Mer-Maid Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 If you don't want children, would you have a problem with marrying a woman who has had a hysterectomy? I've been disabled since I was 14, so I've never been married or able to date, but we've found the cause of my illness and are dealing with it [thankfully] so I will be able to finally live a normal life, for the first time, as an adult (I'm 38). I hope to marry someday, but I have to have a hysterectomy because of severe female 'problems' that I've inherited (my mom had to have one in her early 40s). Do you think this will affect a man's opinion of me as a potential mate IF HE DOESN'T WANT KIDS? Thanks so much for your imput!
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I'm sure someone will accept it it depends on the guy. I am a girl but I couldn't be with a man who can't reproduce because having children is so important to me and I really want biological ones Sorry I misread but if they don't want hem it's fine no need for condoms lol jk 1
SmileFace Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Yes he will care . In a good way. He doesn't want kids - you can't have them. Win-win Congrats on finding the cause and good luck on your surgery. 3
Author Mer-Maid Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Congrats on finding the cause and good luck on your surgery. Thanks so much!
mortensorchid Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Well if he doesn't want kids, then that's a good thing for the both of you. Getting a procedure like that has it's own issues and concerns. I knew someone who had it (now in her fifties), and said she felt like for a year that something had been taken from her and was looking around for it. Eventually she got over it, but maybe that's her experience. 1
frustr8ed Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 It wouldn't matter to me. It is what it is. I believe this would fall under the (for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.) 2
El Brujo Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You shouldn't have a tough time at all. There are more men than women who don't want kids, so you have more options... IME about 90% of single women want kids, versus only 80% of the men. Just make sure the guy isn't going to hem and haw and change his mind. I should know... I'm 45 and ever since I was 12 I knew I never wanted to have kids. I've met many women who wanted to meet men but not wanting kids was a huge deal breaker for them. 2
carhill Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I'd have no issues if she was otherwise physically and mentally healthy. Losing one's reproductive organs, especially those like the ovaries, if oophorectomy is the chosen hysterectomy path, can play havoc with one's hormones, affecting both physical and mental health. Generally, HRT is required to treat this. If the lady was post-op, healthy and stable, no issues. 1
JamesM Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Absolutely not. And being that you are 38, then most men you date will either have a family or no longer be looking to have one. I am 45ish and it certainly would not have been a deal breaker for me at most any age. If I loved you for who you are, then I can't see this as being any sort of problem. Besides, the option for adoption would be a good one to consider if you or he does want children. You sound like a special person who has endured much and will make someone a great wife and good companion. Anyone who is privileged enough to know you and love you will not let this break that bond. 2
Author Mer-Maid Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Thanks everyone for your comments! I'd have no issues if she was otherwise physically and mentally healthy. Losing one's reproductive organs, especially those like the ovaries, if oophorectomy is the chosen hysterectomy path, can play havoc with one's hormones, affecting both physical and mental health. Generally, HRT is required to treat this. If the lady was post-op, healthy and stable, no issues. Thankfully I don't have to have a complete hysterectomy, so I won't have to deal with all the hormonal changes. Absolutely not. And being that you are 38, then most men you date will either have a family or no longer be looking to have one. I am 45ish and it certainly would not have been a deal breaker for me at most any age. If I loved you for who you are, then I can't see this as being any sort of problem. Besides, the option for adoption would be a good one to consider if you or he does want children. You sound like a special person who has endured much and will make someone a great wife and good companion. Anyone who is privileged enough to know you and love you will not let this break that bond. Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it!
