and then BAMM! . . . "Sorry, but now I REALLY can't leave. But since we have this special and unique love, you should wait for me . . . and give me sex and adoration." Exactly, and I'm thinking his wife is already pregnant and that is the reason he is looking for some extra sex on the side for the next 10 months or so. I hope Jennifer doesn't fall for it. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 (edited) You know, after all he's put me thru, i still can't stay mad at him. I'm not angry at all. I don't really feel anything right now. Just an empty, alone feeling. I feel like i have no one special. Like no one thinks I'm special. I'm really not doing well with this. i don't want to be here right now. Its great that i have a good job. Hey, financially I'm doing well...but who am i working so hard for? What good is all that when you have no one to share it with. I'd trade everything...every last thing just to have him hold me, tell me I'm the one,....whatever If your finances are in order why don't you and one of your girlfriends go on a vacation. That would be great and you could come back with a fresh outlook. I'm sorry you are hurting. I don't understand how you can miss him so much when you two were out of contact for 2 years. Miss him how? I agree with Owl that you need counseling. You are not putting your feelings first. Edited October 24, 2012 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 @Owl I know that. And you guys kept telling me that, but its easy to become blinded by someone you care for. Especially when they're saying the things you want to hear And about seeing a therapist, no. I don't believe in them Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 What about going on a vacation with one of your friends? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 @Owl I know that. And you guys kept telling me that, but its easy to become blinded by someone you care for. Especially when they're saying the things you want to hear And about seeing a therapist, no. I don't believe in them Did you want to hear "Well take care then" when you turned down his offer to be a mistress? Think about that when you reminisce about him saying he loves you. The kind of love he is offering you if not "real" love. He really loves his wife and that's why he won't even entertain the thought of leaving her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 What about going on a vacation with one of your friends? I thought about that. Actually i was thinking more about going home. Visiting my family. But then again that's where all my memories of Josh took place Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 Did you want to hear "Well take care then" when you turned down his offer to be a mistress? Think about that when you reminisce about him saying he loves you. The kind of love he is offering you if not "real" love. He really loves his wife and that's why he won't even entertain the thought of leaving her. yes and that's why it hurts so bad.. My judgment wad clouded..wasn't thinking clearly..only heard what i wanted to hear I've already gone down that road. It doesn't make me feel any better Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I thought about that. Actually i was thinking more about going home. Visiting my family. But then again that's where all my memories of Josh took place IMHO I think a vacation with a good friend, having fun and meeting new people would do more good than visiting family. You need a change of pace and something new to look forward to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 IMHO I think a vacation with a good friend, having fun and meeting new people would do more good than visiting family. You need a change of pace and something new to look forward to. Yes that does sound nice. But i need to be around people who love me also. i feel like i need someone to hug me and tell me they love me and that it will be ok I don't even know what I'm saying right now. I must sound like an idiot Link to post Share on other sites
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