Conflict-averse and No Idea How to Handle That

[Curiousa]

Not sure where to post this really, in the business section or here, but I guess, as this is basically about my inability to properly handle conflict, this might be the better forum ...

 

The situation: I am the project coordinator in a big corporate reorganization; it's paramount, considering a very tight timeschedule, to have a fully committed team working towards a common goal. Still, due to my assessment of the negative (= divisive) attitude of a team member, he got kicked out of the team by the project manager.

 

I still consider this decision right in the sense that this guy was causing trouble and friction within the team because he wasn't pulling in the same direction. The only thing he was really good at was in pointing out in problems, then leaning back and saying "up to you to solve them". Basically, not an attitude you need in a tight-schedule, high profile project team.

 

The downside is that the the operational comments of this guy were very good, very astute. So, it's also a bit of a loss that he's gone - but the main problem is that I am feeling bad about the whole thing. I think I don't handle being the "baddie" here very well ... it's not so much the way other people respond to me after this, even though some surely disagree with my assessment; it's more that I don't seem to be able to handle the confrontation. I can literally feeling totally stressed out, over a decsion that based on my level of experience, was the right call.

 

Any suggestions how I can reconcile myself to having made that call, therefore being the bad guy, obviously, to this guy and some other people?

 

In a way, this issue has brought home to me that I ALWAYS tend to avoid conflict and confrontation. I just don't know how to handle them. I tend to be a successful moderator and arbiter because of my tendency to generate mutual consensus.

 

Confrontation causes me anxiety, high blood pressure and basically elevated stress level.

 

Any suggestion how to get a grip on that? It's kinda frustrating that I can simultaneously feel that I made the right decision and yet it leaves more than a bad taste in my mouth

[StartingAgain]

Was it your call to remove him from the team or the project manager's? If it was the project manager, why are you taking the heat? In any event an leader has to sometimes make hard, unpopular decisions, and you can't beat yourself up about this. You certainly don't let others.

 

I've worked on many teams in the course of my career. There was onces a time when a team had a leader, who coordinated the efforts of the rest. While the team leader may open the floor to debate, it is his or her responsibility to make the final decisions on a course of action. The rest of the team defers to the leader. But this approach isn't acceptable in most workplaces nowadays. Rather, everyone jockies for position, making the work much more difficult. Whne I manage a project, I do so with a military discipline and constrain members to their areas of expertise, specifically tasking them. I've had a few people complain to senior management about what has been called a "dictatorial style," but since I bring projects in on time, under budget, and meeting or exceeding the expected goals, these complaints generally fall on deaf ears.

 

The key to dealing with a "spoiler," especially one like yours, who is actually good at identifying potential problems, is to specifically task him/her in this role. This will often change his/her negative attitude and decrease the tension among the team, since the individual ceases to be seen as a troubleshooter rather than a troublemaker. Often such a team member can save you from making costly and time-consuming mistakes.

[Curiousa]

Thanks for the reply, and just to clarify, it was the project manager's call to kick him out; I actually tried to change his mind by pointing out this guy's astuteness when it comes to risk assessment - but my project manager takes the view that a bad attitude is more critical than a good assessment because at the moment it is indeed critical to focus on a common goal, not so much on partisan games.

 

And my question is indeed, why I am the one feeling bad about it, even thought I think the guy was a lose cannon with his divisive attitude The point for me, yes, it was my project manager's call, but he did it based on my assessment still ...