kaylan Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 (edited) OP Im 26 and currently undecided about kids. And Im open to adoption as well, so the child bearing part of a hysterectomy doesnt bother me. What does bother me is what Ive read and heard from many women talking about their sexual health and sex life after the procedure. Almost all of them say their sex drive was great diminished or at a near stand still because of the lack of hormones their ovaries give them. (in the case of those who had a complete hysterectomy; removal of ovaries with the uterus) And theres also the difference in how sex felt due to a lack of a uterus. Reading about these issues Ive learn a great deal about how important the uterus is to how a woman feels during sex. And the things Ive read have said that having it removed decreased their overall sensitivity during sex. And as I said before, I learned about the hormonal issues having no ovaries does to a sex drive. And hormone replacement seemed to not help many of those woman. And Im not saying sex is the most important thing in a relationship. But its a big part, and for an informed guy as myself, Id worry about the sexual nature of the relationship. This all being said, I dont think I could seriously date a woman who had the procedure. As Id want to have a fulfilling sexual relationship for the both of us. And Id also make sure a woman I was with didnt have the procedure unless she ABSOLUTELY had to. Most women whove had hysterectomies, have it because of fibroids. And its absolutely unnecessary to detach a womans uterus or ovaries in most cases. Many women get this procedure done and get mislead into having it done, because of lazy doctors who find it easier to do a hysterectomy than to remove fibroids. This is because fibroids removal takes more skill than a hysterectomy and costs the doctor more time but less money to be made. Let this be info for all women. DO YOUR RESEARCH. Dont be tricked into getting this done unless you absolutely have to. Because I was appalled at the stories ive read and heard. Because hormones and our sex organs are what make us feel like a man or woman, so I felt great sympathy for the women I read about. Edited October 23, 2012 by kaylan 1
todreaminblue Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 (edited) If you don't want children, would you have a problem with marrying a woman who has had a hysterectomy? I've been disabled since I was 14, so I've never been married or able to date, but we've found the cause of my illness and are dealing with it [thankfully] so I will be able to finally live a normal life, for the first time, as an adult (I'm 38). I hope to marry someday, but I have to have a hysterectomy because of severe female 'problems' that I've inherited (my mom had to have one in her early 40s). Do you think this will affect a man's opinion of me as a potential mate IF HE DOESN'T WANT KIDS? Thanks so much for your imput! It depends on the man i was more or less forced to have a tubal litigation because the last two births i had were risky......the last one i did actually have to be bought back stopped breathing lungs collapsed i had to have her by ceasar because the placenta was down low and the births i have are over quickly they had to emergency surgery me .....before i gave birth naturally it was a bit of a shock i went under in shock i think....that didnt help....neither did my smoking i had no time to not smoke it wasnt planned it was sudden during a check up an ultra sound was done towards the end of my pregnancy... the doctor told me after the birth when i wasnt doped out on morphine..... i would die if i had any more babies.... i needed to get it done....i didnt want to ...i thought the doctor was being dramatic.....i loved having babies and it sent me into depression......i would consider reversing the op its possible i asked about that when i had it done...but thsi is possibly one of the first things i would say when and if i was serious about someone and it is something a man needs to know.... i understand how you feel .....it makes me sad to think of it...i have always wanted to foster and adopt....but its hard to know if a guy would accept that...i have had five children and i understand why some men cant wait to be fathers i wouldnt take that away from anyone.....being a parent is a gift from god to take that away from anyone is hard..especially if they haven't had that chance..but there are guys who do accept no kids..unfortunately that cuts me out too i have a mix of kids teens and grown up kids and even grand kids i have a bit of a tribe........i hope and pray you find your special guy..and maybe considering adoption or fostering if you want to have kids...you sound so caring...... a lot of kids out there live in homes ......i would take a lot of kids if i had that option ...i adopt neighbourhood kids unofficially.or they adopt me..... havent figured out which.and in answer to your question after i tangented all over your thread i fa guy doesnt want kids you are no less a woman because you had a hysterectomy....your heart is all there.......hugs to ya.....deb Edited October 23, 2012 by todreaminblue 1
