stillafool Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Do you have many friends in NYC? Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I don't even know what I'm saying right now. I must sound like an idiot Not at all. You're experiencing a deeply painful emotional loss, and your heart & mind are going to spin in dizzy circles for awhile. It's normal to be reeling in confusion. It WILL pass. I like the idea of a getaway, too, if that's feasible for you--sometimes a change of scenery can help immensely, when you need to process a major change. Hang in there--the first steps are the hardest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 Do you have many friends in NYC? Yeah, sure i have friends here. But i honestly haven't been working too hard on building friendships. I've really been focused on my career. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 Not at all. You're experiencing a deeply painful emotional loss, and your heart & mind are going to spin in dizzy circles for awhile. It's normal to be reeling in confusion. It WILL pass. I like the idea of a getaway, too, if that's feasible for you--sometimes a change of scenery can help immensely, when you need to process a major change. Hang in there--the first steps are the hardest. Its just that, even now, its hard to accept the fact that he'd wanna do that to me. I've never viewed him in that light. That's not who he is. I still don't fully understand Link to post Share on other sites
Stellar Wench Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Why are you letting a MARRIED man determine your self worth? Only you can do that. You decide that you are worth more and you decide that you are loveable. He doesn't get to do that. You should be angry that a man you gave your heart to used you! You should be furious that he didn't think any more of you than a side dish to his wife. Don't be like Other Women. Love yourself and give yourself credit for not being less than you are. If you don't, the second he calls you to tell you he misses you so much and can't be without you, you'll be right where you were when you started this thread. Love yourself first, or the only men that will ever love you are jerks like this one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Its just that, even now, its hard to accept the fact that he'd wanna do that to me. I've never viewed him in that light. That's not who he is. I still don't fully understand His ACTIONS determine who he is. All of us are defined by our actions. You viewed him through glasses that were heavily tinted by your own romantic wishful thinking. You were seeing a projection of your desires, and what you want in a partner, instead of seeing the real person. You were very likely projecting your own good qualities onto him, it's something we all can do at times. And when the projection doesn't match the reality---it's very difficult to process. That's why you can't imagine him doing that to you. Because it's NOT something you would do. It's really, really hard to find out that someone we admired and cared for doesn't have the same standards as we do--it can shake up our worldview for awhile. I went through the same thing in my twenties. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 @Owl I know that. And you guys kept telling me that, but its easy to become blinded by someone you care for. Especially when they're saying the things you want to hear And about seeing a therapist, no. I don't believe in them OK...well, I've said all I can. Good luck...I wish the best for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 (edited) I keep looking at the pic he sent me yesterday. I remember that night before he left so perfectly. I was scared we'd never see each other again and you can see the fear in my eyes in the pic. But he told me not to worry. That he'd come visit alot. I was still in high school at the time, i feel just like that 16 year old in the picture right now. The scary part is, something in my head keeps telling me, what if he really does love me? How badly did i mess up? How crazy is that? Edited October 24, 2012 by jennifernyc84 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Stop looking at the pictures and get out of the house and do something. If you want to wallow in misery I guess that is up to you. Like Owl, there is nothing else to be said on this thread. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 You didn't mess up, Jennifer. He's messed up, and he can drag you down. It has nothing to do with you, nothing you could have changed. He's the problem. You just had a very weak spot for him, and he was ready to take advantage of you. It's normal to go through emails, pictures and memories, but be ready to let go in time. Know that that is your eventual destination. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 You didn't mess up, Jennifer. He's messed up, and he can drag you down. It has nothing to do with you, nothing you could have changed. He's the problem. You just had a very weak spot for him, and he was ready to take advantage of you. It's normal to go through emails, pictures and memories, but be ready to let go in time. Know that that is your eventual destination. Do know that, thanks for listening to me. Talking out out, writing it out, helps alot. Believe it or not Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I keep looking at the pic he sent me yesterday. I remember that night before he left so perfectly. I was scared we'd never see each other again and you can see the fear in my eyes in the pic. But he told me not to worry. That he'd come visit alot. I was still in high school at the time, i feel just like that 16 year old in the picture right now. The scary part is, something in my head keeps telling me, what if he really does love me? How badly did i mess up? How crazy is that? Not crazy at all. We've all been there. But he doesn't..at least, not the way you want him to. He's like a drug, the more you get the more you want. He needs to be out of your life forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Heartdefeated Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 Had anyone ever considered the fact that maybe, just maybe, he really does love me? Am i that unlovable? You don't know the connection we have. Its amazing Oy. You really are a glutton for punishment. Everyone at some point feels as if they will never find a love like the one they have lost. The harsh reality that all of the posters want to contribute as a collective knowledge from life experience is that if he TRULY loved you, you would be with him now. Committed, no wife since he would have had the decency to let her go as painful as it would be for all parties involved. The other woman (and yes, you would be the OW) is never as special or respected as the wife. Period. Stop obsessing over him and go on vacation, go dancing, join a club, do something that puts you in line to meet an available, SINGLE man that will cherish you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 Do know that, thanks for listening to me. Talking out out, writing it out, helps alot. Believe it or not I know it's a lot to advice to take in all at once. Nobody expects you to change it all at once. Everything will fall into place as time goes along.. and it will. Right now take things one day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Share Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) I know it's a lot to advice to take in all at once. Nobody expects you to change it all at once. Everything will fall into place as time goes along.. and it will. Right now take things one day at a time. I'm doing the best i can. It gets a lot harder at night. When its quiet and I'm alone. That's when i start thinking.. Edited October 25, 2012 by jennifernyc84 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Share Posted October 25, 2012 Yeah, this is what I want to know. Did you ask him? Did he tell you why he married her? Listen to what he says, then...Tell him if he wants you, leave his wife. He doesn't get to be with you if he has a wife that isn't you. I did tell him that, he pretty much told me to "take care" when i did. He's probably screwing his wife right now...here i am, feeling like an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 that should tell you everything you need to know. exactly!!!!!!!!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Share Posted October 25, 2012 That should tell you everything you need to know. I can't believe how stupid i was! How dumb have you got to be to fall for that crap. I'm so mad at myself for letting this happen. I'm mad at him for doing this to me. I was ok, i wasn't totally over him but i was coping. So much better than right now. I just wish i could erase the past four days from my life. Someone on here, can't remember who, said to pretend he's dead. Right now, i wish he was...not because i hate him, or I'm so mad... I just think it'd be easier to cope with death... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Share Posted October 25, 2012 I can't stop thinking of everything that happened, i can't stop thinking of him, i feel like I'm going crazy. My mind is going in a million directions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Share Posted October 25, 2012 I can't do this, i can't keep feeling like i missed my chance. **** my morals **** his wife **** doing the right thing **** it... I'm calling him. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I suggest you calm down and don't call him. Strongly suggest it. Link to post Share on other sites
notthemrs Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I can't stop thinking of everything that happened, i can't stop thinking of him, i feel like I'm going crazy. My mind is going in a million directions. This feeling you're having right here? Feeling crazy, going in a bunch of directions? Emotional rollercoaster? Imagine having this feeling, only 10x worse, and feeling it every day. THAT is what you'll have to look forward to as the OW. Good luck to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 The bottom line will always be: He HAD that opportunity to "date" you and/or marry YOU - but he didn't choose that! He only "offered" for YOU to become his mistress... Even being his "friend" at this point is settling - and will roadblock YOU from moving forward and "being emotionally available" and open to NEW men that you want to meet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I believe people have told you about baggage reclaim, right? You need to read there instead of obsessing over something that will never happen. You are signing up for immense pain, but you'll do what you want to do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Share Posted October 25, 2012 I'm already hurting, I've never hurt so bad in my life. what's the difference? A little piece of him is better than nothing at all. I don't care wat happens anymore Link to post Share on other sites
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