Author Mer-Maid Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 OP Im 26 and currently undecided about kids. And Im open to adoption as well, so the child bearing part of a hysterectomy doesnt bother me. What does bother me is what Ive read and heard from many women talking about their sexual health and sex life after the procedure. Almost all of them say their sex drive was great diminished or at a near stand still because of the lack of hormones their ovaries give them. (in the case of those who had a complete hysterectomy; removal of ovaries with the uterus) And theres also the difference in how sex felt due to a lack of a uterus. Reading about these issues Ive learn a great deal about how important the uterus is to how a woman feels during sex. And the things Ive read have said that having it removed decreased their overall sensitivity during sex. And as I said before, I learned about the hormonal issues having no ovaries does to a sex drive. And hormone replacement seemed to not help many of those woman. And Im not saying sex is the most important thing in a relationship. But its a big part, and for an informed guy as myself, Id worry about the sexual nature of the relationship. This all being said, I dont think I could seriously date a woman who had the procedure. As Id want to have a fulfilling sexual relationship for the both of us. And Id also make sure a woman I was with didnt have the procedure unless she ABSOLUTELY had to. Most women whove had hysterectomies, have it because of fibroids. And its absolutely unnecessary to detach a womans uterus or ovaries in most cases. Many women get this procedure done and get mislead into having it done, because of lazy doctors who find it easier to do a hysterectomy than to remove fibroids. This is because fibroids removal takes more skill than a hysterectomy and costs the doctor more time but less money to be made. Let this be info for all women. DO YOUR RESEARCH. Dont be tricked into getting this done unless you absolutely have to. Because I was appalled at the stories ive read and heard. Because hormones and our sex organs are what make us feel like a man or woman, so I felt great sympathy for the women I read about. I thank you for your warnings! I'm still researching every angle, and have heard similar stories (both for and against), and won't do anything that isn't absolutely necessary. I've heard that the procedure can alter sensation for many women, but since I've never experienced that type of intimacy, I won't feel the loss the way those unfortunate women did - but I appreciate your concern, you are very thoughtful! I'm extremely impressed that you have looked into this [since you're a young man] and you actually know more about it and women's bodies than a lot of women do. It depends on the man i was more or less forced to have a tubal litigation because the last two births i had were risky......the last one i did actually have to be bought back stopped breathing lungs collapsed i had to have her by ceasar because the placenta was down low and the births i have are over quickly they had to emergency surgery me .....before i gave birth naturally it was a bit of a shock i went under in shock i think....that didnt help....neither did my smoking i had no time to not smoke it wasnt planned it was sudden during a check up an ultra sound was done towards the end of my pregnancy... the doctor told me after the birth when i wasnt doped out on morphine..... i would die if i had any more babies.... i needed to get it done....i didnt want to ...i thought the doctor was being dramatic.....i loved having babies and it sent me into depression......i would consider reversing the op its possible i asked about that when i had it done...but thsi is possibly one of the first things i would say when and if i was serious about someone and it is something a man needs to know.... i understand how you feel .....it makes me sad to think of it...i have always wanted to foster and adopt....but its hard to know if a guy would accept that...i have had five children and i understand why some men cant wait to be fathers i wouldnt take that away from anyone.....being a parent is a gift from god to take that away from anyone is hard..especially if they haven't had that chance..but there are guys who do accept no kids..unfortunately that cuts me out too i have a mix of kids teens and grown up kids and even grand kids i have a bit of a tribe........i hope and pray you find your special guy..and maybe considering adoption or fostering if you want to have kids...you sound so caring...... a lot of kids out there live in homes ......i would take a lot of kids if i had that option ...i adopt neighbourhood kids unofficially.or they adopt me..... havent figured out which.and in answer to your question after i tangented all over your thread i fa guy doesnt want kids you are no less a woman because you had a hysterectomy....your heart is all there.......hugs to ya.....deb Thank you for your post, that was very nice of you! I do love kids and feel very fortunate that I can be around my cousins' children now (after years of being homebound and isolated from everyone). Thank you especially for your last sentence, that means a lot! Hugs to you too! 1
kaylan Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 ^OP, always remember that you can adopt. Or if you and your future husband want kids that are "biologically yours", you can look into freezing any eggs you might have and obtaining a surrogate mother. Sure this can be expensive, and Im not exactly sure about how well the freezing process work, buts its an option hun. 1
Author Mer-Maid Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Thanks, kaylan! You're a sweetie!
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